JCC whats the proper social etiquette for when youre done eating at a restaurant and you're ready to go

and suddenly somebody has a seizure and starts dying on the floor?

like, this happened to me earlier, and it made me feel very self-conscious. because i was totally ready to go, but i didn't want to be impolite while some lady was on the floor fighting back the cold embrace of death.

i figured the best time to skedaddle was after they had called 911 and before the ambulance arrived. and that's what i ended up doing. walked out to the parking lot and a moment later the paramedics arrived. it seemed to work out alright and nobody shot me any dirty looks for dipping out, but that may be because they were all being rude and staring at the scene.

did i make the right choice? what would you have done?

 

I would have ran like like hell just to arouse suspicion.

 

I don't see a reason for you to stick around and take up space

 

You should've thrown rice at her.

 

I always just step over them and go for a refill.

 

Should've smothered her with a pillow. That's the only humane course of action.

 

i think you should have faked a seizure so she wouldn't feel self-concious about it. my compass for these sorts of situations is adam sandler movies.

 

But who has a pillow in a situation like that? Therein lies the rub.

 

i would have whipped out my cellphone and recorded the whole thing, then uploaded the video to youtube under the title "spazzing lady".

 

If you have large enough boobs, you could use those.

 

Point at her and yell: ZOMBIE

 

That's it, I'm faking a seizure!

 

How was the meal, Andrew?

 

it was delicious. i had grilled shrimp and broccoli. the broc was a little under-steamed but that's okay. the server offered my dining companions to-go cups for their drinks, but she didn't offer one to me which was mildly insulting. but i was drinking water and i had a bottle in the car anyways, so it didn't really matter.

 

Sounds pretty good.

 

Who asks for beverages to go? That seems especially crass. That's probably what caused the woman's seizure in the first place.

 

Horse ****. You should have demanded a to-go cup with more water in it. I hope you stiffed her with the tip.

 

Was this someone you were dining with? If so, leaving them there is being a complete tool. If it's a total stranger, let the staff know and then stay out of the way unless you have some kind of training in these things. Please don't stare.

If it's someone you're with, gently turn them on their side. DO NOT attempt to open their mouth -- not unless you want to get bitten. NEVER try to stick anything in a seizing person's mouth. They could choke on it. Contrary to popular belief, it's near impossible to swallow your tongue. Call 911 and wait by their side.

-Guinastasia, epileptic

 

You should have recreated that scene from When Harry Met Sally, and asked the waitress for whatever she was eating.

 

To go cups are like the coded way of signaling that you are the homeless person someone pitied enough to take with them to get a hot meal for once this week.

 

This is the correct response.

 

Fair enough. This is why I steal the glassware I'm usually served with.

 

Doesn't matter what you did, only that you:
(a) removed your hat while you were first seated at the table
(b) placed the hat where patrons could not see its lining, and
(c) put your hat back on as you rose and left.

 

I'm not sure if the JC is without morals, has a peculiar coping mechanism, or is full of ****s.

 

But what if he was't wearing a hat? What then?