Story [West Wing/Harry Potter]Wrong Turn at Nantucket--Part 2/3 up 7/24

Author's Note: I was participating in a House Cup challenge and accepted a crossover challenge that required various elements, such as LOLCATS, "bipping," etc. The result is this piece of nonsense. It's all in good fun and definitely the oddest crossover I've ever done.
*****
It had been a long day, three international crises had been narrowly averted and Jed Bartlet had just barely fallen asleep when he was jolted from his slumber by a loud cry.

"RON, YOU GIT!"

For a moment, he thought he was dreaming, but none of the Japanese jugglers in his dream had been speaking in British accents. Abbey, apparently under the same impression, muttered something in her sleep and rolled over.

"It's not my fault! You were supposed to be the one aiming!"

?You were the one who argued about where we were going to land!?

?Hermione's going to have kittens. No, on second thought, she'll probably set Ginny on us.?

?Hey! No bipping! That bread was home-baked by your Mum and I only have one head.?

?Well, I think your one head should get checked, as we DEFINITELY weren't supposed to end up indoors!?

?Besides, you don't throw bread or anything else at men with guns!?

?Oh, is that what they look like? Brilliant. Dad would love one of these!?

It was rare to hear a heated argument in the residence that wasn't between Jed and Leo, but this one seemed to be causing some kind of alarm. A moment later, a thud sounded and he guessed that one of the Secret Service agents had neutralized at least one of the threats. It was followed by another thud and a rather loud ?OW!!?

Jed struggled to his feet and found his bathrobe, careful to not wake Abbey by making too much noise. There was still a great deal of talking going on outside, but it seemed to be less vehement in nature.

Finally, he opened the door cautiously to find the entire Secret Service detail surrounding two bound young men. One was redheaded and struggle, while the other tried to push his glasses up his nose with his bound eyes and blew a lock of messy black hair out of his eyes in exasperation.

?That's what I'm trying to tell you,? the bespectacled one said calmly. ?We're not here for any sinister purposes.?

?I suppose that's what you were instructed to say,? Agent McAdams snarled. ?Don't worry, you'll have your chance to say it to the judge.?

?A Muggle judge,? the redhead snarled. ?Oh, THAT makes me feel better! Brilliant, just brilliant, Harry!?

Something about that word, Muggle, jogged a memory and he let out a quiet sigh of understanding.

?Shut up, Ron. You're not helping things!?

?Shut up, the both of you,? Agent Forester snapped. ?McAdams, separate them and take them out of the residence for questioning.?

?Yes, sir,? McAdams replied.

?Not to worry, Mr. President,? Forester said gruffly. ?We've got this under control.?

?I'm sure the situation's in very capable hands,? Jed said solemnly. ?They are not to be harmed, understood??

?Yes, Mr. President,? Forester responded. ?The worst we'll do is make them fill out paperwork until we've got your go-ahead.?

He nodded in agreement. ?Can I get an escort down to the Oval Office in about two minutes??

?Yes, sir,? Forester responded. ?Two agents will be ready when you are.?

Three minutes later, he arrived at the Office, having explained to Abbey that he was going to have to meet with the British envoy. Gathering that this was Lord John Marbury, she had given him a fortifying kiss and promised to keep some medication on hand for his headache.

He had, of course, notified Charlie. He was, other than Debbie and Leo, the only person on the staff who knew about these sorts of meetings and the 'envoy' rather liked him. He would be able to handle the situation with grace.

Instead of reaching for the phone on his desk, Jed went to the portrait of Louisa Adams that had been hanging there for far too many Presidential administrations. He would have had it removed in favor of something by Monet or Whistler, but he had been under express orders from the previous Pres

LOL! Nice Ish, very nice.

Heh, cool. I like how the misunderstanding was cleared up like that. Quite original, actually.

Juliet316--Thanks. Glad you enjoyed.

RK_Striker_JK_5--I never thought it would work, but it kept making odd sense...
*****
?I...he...is he kidding me??

CJ was frankly speechless, which was something quite impressive even after the day she had. The press briefing had ranged from negotiations with a South Korean capitalist to a proposed bill outlawing school uniforms. She had dealt fairly well with Josh's latest moment of honesty, Sam's latest fling and Toby's tendency to piss off someone in every meeting he attended.

When Charlie stopped into her office to say that she was expected at a dinner in the residence tonight, she had treated him with as little impatience as she could possibly manage. Furthermore, she had been very polite when she stated that the President really didn't want to stand between CJ Cregg and her pajamas and a pint of Haagen-Dasz. Charlie had glibly replied that it was an order, not an invitation.

?CJ, CJ, CJ,? he said with a grin, ?I'm telling you that you don't want to miss this.?

?He's not making chili again, is he?? she pleaded. ?I don't have time to get antacids from CVS before it closes.?

?Nope,? Charlie assured her cheerfully, ?but Lord Marbury is coming and he does hope that you will be sitting by him.?

She was reluctant before. Now she was adamant and frankly angry that Charlie was playing this sort of joke on her.

?Absolutely not.?

As he did whenever she refused a friendly executive order, Charlie cast his eyes heavenward and stuck his hands in his pockets to wait it out.

?CJ...?

?Absolutely NOT!?

?He's not that bad.?

?Yes he is.?

She could tell that this was quickly going to devolve into something more appropriate to a playground. It was imperative that she take control of the situation fast before she lost her focus.

?Don't you remember the Christmas party??

?He was just being friendly,? Charlie defended His Lordship.

?He was friendly enough to have one too many martinis, pinched my 'sizable derriere' and dragged me to the mistletoe 'in the name of continued good relations between our two fine countries.' I didn't like him much in the first place and now I just want to file a restraining order against his English charm.?

?There'll be wizards.?

She blinked. If she left now, she could probably get through a pint of hazelnut before midnight and that might just redeem the day. All she had to do was find Charlie treatment for whatever had made him say such a thing or bully him back to the Oval Office.

?Will there be Binky the Clown and a pony, too?? she deadpanned.

?I'm not joking,? he said in kind. ?Apparently, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened.?

?CAROL!?

Her assistant immediately appeared with an anticipatory cup of coffee in her hand. CJ accepted it and drained it in one long pull, and then handed it back.

?Thanks,? she said. ?Show Charlie out, will you??

?Seven o'clock,? Charlie called over his shoulder. ?I'll show myself out.?

?Is Leo still in his office??

?Last time I checked.?

?Let Margaret know I'm coming,? she instructed. ?Charlie's in one of his humorous moods again and Leo's the only one who can put the fear of God into him.?

Without further explanation, she grabbed her coat and briefcase and made a beeline for the Chief of Staff's office.

?Hey,? Josh said as Margaret let her in. ?You coming tonight??

She stopped short, looking at his slightly bemused expression as she might regard a pipe bomb. ?You're in on it, too??

?Wouldn't miss it,? Leo called from the desk. ?I met one of them back when I was Secretary of Labor. Strange, but pretty nice.?

?One of what?? she demanded.

?Wizards,? Josh interjected. ?Didn't anyone ask about the intruders at the residence last night??

?The...? She blinked once more and shook her head as if to clear it. ?The what??

?Someone always seems to find out,? Josh said dismissively. ?I thought someone might have said something...?

?Josh, I swear to God, if you've

LOL! I still love this Ish. Classic CJ. Just classic.

Thank you for including Leo in this. I miss his portrayer.

Me too. I miss John Spencer so badly sometimes when I'm watching old episodes. And CJ's entire opening scene was inspired by the Turkeys In Her Office thing.

"Well, you've met his aunt," Harry replied. "He seems to think that Leo's the butler."

"Don't blame him," Ron chuckled. "I thought he was the house-elf."



Excellent job on Lord John, CJ and Leo.

I so miss that show and especially miss John Spencer.

Didn't know you were a Westie fan, Ish. FTR, Santos or Vinick?

Love that scene with leo, Josh and CJ, you nailed all three of them to a T

yodaminch--ROFL, I love the whole thing with the butler/house-elf. Glad you did too. Thanks for liking them and I miss him too. *sigh*

Katana_Geldar--Kateydidnt kept getting the show through netflix and handing me the discs once she was done with them. I got hooked. I'm a Santos fan--first Democrat I ever liked, since I'm a staunch Republican (who is now voting for Obama). Glad you liked that scene with Leo, Josh and CJ. I'm glad it went well.
*****
?I can't believe you started without me,? Abby said accusingly. ?I said I'd be home for dinner.?

?My apologies,? Jed said lightly. ?I have a phone call with the Prime Minister of Canada at eight and I didn't want to be interrupted.?

?Excuses, excuses,? she muttered, shrugging off her jacket. ?Where are they??

It was typical of Abby to forget such pleasantries as reporting on her outing to Shenandoah National Park and asking how he was doing as long as there was someone more entertaining in the room. At least, she seemed to treat foreign visitors as if they were artifacts in a museum; Jed could be fawned over by someone else until she was done.

?Mister Potter is the one next to CJ and Mister Weasley is sitting between Toby and Director Graves of the American Wizarding Union.?

?Huh,? Abby said, scrutinizing them with an approving air. ?They look perfectly normal, Jed. Are you sure they're wizards??

?I don't know,? he teased. ?Would you like to see their popping-out-of-thin-air trick again? The Secret Service gave rave reviews of it last night.?

She threw him a slightly withering look and proceeded to Toby's end of the table. Ron had the good graces to stand up in the presence of the First Lady and bowed somewhat
formally as she extended a hand.

?I'm Abby Bartlet,? Abby said genially. ?I don't think we've been introduced yet.?

?Ronald Weasley,? the redhead responded after swallowing a large mouthful of food. ?A pleasure.?

?The pleasure is mine,? Abby said dryly. ?Are you enjoying your stay in the States??

Jed headed back to his seat to find that CJ and Harry were discussing, of all things, the merits of an electric stove.

?Much neater,? Harry commented. ?If I had to cook the old-fashioned way, I wouldn't want to be messing around with something combustible.?

?I completely agree,? CJ murmured. ?I had a cousin who singed off his eyebrows trying to light a gas stove.?

Jed had the distinct impression that this was not the conversation that CJ had intended in the first place, but that it was the only real common ground the two seemed to have.

?What do you mean by old-fashioned?? Jed asked.

Harry looked vaguely discomfited as if he had slipped up in some way. ?I beg your pardon,? he said politely. ?I meant without using magic.?

?You can just...conjure up a dish of ice cream, then?? Josh interrupted avidly. ?Man, that would save me some gas money.?

?You can't make food appear out of thin air,? Harry corrected. ?It's one of the few things that can't just be magicked into existence. I do know a few handy spells to make cooking go quicker.?

Josh nodded appreciatively. ?I bet the girls love that,? he sighed.

?Not really,? Harry replied. ?My wife grew up with the world's greatest cook for a mother. She thinks my cooking's funny.?

With the two men safely on that subject, Jed turned to CJ. ?I think this is going well,? he commented to CJ. ?Don't you??

She still had the slightly shell-shocked look of someone who had been subjected to a very cruel and ongoing trick. He suspected that the effect would last until some time after she had gone home.

?Yes, it's delightful,? she said flatly. ?You still haven't told me what I'm expected to say if this comes up in the press briefing.?

?Come now,? Jed said, smiling across her at Harry. ?What self-respecting member of the White House press corps would accuse us of having wizards over for dinner??

?I don't know,? she deadpanned. ?InStyle has press credentials. Why not the National Enquirer??

?Not a bad idea,? he said in kind, winking

I don't know anything about WW, but I love Ron, and have enjoyed seeing him and Harry in the Muggle World.

I dunno about Sam taking them around DC, somehow I would prefer Josh but then I like Josh

Sam... I was disappointed not to see him in the series finale. Here's to some good mischief when he takes them out on the town.

Hey, Ish!

I'm glad you decided to continue this very funny story - I loved the bit you did for the House Cup, and the new bits are just as great! I have a feeling that Harry and Ron's sightseeing tour will get... interesting.

Great work, post more soon!