Saga ~What's New Pussycat?~ A/P/O Comedy after AOTC. Obi-Wan gets a cat!

Title: What?s New Pussycat?
Author: Jasmine Larson
Genre: Humor/perhaps a tiny bit of romance.
Characters: Anakin, Obi-Wan, Padmè, and Kitty!
Time frame: Two months after AOTC
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, or any of the Star Wars characters. But I do own Kitty.

Summary: Obi-Wan finds a cat, and keeps it. Anakin has to babysit it all the time, and this cat is pure evil! Anakin plots how to rid himself of it....


Chapter One: A New Friend

~*~*~*~*~*~

Obi-Wan made his way through the cold Coruscant streets, his hood pulled over his shoulder-length red hair. He shivered at the cold, thankful he had missed the rain. He was nearing the Jedi Temple when he heard a distinctive sound directed at him. He stopped in his tracks and frowned, what had that been? He turned around, and saw nothing. He shrugged it off and kept walking, anticipating getting out of the cold. He just hated the cold, it reminded him of the icy glares Anakin honored him with whenever Senator Padmè happened to look his way. He frowned again. Lately, (two months to be exact) she hadn?t been as interested in him, whatever could be the cause? Suddenly he heard the sound again. He held perfectly still and calmed himself, stretching out with the Force. He felt a small presence very near, and it meant him no harm. He sighed with relief at that little fact, he wasn?t in the mood for a lightsaber battle. He listened carefully, there was that sound again! It sounded familiar, as though he had heard it before.

?Meow,? the creature probed.

Oh! That was it, a cat! He felt a little silly for not remembering, although he had not seen a cat since childhood. He turned around and smiled at the small creature. It had dark orange fur, soaked to the bone, and big orange eyes that seemed to plead with him. It looked so pitiful, so helpless.

?Aw,? Obi-Wan cooed, bending down to pick the small animal up. ?Why you?re all alone aren?t you?? He asked, feeling perhaps a little silly for talking to a cat. It purred happily and snuggled up to him, content. Obi-Wan stroked it's soft head and felt an overwhelming amount of compassion wash over him. He smiled and wrapped his robe around it in an effort to keep it warm. He turned and walked in the direction of the Jedi Temple, cooing and talking to the kitten the whole way.

~*~*~*~*~*~
Master Yoda and Master Windu were conversing cheerfully in the Temple lobby about how nice the new brand of toilet paper was, when Obi-Wan came in. He didn?t even notice them, but continued to walk towards the apartment that he and Anakin shared, his head down. Yoda leaned forward and could hear Obi-Wan?s strange mutterings; ?Yes, you are adorable aren?t you? Yes. So fluffy and pretty. Anakin is just going to love you, he will get to clean out your little kitty box! Yes. Oh yes yes I know you?re hungry, we?re almost there. Oh I just can?t wait to show you to Anakin.....?

Windu and Yoda exchanged knowing glances. Yoda shook his head, ?Flipped, he finally has.?

Windu snorted. ?Sounds like he?s picked up another pathetic life-form.?

Yoda stroked his chin. ?Or a very small girlfriend....?

The two friends shared a hearty chuckle and went back to their toilet paper discussion.

?So,? Yoda resumed, ?Still insist the Charmin is better, I do.?

?No,? Windu argued, ?Scott is really the choice brand. It reduces irritation to the...uh... rectum.?

?Still like the Charmin I do.? Yoda said, resting his hands on his cane. ?Soft and nice it is for my green little ass--??

?Spare me.? Mace begged, lifting a hand up, trying to block out the mental image. ?So tell me, what is it you really like about Charmin?? he questioned, hoping to steer the topic away from Master Yoda's anatomy.

?Heh heh,? Yoda stroked his chin again, ?Like to squeeze it I do. But always get in trouble I do. If hear again I do ?don?t squeeze the Charmin?, kill someone I shall.?

?And Scott is terribly expensive.? Windu sighed.

~*

 

I love cats, and the idea of an evil kitty just hooked me! Plus, I can see Obi picking up Qui-Gon's habit of adopting pathetic lifeforms.

But, is the cat truly evil???????

 

LOL! You had me shreiking out loud with inasne laughter at the toilet paper conversation! I also loved 'Guess what I've Got' game.



-Commander Tharen-

 

A TP conversation - a first I believe. How cheeky

Very entertaining...loved the idea of a Jedi "cooing."

 

LOL that is so funny
Please add me to the pm list

 

I loved the way he picked the kitty up and cooed it...and Yoda saying he finally flipped...

Oh gods, the TP conversation was hilarious!

So, the little kitty might be evil, or is Anakin just hearing things?

Be watching this one, I will!

 

widow_skywalker I love cats too! Actually this cat is designed from my aunt's cat, Buffy, whom was quite evil. She was entirely orange with orange eyes, and had an icy glower that could freeze hell. lol Yeah, like Master like padawan.

And believe me, she can be truly evil, just watch.

MoeTharen lol I'm glad you liked it, I had you proof read it too, you better like it. I'm so glad you liked the Guess What I've Got Game, I was hoping someone would! Thanks so much!

Valairy_Scot lol There would be more TP hassles in the update, which is coming soon! Don't go anywhere!

WendyGage Aw right! Of course you shall be on the PM list! I'm glad you liked it! An upate will be here just as soon as I edit it!

Ludo_Kressh lol ANYONE would think Obi-Wan had flipped had they seen him cooing at anything. More TP trouble is on it's way! Nah, this kitty is truly evil, but everyone THINKS Anakin is just hearing things.

Jasmine

 

Oh my!! Kitty has something in mind...

 

I'm a cat lover myself and I do know cats can be evil
at times.

Please add me to your PM list. I'd like to read more
of your funny fic.

 

This was funny and cute. Nice

 

Dahlia_Santary MUWHAHAHAHA!!! No, Kitty would neveeeeeer be sneaky or anything.

JediArym Yay a cat lover! Yes, I am convinced they can be the evilest of creatures. Sure I'll add you to the PM list, it'll be glad to have you!

Anakins_Kiss Aw thanks, I'm glad you think so. Anakin looks hot in your icon, wish that that I were Padmé.

Jasmine

 

Chapter Two: Goin? Shopping


~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Anakin stirred at the sound of small feet pattering next to his bed. He opened his eyes and saw a blurry vision of Padmé standing over his bed, wearing practically nothing. He frowned at her, what was she doing here?

?Padmé?? he questioned, not quite sure she was really here. ?What are you doing here? Obi-Wan is still here, and you?re being dressed like that he?s going to think??

Padmé pressed a finger to his lips, crawling into bed next to him. ?Never mind, I had to see you.? she purred, nuzzling his neck.

?Well, I?m glad you?re here but I?m going to get in trouble---? Anakin didn?t get a chance to finish his sentence. Padmé jumped on him and pressed her lips to his, running her fingertips over his skin roughly and pinning him to the bed. Anakin let out a surprised yelp, her nails were much sharper than he remembered..... When Padmé decided she was done bruising his face she climbed up a near shelf, and pounced on his stomach.

?KRIFF!!! What are you trying to do, kill me?!?? Anakin exclaimed.

?Why......Yes.? said the evil voice of Kitty.

Anakin?s eyes popped open to meet the orange one?s of Obi-Wan?s new furry friend. She sat on his stomach, claws flexing and preparing for attack. Anakin was calculating the amount of time it would take a snatch his lightsaber and rid of himself of the furry fiend before she dug her claws in, the moment Obi-Wan came bounding into the room.

?Oh, how adorable!? Obi-Wan exclaimed, pointing at Kitty.

Anakin looking down to see Kitty had curled up next to him, and appeared to be sleeping.

?She likes you so much,? Obi-Wan cooed, a hint of jealously in his voice. ?Now, Anakin, I?m going to be gone today so I need you to go shopping for some stuff for Kitty.? he said simply, scooping Kitty up.

?You want me to go....shopping?? Anakin questioned, his right eyebrow finding it?s home of late in the middle of his forehead.

?Yes, Yoda is here, he has agreed to accompany you,? Obi-Wan said absent-mindedly, cuddling Kitty.

?You want me to go shopping with Yoda?!? Anakin demanded, throwing his covers aside. ?He is such a pain in the ass when it comes to shopping!?

?Why is that?? Obi-Wan asked, scratching Kitty behind the ears. Suddenly Obi-Wan leaned into the hall and yelled in the direction of the bathroom, ?Yoda, stop squeezing the Charmin!!?
?That?s why.? Anakin said icily.

~*~*~*~*~*~
?Ok now, what all is it Obi-Wan wants us to get?? Anakin asked the small, green creature that trotted beside him.

?Gave us a list he did.? Yoda said, handing it to Anakin as his huge eyes looked longingly at the toilet paper aisle.

?Don?t even think about it.? Anakin warned, snatching the list and looking it over. It read:

Kitty dry food
Kitty wet food---tuna
Kitty bed---preferably rather expensive and pretty
Kitty slippers---her little feet look cold
Kitty toys
Kitty milk
Kitty scratching post
Kitty catnip
Kitty water and food dishes
----I?ll page you if I think of ANYTHING else. O/W

Anakin quickly turned off his pager and stuffed the note in his robes. He spun the cart around in the direction of the cat food aisle. He stared at the many different kinds and different prices; he had no idea WHY women love this shopping thing. He sighed, closed his eyes, spun around once, and grabbed whatever his hand found. He opened his eyes. Fertilizer. Oh yeah, Kitty would like that. What was Fertilizer even doing in this aisle?? Anakin put it back and repeated his spinning ritual, grabbing the nearest thing. Fish food. He rolled his eyes and tried one more time. This time his hand landed on a blue bag of dry cat food, at a reasonable price. He tossed it in the cart and scanned the wet food aisle, hoping it would be easier. He found one that said something about tuna and threw a crate full of it into the cart. That way he wouldn?t have to come back for a while.

He found an expensive looking cat bed without much trouble, but he did have to fight an

 

Poor Anakin having to to go kitty shopping...with Yoda! The humiliation! Well, Qui-Gon told him that learning to be a Jedi wouldn't be easy!

And Yoda squeezing the Charmin and fighting with the store clerk and knocking over all the shelves in the store...I wonder how they will get out of this one?

 

Yay...another funny chapter!

Kitty doesn't like Anakin, that's for sure. She acts
very cute and innocent when Obi-Wan is around. Evil Kitty!

Anakin and Yoda's shopping trip...hilarious. Poor Anakin
had to fight with an old lady for Kitty's bed and Yoda
couldn't help but squeeze the Charmin.

 

?Padmé?? he questioned, not quite sure she was really here. ?What are you doing here? Obi-Wan is still here, and you?re being dressed like that he?s going to think??

Padmé pressed a finger to his lips, crawling into bed next to him. ?Never mind, I had to see you.? she purred, nuzzling his neck.


Ooooo...not good. I can just see Obi: Anakin, Kitty needs----STOP THAT!!!

When Padmé decided she was done bruising his face she climbed up a near shelf, and pounced on his stomach.

LOL!!!!

?Why......Yes.? said the evil voice of Kitty.

That explains the sharp nails, and the purring....

?Oh, how adorable!? Obi-Wan exclaimed, pointing at Kitty.

Anakin looking down to see Kitty had curled up next to him, and appeared to be sleeping.

Awwww.... How cute.

?She likes you so much,? Obi-Wan cooed, a hint of jealously in his voice. ?Now, Anakin, I?m going to be gone today so I need you to go shopping for some stuff for Kitty.? he said simply, scooping Kitty up.

?You want me to go....shopping?? Anakin questioned, his right eyebrow finding it?s home of late in the middle of his forehead.

I love it when his eyebrow does that.

?You want me to go shopping with Yoda?!? Anakin demanded, throwing his covers aside. ?He is such a pain in the ass when it comes to shopping!?


LOL!!!!! I can see Yoda like Grandma: Anakin, clip the cupons, you forgot. Far to sure of yourself...Hmmmm far to sure....

?Why is that?? Obi-Wan asked, scratching Kitty behind the ears. Suddenly Obi-Wan leaned into the hall and yelled in the direction of the bathroom, ?Yoda, stop squeezing the Charmin!!?
?That?s why.? Anakin said icily.

LOL!!!! Guess I was wrong about those cupons.

?Gave us a list he did.? Yoda said, handing it to Anakin as his huge eyes looked longingly at the toilet paper aisle.

?Don?t even think about it.?

YODA'S LIKE A KID!!! ROTFLOL!!!!

----I?ll page you if I think of ANYTHING else. O/W

Lol! Yes Anakin, I forgot to add a spoon. Yes, you see, I must hand feed Kitty from now on. Oh! Pardon me, I meant YOU must.

Anakin quickly turned off his pager and stuffed the note in his robes.

Smart.

He found one that said something about tuna and threw a crate full of it into the cart. That way he wouldn?t have to come back for a while.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

?All right!? Padmé exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck.

?I said sorta,? Anakin whimpered miserably, fearing what would happen if Yoda decided to come looking for him. ?Yoda was just here---?

I don't blame Padme's over enthusiasm.

?Forget Yoda, I?m prettier than him.? Padmé teased, kissing him deeply.

Well, Anakin couldn?t argue with that. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned into the kiss, keeping one eye open to watch over her should for a sudden visit from Yoda

Lol! That creates quite the image.

?Kitty? What an adorable name!? Padmé said merrily. Anakin stared at her for a moment but didn?t get to voice his opinion on the name.

Ooooooo...I see a lovers sqwable coming on.

?DON?T SQUEEZE THE CHARMIN!!!!!?

?CRAAAAMMMSS!!!!!?

LOL!!!!!!

?Mine! Mine it is!! MIIIIINE!!! Or shop here I will not!!? Yoda shrieked at the top of his lungs, a death-grip on the plastic-covered white paper.

?STOP squeezing the Charmin!!!?

*Dies laughing*

?Heh heh, mine it is.? Yoda said with finality, mixed with glory, and crawled into the cart to cuddle his prize.

Perfect ending! Simply perfect!!!



-Commander Tharen-

 

Very funny, especially the fight over the toilet paper.

 

Very funny

 

Does that say enough? Ok, a couple more.

 

Obi always seemed like a cat person to me and if I am not mistaken didn't we see a small kitty box tucked away somewhere in Obi's hut on Tatooine?


Great story.

 

Jasmine, I foresee you having a great career in writing. You have such a refreshing style - you make it fun to read your stuff. This particular bit has a certain sad appeal for me because, since the wee age of 4, I have hated cats with a passion due to...well...when you guys know me a little bit better I might be able to share that story with ya. =)

Keep up the fantastic work!

 

LOL

God, this is hilarious, great job HanSoloIsSoCute

 

A thousand of my most abject apologies to all of you, I?m so sorry it has taken me this long to reply. I just moved, and have had no net access for weeks.

Ludo_Kressh lol Indeed, being a Jedi isn?t easy! But then again... Not all Jedi have to shop for Kitty. And Yoda had to have his Charmin, he is willing to do anything to get it, even if it means destroying Wal-Mart.

JediArym Oh yes, I would even go as far as to say she hates him. lol I?m so glad you liked the shopping trip, I had hoped everyone would. Hey that ?old lady? put up quite a fight. And Charmin is irresistible! MUST... SQUEEZE... IT...

MoeTharen Wow WONDERFUL reply! That was great, it made me so happy! That is like... the best reply I?ve ever had. It?s just what an author wants, appreciation! You rock!! You?re the greatest!! Ok I will stop now but thanks again so much. I love it when his eyebrow does that too.

quaff-down I?m glad you think so, it means a lot! Thanks for dropping in.

WendyGage Thank you, it?s good to know.

BrentusofGath lol Yes that says enough, so nice of you to comment on my fic! I see you still have writing down to a science, keep up the great work!

Darth_Laudrup Yeah, Kitty was going to be a dog, but a cat just fit Obi-Wan so much better. Plus, I could never make a dog evil, it?s just not their nature. But cats, a different story, that is. And I think I did see some odd-shaped box that resembled a kitty box in his wee hut... lol Anyway thanks for your comment, and an update will be here soon!

JediMindTrick000 Wow... You really think so? That is so nice of you! I?ve always wanted to be a writer; you have no idea how encouraging your comment was. Plus it made me blush. You don?t like cats? Maybe I?ll get that story out of you someday. lol I?ll tell you right now I don?t like fish. I used to love them, but ever since I found my favorite fish dead in his tank and witnessed the murder of another (I didn?t know you couldn?t but two males in the same tank...) and I almost kill one while cleaning his tank and one fell out of his tank while I was gone and dried up and they just kept killing each other, I am terrified of fish. I have nightmares about them. Fish, that is. Fish scary.

Anyway.

Star_Angel lol Thank you so much, more is on it?s way!

Jasmine

 

Sorry it took so long guys, my apologies. I had many computer crashes.

Jasmine

Chapter Three: Anakin The Babysitter

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Anakin kicked open the door to the apartment he and Obi-Wan shared, loaded down with packages and in a very foul mood. He was never going shopping with Yoda again. Well, he didn?t like the idea in the first place, he knew all too well the reputation of the green little troll-like Master. He also knew of his love for Charmin. But yet, he had gone shopping with the backwards talking troublemaker. Wal-Mart had charged them considerably for the mishap, Anakin was thankful the Jedi Order covered such disasters, even though this one was rather ridiculous. They had spent the whole day righting the place, well, Anakin had spent the whole day righting the place. Yoda was too busy clinging to his precious Charmin to pay any attention to anything else. Anakin had put all the aisles back into their original standing positions, and painstaking put everything back on them. That had been a chore.

He had dropped Yoda off at his apartment, he would have greatly enjoyed throwing him off at his apartment. Now he was back home, and unloading all the things from Obi-Wan?s list onto counters and tabletops. Obi-Wan came rushing out when he heard Anakin come in, having a fit.

?Anakin!! You were out all day; surely it couldn?t have taken that long to pick up Kitty?s few things.?

?Have you looked at your list?? Anakin asked, his voice taut and expression stiff.

?Yes, and I now realize it was most insufficient. I tried to page you several times, but I didn?t get through.? Obi-Wan said irritably, hands planted on hips.

Anakin offered no comment. He dumped the items out of his arms on any surface he could find, just wanting to go to bed and sleep for a week. When he bent over to pick up a package he had dropped, his pager fell out of his robes. Obi-Wan, thinking he was being helpful, bent to pick it up. At the same time Anakin did. There was a loud clonk! as their heads connected, the pager flying elsewhere.

?For Heavens sake Anakin can?t you go where you?re looking??? Obi-Wan demanded, rubbing his forehead.

?What?? Anakin asked, rubbing his own head and quickly scanning the room for his pager, he didn?t want Obi-Wan to see that he had turned it off to purposely avoid him.

Not quickly enough. Obi-Wan collected the pager from where it lay at his feet, his brow creasing. ?Anakin, why is this turned off? I gave you specific instructions to leave it on.?

?It?s off? Oh isn?t that funny. There must be something wrong with it here I?ll fix it." Anakin said perhaps too fast, snatching the pager from his Master. Obi-Wan glowered but let it go, deciding he would just send his padawan shopping again for punishment, this time with Windu. Obi-Wan grimly inspected the items Anakin was unloading, his brow creasing further, but he made no comment.

Anakin noticed his expression. ?Whatever it is, I don?t want to know. Good night.? he snapped and stalked to his room, peeling off his shirt as he went. Little did he know how much the blonde girls with mircobinocluars outside the window appreciated this. He entered his room and flopped onto his bed, only to have it hiss and swipe at him. He shrieked and leapt up, rubbing his bleeding backside. Kriff. Kitty lounged on his bed, looking quite pleased with herself, his only picture of Padmé shredded at her feet. Anakin?s eyes narrowed, his blood boiled. He grabbed the cat by the scruff of her neck and threw her into the hallway. She landed on the soft carpet, unhurt, but immediately dropped to the ground and made a pitiful whimpering noise.

Of course, Obi-Wan came rushing to see what was wrong. ?Oh no! Kitty! What happened???? he asked franticly, sweeping Kitty into his embrace and checking her for injuries. ?Anakin, what happened to Kitty??? he demanded, taking off his own shirt to wrap around Kitty, who was still whimpering pathetically. T

 

There was a loud clonk! as their heads connected, the pager flying elsewhere.

?For Heavens sake Anakin can?t you go where you?re looking??? Obi-Wan demanded, rubbing his forehead.

Then his eyes fell on Kitty. He realized in a flash that his Master was indeed gone and his wife was leaving, a package of Charmin didn?t last Yoda very long, and he was to be left alone to baby-sit Kitty. Anakin The Babysitter, somehow he knew that wouldn?t sound so good on a Jedi resume. He was sure that if he didn?t get on Kitty?s good side in a flash, it would be Anakin The Dead Babysitter.

Sometimes I feel like that, being the slave to a 13 pound 1/2 Siamese monster who's either adorably cute or spawn of a Sith.

 

Poor Anakin, everything seems to be going wrong for him...the pager incident was hilarious though and the thought of shopping with Mace...oh Force!

OAN...my sister brought home an orange and white tabby kitten, it followed her home and she couldn't resist keeping it...could it be? Nah!

I can't wait for more adventures with "Anakin the Babysitter"!