What the Heart Hides. Obi, Ani, Siri - drama, humor, comfort. Complete as of 090208.

Title: What the Heart Hides (Part of the Heart of a Jedi series)
Author: Valairy_Scot
Timeframe: Clone Wars
Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Siri Tachi
Genre: Drama, romance, humor, h/c, Obi-torture
Keywords: Siriwan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Siri Tachi, Yoda, Mace Windu,ghost Qui-GonClone Wars, Jabiim, romance, Asajj Ventress
Summary: One who loves Obi-Wan but can only remain a friend, a padawan who loves his master: both mourn the death of Obi-Wan Kenobi on Jabiim.

Notes: A post in Resource (quite) some time back wondered how Siri would have reacted to news of Obi-Wan?s ?death? on Jabiim. That post inspired this. I have taken a number of liberties with the story as published in Clone Wars Volume 3 & 5. Usual disclaimers apply as to characters and situations.

Sequel (far more light in tone) is found here: Truths of the Heart


What the Heart Hides


Prologue:

Jabiim. It was just one battlefield among many in the conflict that would become known as the Clone Wars. As on any battlefield, many died. A place of brutality, violent death and strangely, mercy, in the form of aid and comfort to one?s enemy for it was one thing to destroy in the heat of battle. It was quite another to watch the wounded die when an enemy could reach out a hand and save the injured. Imprisonment was better than slaughter, when the option existed. No unnecessary deaths were how Jedi waged war; it was how they conducted war and how they expected their troops to do.

Jabiim. It was just one of many battles that the famed Jedi team of Kenobi-Skywalker were involved in, and it was nearly their last. In its aftermath, lives were forever altered.

Jabiim. It was a planet and a battle mired in muck and mud; the only thing certain rain and death. Ground was gained and ground was lost. The currency of real estate was blood. Lives were lost. The reason for fighting was lost. Hope for victory was lost.

He who endured, would win, but victory would be hollow since so few would still be standing.

Ebb and flow, victory and retreat, the front was always moving, never static. During one rapid retreat, a disabled Republic AT-AT had been abandoned. It was an ungainly troop carrier, well armed, with tall jointed legs giving the crew a high vantage point. The legs were its weakness: disable one and the entire thing crashed down. Should it topple forward, the forward crew compartment nearly always snapped upwards, sparking at its connection with the boxy compartment behind, resulting in a fireball of exploding energy and ammunition.

The charges meant to destroy it and keep it out of enemy hands had misfired. The opposition forces had repaired it and were now using it against the Republic forces. Retaliation was swift and merciless; the AT-AT was heavily targeted. With a loud thunk its support legs buckled and the troop compartment collapsed into the ever-present mud. The AT-AT burst into flames as troops scrambled to escape the fiery hell. In moments the flames would reach the ammunition and those still inside would be trapped.

Nobody deserves to die trapped in a blazing inferno, neither friend nor foe, Obi-Wan Kenobi thought, and leaped to his feet. It would be an agonizing death: lungs struggling for air and breathing only superheated fumes, lungs melting under the onslaught. Skin blistering and blackening, hair aflame, flames literally consuming one from outside as well as inside.

?We?ve got to pull them out of there,? he roared, and led the charge to save those they were trying to destroy just minutes before. The Jedi grabbed his comlink to contact his padawan for assistance as he dashed forward, re-attaching his lightsaber to his belt with the other hand, ARC Trooper Alpha as always at his side. Obi-Wan Kenobi ran with purpose and determination; h

 

Oh another great one for me to follow, will you PM me

 

Beautifully written of course and very vivid. I loved how you took us into Jabiim first, with its horrors and then back to the way Obi-Wan and Siri parted, friends who could have been more than friends and yet chose not to. Still the love lingers, even if it's buried under layers of Jedi duty.

Great job.

PM me please with updates

 

Wow, a really beautiful and quiet peace, very much like obi wan's kiss. I liked the rflections on the past.

 

Beautiful as always, V_S. I'm thrilled to see how well you write war scenes, as I have a ridiculously hard time visualizing war scenes in general but you make it wonderful and easy for me. Your writing of the Skywalker-Kenobi team is flawless as ever, and I love how you write Siriwan with a tenderness that makes me really like it. (I admit to having never read a "canon" Siriwan before, so this is uncharted territory for me.) Seriously, I think you just get that much more incredible with everything you write. Pm me please as always!

EDIT: What's the magic word? Oh yeah... please.

EDIT 2: Fixing something that could be misinterpreted. Geez, tonight is not the night for my communication skills.

 

Wow, very intense - as always!
Please update this soon!

 

Beautifully written! Please PM me with updates! I don't want to miss a post.

 

Earlybird-obi-wan: PM list, check.

Dianethx: loved how you took us into Jabiim first, with its horrors and then back to the way Obi-Wan and Siri parted, friends who could have been more than friends and yet chose not to. Most of this story will be fairly straight forward chronology, I think. At least the next 2 chapters are. The actual Jabiim stuff - haven't decided. It'll have more impact if it is revealed towards the end, I'm thinking. Haven't decided.

Hananiah: Next chapter will be less peaceful, dealing with battle?s aftermath.

Luna: Writing action is HARD! That?s why most of my ?action? is reaction. Much easier. Your writing of the Skywalker-Kenobi team is flawless as ever, and I love how you write Siriwan with a tenderness that makes me really like it. I don?t write much Siriwan, either, but this plot bunny did grab me. Seriously, I think you just get that much more incredible with everything you write. Thanks...practice helps. I re-read some of my first posts and - shakes head.

Fifilla: You want intense ? I think Chapter 2 is way more intense.

VaderLVR64: Ah, thanks.

Advance notice: Chapter 2 deals with the aftermath and a battlefield is not pretty. Just warnin' ya.

 

Chapter 2. Casualties of War


Debris continued to rain from the sky: sizzling as the ever-present rain boiled and steamed from contact with molten metal arrowing into the mud and digging deep, sometimes burying itself in the bodies of the dead and wounded.

Anakin Skywalker lay where he had been thrown, arms cushioning his head and eardrums from the explosion, his hand still clutching the open comlink. Only static came from it. Hearing returned as did conscious thought.

Screams and guttural cries forced themselves into his consciousness, as did shouted orders from nearby, the slish-thud of troops fighting for traction in the sloppy mud. Someone dropped to his knees, laid a hand on Anakin?s shoulder, shook him.

?You okay, Skywalker? C?mon, there?s injured to rescue.?

Injured, dead ? Obi-Wan was somewhere out there!

?Master?? he screamed into the comlink, and registered the static of a dead link. That didn?t mean ? it meant nothing ? comlinks sometimes went dead, it didn?t mean -

?Obi-Wan!? he yelled, heart pounding, clenching his hands into fists. ?Master??

He pushed himself to his feet, face intent as he reached out through the bond for his master?s presence. Even injured, Obi-Wan should be present in the Force, but the Force was chaotic with the screams and pain of the dead and dying, for the Force was composed of all life energy and the light of one Jedi alone could not stand out in the whirl storm of darkness. The Force keened and roared as it absorbed the dead and madly swirled about those who might only rejoin it. Peace and surcease from pain it promised to those who came to it. Peace and surcease from pain the dead found there. They were the lucky ones.

?Medics and fire suppression units,? another Jedi called in coordinates as Anakin stood frozen, eyes searching the charred bodies for one clothed in brown, but there was little of the scene yet visible, hidden in nightmares of smoke and flames. He would have plunged into the midst of that inferno, tripped over bodies and dug through bones, had he any idea where to search.

Where are you, Master? Don?t die in a futile attempt to save others ? save yourself. Stumble, limp, crawl out of there ? drag yourself with one hand at a time. But the silent cries of his heart went unanswered.

Swirls of gray ash and dark smoke slowly dissipated in the rain, swollen clouds bled angry tears for the misery underneath in great gushing torrents. Clonetroopers brought in the wounded, many severely burned. Anakin watched each one be carried past him, watching for a russet hued beard or hair, a brown cloak or sand-colored tunic. Near the still smoking center of destruction, medics were still working on the most severely injured; the dead still lay where they had fallen, for the moment ignored. A hand poked out of a tangle of bodies, the blackened flesh still steaming as the rain washed it free of mud.

Almost without thought, Anakin?s footsteps took him into the carnage. He had seen the aftermath of hell far too many times to let hell deter him, but hell had never held his master somewhere within its boundaries. Obi-Wan was good. Obi-Wan was light. Obi-Wan was alive, not some body charred almost beyond recognition in the center of a firestorm of destruction as moist droplets cooled incinerated flesh.

As Anakin searched, his eyes grew ever colder and his mouth ever grimmer. He was near the center of the blast now; medics crouched over pitiful remnants of those once living.

The smoking ruin of the AT-AT was now steps away from him, the hot metal nearly cool now under the cool flood of rain. Bodies, or what had once been bodies, spilled out of the split open troop compartment, bones and skin crumbling to ash with one touch. What had once been arms and legs jostled and mingled in a horrifying tangle of humanity.

Clothing, hair, skin had been incinerated in the heat, rendering the victims all equal in death, for no rank, nothing, was left of the artificial divisions sentient life imposed in search of orde

 

Great description of Anakin's feelings!

?The bond is fine,? he ground out. At their looks, he said desperately, ?but it is. It?s quiet, too quiet, but it hasn?t been severed.?
(...)
His own mind hurt, his stomach churned and his heart cried, but the bond felt quiet, smothered as it were, not severed. The pain of Obi-Wan?s death was much as the pain of Qui-Gon?s death, or the death of his mother had been ? an ache, a hollowness, a missing piece ? but no searing brand scorched across his mind to mark the violent end of a mental bond as Mace seemed to think.
So Anakin feels/knows that Obi-Wan isn't dead!

 

A heartbreaking chapter! You write these two so well!

?Master,? Anakin bowed his head, seething internally. He owed more than he had realized to Obi-Wan Kenobi. He hadn?t known just how much until he had lost him. He owed his master vengeance now. Vengeance was not forbidden; revenge was. Vengeance was his purpose.

Obi-Wan Kenobi would be avenged and his padawan would be the one to administer justice.

For the next few weeks and weeks stretching into months, that need was the only thing that drove him on.

On an entirely different planet, one man?s ordeal had just begun.

Hurry up and update again soon! I want to know what's going to happen next!

 

Read the comic but this is so good describing Anakin's feelings.

 

Loved this. You have such a way with words that is really quite stunning - very visual, very emotional. I always feel wrung out when I'm finished with one of your posts - in a good way!

The way Anakin realizes that Obi-Wan is gone, the way he keeps looking for him, even a piece of cloak or a lightsaber, something to tell him that Obi is either alive or dead. So very sad and realistic as well.

Beautifully done.

Loved this.
Debris continued to rain from the sky: sizzling as the ever-present rain boiled and steamed from contact with molten metal arrowing into the mud and digging deep, sometimes burying itself in the bodies of the dead and wounded.

What a wonderful description of what was going on and a terrific way to start the post.

Bravo.

 

This is wonderful and absolutely heartbreaking. Your prose, especially about war and examinations on Obi-Wan's psyche, is beautifully written.

Please, PM me when you update.

J_Ro

 

He is not dead he is with Asjji right?

I am really enjoying this. Please pm me when you update. Thanks!

 

I do not think he is dead: 1)The bond is not severed just quiet, very quiet 2)On another planet another man's ordeal had just begun.

But these two are just my humble opinions; my denial of Obi's death is neverending except for the part when there is only an old cloak left on the floor. That is pretty final, but vanishing into a puff of smoke in an explosion.........well that kind of put's a new twist on "going out in a blaze of glory". Oooh, that was just too corny even for me !!!

Good writing, good storyline.

 

On an entirely different planet, one man?s ordeal had just begun.

Oh, goody, do I see Obi-torture 'round the corner? And some gratuitious h/c, eventually? - only after Obi-Wan's been flayed within an inch of his life, of course. Couldn't possibly have it any other way, could we?

Your descriptions are wonderful, as ever. Anakin was quite well done, I thought. Could I please have a PM when this is updated?

 

Yay! a lovely update, the descriptions of the dead were amazing, hardwrenching but I think that is what battle is, you can't overlook that. Great to Anakin grieving for his master great in that he cares, not great that he's grieving...okay I'll hush up now) but is anyone suspicious about Yoda and Mace and their reaction?

 

Anakin's grief is palpable in this... you write the team together (and apart) perfectly. Anakin's anger at the Council for their lack of feeling is absolutely perfect... and as always, your way with description leaves me in a happy awe. I don't actually know what happened on Jabiim, but I'm quite convinced that Obi-Wan is alive... and I can't wait to find out what happened to him.

Gorgeous, awe-inspiring work as always, VS. Much , and my apologies for taking so long. I'm catching up... slowly but surely! Sometimes I remind myself of Eeyore...

 

Excellent story. I always hate it when Obi-Wan supposedly dies.
Is he! Is he not!
Did he ! or did he not.
and then a light at the end of the tunnel.


Obi-Wan Kenobi would be avenged and his padawan would be the one to administer justice.

For the next few weeks and weeks stretching into months, that need was the only thing that drove him on.

On an entirely different planet, one man?s ordeal had just begun.

Can I be added to your PM list please.
I must know what happens.

 

Great Story! You described Anakin's feelings well. May I please be added to the PM list?

 

Loved what I've read so far, can I be on the PM list please.

 

We are all in the same shock that Anakin is, as I read it unable to believe it might be true.

May I have a PM when you update? Thanks!

 

Fifilla: So Anakin feels/knows that Obi-Wan isn't dead! ? Yes, I?m sticking close to ?canon? in such respects. Where I?ve tweaked it is in Siri?s being alive, Obi being on the Council (I don?t think he was in the books at this time), and most importantly, ?humanizing? the comic by, I hate to say it, brutalizing it. In the comics Obi is tortured (pretty badly it seems) but he escapes, fights bounty hunters, and has a happy reunion with Anakin with no real repercussions.

In ?my? version the war isn?t pretty and Obi-Wan?s torture is going to affect him. I think I?m doing a pretty fair job of showing just how brutal without being graphic (coming up later) as the emphasis is on Obi?s feelings and thoughts about his treatment.

VaderLVR64: I want to know what's going to happen next! ? okay, everyone angsts, Obi gets free, reunion. Shrugs.

Earlybird-obi-wan: Comics don?t do a thorough job of showing feelings and they show ?cardboard? characters (IMHO). Read the comics for the action; this is for the characterization. Obi-Wan is not going to waltz out of his experiences unaffected, but being a Jedi, he'll come to terms with it pretty quickly.

Dianethx: Loved this. You have such a way with words that is really quite stunning - very visual, very emotional. I always feel wrung out when I'm finished with one of your posts - in a good way! ? you know what buttons of mine to push.

The way Anakin realizes that Obi-Wan is gone, the way he keeps looking for him, even a piece of cloak or a lightsaber, something to tell him that Obi is either alive or dead. So very sad and realistic as well. - That wanting to hang on, for proof, I think is very human.

Jaded_Rose: This is wonderful and absolutely heartbreaking. Your prose, especially about war and examinations on Obi-Wan's psyche, is beautifully written. Thanks a lot.

obsessedwithSW: He is not dead he is with Asjji right? ? right. Sticking close to canon in this respect.

Barriss31: do not think he is dead: 1)The bond is not severed just quiet, very quiet 2)On another planet another man's ordeal had just begun. ? Obi is alive, never fear. I had no intention of trying to pretend I might break from the comics. This is ?my twist? on it with some changes ? it was supposed to be a Siriwan, but that aspect has greatly diminished though still is present.

But these two are just my humble opinions; my denial of Obi's death is neverending ? mine, too.

Cael-Fenton: Oh, goody, do I see Obi-torture 'round the corner? And some gratuitious h/c, eventually? - only after Obi-Wan's been flayed within an inch of his life, of course. Couldn't possibly have it any other way, could we? ? Yeah, funny thing is I do have a ?torture Obi? story that I started on months ago. This is not intended to be a ?torture-Obi? story ? but since it?s taking place and Obi was being tortured during this arc, well, author?s don?t always know what is going to end up on the page. I repeat, the original emphasis was on ?Siriwan.?

Hananiah: Yay! a lovely update, the descriptions of the dead were amazing, hardwrenching but I think that is what battle is, you can't overlook that. ? That?s the point ? battle, torture, all that stuff ? IS brutal and I don?t know how you write that unless you get down in the trenches yourself. It?s the old ?sanitized? violence vs the brutal, ugly reality (imagine how much worse it is if you?ve actually experienced something like this rather than imagining it in a nice, cozy home).

?is anyone suspicious about Yoda and Mace and their reaction? ? You surprised me with that comment. Honestly, they?re being the good Jedi who show/contain/release emotion. No hidden meanings meant, though if I went AU they could have plotted to have Obi taken so they could take over Anakin?s training or something ? JUST JOKING.

Luna: Anakin's grief is palpable in this... you write the team

 

Your description of Siri and Obi-Wan's love for each other was beautiful.
Trust Yoda to tell her now that it was perhaps meant to be.
Duh! Too late now....or is it.
Perhaps Siri's love will bring him back and will make them whole.

I love this can I be added to a PM list please.