What is more important in a relationship: knowing the personality or physical proximity?

Relationships are blends of emotional, physical, and mental characteristics. An important aspect is the ability to know the person inside; how he/she thinks, feels, responds. Another important aspect to people is physical proximity; being able to touch, hold, and caress that other person.

Which aspect is more important for a relationship? A relationship where there is total honestly, you see the person's inside and never the physical embodiment of their personality? Or a relationship where the human touch is involved; being able to hold someone close and dear?

Another piece to chew on : In a relationship, does either of these two sorts of relationships have an effect on the commitment you share with your signifigant other? Or does it depend on the two people themselves and not the type of relationship?

What is more important in a relationship: knowing the personality or physical proximity? And does the either of these two have an effect on commitment?



Special thanks to FlamingSword for helping me out with this

 

That's a tough question. Both are important for relationships. However, if I had to choose, I'd choose to just have the personality rather than just the physical person. Either way, the relationship would suffer.

Just having a physical relationship is not really a deep or serious relationship to me. You have someone to give you physical satisfaction; nothing more.

A personality is something you can really fall in love with. A person's responses, emotions, thoughts, and ideas make up so much of someone.

I fell in love with someone I met over the internet. As such, we didn't have a physical relationship at all at first. You can have a relationship without having physical proximity.

However, both are best and necessary. I felt love for my bf before I met him; however, I wasn't really in love till after we met in person. We only see each other every couple of weeks right now. It's hard. We're physical people, living on a physical planet. Without physical proximity there is a missing aspect to the relationship.

 

Physical proximity is the most important. Not physical contact but just being near someone is important. Knowing personality isn't knowing the person. You know what they are, not who they are. Distance messes with perception, and makes a person larger than life. In order to know who they really are you need to spend time with them. Get to know their flaws, just as much as their strengths.

 

I definitely think the personality aspect is more important in a relationship. You have to have trust in the person you're with. A deeper trust definitely means a longer commitment, in most cases. I'm not saying that the physical isn't needed, because it is. But you can't base an entire relationship on being physical. That would just be way too empty. It's the mix between have an emotional and physical connection, and knowing and trusting the person you're with that will really make a relationship grow.



JPK

 

I think a relationship needs to be within a reasonable physical proximity. Physical touch is something I don't think people can do without in a relationship. It speaks to areas words can't reach. I think that's one of the reasons long distance relationships don't work. Usually people on both ends find someone that fills the physical touch department. From that arises all the feelings that were once directed towards the person you were having the long distance relationship with. The one thing I will say about personality is this. It's kinda hard to be in a relationship where the person has a crumby personality. Personality is very important in my mind. The sex, hugs, kisses, and caressing may be great but not being able to carry on a nice conversation with the person I'm involved with would turn me away from that relationship faster than anything. So, in my opinion the physical aspect is very important but it shouldn't overshadow the personality aspect in the process. Balance is the key to a very successful relationship.

 

I don't believe a relationship will work in the long run without both. So they are equally important.

 

Personally for me, personality squeaks out on ahead of the physical component. Whereas spending time with the woman is important, to physically be there, hold hands, kiss, have sex, to be physically attractive to your other and vice versa...in time you will start wanting a strong personality to latch onto, to engage your mind which correlates in how you intend to use your body with the described above. Without a strong mental component, eventually the relationship would become stale and boring, you need to like the person, to want to be with that person on a mental basis.

Though our physicalities do play a part, personality is just that little bit more important, not by much, but it is.

Ciou-See the Sig

 

I'm gonna have to say that both are equally important, or at least, without one a relationship can suffer and won't last in the long term like Uruk-Haip said. Physical affection is very important, but so is personality because its always there, unlike physical sensations (sex, kissing, hugs etc...) which are momentary. I can't love someone I can't talk to or whose personality is not attractive, but on the other hand, I want to be able to share physical things with them.

As for long-distance relationships, I think they can work, because they have worked in the past (People have successfully waited for eachother, written letters, etc...). It just takes two commited individuals and alot of discipline and work -> and the idea that the seperation won't last forever, that the two will reunite to experience the physical warmth they once shared -> this is the goal.

I don't know if I made any sense , its a tough issue.


I also agree with Tenor.

 

Spike_Spiegal, I agree with your long-distance relationship assessment. Long-distance relationships can work - for a time. But usually the ultimate goal is being united and in closer physical proximity. I don't think I could be in a relationship that was purely long-distance with no hopes of every being closer.

However, long-distance friends are possible, especially with the internet. I'm sure we all know many great people that we have met online but whom we have not all met in person.

 

Oh trust me Spike, it makes perfect sense. My grilfriend was in Germany for a year as an exchange student, and I was in America. Letters and hope got us through, and we made it. We were also stronger for it, for what ever reasons, we both wondered at times if we should break up, but we decided not to, and we still love each other today, even more so now that she is back.

I find it hard to have a serious relationship with someone without either of those things, but a relationship can survive without one or the other for a time, but not forever.

 

Do what makes you happy.

 

Well see? That's what I'm talking about. Thats great Enforcer.

 

Personality has to come out first, because a relationship based mainly on the physical aspects will ultimately fail in the end. It is the mind which must sustain the relationship when touch has become less important. That said, you can start a relationship with distance but if you are talking about love, then to move ahead you are going to need physical proximity to fully realize it. So much of communication is non-verbal. If you are only talking about a friendship then the physical becomes somewhat less important.

 

you really need both, but i truly believe that proximity is more important than personality. the best way to know a person is to start with those around you. every single one of 11 relationships that i knew of fell apart simply because of one moving away. this works both ways. i can fully know someone's personality 600 miles away, but there is no way our relationship is going to last unless one of us moves out be closer to the other.

cheers!

 

i've been thinking about this a great deal lately. And I've come, at least right now, to believe that personality is the most important, but it must eventually lead to physical proximity. Like many have said above, we are physical creatures and crave that contact for so many reasons--evolutionarily, emotionally, spiritually...the list goes on and on.

That's why babies who aren't touched get sick, have learning disabilities, can even wither away and die...even if they are fed, etc. Touch is THAT important.

So, i know you can fall in love with someone over the internet or through letters, over the phone, etc, but it has to lead to exploring who you are together, with touch. And this leads to getting to know the person that much deeper and better...

it simply hurts too much to not be able to see and feel the object of your affection. the desire for the physical becomes too much to bear, to really know the other person on that level...

so personality is the most important, to me, but the physical proximity, or lack thereof, can eventually kill a relationship if the duration is too great...it's just too important. if you've been together and then are separated, it's easier i think, bc you at least know them on that level. but if you begin at a distance, the meeting has to occur...

 

Quite a topical thread for us internet mongers.

I think knowing someone, their personality, is very important in any sort of friendship. Without a good personality, there is no friendship, of course. I think places like this help people to get to know each other in a way more personal than even talking face to face. The Senate really cuts to the quick of what we all think and how we view the world.

However, for all the benefits of just knowing someone, a relationship can only go so far if separated by thousands of miles. I think for a long term relationship or friendship, distance must be overcome with frequency. In a romantic relationship, the physical is important. In just friendships, it's still nice to put a face and voice to a handle or user name or whatever you want to call it.