What the Heart Hides. Obi, Ani, Siri - drama, humor, comfort. Complete as of 090208.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Valairy Scot, Jan 20, 2007.

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  1. smoke20ts Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 9, 2005
    star 1
    Wonderful chapter! I think you did an incredible job with the confrontation between Obi-Wan and Siri. It was very easy to see these two in this situation -- one needing help and too stubborn to ask and one wanting to help but not sure how best to give it. This was both a painful and beautiful chapter.

    Well done! =D=
  2. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    I love reading about Obi-Wans fight back to sanity, and Siri has finally told him how much she cares.:cool:

    ?I ? I?,? he swallowed and nodded. ?I thought I was going to ? fall apart - when I thought you were leaving. I don?t think I can do this, alone, but I don?t know how to ? to ask or even how to begin. I?ve always had the Force before.?
    You have written his bottom of the barrel episode brilliantly, and there is no where to go except up and right into Siri's arms[face_love]

    Great writing=D=
  3. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Responses to prior readers? responses are a couple of posts back ? page 40, including smoke20ts.

    Gkilkenny: Siri has finally told him how much she cares. Really ? you don?t think she already has?[face_thinking]

    ?there is no where to go except up and right into Siri's arms That's, um, what Siri is hoping...[face_blush]

    And Veloz: here's your chance for Siri to "see more...."


    Note: Thanks again to whomever nommed and voted for this story to qualify ? whatever the outcome, the outcome is less important than the fact that I have such giving and loyal readers. In that sense, I can?t lose?thank you all.

    Let?s see if the developing romance gets me a nom for Romance next year ;) ? yup, a lot of romancin? is coming up. Let?s see, some gratuitous bodice-ripping, perhaps? yeah, think that?ll do it? [face_thinking]

    Thank you all for pushing me to this level ? and keep pushing, please. You might make a ?real author? out of this writer, yet.



    @};-Chapter 57. Revelations in the Mirror @};-



    I?m ready?I am responsible for my own behavior, and from this day forth, I start to face my own demons, for if I don?t control them ? they control me.

    Obi-Wan woke to a new day, with new resolve. He hadn?t even realized how badly he had been damaged until Siri confronted him and made him see that he wasn?t the Jedi he had been because he wasn?t taking that step to reclaim himself ? to take a step forward he had to take a step back ? to there.

    He had been letting Ventress win and the darkness find in him an unworthy opponent ? he fought against what they wanted from him rather than for what he wanted for himself. He had abdicated that battle to the Force.

    He had relied on ? waited for ? the Force to make him whole. Without the Force at his side, he hadn?t even attempted to find healing.

    The Force was his ally, not his caretaker.

    So while he had indeed needed the strength that the Force gave him, in its absence he had only hid from himself and from those who could step into its place. He hadn?t been asking for the help that he needed, and in that lack, was failing not just himself, but his friends, his colleagues, and his padawan. How could Anakin accept his help when he needed it, if he didn?t set the example and ask for the help he needed?

    He didn?t want to stay where he had been, but he hadn?t been moving forward because ? he wasn?t letting the past go. By avoiding it, he had only tightened the chains binding him.

    He was the obstacle to his own healing.

    He knew that now, but he didn?t know how to surmount that obstacle.

    He only knew that the nightmare was not over because he didn?t allow it to be. He didn?t give it conscious voice, so it took his unconscious voice.

    He was allowing Ventress to win, by trying to avoid the memories and thus becoming consumed by them. The obstacle to his recovery was his refusal to face what had happened, and to admit that the past was never past until he let it go.

    He had to let it go and that would mean: his fingers splayed over his face as he took a deep breath ? he had to go back into the past to get past the past.

    The question was: how?

    Though he didn?t have that answer, he felt better for just knowing the question. Perhaps, just perhaps, knowing the question to ask was the start to healing.

    For the first time, hope, a wavering yet present, sense of hope threaded through him.

    So, lying in a soft, comfortable bed he tried to pull every blow and every twist of her vibroblade, every tainted morsel and every instrument from the mists of memory where he wished to keep it forever hidden and force himself to examine it in the light of day: face what he would rather forget so that he could accept it.

    But he couldn?t face it yet, not all of it.

    As soon as he tried, he trembled like a dying leaf in a wind, clinging to its twig-anchor to avoid the decay that came with the release of its tenuous hold. His anchor, as much as he hat
  4. Darth_Nellie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2008
    star 1
    Time to finally delurk and say how much I'm enjoying this wonderful (but at times heart wrenching story). I absolutely adored this latest chapter and hope that our Obi is finally on the road to recovery.
  5. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4

    Oh Yes, Oh yes.[face_dancing]


    Obi-Wan grinned and reddened. ?That wasn?t the type of kiss I mean, that?s why. Because right now I?m weak and unable to fend you off - I don?t know where it would lead, and I?m far from ready to give in to or to resist your feminine wiles, though I will admit I ? would want more, if I thought it was allowed. I?m not recovered and I?m not sure of many things. The only thing I know for sure is how I feel about you, and I know I?ve loved you for a long time. That?s about all I can deal with right now.?

    ?Yoda did say listen to the Force and it will guide you right,? Siri said. ?I think it wants us talking to each other, honestly, right now. Nothing more. I do love you, Obi-Wan.?

    ?I love you, too, Siri.? His fingers found hers and wrapped around them.



    The sparks are flying now, do you see the fireworks Uh! Do you see them. They are brilliant, and sparkling. Siri has admitted it, and so has Obi-Wan.


    Yahooo[face_love]

    The sun is shining, on your story.=D=

  6. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Yes Obi-Wan look in that mirror and see that you are healing.

    ?Yoda did say listen to the Force and it will guide you right,? Siri said. ?I think it wants us talking to each other, honestly, right now. Nothing more. I do love you, Obi-Wan.?

    ?I love you, too, Siri.? His fingers found hers and wrapped around them.

    For now, this was enough.

    [face_love][face_love]


    And loved the entire update.[face_love]
  7. Raptor517 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 12, 2006
    star 4
    Obi takes the first step, and like you wrote, has momentum. This going well...Now, if Yoda will allow Obi and Siri to marry, then Anakin can reveal his marriage also, and he won't become Vader...maybe I'm reading into this a little far.

    Raptor517
  8. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    [face_dancing] I'm so glad to see things finally going uphill for our dear Obi!


    In the midst of parrying, Siri smiled and knew not why.

    In the midst of his journey home, Anakin smiled and thought it was memories of the night just past.

    In the midst of his meditations, Yoda only grunted and nodded as the Force?s currents brightened around him.
    [face_love] I really loved that scene, it shows how connected Obi is to the people who care about him.


    ?I am exceedingly fond of you, as well, my padawan.?

    ?I know,? Anakin ducked his head shyly at the words and grinned like a little boy who had been praised and wasn?t sure why. ?I really know that now.?

    At Obi-Wan?s quizzical look, he merely shrugged his shoulders and offered half-ashamedly, ?I sometimes doubted, but I realized I just wasn?t seeing it in the way I had expected to. It was always there, had I just had the eyes to see.?

    Obi-Wan reached out and fingered the braid, contrition in his eyes, regret for all the mistakes and errors in judgment he had made over the years. ?I wish you had told me?.?

    ?I wish I had seen?.? Anakin looked as guilt-ridden as Obi-Wan felt stricken.

    The two looked at each other, and then cleared their throats at the same time ? agreeing silently there was no need to get maudlin over such a thing ? after all, they were men and Jedi both.
    [face_love] Awwww!


    I loved that last scene with Siri and Obi, especially that line about feminine wiles. [face_laugh]


    I can't wait to read more of this, I really love this story. :D
  9. Veloz Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 30, 2004
    star 6
    [/quote]And Veloz: here's your chance for Siri to "see more...."
    What a mean tease :_| [face_laugh]

    Wonderful chapter once again... so great to see Obi-Wan starting to accept himself and his injuries... admitting he's scared was a HUGE step for him!

    So great to see them admitting that they love each other [face_love] i must admit though, that might be enough for them but not for me [face_whistling] [face_blush] [face_laugh]

    Tnx so much for the pm, i really dont want to miss an update of this :D
  10. charie Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2007
    star 2
    So sweet. I really liked the description of Obi-wan's look at himself. I feel like the reader is there taking that "first step" with Obi-wan.[face_love] Bring on the Siri-wan healing![face_dancing] =P~
  11. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    He was finally able to face himself in the mirror. I really liked how he got past the pain of memory and looked at the now of himself.

    One?s focus determines one?s reality. As when transforming his grief at his master?s death into memories of the life they had shared, he had found the emptiness within him then replaced by memories of the mentor he had loved. One needed to let go to move forward. The greater the pain, the longer the process, attainment of peace an accumulation of many decisions and many small steps forwards despite the occasional steps backwards.

    This is Obi-Wan Kenobi who is now, not the Obi-Wan Kenobi who was. See what you were ? and see who you are. See who you are becoming, as well.

    As he progressed, he unconsciously stood a bit taller, the weight of his wounds no longer weighing him down. When his questing fingers had transversed what it could reach, he awoke as if from a trance, blinked and looked at his body, and saw ? really saw ? what he now looked like, not what his memories showed him.


    A first step in getting better.

    It was sweet that they wanted to kiss and yet Obi wasn't sure what he would do if they did. [face_love]

    With her help and the help of his friends and Anakin, he's starting down the road to recovery.

    Great job.
  12. Lolly_Tolly Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2008
    star 4
    Admitting their love to each other is enough, for now. [face_mischief] :p

    Yay! Obi-Wan's getting better! Great post, and thanks for the PM!
  13. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    [:D] To everyone - I'm in a bit of shock right now (Obi lost? 2 years in a row? [face_laugh] That's truly the one category I thought I had a chance in - now, no more telling me I write a good Obi because he keeps losing :oops: - though he's a good sport about it. Hey, it's Obi - what else would you expect?).

    Thank you all for your support and encouragement.

    Darth_Nellie Hi! I absolutely adored this latest chapter and hope that our Obi is finally on the road to recovery. Yes, he is, he?s getting ready to face the last hurdle ? with Siri?s encouragement. Luckily she?ll have the answer he needs to hear in regards to his deepest fear and doubts.

    Gkilkenny: The sparks are flying now, do you see the fireworks Uh! Do you see them. They are brilliant, and sparkling. Siri has admitted it, and so has Obi-Wan.

    Let?s see now ? we?ve got affection and friendship [face_love] , we?ve got the physical attraction :eek: ? but we don?t have Obi-Wan ready to discard his version of the Code[face_not_talking]. He will sacrifice love for the Order a second time if he must make a choice.

    earlybird-obi-wan: Obi-Wan?s moving forward surely and determinedly ? and when that stubbornness is channeled, it?s a powerful force, indeed.

    Raptor517: Obi takes the first step, and like you wrote, has momentum. This going well... And will keep doing so.

    Now, if Yoda will allow Obi and Siri to marry, then Anakin can reveal his marriage also, and he won't become Vader...maybe I'm reading into this a little far. Yup. 100% wrong for this story; 90% for the sequel.

    Bastet: I really loved that scene, it shows how connected Obi is to the people who care about him. Ah, in a way, it's all these connections that have/will save him. That is part of Obi?s strength right there ? everything and everyone he cares about keeps him grounded in the light, but he lost a bit of faith in his connection to them ? they?re showing him they haven?t lost any faith in him and he?s seeing that - finally - that they?re giving him what he needs if he only takes advantage of it.

    Siri will try some more ?feminine wiles? on Obi some time ahead ? too bad the way it will work out.[face_mischief]

    Veloz: so great to see Obi-Wan starting to accept himself and his injuries... admitting he's scared was a HUGE step for him! His tongue is finally getting loosened and shortly he?ll be able to admit that deepest fear he?s buried ? and get an unexpected answer.

    Charie:What?s funny about this chapter is the first part was originally written to take place on the rescue shuttle after Ani gets so angry on his behalf. It put Obi too soon on the path to healing, so I postponed it ? quite a bit and had to do a bit of rewriting and remove some elements that have already been overdone.

    Dianethx: It was sweet that they wanted to kiss and yet Obi wasn't sure what he would do if they did. Being alone, they could have done anything ? and we know what Siri wants. [face_batting] Now we know Obi does as well, but he?s not doing anything that can?t be undone until he?s at peace with it. He has to do what?s right, not what he wants.

    Lolly_Tolly:Those two keep ADMITTING it, but they sure don?t do much except kiss here and there. Perhaps that is as it should be, for these two.

    Special to VaderLVR64 - [face_dancing] I hear you've got a new[face_love] - congrats on the new wee one. It's "Nana" not "grandma"?
  14. jedidas3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 25, 2007
    star 3
    [face_dancing] I hope you know that I'm doing a happy dance at my desk and getting strange looks from the people passing by! I loved this update...of course you knew I would. Anyway, as much as I adore Obi and Siri, I thought the first part was so beautifully done regarding Obi's acceptance. My friend, I'm not sure where to begin, but you are truly what I strive to be. Your gift with words that draw the reader into the character's plight is simply breathtaking. Wonderful job![:D]
  15. Magier Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 2, 2007
    star 1
    I am glad that Obi-Wan has finally been able to see his situation for what it is and truly begin to move on. I think he is realistic about it and knows it will be a tough road, but I think he is ready.

    The moment between Obi-Wan and Siri was very sweet. I am glad they can admit they love each other.
  16. ObiWans_Gurl86 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 28, 2006
    star 1
    WOW Im soo happy, Obiwan could turn things around and look at the positive things that his wounds are healing if not healed, annd him and siri are soo cute, I can't wait to see what Hurdle he jumps next.
  17. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Jedidas3:? getting strange looks from the people passing by! I get that all the time! My friend, I'm not sure where to begin, but you are truly what I strive to be. After reading your last two stories I would have to have to say you are what I strive to be ? you, Diane, Kim and others. I ramble ? you guys write.

    Magier: I am glad that Obi-Wan has finally been able to see his situation for what it is and truly begin to move on. I think he is realistic about it and knows it will be a tough road, but I think he is ready.

    He is ? chapter after this one is the first of three that uncovers everything ? and once all that is dealt with, Obi-Wan will be essentially ?recovered.? He?ll still have a few flashbacks and stuff, but he?ll learn the triggers and ways to deal with them so they don?t interfere with moving on with his life ? and the romancin?.

    The moment between Obi-Wan and Siri was very sweet. I am glad they can admit they love each other. Until the end of time?(Moulin Rouge reference).

    ObiWans_Gurl86 WOW Im soo happy I'm glad.

    Gosh, I'm getting rather excited because I'm so close...just three more chapters to get past Jabiim and move forward...I'm giddy and ecstatic at the prospect. The next three are the crucial resolution (though not of the midis, I must say).




    @};-Chapter 58. Hope and Possibilities @};-



    Siri had earned Obi-Wan?s eternal gratitude to go along with his love, for he realized that she had risked the loss of his friendship and his love - risked it all on his behalf. She had been willing to lose him to help him. He knew he did not deserve her.

    Siri didn?t push Obi-Wan faster than he was able to progress on his own, merely offering her support and encouragement. With Siri at his side, whether physically or just in spirit, Obi-Wan had both the strength and the will to not just face, but accept all that had been done to him, as well as the feelings and fears that had come with the torture.

    Recovery was neither quick nor miraculous, but he was slowly overcoming the trauma with the help of not just Siri, but Bant, Yoda and Mace. Cielan had nearly convinced him what she and the Council already knew: that while his mind had been violated and contaminated ? even the Force he had siphoned from Ventress had been poisoned with dark ? full recovery was indeed possible and within his grasp.

    Even in the midst of his own journey, he was a little concerned for Siri. True to her word, she had devoted most of her free time to be with him, even if just to sit silently at his side. They spoke of many things, but never except once of that night he had broken down in her arms. They had been sitting in a Room of a Thousand Fountains and a youngling had tripped and fallen. The resulting bruised knee had brought both a wail of pain and a crèche master to comfort the child.

    It had also awakened a glimmer of memory, and Obi-Wan turned his attention from the child across the room to the woman at his side. A certain awe and wonder shone from his eyes.

    ?That night ? Siri, I remember almost nothing of that night except ? I was battling to hold on to ? to who I was, to sanity - and it was slowly being stripped away from me for I had nothing to hang onto; nothing - and then you were there to give me something to hold onto, holding me and offering me your tears. You offered me your tears when I could not find mine.?

    ?The tears I had were yours, Kenobi.?

    The simplicity of her words filled Obi-Wan with a deep gratitude he couldn?t begin to put into words. Siri Tachi cried for no one ? as with him, her tears were held within, yet she had gifted him with that most precious of commodities ? her heart, from whence her tears sprang. Deep emotion infused his own next words.

    ?I owe you more than you?ll ever know.? He touched her cheek with a finger; Siri smiled and leaned into the gentle touch. ?I?m just sorry you had to bear the brunt of that night ? you and Anakin, both, but in the
  18. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Obi-Wan is gradually coming back and I loved Yoda and Obi-Wan's talk.
    Yoda has great respect for Obi-Wan.O:)

    If you love him, truly love him as I know you do, it will wound your heart deeply, but it might help you to help heal his.?

    Adi retrieved her data pad and gave it into Siri?s hands. ?Why don?t you go into my room and read it. I?ll be here waiting.?

    Numbly, Siri stood up and stared at the datapad. She wasn?t sure she wanted to know anymore than she already did. Yet Obi-Wan had lived this, surely she could read it. Her chin came up and she nodded.


    Siri is strong and I think by knowing it will help her to help him.[face_love]
    Well I hope so[face_worried]

    Wonderful=D=
  19. Veloz Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 30, 2004
    star 6
    Another wonderful chapter =D=

    It's great to see Yoda have so much respect for Obi-Wan, it's greatly desserved!:D .... nice to see that he's slowly finding his way and he has the support of his friends :)

    ?That night ? Siri, I remember almost nothing of that night except ? I was battling to hold on to ? to who I was, to sanity - and it was slowly being stripped away from me for I had nothing to hang onto; nothing - and then you were there to give me something to hold onto, holding me and offering me your tears. You offered me your tears when I could not find mine.?
    ?The tears I had were yours, Kenobi.?
    The simplicity of her words filled Obi-Wan with a deep gratitude he couldn?t begin to put into words. Siri Tachi cried for no one ? as with him, her tears were held within, yet she had gifted him with that most precious of commodities ? her heart, from whence her tears sprang. Deep emotion infused his own next words.
    ?I owe you more than you?ll ever know.? He touched her cheek with a finger; Siri smiled and leaned into the gentle touch. ?I?m just sorry you had to bear the brunt of that night ? you and Anakin, both, but in the end it appears to have been the catalyst for making me face reality. In that sense, I have no cause for regrets.?

    Awww loved this part [face_love]

    Uh oh, let's see how Siri will handle reading what Obi-Wan endured [face_worried]

    Thanks a lot for the pm, cant wait to read what comes next :D
  20. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    ?Faith in you I have, indeed; faith in yourself you need. Young one, your struggle is always to the service of the light, for light is what lies at your core. When convinced of this truth you are, you shall find the man you now think lost. Know this I do; know this you shall someday as well.?

    With the gentlest of touches, Yoda tapped Obi-Wan?s knee with his stick while at the same time he gathered the calming reassurance of the Force to wrap around his fellow Jedi. Obi-Wan had not yet gained perspective or his equilibrium, just as obvious to the old master as to the healer who had informed him of the same.

    Some of the tension filtered out from the troubled Jedi?s body; Obi-Wan relaxed, but only slightly. He looked down at his hands, suddenly unwilling to look at Yoda, his voice almost imperceptibly trembling as the unrevealed fears crept closer to the surface.


    Lovely. The core of Obi-Wan is a being of pure light.

    Wonderful update=D=[face_love]
  21. charie Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2007
    star 2
    I loved the closeness of Obi-wan and Yoda. That came across so sweet. I wonder how Siri will react to the report from Adi and Alpha. Has Anakin read them? His reaction would also be of interest. As always, fantastic. Thanks for writing.[:D]
  22. Lolly_Tolly Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 12, 2008
    star 4
    Oh no! Siri's in for a shock. This is a great chapter! I can't wait for the next one!

    Thanks for the PM!
  23. Raptor517 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 12, 2006
    star 4
    Darth Siri! [face_skull] Hm...I now claim that plot bunny.

    Raptor517
  24. jedidas3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 25, 2007
    star 3
    My friend, beautifully done. =D= I too, love the relationship between Obi and Yoda. To me, it reminds me of a grandparent and a grandchild...very sweet. I love the emotion in the post, it leaps out at the reader, pulling us into both Obi and Siri's anguish. Again, looking forward to more!
  25. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    ?Your faith in me is ? I am always humbled by it.? Obi-Wan dropped his eyes, at a loss for words.

    ?Faith in you I have, indeed; faith in yourself you need. Young one, your struggle is always to the service of the light, for light is what lies at your core. When convinced of this truth you are, you shall find the man you now think lost. Know this I do; know this you shall someday as well.?
    [face_love] Aww, I loved the whole conversation between Yoda and Obi-Wan, I especially love how understanding Yoda is being. [face_love]


    Numbly, Siri stood up and stared at the datapad. She wasn?t sure she wanted to know anymore than she already did. Yet Obi-Wan had lived this, surely she could read it. Her chin came up and she nodded.

    She knew her heart was about to break all over again.
    :_| Yes it is!


    Can't wait for more! :D
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