JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replied, "That would be my wife."

 

The wedding was so emotional that even the cake was in tiers.

 

I have a fear of speed bumps.

But I'm slowly getting over it.

 

The clock was so hungry it went back four seconds.

 

A widow was crying at her husband's funeral when a man walked up and said, "I'd like to say a word."

She nodded, so he went up to the lectern and said, "Plethora."

"Thanks," she said, "that means a lot."

 

Do you know which kind of cheese is made backwards?

Edam.

 

A swiss cheese's story isn't believable, because it's full of holes.

 

These jokes are getting unbrielievably cheesey.

 

My father once made a bad cheese joke, and I said, "How dairy."

 

My son threw a lump of soft cheddar at me the other day and thought it was hilarious but I thought it wasn't very mature.

 

My pet grizzly would only come into the house if I had his favourite cheese, so I pulled some out and said “Camembert!”

 

People who don't know the difference between entomology and etymology bug me in ways I can't put into words.

 

A writer goes to the see the doctor.

"Doctor, I'm afraid of backstories"

An the doctor replied "Okay, when did it start?"








Another writer goes to the see the doctor

"Doc, I think I'm allergic to foreshadowing"

And the doctor replied "It's probably nothing, but the last patient I saw with that died within 24 hours"

 

Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

 

If you Russia around, and Ukraine your neck, don't Crimea river.

 

Mow-lawn labe.

 

How many Lowe's could Rob Lowe rob, if Rob Lowe could rob Lowe's?

 

I would tell a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Ar

 

Why would Marvel think it's a good idea to put ads on the Hulk?

Because he's one giant Banner.

 

"Hey, Dad. I'm hungry."
"Hello, Hungry. I'm Jim."

 

Today in an elementary school class, the students were telling the class what their fathers did.

Finally it came to Jim's turn and he said, "My father is a drug dealing, bank robber, who likes to vandalize buildings in his spare time." This met with looks of surprise.

After class, his teacher pulled him aside, "Jim, your father really doesn't do that, does he?"

Jim shook his head. "No...he actually plays for the Cleveland Browns."