What's in a Name?

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Jane Jinn, Jan 12, 2000.

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  1. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    This was written before I knew that The Jedi Apprentice Series even existed, let alone TheForce.Net, so there are sure to be many discrepancies between that and this, which are the result of pure ignorance. I can't help liking the story, however, and I'd like to give other people the chance to read it.

    "What else do you know about Pira'a, young Padawan?"asked Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn.

    "They don't have droids there. They don't even allow them on the planet,"said his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi, keeping one eye on the controls of the small cruiser he was piloting."And they're supposed to have the fastest, most efficient system of justice in the Republic."

    "That's not a rumour, it's true."

    "Master--I still don't understand why they think a Jedi must be involved in the disappearance of this girl,"Obi-Wan said, wrinkling his forehead slightly in confusion.

    "Our reputation precedes us, and our abilities grow with every re-telling,"Qui-Gon smiled."Pira'a is far enough away from Coruscant that Jedi are rarely seen there. They have an exaggerated idea of what we can do."

    "If any Jedi were involved, she'd be halfway across the galaxy by now and impossible to trace."

    "I don't think any Jedi have even been near this system for years,"Qui-Gon mused."And as far as I could check, all the other masters and Padawans are accounted for elsewhere. That means there's something else going on there. It must be a measure of their desperation that they've sent such a message asking for our help. They've had very little previous contact with Coruscant."

    "A girl disappears right before her wedding. A small speeder is found crashed in the mountains, far beyond its normal range. They've been searching for more than four days and their sensors only get faulty readings or none at all."Obi-Wan shook his head."Naturally they assume that a Jedi is hiding there in the forest, manipulating the sensors in order to shield the girl and let the animosity between the two houses continue. And then they send for us, other Jedis, to find the girl and prevent civil war. It just doesn't make sense."

    "It's not exactly logical, but it is human to turn for help to those who have experience in solving such problems,"Qui-Gon said."I still feel that there is more to this than they've told us on the hologram. Something to do with the Force, perhaps, but not necessarily with a Jedi."

    He was silent for a moment, then added,"The Force is not unknown in Pira'an history. Some Jedi were even born there--in the past. If the Force leads us, we might even find a promising youngster to take back to Coruscant for testing."

    For one quick second, Obi-Wan saw a vision of a face. It was too quick to know if it was male or female, young or old, though he felt fairly certain that it was not a child's face."I also feel that the Force will lead us to someone, Master."

    Qui-Gon nodded approvingly, and Obi-Wan turned back to the controls, bringing the cruiser out of hyperspace. For a moment, the stars seemed to race past the cockpit as long streaks, but then they became shorter and disappeared as the cruiser slowed, and the planet of Pira'a was there ahead of them, glowing green and blue.

    Obi-Wan set the cruiser down on the public landing strip of the main city, following the directions he'd received from transportation control. Turning off the engines, he left the cockpit, gathering up his brown Jedi robe on the way. He pulled it on and followed Qui-Gon down the open loading ramp. It was evening in the main city and the sky was completely overcast. On the ground, a cluster of people were waiting for them in a sharp wet wind that whipped their hair and clothing. Then a man of middle age came forward, bowing slightly. He was dressed in a red coat, a colour that flattered his short dark hair.

    "Honoured Jedi Masters, my name is Bodar of the House of Krata'an. Please be welcome."

    "Qui-Gon Jinn,"the Jedi Master announced, also bowing."My Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi."

    The next man smiled suddenly as though amused, then quickly bowed. H
  2. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Tai'hal was on constant alert as she walked, sweeping the surrounding area regularly with her enhanced senses, but the sound of the ship landing was audible even to normal ears. Was it a coincidence that it was setting down so close to her, or not? There's been that feeling in her mind, almost a voice, a sudden sense of someone searching for her, and although she'd lashed out with the Force, trying desperately to break the connection, she began to be afraid that she had unwittingly betrayed herself. Despite her exhaustion, she began to move faster, eager to put more distance between her and the ship.

    As she walked, Tai'hal rolled her feet to minimize the noise, and tried to avoid brushing against branches. The wind blew a sudden gust of rain into her face, and she shivered with cold. Her stomach growled with hunger, and she froze, afraid that someone would hear. But there was no one there when she looked around, and she hastily continued walking. She didn't see the man until she'd moved around a particularly large tree, and then suddenly he was right in front of her.
    Gasping with the shock, she stared dumbfoundedly at him, too surprised to turn and run away.

    "Hello,"said the man simply.

    "Hello,"Tai'hal replied automatically. He was tall and under the hood of his waterproof coat she could see that he sported a short, greying beard. He also seemed to radiate goodness and benevolence, not ill-concealed malice like Nurno, or just plain nonchalance like her father, and almost immediately, she knew why.

    "You're a Jedi,"she exclaimed."A Master."

    "Yes,"he smiled."My name is Qui-Gon Jinn."

    He waited expectantly for her to give her own name, but Tai'hal said nothing. After a moment, he put his hands in his pockets and pulled a fruit out of one, looking at it with faint surprise, then offering it to her."Hungry?"

    "Thank you."Tai'hal took the fruit and bit into it immediately.

    "What are you doing out here, in weather like this?"

    "I am waiting for the man of my dreams,"Tai'hal replied truthfully between bites.

    Master Jinn smiled."Does he look like me?"

    "No,"she said, then added,"Do you have a Padawan?"

    "I do, actually. Come back to my ship with me. You can get out of this rain and have something hot to eat while we wait for him."He gestured with his hand, but Tai'hal hesitated. The thought of warmth and food was compelling, however, and then there was the Padawan. She had to see him, see if he was the one she was waiting for. At length, she nodded, and they walked to the ship together.

    "This man of your dreams,"Master Jinn said conversationally as they strolled along."Did you arrange to meet him here?"

    "No,"Tai'hal replied, then asked,"Did you mean to land on Pira'a, or did you come here by accident?"

    "We have business in one of the cities."

    "All the large cities are to the west of the Great Forest, by the sea. If you head in that direction, your sensors will soon show you where they are."

    "I shall keep that in mind. Thank you."They had reached the ship by now, and Master Jinn pressed the button on the control that brought the loading ramp down. He indicated that Tai'hal should board, but they were interrupted by the sound of someone crashing through the trees and bushes behind them.
    Tai'hal turned around abruptly, cursing herself for having let her guard down, then realised that it must be the Jedi Padawan who was racing in their direction. He, too, was wearing a waterproof coat with the hood up and she could not see much of his face.

    "Oh, you found her,"he called out eagerly as he got closer.

    Tai'hal realised with sudden, sickening clarity that the Jedis had not landed here by accident, as she had believed. Instead, they had been out searching for her--and she had almost walked right into their trap. Had her father sent them, or Nurno? It didn't matter. She turned and ran, choosing a course between the two men that led her deeper into the forest, panting the word "no" with every breath. She lost hold of the fruit and then the survival blanket, which fluttered away behind her, but she didn
  3. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    The vision had been so clear--her, the Padawan, the two boys, the feeling of happiness--that Tai'hal had never once doubted it would come true, and the rejection was so unexpected that she simply gaped at him in astonishment. Giving his Padawan a disapproving look, Master Jinn changed the subject and asked,"Where did you learn about the Force at all, Mistress Tai'hal?"

    She had to collect her thoughts before she could answer."Oh, about ten years ago, a Jedi Master came and stayed in our House. His name was Master Dayar, Hak-Lyn Dayar. He had a Padawan a bit younger than I was, called Bar. I don't remember the rest of his name, just Bar. He was quite arrogant and liked to tease me. One day, she told me that I had the Force and that I should come to Coruscant for training. He even started showing me how to use it to move small objects. Then he stopped and suddenly said that I was too old to train. He ran off laughing after that. I don't think he ever told his master what he'd done, however, because Master Dayar never spoke to me at all. I felt so disappointed that he didn't invite me to come to Coruscant with them, that I just started practising on my own."

    Master Jinn nodded."Yes, Hak-Lyn spent many years trying to teach Bar to be more humble. He often wondered if he would ever succeed. I was more lucky with Obi-Wan here. He was only headstrong, impatient, hot-tempered..."

    The Padawan smiled briefly and Tai'hal felt her heart ache unaccountably at the sight. Then he said suddenly,"Thank you for healing my leg, Mistress Tai'hal."

    "I apologize for attacking you in the first place, Padawan Kenobi,"she replied."I thought you were going to take me back to Master Nurno and I panicked. I'm sorry."

    They looked solemnly at each other for a moment, then both glanced away. Master Jinn spoke up.

    "It seems that we have two choices, Mistress Tai'hal. We can either take you back to your father and help you explain what has happened, or you can go back out into the rain, here in the forest, with no food and no shelter, and walk on until you drop dead of exhaustion."

    Tai'hal flinched, although Master Jinn was only telling the harsh truth. Along with the walking, it had drained her strength to use the Force so much and so often, and she'd been so hungry after she'd eaten the last of the food. The nights had been so dark and cold, and the rain maddening in its unpredictability. She hadn't dared to light a fire, in case it called attention to her, and once in the dark, she'd had a rather bad scare with a hungry nawei. Fortunately, she'd been able to use the Force to influence it into thinking that food was farther away. The experience had left her almost too scared to sleep at nights in case another one came around.

    "I'll go back. I'd like to have the marriage contract annulled,"she said wistfully."But I have no proof of Master Nurno's intentions. Nobody would believe that I heard his thoughts. My father believes that the Jedi have the Force, not ordinary Pira'an like us. I tried to talk to him about it, once, tell him what I could do, but he wouldn't listen. He said it was ridiculous to imagine such a thing. And now he would only see that I have brought dishonour upon the House of Krata'an by refusing a good marriage for no reason at all."

    She paused, choosing her next words deliberately, then added,"In all truth, I could not even tell him that there is another man willing to marry me."

    Padawan Kenobi said nothing and Tai'hal felt her heart sink. That had been her only hope during all those long, cold days and nights in the forest, that she could go back and ask her father to annul the contract because a Jedi was also offering to marry her. After having broken this news, she had even planned to suggest that Master Nurno marry her sister instead, which would have made everybody happy all around.

    "Now that the dowry has been paid, I think I have only one option, and that is to break the contract and refuse to marry him, in front of three witnesses,"she concluded. It was the choice she'd been trying to
  4. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Despite the wind and the insistent rain, the stands of seats that lined the square were already filled to bursting when they arrived there the next morning. Constable Zarquo guided them to a specially reserved bench at ground level and as they sat down, Obi-Wan watched him mount the platform and stand at one side of it, between a table and a large, flat wooden box. He could also see two bars about as far apart as a man could reach with outstretched arms, both with wrist manacles on short chains dangling from them, and he wondered vaguely why there were two.

    A moment later, Bodar and a woman, probably his wife, approached and sat down next to them after nodding a greeting. Nurno arrived soon after with a girl at his side, as beautiful as Tai'hal was plain, though Obi-Wan thought he could see a family resemblance. This must be her sister Ren'hal. Shortly after they had seated themselves, there was a sudden, piercing sound, a single note from a horn, long and high. When it had died away, the guards entered the square, leading Tai'hal between them.

    They had taken her warm, colourful clothing away. Instead, she wore a strip of black cloth with a hole cut in it for her head, held together only with a belt, over a pair of loose, baggy trousers. She did not even have a hat to protect herself from the rain, and her hair hung loosely down her back. As she went up the steps to the platform, Obi-Wan could see that she was barefoot and that they had also bound her hands behind her back. She walked stiffly upright, almost arrogant in her determination not to droop, and it made her look as vulnerable as a small child. Obi-Wan watched easily as the guards forced her to kneel on the wooden box. Then the horn produced a lower note of shorter duration, and Constable Zarquo spoke into the microphone, his voice resonating throughout the square.

    "Mistress Tai'hal, the daughter of Bodar of the House of Krata'an, contracted to marry Nurno of the House of Freda'un, has refused this marriage before three witnesses. She will be punished according to the law for breach of contract. After this punishment, her name will be erased, to avenge the insult to the house of Freda'un."

    A muffled sound from his right made Obi-Wan turn his head slightly. The woman beside Bodar had pressed both hands to her face as though to smother a cry, and her eyes were bright with unshed tears. In a gesture of tenderness that he had not shown to his daughter, Bodar placed a comforting hand on her thigh. Obi-Wan turned his attention back to Constable Zarquo, who had signaled a third guard, obviously higher in rank, to come forward.

    The guard took a pair of scissors from the table and began to cut off Tai'hal's hair close to her head, dropping the long tresses heedlessly onto the platform where an occasional gust of wind blew them away. Keeping her neck stiff throughout, Tai'hal refused to bow her head, even when the guard tried to push it forwards. He did not shave her head when he had finished, merely left the uneven stubble and laid the scissors down. The two guards set her on her feet again, then undid her belt and lifted the cloth over her head. Guiding her to the bar, they unbound her hands, led her arms to the manacles, and clasped the cuffs around her wrists.

    Obi-Wan opened his mouth in astonished recognition. It was her. With her hair now short, he could no longer deny it. A sudden glimpse through the Force made her plain features seem suddenly beautiful, because it showed him that there was no darkness in her being, no anger or hate, only great sadness and the heartache of betrayal. This was indeed the girl he was meant to marry, and because he had not been willing to see it before, she was about to be punished now. Why hadn't he listened to Qui-Gon and looked at her before? Why hadn't he trusted the Force and asked her to marry him before they'd flown back to the city? He could have spared her all this if he hadn't been so insistent about her looks. He felt sick.

    "The punishment for breach of contract for a woman is twenty lash
  5. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    When the horn repeated the long, low note, she watched the crowd turn around again and then start to leave because there was nothing more to see. She watched Nurno and Ren'hal walk away, talking earnestly with their heads bent together, and then Bodar and his wife, also arm in arm, but silent, their eyes looking in different directions. None of them even glanced at her, and as they disappeared through the corner exit, she whispered,"My own father..."

    "Stranger, you have no father here,"Constable Zarquo was at her side, freeing her right wrist while another guard fumbled with her left.

    She opened her mouth to reply, but the fact that he was right left nothing for her to say.

    The guard dressed her in the cloth again and tied the belt around her waist, keeping the fabric loose in the back. She glanced over to Padawan Kenobi. He had been released as well and was now sprawled over a stretcher, all but unconscious. As she watched, the guards placed a medicated bandage over the red, raw mass of flayed flesh and blood that was his back, gathered up his arms and legs, and wrapped him in blankets. Then Constable Zarquo stepped in front of her, tucking a warm, comforting blanket around her own shoulders, and guided her down the steps of the platform. The mud of the square was cold under her bare feet.

    They climbed into one side of a covered ground vehicle, and the guards followed with the stretcher, securing it on the other side. Just before they shut the door, Master Jinn slipped in, holding the bundle of his Padawan's clothing against his chest with one arm."Where are you taking him?"

    "To the infirmary,"Constable Zarquo replied, and the Jedi nodded, seating himself matter-of-factly on the last bit of bench.

    The vehicle hit a piece of uneven ground and she was thrown backwards against the wall. Gasping with the pain, she leaned forward to prevent it happening again, holding herself steady on the edge of the stretcher. They were jolted again, and a groan from the Padawan made her skin crawl. She'd never been able to bear the suffering of others. She hadn't even been able to watch him being whipped--she'd had to turn her head away, but the sound of every whiplash and his resulting screams had made her cringe. Now she surreptitiously moved her hand a little bit farther until she was touching the Padawan's shoulder through the blankets. Despite the sharp ache of her own back, she found it easier to concentrate on his injuries this time. For a moment, the agony of his flayed back almost made her pull away, but then she went deeper, initiating repairs, and the pain vanished as the Force flowed vigourously through her.

    He opened his eyes and smiled up at her, and in that instant, the vehicle stopped with a jerk. The doors were flung open from the outside and the stretcher removed. As she got out, she watched the guards run with it down the hall of the infirmary into a treatment room. Constable Zarquo followed, giving instructions to the medical personnel, and for a moment, she was left alone with Master Jinn.

    "I felt you use the Force,"he said."Did you heal him?"

    She nodded.

    "Did you heal yourself?"

    She shook her head and whispered,"I can't."

    "You can't heal yourself?"

    She shook her head again, unable to explain why it only worked for others. Constable Zarquo returned then and led her into another treatment room where there was a woman in medical colours."This is a stranger who has been punished."

    "Let's see,"said the woman briskly, unwrapping the blanket and flipping up the strip of cloth."Oh, only two. That's not so bad."

    The woman sprayed something over the welts which dampened the pain, then pulled the cloth back down and tucked it in."That will help it heal. Try not to do too much for a few days."

    The girl nodded and wanted to reach for the blanket again, but Constable Zarquo was already folding it up.

    "Stranger,"he said,"you are free to go."

    She stared at him for a moment, not comprehending, until he opened the door and indicated that she should leave. Then she turned and walked back into th
  6. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    I'd really appreciate some comments on this, if anybody's lurking out there. Even if you think it's ploddingly slow and boring, tell me! I'll try to do better next time.
  7. mouse2 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    I really enjoyed reading your story. i have a bad habit of lurking and not posting.
    I'm looking forward to your next story.
  8. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Just thought I'd push this to the top again and see if I could double the number of posts from other people on it.
  9. Mekial Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 9, 1999
    star 1
    Great work Jane! I like this!
  10. Pixel Novastar Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 5, 1999
    star 1
    This was good! Good job, Jane!
  11. HealerLeona Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2000
    star 4
    Wow! Where's this been, I really have to get into the archives more often.
    Jane Jinn that was amazing. I was really getting ticked off at Obi for obsession with beauty but you saved him nicely. Great story
    Back to the top!
  12. Kit' Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Oct 30, 1999
    star 5
    Gosh that was nice. I'm now smiling all over ahhhh Obi-wan

    Goood!!!!! Even though it took me about half-an-hour to read!

    Go Jane!!!!

    Kithera
  13. Snysu Jinn Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Feb 7, 2000
    Oh Jane, that was beautiful! I am sitting here crying my eyes out and wanting to know more about Ben Kenobi and his wife and sons. Please tell me that they didn't die..because I really don't want to hear that. BRAVO!!!!

  14. Amidolee Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2000
    star 5
    Obi-Wan-garbage heap! I was rolling at the floor at that one!!!!!

    Great Story!!! I really enjoyed that! Yeah, for a moment I wanted to smack Obi-Wan for looking on the outside and not in, but he redeemed himself by the whipping and proposal.

    Have a question though. Was this before or after TPM?
  15. Snysu Jinn Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Feb 7, 2000
    Ok, here is a question for that question.... stupid though it may make me sound What is TPM????

    Jane Jinn, I seriously want to hear more about this couple and their adventures. I have a feeling that Taedano could be a very commanding character. And think of the handsome sons they could produce!!!!

    WOO WOO!!!

    Snysu Jinn
  16. Jedi Speewwy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 24, 1999
    star 5
    TPM = The Phantom Menace

  17. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Thanks for all the positive comments! You really know how to make a girl feel good.

    Snysu, when I wrote this, I was intending for it to be just a few days before The Phantom Menace began, their last mission together, so to speak. It was my idea to have Taedano waiting for him when he got back from Naboo so that they could finally get married. I thought they might live happily together on Coruscant, with Taedano working in the Temple as a healer while Obi-Wan flits around the galaxy with Anakin in tow. Not much material for a sequel there!

    But in an alternate universe, anything could happen.
  18. Snysu Jinn Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Feb 7, 2000
    Ok sure, Snysu is not to very bright. TPM- The Phantom Menace. (DUH!!!)

    Anyway....I think I shall like these alternate worlds of yours Jane. Please write more soon!


    Snysu Jinn
  19. The Butler Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 18, 1999
    star 4
    Awww...
    A sequel's possible, but Taedano CAN'T die. Right?

    Jane Jinn, you have a nice theme there, how obsession with beauty can cause people to overlook many other things.
  20. Snysu Jinn Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Feb 7, 2000
    Yes, my point exactly! She is a fabulous character, and we all know that Ben Kenobi was at peace (with everything except Anikin), as aposed to the young Obi-Wan Kenobi. How else could he have come to terms with all that had happened without the wonderful love of his wife, Teadano?

    (BUT NO DYING!!!)
  21. jodiwent Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2000
    star 4
    From another obi-wan obcesed woman... Woohoo.
    This was good.
  22. taiello Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Apr 6, 2000
    Well I've sat on this long enough I think.

    Come one, come all.

    Title: Star Wars: Evolutions

    Synopsis: Discover Darth Maul's hidden past (see notes)

    Running time: 40 minutes

    Production dates: Pre-production has already started. Principle filming in September and October (will be shot entirely on digital video)

    Talent needed: Principle characters, Supporting roles, Extras and walk-ons

    Technical Needed: (I really need a good line producer but it's not necessary), Camera operators, Sound design assistant, CGI assistant(s), Boom operators, Art Director (man I would KILL for an Art Director), Set Builders, Design Assistants, etc. (experience not necessary for most technical positions)

    Notes:

    1. The script will be finished today. It's tight and gritty. It's being doctored by my Dad (the director) and Brother (Director Photography) who are both published writers.

    2. My family alone has over 50 combined years of theater experience and 8 combined years TV/Film production.

    3. The story is a big what-if. I researched everywhere I could find on the origins of Darth Maul and all I found was a timeline stating when he was taken as a child. If anyone knows of a more detailed history I would be happy to see it and decide if we're going to work it in or do the "alternate universe" thing.

    4. We are being careful with this one. I am taking as much time as is needed to do things step by step. My team and I agree that there's only one way to do things (the right way) and we only want to do it once.

    5. Most of the principles have been soft-cast, at least in my head. My brother wants to be DP and do Maul at the same time. I'm not sure if this will work. If I get a good guy that fits the vision in my head he may find himself with the lead role. It's not like any interested actors are walking into a pre-cast situation in the least. The Director will have final say on all casting decisions.

    I think that's about it. This is a serious project that has already begun. If anyone out there is interested I would be happy to mail out my treatment for perusal (it will also be posted on the website when that gets anywhere close to being done). If you are in the Chicago area and are interested I can mail you a copy of the screenplay and we can talk.

    The game is afoot!

    Tony Aiello

  23. GilesP Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 20, 2000
    star 1
    Hey, I'll act for ya. I'm in Wisconsin, and can be reached at bpgef@erols.com


  24. Jedi Chimi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2000
    star 1
    I have a few questions for you, so if you can e-mail me, it would be appreciated.

    ChimiMylez@email.com
  25. Darth Milarc Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 25, 2000
    star 4
    Oh! Can I be a critic (did I spell that right?). Send me a copy of the movie when your finished, I'll view it, and send you my thoughts on the film! Eh? Eh? e-mail me at yammy36@hotmail.com


    Darth Milarc
    Writer/Director/Visual Effects Supervisor
    Dark Jedi
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