JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

Great joke, everyone

Here's my contribution - I haven't read all of these responses, so don't know if this has already been covered:

A string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.The bartender replies "I'm sorry, We don't serve strings here. "The string, angry, runs to the bathroom and ties himself up into knots until his ends are frayed.Then he walks back out and asks the bartender for a drink.

"Hey, aren't you the string I just talked to?" The bartender asks."Nope," Says the string, "I'm afraid not." (a frayed knot)

 

Hi bezzies. My wife came home distraught from the hospital. She had to turn off her mother's life support machine and said it's the hardest thing she's ever had to do. Obviously she's never sneezed while carrying two pints.


This white horse walked into a bar and asked for a beer. The bartender said, "We have a whiskey named after you!". And horse said, "what, Barry?"


A dyslexic walks into a bra...


A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. "You can stay, but that has to go," says the barman. The man talks him around, and they both stay, drinking all night until the giraffe collapses over the bar, completely ****-faced. The man gets up and starts leaving the bar. "The barman shouts, "you can't leave that lying here!" and the man replies, "it's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"


A cop sees a woman cruising along in a convertible with three penguins in the back. He pulls her over and says, "you can't be driving around with penguins, take them to the zoo immediately."

The next day, he see's the woman cruising again, still with the penguins, but this time they're wearing sunglasses, so he pulls her over again.

"I thought I told you to take them to the zoo?" He says.

"I did!" she replies, "and today we're going to the beach.


Great news for insomniacs! Only three sleeps until christmas.

 

What's a zebra?

26 sizes larger than an A bra.

(I'm betting those of you who mispronounce the letter z will struggle with this one)

 

Sex on TV isn't bad at all. It only hurts when you fall off.

 

My Doctor advised me to watch my drinking. So now I down vodka shots while looking in the mirror.

 

David The Murican's wife had never had an orgasm. They went to the doctor, and the doctor said she was over heating during sex. Tony discusses this with Andrew The Australian over a drink, and they come up with an idea. While David and his wife are having sex, Andrew will stand over them, wafting a towel. After twenty five minutes, still no orgasm, so Andrew suggests, "let's swap, I'll shag her, you waft the towel." Within seconds, the wife is in ecstasy, having a knee shaking orgasm. And David the Murican says, "Now that's how you waft a towel."

Ender Sai

 

Darth Punk takes a little kid into an old, scary' abandoned house. They make their way through the house, every floorboard creek sending a shiver down their spines.The kid says, "I'm scared," says the kid. "You're scared?" asks Darth Punk, "I have to walk out of here alone."

Everton manager was in the supermarket, when he saw an old lady struggling with her shopping. "Can you manage, dear?" he asked. The old lady replied, "No, you got yourself into this mess, don;t expect me to sort it out."

What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.

What's the difference between a joiner and a carpenter? A joiner works with wood, a carpenter paints cars.

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto.



A man goes to a fancy dress party only wearing his underwear. A woman asks, "what are you supposed to be?"

"a premature ejaculation," he replies.

"What?"

"I've just come in my pants."

 

So I've been training a lot lately. So far I've got a black belt in holding my pants up.

 

What do you call a man with 100 rabbits up his arse?

Warren.


What goes CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP BANG CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP

An Amish drive-by shooting.

 

A man walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre. So the barkeep gave it to him.


My dog has no nose.
-How does he smell?
Of badger's blood.


A man entered the local newspapers pun contest. He sent in ten puns, hoping for a win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 

What's got two legs and flies?

Spoiler

Half a dead dog

 

many years ago, a guy in my college dorm said this to me:

"i see you are armed and dangerous. in fact, you have two of them."

at the time i thought it was so bad that i smashed his face into a bloody pulp and threw his ass into the dumpster out back, but then i kept thinking about the joke afterwards. so maybe it is funny after all. i can't figure it out.

 

So, half-and-half. I mean, just call it one.

 

A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.

 

What do you call it when you're constipated from eating tar?

Asphalt.

 

Lassie goes into a bar with a melon on her head.

The bartender says, "you look a bit sad."

 

So, I have this friend who's color blind. Of course, he's also regular blind.

 

Seth Brundle and his friend walk into a bar. His friend ducks while Seth's head finally caves in.

 

I have a great punchline for a dumb joke, but no actual joke yet. The punchline line is;

A Ku Klux Clown.

 

What do you call Trump's real personality?

A Klu Klux Clown!

 

You went full dumb. Never go full dumb.

 

Why is living in Switzerland so great?

The flag is a big plus.

 

A man on a condom backwards.

He went.



What do you call a cow in a field with nine udders?

Ten

 

There's going to be a Tetris movie made. People wonder if it will be a blockbuster.