JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

What's Forest Gump's password?

1Forest1

 

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roaming Catholic.

 

Seven days without food or exercise makes one weak.

 

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

 

Donald Trump.

that is all.

 

The Tampa Bay area has instituted a new tornado policy. In the event of a tornado warning, residents are to evacuate to Raymond James Stadium (home of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers), because touchdowns there are remote.

 

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

The "P" is silent.

 

Why do insurance companies ban certain dinosaurs from driving?

Because the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

 

What is the name of a woman who can't stand up straight?

Ilene.

 

Why were some numbers afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

 

Barrack Obama and Donald Trump were in a barbershop, getting shaves. Trumps barber finished up and asked if he wanted aftershave applied. "No thanks, my wife will smell it and think I've been inside a whore house."

Obama's barber asked him the same thing. "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whore house smells like."

 

Two guys are on safari in Africa and are driving along in a Jeep. The driver puts in a jazz CD and says to his friend "Hey I like this. It's by Lionel right?" The friend who's looking out the window at the wildlife and not paying attention says "No, it's elephants Gerald".

 

It's technically a topic already being hashed out on another thread, but my favorite dumb joke is the 2016 General Presidential Election.

No wait. That's my least favorite dumb joke.

My favorite dumb joke is all the puns.

 

You board and elevator with a gun. In the car is Justin Bieber & the clones of Hitler & Stalin.

The gun only haves 2 bullets.



Who do you shoot?



The answer.....



You shoot JB twice!

 

I would shoot myself.

 

everybody who is easily offended:
cover your eyes, because i'm about to tell a dirty joke....

Spoiler

MUD!!!

 

and inside of a dog?

 

It's too dark to read!

 

How did Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

 

Why couldn't they get Anakin to come back for TFA?


He was Hayden.

 

What do you call her perfectly upright sister?
Nolene

And their lopsided chinese cousin?
Irene

 

I was shopping late one night at the grocery store, thinking I was customer there, but when I walked past the cleaning supplies aisle, there stood a stunning read head, I mean a 10/10 absolutely my type. I carried on shopping, but couldn't get her out of my thoughts. I wandered back around, and she was still in the cleaning supplies aisle, just standing there, like she was waiting for something. I couldn't help myself, and approached her. I asked, "what are you doing exactly?" She looked me up and down, winked, licked her lips slowly and said, "I'll make love to you if you help me promote this cleaning product." I was outraged. "Good luck with that!, I said and hastily walked away. I thought to myself, how can someone as attractive as her stoop so low. I mean, I'm not angel, not by a long shot, but really?. I was somewhat proud of myself, that my morals were strong enough to resist. Although not as strong as the power of Ajax dish-washing detergent, now in lemon and orange scented capsules! Twice the cleaning power of any other brand.


Two canaries were on a perch. One said, "do you smell fish?"

 

Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.


Who is the coolest guy at the hospital?

The Ultra Sound guy.


Who takes over when he's on leave?

The Hip Replacement guy.

 

What do you do when you see a spaceman?

You park your car in it man.