JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

What was Michael Jackson's favorite type of salad dressing?

Spoiler

Shallot herb vinaigrette. He liked it on top of Seared Ahi Tuna Salad Nicoise. It consists of an organic blend of seared ahi tuna that’s coated with herbs de Provence, accompanied with tear-drop tomatoes, Haricot vert—which are French green beans—oven roasted red potatoes, hard boiled eggs and Nicoise olives.

 

Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Never Never Lands.

 

Darth Punk was blessed with a ten inch penis.

Unfortunately it belonged to Father O'Mallery.

 

Man: Is that a doughnut or a meringue?

Baker: No. You certainly are not, sir.

(Only in Glasgow/Scotland)

 

When I look at chocolate, I hear two voices in my head.

The first one says: “You need to eat that chocolate.”

The other voice goes: “You heard. Eat the chocolate.”

 

If you don't know what to get someone for Christmas, buy them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

I think I can only name three Motown groups.

Four Tops.

 

Did you hear the one about the joke without a punchline?

 

So me and my friend Roy have come up with a good way to save money. We pool our money to buy clothes and, since we're close to the same size, we trade off wearing them. Like these pants, for instance. I paid more on these, but they are a quarter Roy's.

 

Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm so they go to the doctors. After tests the doctor suggests Paddy's wife may be overheating during sex. Paddy refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his mate round to waft a towel over them during sex.

After 20 minutes of wafting, there is still no orgasm so his friend suggests a swap

"I'll **** her and you waft the towel"

Paddy agrees and within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming with pleasure and has the best orgasm ever.

Paddy turns slowly to his friend

"and that my friend is how you waft a ****ing towel"

 

Two local kids were caught shoplifting, one was stealing batteries, the other fireworks. The police charged one of them, and let the other one off.

 

The Darth Maul shop had a special: everything was half off.

 

Did you hear that Mathew McConaughey is now a follower of Brietbart News?

He's alt-right alt-right alt-right.

 

"This is the IRS; you will be arrested in one hour."

 

A bear goes into a bar and asks, "can I get a gin ......................................................................and tonic?

The barman asks, "why the big pause?"

"I was born with them!"

 

Did you know Marvin Gaye owned a sheep that he kept at his vineyard?

He'd herd it through the grapevine.

 

Sex on TV isn't bad. It only hurts when you fall off.

 

The FCC handed down a fine for a recent Donald Duck cartoon for using fowl language.

 

One for GrandAdmiralJello

After the failure of the earlier Sparta invented wrist worn sundial, the first successful military watch is considered to be that of the band of fabric made from old rags, soaked in a now forgotten in antiquity mix of herbs and spices every morning and that would then be tied around the wrist by the soldiers of the army of Alexander the Great on their epic conquest to the East.

Due to a chemical reaction between the herbs and spices and body sweat, the fabric strip would change colour with the passage of the hours thus enabling a useful approximation of the current time.

Spoiler

They became known as Alexander's rag timebands.

 

A group meeting was being held for plastic surgery addicts. The owner was dissapointed when she saw a few new faces this week.

 

Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?


He got hit by a bus.

 

I was going to buy some more vegetables, but there wasn't mushroom left in the shopping cart.

 

Vegetables like to party with that mushroom because they think he's a fungi.

 

I was waiting for my delivery of tomatoes for a long time, so I called the delivery man to ketchup.