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JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

Discussion in 'Community' started by squir1y, Jun 9, 2014.

  1. darth_gersh

    darth_gersh Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Feb 18, 2005
    Did Jur-ass-stick to the seat?
     
    Alpha-Red and Rogue1-and-a-half like this.
  2. Diggy

    Diggy Force Ghost star 7

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2013
    If you've never played darts blindfolded, you don't know what you're missing.
     
  3. Diggy

    Diggy Force Ghost star 7

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2013
    I was driving down the Interstate last night, listening to some Christmas music on the radio, when it got interrupted. "Danger, danger! A vehicle driving on the wrong side of I-35!"

    I had to chuckle to myself. Only one? I'd seen hundreds!
     
  4. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
    The world's leading expert on Vespula germanica walks into a record shop.

    He asks the assistant “Do you have European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week and is said to be the best recording of European wasps ever collected!”

    “Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

    "That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

    He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

    The assistant checks the turntable, and confirms that it is indeed the correct recording, European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. "Let's try the next track," the assistant says, and moves te needle.

    Again the expert listens for a moment and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."

    The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.

    The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.

    "This is outrageous false advertising! No specimen of Vespula germanica or any wasp that I know of has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"

    The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

    "What seems to be the problem, sir?"

    "This is an outrage! I'm the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is simply no way that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

    The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

    "I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."
     
    B3, Darth Punk, appleseed and 4 others like this.
  5. Alpha-Red

    Alpha-Red Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Apr 25, 2004
    lol, had to look up "B-side" to get that.
     
  6. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
    Are you that young, or am I that old?
     
  7. Rogue1-and-a-half

    Rogue1-and-a-half Manager Emeritus who is writing his masterpiece star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    It's a whole new world, Sarge. I played a video game this year called Detention that was set in the 1960s; one of the puzzles in it involved dialing a number on a rotary phone. The number of videos I saw of players googling "how to use an old phone" was really depressing.
     
  8. VadersLaMent

    VadersLaMent Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Apr 3, 2002
    The role of DJ in The Last Jedi was originally written for Richard Gere but was recast when some Porg went missing.
     
  9. Violent Violet Menace

    Violent Violet Menace JCC Ravager star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Aug 11, 2004
  10. VadersLaMent

    VadersLaMent Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Apr 3, 2002
    Um, Porgs look a bit like gerbils?
     
  11. Violent Violet Menace

    Violent Violet Menace JCC Ravager star 5 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Aug 11, 2004
  12. VadersLaMent

    VadersLaMent Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Apr 3, 2002
    Well, for us old folks it's common.
     
  13. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
    "Two questions, Mr Bonaparte. What's your nationality, and can you conquer Europe?"
    "Corsican."
     
  14. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
    What's a zebra?

    26 sizes large than an abra.
     
  15. Diggy

    Diggy Force Ghost star 7

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2013
    My nephew fell asleep at a house party, and I thought it be amusing to shave off his eyebrows.

    My sister in law didn’t agree when she looked in his crib.



    Have you seen the prices of telescopes lately? Astronomical!
     
  16. VadersLaMent

    VadersLaMent Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Apr 3, 2002
    What did the blonde say when she say a YMCA?

    "Look, they spelled Macy's wrong."
     
  17. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
  18. Diggy

    Diggy Force Ghost star 7

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2013
    I went to the sperm donor clinic today, and the nurse asked if I'd like to ejaculate in the cup. I said, "I'm good, but I don't know if I'm ready for competiton."
     
  19. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
    A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell down a cliff. Ba-dum, tiss!
     
  20. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
  21. VadersLaMent

    VadersLaMent Chosen One star 10

    Registered:
    Apr 3, 2002
    What's the best thing about Alzheimer's Disease?

    You're always learning new jokes.
     
  22. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
  23. Mortimer Snerd

    Mortimer Snerd Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 27, 2012