What if Baghdad Bob be employed as Palpatine's PR?

"Imperial Forces in Hott are giving the hordes of Rebel smugglers the taste of definite death. We have drawn them into an asteroid field and they will never get out of it."

"I triple guarantee you, there are no Rebel troops in Endor."

"They are a band of Rebel scum. They are a band of Jabba the Hutt."

"NO! We have retaken the shield generator. There are NO Rebels there. I will take you to Endor and show you. IN ONE PARSEC!"

"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide over the shield of the Death Star. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly."

"We will slaughter them, Young Skywalker and his galatic band of criminals!"

Anything more?

 

"WHAT?! Of course Alderann was not destroyed! I was just there!"

"There are no Rebels anywhere near this system! ::Squadron of X-Wings flies over head:: No Rebels I say!"

 

I'd like to see him work for the Rebels.

On Hoth over intercom:
Imperial Troops have not entered our base. I repeat, Imperial Troops have not entered our... *blaster shots and static*

 

Best thread ever!

"Lying is forbidden in Coruscant. Emperor Palpatine will tolerate nothing but truthfulness as he is a man of great honor and integrity. Everyone is encouraged to speak freely of the truths evidenced in their eyes and hearts."

"They're not even [within] 100 parsecs [of the Death Star]. They are not in any
place. They hold no place in Endor. This is an illusion ... they are
trying to sell to the others an illusion."

"I would like to clarify a simple fact here: How can you lay siege to a whole space station? Who is really under siege now? The Death Star cannot be besieged. The main reactor cannot be besieged. The throne room cannot be besieged."

"That ******* Admiral Ackbar, and I won't say shamelessly, because they don't know what shame means. These are criminals. The whole galaxy can hear the warning sirens. This criminal sitting in the rebel ship is a pathetic criminal and Admiral Ackbar deserves to be beaten."

"They are nowhere near the main reactor...they are lost in the Endor forest...they can not read a scanner...they are retarded."

"We made them drink poison last night and the Emperor's soldiers and his great forces gave the rebels a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Truly."

"The Ewoks are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of the shield generator. Be assured, the generator is safe, protected."

"We will slaughter them, Mon Mothma and her international gang of ********!"

"The battle is very fierce and the Force made us victorious. The fighting continues."

"The midget Luke Skywalker and that Han Solo deserve only to be beaten with shoes by freedom loving people everywhere."

"The imperialist invading rebel forces are like a Hutt that slithers all over the place but that doesn't control anything."

"We are winning!"

[image=http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/images/iim_deathstar.jpg]

Go here for quotes!

 

"If the Emperor is still alive? I will only answer reasonable questions."

 

"There are no rebel scum in Endor. Never!"

"I blame the Holonet--they are marketing for the rebels!"

"We are not afraid of the rebels. The Force has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."

"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have started to commit suicide under the trenches of the Death Star. We will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly."

"I speak better Huttese than this villain Jabba!"

"Shame on you! You will forever be shamed! You have ruined the reputation of the Rebel Alliance in the most terrible way! Shame on you! And we will destroy you!"

"Faltering forces of scum cannot just attack a space station of this magnitude and lay siege! They are the ones who will find themselves under siege. Therefore, in reality whatever this miserable Princess Leia has been saying, she was talking about her own forces. Now even the rebel command is under siege."

"Today I have visited whole forest of Endor, no invaders found. You go and see how we have ousted them from this system"

 

I agree that this is the best thread ever.

"I strongly deny that I use Monty Python as a basis for my speeches. I am given the data from the Reb- uh, Empire." (background shows self with all the Python movies and TV shows and sign with "Mon Mothma comlink code JHG8786).

Even though all the best ideas are taken...

 

"The Rebels, they always depend on a method what I call ... stupid, silly."

"They are trapped near the Death Star. They are trapped on the Endor forest. They are trapped near the shield generator. They are trapped everywhere."

"Today we slaughtered them in the shield generator. They are out of the Endor shield generator. The rebels that were at Endor, these rebels were destroyed."

"The post-war goverment will be the same current Empire under the leadership of Emperor Palpatine."

"Luke Skywalker, this man is a war criminal, and we will see that he is brought to trial"

"Imperial stormtroopers in Endor are giving the hordes of rebels and Ewok mercenaries the taste of definite death. "

"Who is this dog Calrissian?"

 

A little something I cooked up over at the Iraqi Information Minister's website.

Baghdad Bob's Take on the Galactic Civil War

 

I just can't get enough of this guy.


Rick McCallum loves you!

 

"NO! Lord Vader, his name be praised, is still loyal to the Empire. These so-called rumors that he turned against the Sith Party are just cheap propaganda. Don't believe in the Rebel propaganda that is told to the gallactic public. They lie! They are lying everyday! I am not scared by that, and neither should you be!"

 

This is too funny to let die!

 

Bumping old threads to boost your post count.

 

"These rumors of furry creatures defeating us hold no truth whatsoever!"