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Before - Legends What in the Shadow Lies (Response to OC Dueling Circle Challenge) - Posted 4/27/06

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by WyoJedi, Apr 27, 2006.

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  1. WyoJedi

    WyoJedi Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Title: What in the Shadow Lies
    Author: WyoJedi
    Timeframe: Post-Kotor 2
    Characters: OCs (Veena Geon, Javel)
    Genre: Drama/Vignette
    Summary: Danger awaits in the shadows of Coruscant's undercity.
    Author's Notes: Response to OC Dueling Circle Challenge
    Disclaimer: Thanks to George Lucas for creating a world I can lose myself in. Also, I do not claim ownership of anything within the official Star Wars universe.

    The undercity of Coruscant was a dark and dismal mirror of the clean and crisp top side where senators and diplomats went about dictating every nuance of the galaxy. And if there was one spot of the undercity that was darker than all others it was the Cantina Sevilor, the S, O, and R on the establishment?s sign being conveniently burnt out. It would generally be the last place one would expect to see a young female Twilek, or any other species for that matter. But it was one of the few places that Veena Geon felt comfortable any more.

    She sat alone in a booth at the far corner, deep in the shadows with a view of the entire tavern. Her green skin was highlighted by the occasional flash of neon from the dancers? stage and complemented by the skin tight black tights and sleeveless tunic she wore. She sat with one leg drawn up on the seat under her, her head tails hanging loosely over her right shoulder.

    Every night for the last week she had been sitting in the same booth, in the same position, just waiting. She had lost count of the number of men who had sought her attention during that time. The power that she held over men with her femininity still amazed her. But if the last five years had taught her anything it was that in any relationship, business or pleasure, she held all the power by virtue of her? appeal.

    As she continued to watch the many proceedings in the room, the door opened and a very nervous Devaronian walked in. He headed directly for the bar and ordered a drink. Veena watched him closely noticing a slight shaking of his hands, almost a paranoid twitch. She smiled to herself as she rose from the bench seat and slowly smoothed out the few wrinkles on her clothes, ensuring that they presented her form in the best possible manner, and moved toward him.

    Veena stepped close behind him and leaned in, her head tails falling down over his shoulder. The Devaronian was startled and jumped, turning quickly to see who had snuck up on him, his eyes the size of supernovas. Veena just smiled and spoke calmly to him.

    ?Hello there.?

    Her voice was angelic yet sultry, a balance she had perfected over the years and had found very effective.

    ?H-hello.?

    It was much less than she had expected as the Devaronian quickly turned back toward the bar and to his drink. For many, such a brush off would have been devastating, but Veena wasn?t like any others. She stepped to the counter and easily hopped up onto the bar and sat facing him. He looked up at her from his drink and she just smiled as she leaned closer to him.

    ?I?ve been waiting a long time for you. My name is Veena.?

    As she spoke her name she tilted her head slightly to the side. A few long moments passed, and Veena was beginning to grow concerned until the Devaronian finally spoke up.

    ?Javel.?

    ?My, you are sure a talkative one aren?t you? Javel??

    For the first time since she came over she caught the glimmer of a smile. It held for a split second and was gone again. Veena?s grin widened knowing that she was headed in the right direction with this fellow. She figured to continue down the path she had started.

    ?So where are you from Javel??

    A sudden look of surprise leapt to his face as if he?d just had a cold drink thrown in his face.

    ?I thought the horns gave me away? I?m from Devaron.?

    ?Oh, of course? now I see.?

    She did her best to play off the sarcastic tone as playful banter. Slowly she reached up with her right hand and gently ran her fingers across the horns and down behind his head. With a slight bit of coercion she took
     
  2. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Oooh, Veena's a very tricky one. I lked how she used her feminine wiles. :D :D Nicely done WyoJedi.
     
  3. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    Veena is a girl who knows how to get the job done! ;)

    Nicely done and wonderful OC! =D=
     
  4. the_wandering_shadow

    the_wandering_shadow Jedi Knight star 3

    Registered:
    May 16, 2005
    Great job, Wyo! Veena will be very interesting to write. I like her already ;) Oh, and one more thing, did you happen to derive her name from 'Venus'? That's what I was thinking anyway as I was reading this interesting story.
     
  5. bi0nic

    bi0nic Jedi Master star 3

    Registered:
    Feb 15, 2006
    The name of the cantina turned out to be very appropriate, that girl sure is eeeevil. That was great Wyo, you packed a lot of personality into Veena in quite a short amount of time.

    ?You?re not a very good liar Javel. You couldn?t fool me in the bar and you?re doing an even less effective job out here.?

    I really liked that line, she seems to have quite a bit of sass on top of being all ruthless and clinical. This is a great response to the challenge with a great OC, nice work!
     
  6. WyoJedi

    WyoJedi Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Healer_Leona: Yes she is quite tricky. She definitely knows how to use her assets to accomplish her designs. Thanks for the comments.

    VaderLVR64: She knows what she wants and she goes after it! And she is pretty effective too :D Thanks.

    the_wandering_shadow: I have high hopes that she will continue to stay as interesting as she was in this fic. Actually I derived her name from a number of sources. 'Venus' is part of it. I also saw her as kind of a mafia type (hence the Italian sounding name). And lastly I'm a big Kim Possible fan, and I patterned Veena partly on Shego (the female villian). Thanks again.

    bi0nic: Yes I thought the name was quite appropriate as well. Evil, mwahahahaha. Thanks, I'm glad that her personality came through strong. And the sassy nature just seemed to flow through her as I wrote. I really like that she is sassy as well as ruthless. Thanks.

    Cheers,
    Wyo
     
  7. Lord_Zeron

    Lord_Zeron Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 19, 2005
    And if there was one spot of the undercity that was darker than all others it was the Cantina Sevilor, the S, O, and R on the establishment?s sign being conveniently burnt out.

    Haha, it took me a minute to get it, but I liked this little detail you slipped in there. Given the atmosphere you so vividly described, the title seems to fit perfectly.

    Veena and Javel were both very enjoyable characters, yet almost totally opposities. Veena was confident and determined, while Javel was nervous and unsure of what he should do. The conversation between the two was very realistic, I could perfectly envision what was happening.

    I liked the ending too, it's seems there's no place for people like Javel in Coruscant's dangerous underlevels. I, for one, would never go down there without a few dozen bodyguards to defend me. And maybe a few Jedi just to be safe.

    Anyway, excellent story, WyoJedi! It was quite interesting getting into the mind of a female Twi'lek.

    =D=
     
  8. correllian_ale

    correllian_ale Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 20, 2005
    =D= Nicely done Wyo, Veena seems like such an intricate character; you did an excellent job!

    =D= =D= =D=
     
  9. oqidaun

    oqidaun Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 20, 2005
    S, O, and R on the establishment?s sign being conveniently burnt out. It would generally be the last place one would expect to see a young female Twilek, or any other species for that matter

    Nice touch! [face_devil]

    Great work.
    I love the 'seedy side' of Coruscant.

    =D=
     
  10. WyoJedi

    WyoJedi Jedi Youngling star 4

    Registered:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Lord_Zeron: I'm glad you got the conotation. I didn't want it to be overt, but I still wanted people to get it. I'm glad I was able to portray the environment fittingly.

    I always like hearing that people can "envision what was happening." I really liked these two characters and their interaction, and that their opposite personalities came through makes it all so much more uplifting for me.

    Javel certainly shouldn't have been there, but when you give your services to criminal elements that's to be expected. Some bodyguards wouldn't have hurt, but Veena probably would have just altered her tactics... She oes know how to get what she wants :D Thanks.

    correllian_ale: Thank you for your nice comments. I thought that she was a fun charater to write, and certainly complex. I'm just happy others enjoyed it as well. Thanks again.

    oqidaun: Thanks! I love writing the darker side of the galaxy. It is so much more fun than sticking to the perfectly light Jedi all the time :D

    Cheers,
    Wyo
     
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