Before - Legends What possesses me--early impression of the Jedi--Vignette 84

Note: This was inspired by ophelia writing about Jedi conflict in One Dark Night. The main idea came from the arguments presented in the movie The Exorcism of Emily Rose.
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There were so many lies that she didn't know what she could honestly identify as the truth. She'd lied to avoid persecution, to avoid starvation, to please the parents that could not understand that her desire to please them was less important than her her duties to herself. Every lie had fallen through, of course--no amount of hoping and lying could silence her screams or keep her from feeling the paralyzing agony of others.

They called her an attention-seeker or a liar, someone who would do anything to draw the attention of her parents. It was a claim made by people who had never seen the way her mother held her in the night or the fretting of her hard-working father. She loathed the fact that she could not make this better for them, but she could not find anything but the answers that made sense to her own mind.

There had been doctors, neurologists and psychologists, holistic healers and patient teachers since the onset of her 'disturbance' four years ago. If she had been as rebellious and stubborn as some suspected, she would have made no effort to be cured.

The disturbance had set in four years ago, but it wasn?t until two years ago that she realized that her empathy had nothing to do with madness. The difficulty was in convincing the rest that this was true. She could hardly convince her father, the doctor, who would think that death itself could be treated with enough patience. She could not explain the extent of this to her mother, the woman whose entire purpose in living was wrapped up in her small family.

Each doctor would produce some sort of progress, artificially generated to alleviate the strain of this condition on her family?s finances. She would be able to quash the symptoms for a time, would find ways to block out the thoughts that assaulted her so vengefully, but it always failed.

This time, she felt that she could not fail, but she had no way of succeeding. Each day that passed with a manifestation of her disturbance was one that passed without food. The desperation of starvation only brought out a sense of delirium that had nothing to do with what had been infused into her subconscious.

Her parents, her doctors and the councilmen could not tell the difference, so nothing changed other than the number of bones that they could count beneath her skin. She had little to study as she waited for the session to begin, so she let her eyes travel over the ridges and caverns that were the bones of her hand and the spaces between. She was straining to break free of her skin, but hollow at the same time.

Her hands were the only things that seemed to accurately show what she now was. Everything else suggested that she was sick or fragile. There was truth in both of those diagnoses, but not nearly enough.

The examination room where they kept her today was more expansive than usual or maybe that was her imagination. Perhaps she had been confined in her room for so long that anything that did not have the oppressive stench of her own filth or the blank walls that she had seen every day for the last two months seemed cavernous. She could no longer trust much of what she thought.

There were, however, certain things that were incorruptible and certain and she could do little other than reciting them for as long as it was required.

"I'm not crazy."

The doctor, a kind-faced man named Vieno, did not look up. He had not looked at her since the orderlies that had stood guard outside her door during the night of observation had brought her in. She could not tell if Vieno was actually making notes or becoming fascinated with the scratching of his stylus against the flimsiplast.

Most things were a torment to her these days, since the room where she was confined was so devoid of any noise that even footsteps would throb against her skull, but the scrape of the stylus seemed to be an intenti

 

Ooh, creepy. That's probably what would happen to real life Force-sensitives. No warmthin the smile... awesome closer.

 

I find you have less of a heart than a droid.

?You?re treating empathy as a plague,? she spat. ?What else are you??

That seemed to end his interest in what she actually had to contribute. Immediately, his attitude was one of a businessman closing a deal, nothing more.

?What do you think we could accomplish by placing you in the institution??

?Nothing,? she answered in complete honesty. ?I don?t want a cure. I want an explanation.?

He smiled again, but there would never be warmth in the gesture again. ?Perhaps we?ll have both.?

Jon is right. This is chilling.

But oh so very good. Please stop talking about how all you do is write fluff. Next time you say that, I shall point here.

 

Oh, creepy. I very much feel for Leau. All alone and no one really understands what she's going through. And I don't trust that doctor at all.

Wonderful work.

 

Oh this is great. It is showing how I think the Deryni and Jedi universe must have connected! I hope to get a grip on that story soon so I can start posting it.

 

RK_Striker_JK_5--The original joke that turned into the thoughts about this was from the Greek principle that you have to be insane to be a genius and it was always the fault of the gods. Glad you liked the closer.

Noelie--Chilling? I like that. And I don't always say that I ALWAYS write fluff, just less solemn.

LadyLunas--She really is alone and that's what made it so fascinating to write her connection to the Force. It's almost as if she holds to it so desperately because it has not abandoned her. You shouldn't trust the doctor. Don't worry.

Araxie--interesting perspective. thanks!

 

This makes me want to see the movie!

"Leau, you claim to see things,? he said patiently.

It was the first time she?d heard his voice and the tone was not as indifferent or impatient as she?d have guessed. Instead, he was simply matter-of-fact. It was a stark contrast to the reedy, trembling tone that she had been unable to overcome since the start of her deprivation.

"They're dreams,? she explained.

That was the only adequate word for them, since they were not restricted to the times that she slept, but came during the night as well. They were visions or impressions or even just feelings that she could not clearly identify, but they were as close to being dreams as anything she?d ever had before.

"They come true,? he countered

He thought she was lying already, just like the rest of them.

"I'm not crazy!" she repeated, voice harder this time.

I felt so sorry for her here, so anxious to prove she was not crazy. I enjoyed this a lot.

 

EEp. Where are the Jedi when you need them.

Dark and creepy. This wasn't the vig. you thought was funny, was it?

 

Whoa . . . that was creepy and intense. I loved how it was dialogue-driven--it could almost be a script for a film. The attack and parry of the characters' words were as clean and well-timed as a good lightsaber duel--it would be great to see this performed by some really good actors. For some reason, I kept imagining the girl as Sissy Spacek in "Carrie." Wouldn't work as a casting choice, though, since Spacek is like 50 or something now.

I loved the part where she considers using the "darkest part" of her gift and making the man forget he'd ever heard her name. In fact, I rather hope that sooner or later she does. She can't hang out with people who starve her forever.

I liked the "I'm not crazy," refrain, too--it had especial power early on, when it was its own paragraph. The conversation seemed to loop around and around--it *sounded* crazy--but you kept punctuating the story with those three words, as if a repeat of the "song" had ended and it was now starting over again from the beginning. Even though the repetition sounded nuts, the girl's unshakeable conviction made her seem sane.

Actually, the song metaphor may be an apt one . . . I think I can "hear" your musical background in this. It's not only in the pacing and rhythm--which are all we "hear" at some points, since the actual words become nonsensical--but it's also in the sharp little repeated leitmotif of "I'm not crazy." The whole thing has a fugue-like feel to it that adds to the feeling of hopeless going in circles.

This is very nice . . . very intriguing. Does it end here, or do we find out what the doctor meant by both a cure and an explanation?

 

Just-Plain-Shmi--You should, Just-Plain-Shmi! They basically try to prove that the girl was insane rather than possessed. I felt so sorry for Leau through the whole thing, which is probably why I did the dialogue first and trimmings later, so I could just keep things on a certain level and then really think about what it was supposed to mean. Thanks!

SpiritofEowyn--That's a question for the sequel/continuation. I was being facetious about it being a barrel of laughs. Thanks!

ophelia--It was geared more towards the idea of it being a transcript, as if all we could hear was what was there on the surface and then be allowed onto the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Sissy Spacek would do a very good job of this, as would Summer Glau (River in Firefly) or my friend Thalia Marini. Interesting that you compare it to the pacing of a lightsaber duel, since it is, essentially, a battle. I really liked the idea of making him forget. I'm planning on a full-length story in this universe and don't worry about her being with the people that starve her much longer. I also liked the fact that she considers something to be the darkest part. I really did like the whole thing with the pacing of "I'm not crazy," so I'm glad that worked. The idea of it hitting the ending, but having to be on a repeat-cycle is an important one. Basically, she's trying to fight the same battle a hundred different ways and "I'm not crazy" tends to be one of them. Interesting perspective on the leitmotif. I've never written a verbal fugue, I must admit. All in all, thanks! And it does not end here,

Healer_Leona--Thanks, Leona! I'd like to apologize for creeping you out, but since this was supposed to be a creep-out kinda moment, I won't.

 

Amazing.

I can't wait to see where you go with this.

 

Thanks, Kare, I'll let you know when I start the continuation.