main
side
curve
  1. Welcome to the new boards! Details here!

JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

Discussion in 'Community' started by squir1y, Jun 9, 2014.

  1. Diggy

    Diggy Snow Cat Sponsor/Advocate star 7 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2013
    Good news insomniacs!

    Only three more sleeps until Christmas.


    A ham sandwich goes into a bar and orders a beer.

    "Sorry," says the barman, "we don't serve food in here."


    Shakespeare goes into the same bar. The barman sees him and shouts, "Oi, get out, you're bard!"

    What's got two legs and flies?

    Half a dead badger.
     
  2. Diggy

    Diggy Snow Cat Sponsor/Advocate star 7 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2013
  3. Mortimer Snerd

    Mortimer Snerd Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 27, 2012
    Do you guys know the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

    One is very heavy and the other is a little lighter.
     
    Bowen, Outsourced, Sarge and 4 others like this.
  4. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
    It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide pods, but it's harder to deter gents.
     
  5. DarthIntegral

    DarthIntegral VIP star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 13, 2005
    Why did the man buy the television with broken volume controls?


    He was offered a good price, and he couldn't turn it down.
     
  6. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
  7. queen of the jackalopes

    queen of the jackalopes Jedi Padawan star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2016
    One day this dude was driving on a country road and hit a rabbit. He pulled over to see it if had died, or if it was suffering. It was dead, and when the guy was about to get back into his car, another car pulls behind his. A lady gets out and inspects the rabbit and says,"I may have something that will fix this." The guy looks at her with surprise as she runs back to her car and pulls out a aerosol can and liberally sprays the dead bunny with it. The rabbit immediately jumps up and starts to run away, although it seems to wave at the two people every thirty seconds or so. "What is in that can?" asked the dude. The lady shows him the can which reads," Wonder Hair Spray: Immediately revives dead hairs with permanent wave!"
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2018
  8. Jordan1Kenobi

    Jordan1Kenobi Host of Star Wars Character Contest star 6 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Sep 30, 2012
    What did the God of Thunder say when he dropped his hammer on his foot?

    “Ouch! That’s very Thor!”
     
  9. Rogue1-and-a-half

    Rogue1-and-a-half Manager Emeritus who is writing his masterpiece star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    Okay, I've put up with some of these jokes, but I just have to say enough is enough. No, really, it is. It's literally the same word.
     
  10. Jabba-wocky

    Jabba-wocky Chosen One star 9

    Registered:
    May 4, 2003
    What does your signature even mean? The joke is that Admiral Piett is the President?
     
  11. Rogue1-and-a-half

    Rogue1-and-a-half Manager Emeritus who is writing his masterpiece star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Nov 2, 2000
    It's a quote from a really terrible fanfiction I read some years ago. I find the entire premise of the scene funny with Palpatine, Yoda & Mace visiting the President of the United States. And the dialogue is incredibly stilted. It's just a reference to a particularly terrible scene in a terrible fanfic.
     
    Bowen and Ananta Chetan like this.
  12. Jabba-wocky

    Jabba-wocky Chosen One star 9

    Registered:
    May 4, 2003
    All this time, thinking it was supposed to be a joke, I've never laughed. Now realizing that was completely earnest. . .

    I would have voted for you in the JCC awards.
     
  13. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
  14. Ananta Chetan

    Ananta Chetan Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 11, 2013
  15. queen of the jackalopes

    queen of the jackalopes Jedi Padawan star 1

    Registered:
    Jul 8, 2016

    That didn't even occur to me!
     
  16. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
  17. Diggy

    Diggy Snow Cat Sponsor/Advocate star 7 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2013
    A rich widow decides she wants a young male virgin, to train in the art of love making, something to tick off her bucket list.

    She searches the world and then, in Australia, meets a young @DebonaireNerd

    She invites him to her hotel room, and asks, "are you sure you've never had sex with a woman before?"

    "No I have not" came his reply.

    She strips off and lays on the bed, "well let's get it on!"

    The young man immediately begins moving furniture into a pile in the corner.

    "What are you doing?", the impatient widow asks.

    "Well, if this is anything like with a kangaroo, we're going to need a lot of room."
     
    DarthIntegral likes this.
  18. DebonaireNerd

    DebonaireNerd Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2012
    This thread is for jokes, not unauthorised biographies.
     
    Rogue1-and-a-half and Diggy like this.
  19. Diggy

    Diggy Snow Cat Sponsor/Advocate star 7 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2013
    You’re the joke. YOU'RE THE JOKE!
     
  20. DebonaireNerd

    DebonaireNerd Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2012
    [​IMG]
     
  21. Diggy

    Diggy Snow Cat Sponsor/Advocate star 7 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2013
    What a joke [face_plain]
     
  22. DarthIntegral

    DarthIntegral VIP star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 13, 2005
    What do you do if you're eaten by an elephant?



    Run around until your pooped out
     
  23. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
    *you're
     
  24. Sarge

    Sarge Chosen One star 6

    Registered:
    Oct 4, 1998
  25. Diggy

    Diggy Snow Cat Sponsor/Advocate star 7 VIP - Game Winner

    Registered:
    Feb 27, 2013
    At lunch time I saw a donkey cross the road!

    Before he did, he looked both ways. What a smart ass.