What the Heart Hides. Obi, Ani, Siri - drama, humor, comfort. Complete as of 090208.

I got behind again! That's what I get for going out of town.

Anyway, it was great to be able to read more than one post at a time! Obi-Wan has always been his own harshest critic, and now he must learn to forgive himself or he won't be able to move on.

I love how you're developing his character, and his crisis, in this story!

 

WOW, stunning and seeing all that.
yes Siri go for it and remember what you have gone through on your missions.

Great absolute great update.

 

Took them long enough. Interesting dream, and it's good to see Obi opening up.

Raptor517

 

I'm glad that Obi-Wan is finally realizing who he is killing and that is somewhat of a relief since he now knows that it isn't memory but his mind playing tricks on him.

I'm glad too that he has someone with him at all times, just in case of a flashback.

The Council is right to worry but I agree that someone who is struggling to remain in the Light is of the Light, especially if he struggles more with each thought of slipping.

I'm not sure Siri will forgive Adi quite so fast as Obi. She has a less forgiving nature and it may make her wary of confidences in future. I honestly think she should have discussed it with Siri first rather than going behind her back.

Great job.

 

I wrote this great long reply to this, and the boards messed up and lost it

Now i'm too lazy to write it all again but in a nutshell: great post, it's great to see the Council finally believe in Obi more cause they were starting to piss me off

It's also great to see Siri and Obi-Wan and i wont lie, i still hope she gets her closer peak at him i'll be patient and wait for what u have in store for us

 

That was a great post, so they figured out some clues to get clsoer to teh answer of his inner turmoil, interesting. I can't wait to see what happens next.

 

?Maybe you do need to know who? so you know what. Kenobi?,? she held her breath, not daring to move no matter how much she wanted to take his face between her hands and will him to speak. He needed a push, but a light one only or she would only push him away. ?Kenobi, you?ve told me this much ? tell me the rest and get it out in the open, where we can face it. Together.?

With a weary sigh of resignation, Obi-Wan?s shoulders slumped as he closed his eyes. After a moment, he nodded and spoke slowly as if feeling his way through the dreams.

?They?re male, only males? all ages. Human males ? oh, dear Force!?

?Whose face?? Siri was insistent now.

?Mine.? Shuddering with realization, he stared at her. ?Oh, Force, I?m killing myself.? A squeak of laughter came from him suddenly.

Much to Siri?s relief, Obi-Wan?s laughter did not turn into pure hysteria. For several long minutes she was sure it would ? he was sure, too, it turned out ? when he finally regained control. He had enough presence of mind to realize as she had that his dreams meant only that his experiences were manifesting themselves in a symbolic, rather than a literal way.

I'm glad that Siri was able to push Obi-Wan to at least face this particular nightmare. It might only have been a small step forward, but it is progress. I have to admit that I wouldn't have guessed that it was himself that he was killing.

?I admit that I have freely taken advantage of my padawan?s friendship with Master Kenobi ? without her knowledge ? to back up this assertion. I hope she will forgive me when I ask her forgiveness, as will Master Kenobi himself. No, not hope for I know both will forgive us ? and I fear that makes both of them better beings and better Jedi than the rest of us sitting here in judgment.?

A part of me sympathizes with the position Adi placed herself in. I'm glad that she stepped forward to represent the Council because I really do believe that she handled a very distasteful situation with compassion. I'm not sure that some of the other Council members would have been as tactful. However, I don't agree with her betraying Siri's trust, even if it was for a good reason.

Well done!

 

Im glad the council is behind Obi now. I don't think he could take any more stress. I'm so glad he is opening up to Siri now. I hope there is a description of what he looks like now in an upcoming chapter. I guess the beard is back by now. Darn. Still loving this story. I hope there are lots of updates in the next couple of weeks cause I'm on vacation and want lots of good reading.Pleeeeeease Please e-mail me this story in Word so I can print it and read it again at the beach!

 

Siri is good for Obi-Wan--both directly and by helping to guide his padawan.

I'm glad he was able to start to share what he's discovering about his repressed memories and fears. Even though what he shared with Siri was only a symbolic representation of those fears, as you say, hopefully that act of sharing can provide the basis for him to more freely let out some of the deeper fears and memories as they begin to surface. I know I've definitely had moments where the desire or even need to let something out wars with the fear that it will all become too real once it is acknowledged to another. He's at least made a little progress in that sense hopefully.

And I think the healers might finally be on the right track in identifying the root of his continuing distress.

Glad the council realizes that Obi-Wan is struggling but has not been defeated by his exposure to the dark side and that they have to help him realize that himself.

You're setting everything up beautifully.

 

Im glad the council finnally came to the conclusion that Obi-Wan is not a danger and chose to keep him on the council. Having the council questioning him doesnt help his own confidence in his ability to recover. He needs unconditional support such as Siri and Anakin is giving him.

 

Gkilkenny: Maybe Obi-Wan feels it was his own fault for being caught, he has to forgive him self for being human . Nope. You?ll see. I wanted the Council to come round fast because I don?t want a lot of story time tied up with the Council ? I just needed to tie up that loose end (I hate loose ends).

Lolly_Tolly: No problem ? I don?t expect responses all the time. Maybe every 6-10 posts is nice. I only wonder about those who haven?t posted in, say, a year.

Darth_Teacher: The scene that particularly presented me with food for thought was the one in which Obi discovers he's killing himself over and over again. In my clinical psychology studies it is described as a very common occurrence with strong, driven but guilt ridden individuals... hmmmm.... ring any bells?!

My ? that sounds like ? gosh, I wonder who? Hey ? am I getting this reasonably correct for a recovery process for a Jedi in a fantasy universe?

Jedidas3: I definitely can't get enough of Obi and Siri Well, we?ve got a LOT more of Obi & Siri coming up, except in the chapter AFTER this one.

VaderLVR64 Obi-Wan has always been his own harshest critic, and now he must learn to forgive himself or he won't be able to move on. . Let?s just say the truth replaces the need to forgive himself ? but funny, Siri says the same thing to Obi in a few chapters.

] I love how you're developing his character, and his crisis, in this story! . My biggest fear was enough detail to create believability without plot dragging.

earlybird-obi-wan: yes Siri go for it and remember what you have gone through on your missions.. I think we?re on the same wavelength because I got the vibe from Healing that you?re going to ?explore? what I?ll refer to in the most delicate of terms, plus I?m going to soften it even more so it?ll seem ?undesired but necessary.? ? Well, THAT was written before your last chapter and yes, we are on the same wavelength.

Raptor517: I told you the Council and healers have to be a bit slow to fit the plot! Obi?s going to clam up one last time before he gets the tough love he really needs.

Dianethx: I'm glad that Obi-Wan is finally realizing who he is killing and that is somewhat of a relief since he now knows that it isn't memory but his mind playing tricks on him . Essentially, yes. Slightly more complicated, but, yes.

The Council is right to worry but I agree that someone who is struggling to remain in the Light is of the Light, especially if he struggles more with each thought of slipping. Whew, wipes brow. I wondered if that would fly.

She has a less forgiving nature and it may make her wary of confidences in future. I'm not sure Siri will forgive Adi quite so fast as Obi. She has a less forgiving nature and it may make her wary of confidences in future. I honestly think she should have discussed it with Siri first rather than going behind her back. .

More likely I didn?t make it clear ? Adi is really not spilling any beans, it?s just added guilt to what the Council asked. Siri?s ?contribution? was more on the lines of ?poor man, struggling so hard to be the Jedi he thinks he should be? which is no secret anyway. Siri will be more upset with Adi for being the ?mouthpiece? of the Council which started the train of events.

Veloz: it's great to see the Council finally believe in Obi more cause they were starting to piss me off Just a plot device, not true stupidity. It's also great to see Siri and Obi-Wan and i wont lie, i still hope she gets her closer peak at him . You do, eh. So does Jedidas3; so does Siri ? she?s after some Obi-Wan. One or two readers, nope ? not appropriate for any Jedi, let alone Obi-Wan.

Some might get their wish ? and some might not.

ObiWans_Gurl86 The healers are only as smart as the plot allows.

Smoke20ts: I'm glad that Siri was able to push Obi-Wan to

 

Yay! Siri was finally able to beat some sense into him! Great chapter!

Thanks for the PM!

Actually, come to think of it, I haven't read that yet... You know what, you could probably take me off your PM list seeing as I have you on my WUL. But whatever's easiest for you.

Edit: This sort of applies to the last chapter but I have a random theory about Obi-Wan killing himself at different ages in his dreams. Are the Obi-Wans he's killing from different points in his life where he felt extreme negative emotion that has now resurfaced because of the abuse he recieved at Ventress' hand, in that he's trying to purge himself of these emotions? Or am I reading too deep and should shut-up?

 

Go Siri! Now, if Obi will just keep listening!

Excellent chapter, my dear friend. I still believe that this is one of the best stories on the board. Bravo, my friend.

 

Go for it Siri, and help him.

What a chapter with those emotions and what a lovely end with those two together.

?Isn?t it enough to just be able to admit we love each other ? and leave it at that? Just to say it to you makes me feel like I?m treading too close to a boundary I?ve always been cautioned never to step over.?

?Yeah, Kenobi, it?s enough.? I can live with that, even if I do hope for more, Siri thought privately. His hand reached out and clasped hers, fingers entwined and Siri smiled. Even this was a gift of the Force.

yes love each other forever

 

I thought she was going to have to take a bat to Obi's cranium for a moment ...awesome post!

Raptor517

 

You do, eh. So does Jedidas3; so does Siri ? she?s after some Obi-Wan. One or two readers, nope ? not appropriate for any Jedi, let alone Obi-Wan. Some might get their wish ? and some might not.
Yeah yeah, and of course, u wont let us know who gets their wish yet

Lovely lovely chapter i'm so glad that Siri found a way thru Obi-Wan's sttuborness only Siri can do that i'm afraid

?When you?re thinking straight, Kenobi.? Siri met his frustration with her own. ?I bet I?m right, aren?t I? What exact reason did they give you for denying your resignation??
?The same as you, I?m not thinking straight.? Bitterness had him hunching his shoulders.
??Reconsider you will, once face this you do.? I thought of borrowing that stick of his and using it ? except I didn?t know who to use it on. I face reality every ? damn ? time I lose my temper, or nearly do. Four days ago I?m told two day before that I was hysterical and babbling about stained hands and hurting people. Two days ago I?m confessing I?m trying to kill myself in my dreams. It seems obvious to me - I?m not fit to be on the Council, perhaps, even to be a Jedi.?
poor Obi, but indeed, he isnt thinking straight so they're all right

?I swear I?d follow you into the Force and kill you myself if you let yourself waste away. You want to wallow in how bad you feel ? fine. Wallow alone, then, I refuse to be a party to it.?
this really made me laugh, wonderful

She took another step forward and heard a broken murmur behind her: ?Siri ? please, forgive me.?
Damn him. No one else could evoke so many emotions in her in less than one minute. Snarling to herself, she stalked off.
Of all the stubborn men in the galaxy, she had to love the most infuriating one. Obi-Wan just had to try to heal alone ? and her heart softened. Alone, other than Alpha, alone with his pain and his anger, alone, with his suffering and fear. Alone ? the man didn?t know how to ask for help, for help too often hadn?t been there for him.
Awwww

His eyes opened and he stared at her. The raw pain in his eyes twisted her heart as he extended a trembling hand to her, reaching out. ?I can?t do this ? not alone. Please? help me.?
Such a simple plea, such a heartfelt one. Spoken so softly ? and naked in its need.
?Kenobi ? you stubborn, aggravating idiot!? She crossed to him and hugged him before her heart shattered into a million pieces, hugged him before she shook whatever he had of the Force out of him. ?Force tell me, why do I love you??
He cleared his throat, unshed tears glistening in the back of his eyes. ?Because you love pathetic life forms as much as Qui-Gon Jinn did??
This was perfect Obi-Wan and Siri right there, amazing job

?I don?t deserve you.?
?You deserve better,? Siri said in all seriousness, patting his hand.
?I?ve been a bit of a mess, and will probably be for some time.?
?Not your fault, Kenobi. That woman messed you up; this woman will help you to recover.?
?You?ll have to have patience with me, not one of your strong suits, you must agree.?
?Not normally, no. But for the man I love ? don?t shhh, me, Kenobi ? I happen to know your padawan isn?t here ? I?ll make a valiant effort. All I ask in return is that you try to admit your feelings, even if you have trouble expressing them.?
?Coercion, Knight Tachi?? He crossed his arms over his chest, but his eyes were twinkling.
?Blackmail, Master Kenobi. I refuse to be hurt by your words, so don?t try to drive me away. I won?t go. I won?t go.?
Once again, simply perfect... i loved this!

?So, are those nightmares still plaguing you, love? It?s easy to see you?re still not sleeping well; you?re not the prettiest Jedi I?ve seen recently. Maybe I should keep an eye on you at night as Anakin suggested - distract you, say ? just the two of us???
Obi-Wan blushed

 

I like how you show that Obi-Wan is in struggle with all his different emotions and that Siri doesn't know how to help him at first.
It's a situation most people can relate to - either not knowing how and who to ask for help or not knowing how to (offer) help.

P.S.: Siri rocks!

 

I'm so interested to find out how he will "face" these emotions now that Siri got him to see that he needs help. Your writing, as always, is spellbinding. I was sitting on the edge of my seat and then.......BAM....the chapter's over! More soon please!

 

At least she was able to get him to accept that he needed help! Stubborn gundark. I liked how they are both so strong and yet so good for each other. Siri needs to be more understanding now but knowing her, she's likely to still be prickles. But then again it might be good for Obi-Wan.

?You need to face ? this ? it?s eating you because you are reliving this, not facing and releasing it, you damn fool.?

?I?ll never get over it if I keep reliving it!? he snapped back. ?Stop trying to fix me, okay? I can?t be fixed, not that easily and not on your schedule.?

?Then on whose schedule? You won?t talk to Cielan; you won?t talk to Bant or me. When will you face what happened, so you can get beyond it ? when you?re at death?s door because you?re not taking care of yourself??

Good for her!

Great job. Loved it.

 

Wow that was a great sequence between siri and obiwan. Very emotional, that was a great post. Can't wait for more.

 

I can live with that, even if I do hope for more, Siri thought privately

Maybe Siri can but I cant! I want more!

 

As much as it shook him, Obi-Wan needed that. He needed to finally admit that he can't do this on his own. Poor guy just needs to let it all out. It is festering up inside him.

I loved that he tried to resign from the Council and that they wouldn't let him. He will sooner or later realize that everyone really does want him to get better even if they seem like they are tormenting him right now.

 

Aww, Siri is *so* good for Obi-wan and I think she knows it. Ahah. I their amazing honesty and bluntness mixed with humor and their love. Amazing writing. Enjoyed reading it.

Sorry for not replying lately.

Thank you for the PM.

 

Just bumping (sorry) but I have this burning desire to be post 1000 - next post! I'll add my individual responses to that post tonight, but since this is near the top of the boards, I'm not bumping anyone else down.

 

1000th post! First ever!

But to make the post worthwhile, here's responses including to the post past this:

Lolly_Tolly: This sort of applies to the last chapter but I have a random theory about Obi-Wan killing himself at different ages in his dreams. Are the Obi-Wans he's killing from different points in his life where he felt extreme negative emotion that has now resurfaced because of the abuse he recieved at Ventress' hand? Or am I reading too deep, and should shut-up?

Please, never shut up?speculate away. If I didn?t know the scenario, you?d be a life saver. Sometimes the best plot points come from speculation.

Jedidas3: Go Siri! Now, if Obi will just keep listening! He?s gotten the point ? finally. Strangely enough, now that he?s pressing forward, she?s backpedaling some. IMHO I think she?s afraid she got lucky and almost pushed Obi-Wan waaaaay too hard.

earlybird-obi-wan:They?ll have forever?.

Raptor517: I thought she was going to have to take a bat to Obi's cranium for a moment . Almost!

Veloz: Yeah yeah, and of course, u wont let us know who gets their wish yet Well, of course not ? I want to see which potential version gets me stoned and which doesn?t?and believe me, I can plausibly go in two opposite directions the way I?ve set it up, so no matter what you may think ? you may be wrong.

... good to see that we have nowhere to go but up. Poor Obi has been thru enough, it's time for things to start improving. He?s going from one woman?s trouble (Ventress) to another (Siri)?.

romola1138 like how you show that Obi-Wan is in struggle with all his different emotions and that Siri doesn't know how to help him at first. It's a situation most people can relate to - either not knowing how and who to ask for help or not knowing how to (offer) help.

Just wait ? Siri will really think she?s in over her head fairly shortly (a few more chapters ? she gets Obi?s tongue loosened up and fears what she?s gotten herself into).

Charie: I'm so interested to find out how he will "face" these emotions now that Siri got him to see that he needs help. We start with the next chapter....

Dianethx: I liked how they are both so strong and yet so good for each other. Siri needs to be more understanding now but knowing her, she's likely to still be prickles. But then again it might be good for Obi-Wan. Aw, I think they?re Ying and Yang ? one gets strong the other backs off and vice versa. Obi waffles, Siri smacks sense into him. Obi gets sense, Siri backs off.

ObiWans_Gurl86 Wow that was a great sequence between siri and obiwan. Very emotional. They have their emotional moments in many of the upcoming chapters ? from quiet moments of intimacy (not THAT KIND!) to more angsty-ones.

obsessedwithSW Maybe Siri can but I cant! I want more! There is no passion; there is serenity ? oh, what the heck ? it?s Obi. Bring on the Obi!

Magier: As much as it shook him, Obi-Wan needed that. He needed to finally admit that he can't do this on his own. Poor guy just needs to let it all out. It is festering up inside him. Not for much longer, now. Siri has finally got thru to him and he?s going to be moving forward now.

I loved that he tried to resign from the Council and that they wouldn't let him. He will sooner or later realize that everyone really does want him to get better even if they seem like they are tormenting him right now. The resignation was Jedidas3?s idea after we were kicking around some scenarios ? take a bow, Patricia! Of course everyone is tormenting Obi ? somehow they?ve got to get thru to him.

Cole_Kenobi Aww, Siri is *so* good for Obi-wan and I think she knows it. Ahah. I their amazing honesty and bluntness mixed with humor and their love. Amazing writing. Obi needed that blunt honesty ? he?d be the first to admit it