JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

It's a matter of mixing the right elements.

 

Went to a rubbish party on the moon , there just wasn't any atmosphere .

 

I know a company that was so cheap, that it wouldn't even pay attention.

 

We may have to have @solojones record this one and post it...

I was in Glasgow last week and I went into a cake shop and asked the guy behind the counter, “is that a custard or a meringue?”

He says “you're not, it is a custard.”

 

A Bus stops and two stereotyped Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

Emma come first, Den I come.
Den two asses come togeder.
I come once-a-mora.
Two asses, they come togeder again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.

"You foul mouthed swine" says the lady, "in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady" said the man "I'm a justa tellin' my friend how to spella 'Mississippi' "

 

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.
Everything checked out fine.
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”
The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viagra?”
The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.
”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”
The old lady was delighted.
She left the doctor’s office quickly.

Weeks later the old lady returned.
She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong.
She shook her head.
”How did it go?” the doctor asked.
”Terrible, doctor, terrible.”
”Did it not work?”
”Yes,” the old lady said, ”It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.”
”Then what is the problem?”
”Well,” she said. ”I can’t ever show my face in Ikea again!

 

You know what really gets me down?


Gravity.

 

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Laurel.

Yanni who?

 

Never hire an unforgiving medic. They might be nursing a grudge.

 

My username.

I was doing an Ava Gardner marathon around the time I joined JCF and was reading a biography about her.

Needed ideas for a username, so I got out notebook paper and jotted.

Norma J.
Ava G.
Norma Gardner
Ava Monroe
Etc.

Then I looked a bit closer at this one. . . and cracked up.

At any rate, I think it's quite lovely.

 

What is, a vag?

When I was younger, I became so addicted to cough drops that I was put in a menthol hospital.

 

Roseanne's "revival"

 

Whenever I visit the sauna, I have to have the place to myself. I have selfish steam issues.

 

The flat Earth society is excited to announce that they have supporters all around the globe.

 

I was sat on the train when the random bloke next to me pulled out a photo of his wife.
"Gorgeous. Isn't she?" he said.
"If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend, mate." I replied.
"Why, is she a stunner?" he asked.
"No, an optician."

 

It’s all kicked off at the World Cup, where polish fans have run riot in Moscow.

On the bright side, everything in the area is sparkling.

 

An owner discovered that his dog was telling falsehoods while sleeping. He thought about taking him to the vet, but decided it was best to let sleeping dogs lie.

 

People ask me what I'll be doing in two years. I tell them I don't have 2020 vision.

 

You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal see you later or in a while.