JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

What happened when the man put his hand in the microwave? Nothing, he couldn't get the door shut.

 

I see corduroy pillows are making headlines again.

 

Why did the clock go to the dentist?
It's 2:30

 

An englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. The englishman left, so the other two had to leave aswell.

 

Holy Mary has just given birth to the son of God moments earlier, when the Three Wise Men are debating what to call the boy. Suddenly, one of the men hits his foot on the tentpole and exclaims "Jesus Christ!!".

 

Jesus sees a whore being heckled, and so goes to help. He preaches about hating the sin but loving the sinner, and finishes up with, "let whoever is without sin cast the first stone."

And old lady steps out of the crowd, and throws a rock full force into the whore's face.

Jesus, "do you really have to do that every time, mother??"

 

An old couple in Soviet Russia is arguing about the weather. The husband thinks it's sleeting, while the wife is pretty sure it's raining.

They ask Rudolph the official on duty his opinion. He responds with "It is officially raining, comrades". The husband goes to the wife "I still think it's sleeting".

The wife, exasperated, says "But Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"

 

Off to meet my best friend's new vegetarian wife. Never met herbivore




I'm so, so, sorry

 

"Oh, dear," Mary said, "Isn't that better than George?"

I've always heard the joke with that extra line on it. I'm not sure if that changes the quality at all or, if it does, in which direction.

 

Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

Doc, Happy, Grumpy and Bashful walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but I don't serve miners."

 

A 90 year old multi-billionaire got engaged to a 19 year old supermodel playboy bunny. His doctor said, "I'm sure congratulations are in order, but at the same time, I have to warn you to be careful. If a man like you gets too frisky in bed with a girl like her, well, the results could be fatal."

The old man shrugs casually and says, "Yeah, so what, if she dies, she dies."

 

Circuits professor in college was Karl Current.

 

I went to a zoo that only had one animal. It was a shih tzu.

Sent from my SM-G900I using Tapatalk

 

Read a great book the other day. The Tiger's Revenge by Claude Balls.

 

Looking at a women's chest is proof that men can keep focused looking at 2 objects at the same time.

 

When i walked past the fridge earlier, I thought I could hear onions singing a Bee Gees song. But it was the chives talking.

 

Seven days without exercising makes one weak.

 

I once knew of an art teacher named Violet Splatt.

 

A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender gets angry and says "Hey! We don't serve your kind! Get out!"

The string goes home dejected but soon comes up with an idea. He ties himself into a knot and frays the end of himself.

Next day he goes back into the same bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks skeptically at the string and says,

"Hey! Aren't you that piece of string I threw out of the bar yesterday?"

The string answers, "No sir. I'm a frayed knot."

 

No matter how many times you move a ream of letterhead, it is still stationary.

 

So, I went to see my uncle the other day and he had a big bandage on his forehead. I asked him what happened and he said, "I bit myself on the forehead." Well, I thought about that for a second and then I said, "Well, now, how in the world did you manage to bite yourself on your own forehead?" And he said, "Well, I was standing on a chair at the time."

 

The reason why the game is called golf is because every other 4 letter word was already used up.

 

a man went around the corner and was gone.

at night it is colder than outside.

 

My wife has left me and taken the kids with her after finding out about my pasta fetish. Now I'm feeling cannelloni.

Teacher: These new whiteboards are great!
Johnny: Yes, they're remarkable.