JCC What D&D Monster Are You?!

You are a xvart



You are a member of a cruel race of blue-skinned humanoids that haunts the hills and caverns of human kingdoms. Although weak individually, your kind is especially... prolific, and you will often be found in large groups of cousins, half-cousins, cousin-lovers, and whatnot. You are cowardly in combat: your idea of a honorable fight is gathering a few dozens friends and dropping on a group of adventurers when they are peacefully asleep. Camping in a fantasy setting is never a good idea. Anyways, you are best remembered as one of the possible random encounters in the classic videogame series Baldur's Gate.

 

oooh tell me. i have no idea what this game is though but i will do some research

 

You are a noviere



You are one of the eladrin, an extraplanar species that (as you would already know if you had read this whole page but you and I know that you didn't) is the arboreal equivalent to angels and demons: a Wiccan angel, so to speak. Your people's skin color can go from greenish to golden, and you hair can be any color an emo girl would dye hers to (lavender being a favorite). You hail from the cold waters of the Plane of Arborea, and as such you can breathe water as well as air. You are a skilled fighter but few people knows that, as you are slow to anger: you wouldn't be angry if a dozen of drunk JCCers videochatted you while you were on the way to work, because you are that amazing. Oh, you can also turn into a dolphin at will: I thought I'd mention it.

 

awesome thanks. and you're right, i didn't read the entire page. this is why i can't take over for pg.

 

Me. I started playing D&D with work friends and still have no idea what's going on in it.

 

You are a quickling



You hail from the dark world of Oerth, the original Dungeons & Dragons world depending on who you ask (if you ask me, it's not). You were once a fun-loving sylvan creature, but your experiments with dark forces turned you into a bonafide monster. You move so fast that you can literally become invisible. You dart around your enemies, stabbing them with your poisoned daggers over and over and over, probably giggling all the time. Who are your enemies? Anyone who dares walk into your dark forest, ignoring the sign that clearly reads "trespassers will be stabbed 10,000 times per second." Ages ago you were a pretty obscure creature but Fourth and Fifth Edition have raised your profile by including you in their basic bestiaries, turning you into a monster as well-known as an orc or a troll.

 

YAY I'M A HILLBILLY.
plus i'm already a southern so i get the accent down.

 

It's time for the 2020 edition of this thread!

Ask for a monster and you will get one! No refunds, though!

 

monster me baby.

 

oh boy, another uninspired reboot based on nostalgia

(monster me, please)

 

dp4monster please.

 

hi, I’d like one monster, please

 

Aha. Let's see how close to monstering me accurately you will manage

 

You are a thri-kreen. Wait, what?! Last time you were an illithid, the coolest monster in the game, and now you are a... mantis man?! What the hell?! The winds of fate, my friend, the winds of fate. But don't despair! Thri-kreen are one of those monsters that have become beloved thanks to their iteration in the sunblasted world of Athas, where they basically take the place of John Carter's Green Martians: four-armed barbarians from outside the (barely) civilized lands, with minds so complex that attempts to read them automatically fail, able to wield two two-handed weapons at once (OP!) and for some reason armed with shurikens. So yeah: alien ninja barbarians. I wouldn't complain!

You are a vampire. I'm sorry, I gave you the noble djinn last time and I'm grasping for well-dressed monsters at the moment. But hey, D&D vampires follow a noble tradition, especially after Strahd Von Zarovich came and remade them into powerful sorcerers. So you know how this goes: undead, classy, can turn others into vampire spawn, casts no reflection, and can summon wild creatures. Also, the D&D designers decided to give them an insidious ability: who cares about blood drain in the D&D world? There are no bleeding out mechanics! So they have them the infamous "energy drain" ability: they touch you and they drain experience levels. Yup, your level 5 barbarian can get bitch-slapped back into level 3. The scariest **** ever.

You are a lemure, a hideous blob of molten, stinking flesh that oozes across the ground as you move, a permanent expression of horror and anguish in your face. You are the lowest level of devil, the twisted soul of a loathsome man cast unto the Nine Hells and cruelly tortured to extract all your spiritual energy until only this disgusting husk remains. You live your eternal afterlife hoping for promotion into a stronger form of devil but few lemures achieve this: your most likely fate is to be amassed by a devil general, be thrown en masse against some other afterlife power, and be reduced to eternal non-existence after your second death. And this is what happens when you call my posts uninspired! Grr!

 

What did I get last time? What about now?

 

Provide me with distraction, Man of Schwarz.

 

mods, can I have my title changed?

 

You are a gelatinous cube. You asked for it last time, so let's not waste this second chance. You are a classic monstrosity, sometimes irksome yet always lovable. You are very old: you were in the original white boxed set, back in 1974! You were created by Mr. Gygax himself, and your shape shows your classic origin: a cube of gelatine the size of one of the squares in a battlemat. How convenient! You slide through damp dungeon corridors absorbing everything in its path, with your digestive juices dissolving everything organic. Evil DMs put a magic object inside you in plain view and then just sit back and watch the death count go up.

You are a manscorpion. You are one of those D&D monsters with helpfully descriptive names, like our friend the owlbear. You hail from the continent of Maztica in the Forgotten Realms, a Mesoamerican fantasy setting that everyone forgot about for a long, long time but that some of us loved dearly. The locals call you tlincalli, a much more flavorful name. You are... well, a scorpion man. You build intricate underground cities and are awfully territorial, patrolling your borders and attacking any hapless adventurer that happens to pass by. You, of course, possess a venomous stinger: your poison is powerful and painful, able to slowly kill most creatures -2 by -2. I mean, 1d8 damage by 1d8 damage. Ahem.

You are a meteorspawn. Uh, okay. You hail from the Phlogiston, a very strange D&D world that can be defined as "magic pirate ships sailing through Ptolemaic space." You know, sailing the aethers, crossing between crystal spheres, that kind of extremely bizarre thing. Anyway, you are a huge globe of living rock with a massive gaping mouth right in the middle of your body. You drift placidly through space, eating rocks and living your best life. When you are attacked, though, you can spit massive flaming rocks to defend yourself--the same rocks you excrete. And that, kids, is where shooting stars come from in the D&D universe. No, no, I'm being serious: you **** shooting stars.

 

The idea of asking for another go has me wishing "Reincarnate" wasn't just a dinky little d% table.

Also I'd like another go.

 

I would like a monster please. FWIW I just rolled a 12 with a d20 I happened to have on my desk.

 

But I am already the most terrible monster of all: human!

 

What an awesome thread !