JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

Mrs. Smith runs into her neighbor outside the post office.

"Watch out, Old Man Jones is after you about your dog!" says the neighbor.

"What do you mean? What does Jones care about my dog?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Well, we saw her yesterday chasing him on a bike. He was really mad, and he swore he'd give you a piece of his mind."

"There's just no way that could have been my dog," says Mrs. Smith.

"It looked just liker her," said the neighbor, "How can you be so sure it wasn't her?"

"Well," said Mrs. Smith, "Ginger doesn’t know how to ride a bike"

 

August 17, 2015.

Haven’t heard that one before.

 

As a child I had to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.

 

Two men walk into a bad, the third one ducked.

 

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

 

The fact that we know chameleons exist is proof that they're failures.

 

I wonder how many creatures there are that aren’t failures...

 

I took my kitty to my vet, Dr. Tom Jones.

He said, "what's new, pussycat?"

 

Sometimes, the jokes write themselves in the form of people with certain last names going to certain careers:

My old dentist: Dr. Wisdom
My dad's Army boss: Captain Fite.
My cats' vet: Dr. Lyons.

 

@Jabba-wocky has spent the last 15 months putting together a jigsaw puzzle. We should all be very proud, because the box said 3-5 years.

 

The seven dwarves walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "We don't serve miners here."

 

Bowling is a favorite sport of mine: it's right up my alley.

 

I could not remember the roman numerals for 51, 6 and 500. I was absolutely LIVID.

(Sorry if this one has already been posted )

 

You guys ever hear this one?

So a guy walks into a bar and there’s a jar full of money. He asks the bartender what’s the deal. Bartender says, “Well there’s a horse out back. Put a dollar in the jar. If you can make the horse laugh, money is yours.”

He slips a dollar in, goes outside, and pretty soon the horse is laughing. He goes inside and takes the money.

A few weeks later he returns to the same bar, there’s a jar of money on the counter again. “Same deal?” He asks. “No, this time you have to make the horse cry.” Ok, he’s up for it, so he puts a dollar in the jar and heads out back. Before long, the horse is crying.

As he walks back inside to take the money, the bartender stops him. “Now hold up, you gotta tell me how you did it these two times.”

“Well, the first time I told him my (you know) is bigger than his. The second time, I showed him.”

 

Is that autobiographical?

 

Yes, but he was the horse in the situation.

 

What did the Mexican say when I stole his dinner?

“That’s nacho food!”

 

It works better with 'nacho cheese', IMO.