JCC What's the Best Way to Die?

Thinking about poor "Robert" Ebert living his last few years unable to eat or drink or talk, with the jawless bottom half of his mouth swinging purposelessly in the breeze.

Death just isn't much fun for most people. Most of the people I know who are now dead died old and sick and lonely, infirm, demented, or in terrible pain. There were a couple of lucky people who died quickly without any knowledge of what was coming or pain. One person was driving in a storm when a tree fell on her car, killing her instantly. Perfect death. Another friend was playing tennis when he slipped and fell, hitting his head, never regaining consciousness. Perfect death plus time for family and friends to say their goodbyes. The sudden heart attacks are good too, although there is a small amount of suffering. I'd take one of those over a six-month cancer death any day of the week.

I think I'd like someone to sneak up behind me with a baseball bat, very quietly. It will probably be my wife. This should be a service that people can pay for legally.

 

Two girls at the same time.

 

I wonder what percentage of all people in the first world die sitting on the toilet. I know toilet seats aren't popular everywhere, but in Europe and North America.

We have a lot of expectations from people when they day. We prefer it when they're stoic and brave. I loved the gallows humor of Iain Banks. I'm putting that on my to-do list: write up a list of "last jokes" so that I can keep people amused when I'm on my deathbed, something I can fold up and keep in my wallet next to the condom and my health insurance card and my organ donor driver's license.

 

Famous toilet related deaths

Otherwise I think there is like one or two deaths a day in the U.S. in the bathroom.

 

In your sleep?

 

Peacefully, in your sleep, at 106, after a weekend of crazy orgies.

 

being buried up to your neck and then all your friends stand in a big circle 50 feet away and throw full cans of soup at your head.

 

This one sounds great, in theory, but it's often at the end of a long illness, while hooked up to all sorts of machines.

 

have your skull surgically removed and then eat your own brain with a spoon.

 

In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a maiden's mouth wrapped around my ****.

 

Tom, I had no idea you were Ray Liotta.

 

did ray liotta do this? if so he stole my idea. i wondered what happened to him.

 

I would not wish that on any maiden.

 

Having your testicles bitten off by a Laplander

(That's how I want to go)

 

A few trillion years from now, after an adventuous existence, with DC Comics Lady Death where she says, "Time to close up shop and start over."

 

Are you talking about Jabba-wocky's "immortal, time-traveling, shape-shifter robots with telepathic powers"?

 

murdered by a giraffe.

 

Dying in the middle of coitus seems really inconsiderate. I'm surprised it's such a popular option.

 

pizza overdose.

 

No, Dc Comics, Lady Death, the hottest goth girl in the Universe.

 

Die of old age

 

of a broken heart, after giving birth to two beautiful healthy babies.