Before - Legends When the Cat's Away... (JA Humor fic) updated 06/02/06

Title: When the Cat's Away

Author(s): Jemmiah, Mouse, Healer Leona & Calamity Jinn

Timeframe: JA (Five years before TPM)

Characters: Mostly original, with a cameo from Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan)

Genre: Humor

Keywords: Party, fun, mischief!

Summary: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are returning from a mission. There's just one evening before they are due back. When Rela sets her mind on throwing a party in Qui-Gon's apartment Jemmy rapidly finds herself up to her neck in mayhem and mess...with time running out before the two Jedi return home.

Notes: This forms part of the on-going Jemmiah Chronicles series, but little previous knowledge is needed to be able to follow the story.


*********


"You know, it's really odd." Jemmiah tapped thoughtfully at the side of her glass with painted pink nails. "I only met you a week ago but I feel like I've known you forever."

Rela grinned and allowed her head to loll lazily against the back of Evla's comfortable chair. It didn't do to get too bogged down in work, and this little escape to the temple had come at exactly the right moment. Bar work helped to keep a roof over her head, and the customers were always varied and interesting, but it had to be said that serving drinks wasn't the most challenging of occupations. It was noisy, sometimes dangerous, usually repetitive?and there was only so much Wookiee halitosis a person could stand in a day. Besides which she kind of liked Jemmiah, too. Perhaps she was just plain curious to know more about the girl that Qui-Gon had taken in from the streets.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Admitted Rela with a contented sigh, picking at her teeth with a makeshift toothpick fashioned from the end of a writing stylus. It was nice to get away from re-heated cantina food as well and eat some seriously greasy take-out for a change. "Then again we do have a lot in common. Like poor old Qui-Gon for a start. I've known him since I was knee-high to a Jawa."

Jemmiah opened her mouth to make the obvious comment, then decided that the vertically challenged Rela had probably already heard it a thousand times over and decided not to bother.

"I'd heard your name mentioned on the odd occasion." Rela admitted with perhaps the faintest trace of envy in her voice. "But still, our paths never crossed until last week when we ran into each other."

Jemmiah nodded, subconsciously rubbing her head. "Literally."

Rela looked back at her new friend. "Don't suppose Qui-Gon ever mentioned me?"

The uncomfortably look on Jemmiah's face told Rela the truth even whilst the younger girl squirmed, trying to find a polite way of answering in the negative that wouldn't hurt her feelings.

"I?er, don't know." She admitted. "He might well have done and I didn't take it in at the time. I'm notorious for not paying attention to stuff I probably should. Besides, when I was younger I had the attention span of a grape, so if Qui-Gon did say something then it probably didn't even register on my scanner. And these days we hardly seem to see much of each other any more?" The corners of the Corellian's mouth took a dramatic hike downward, instantly piquing Rela's interest.

"And that bothers you, yes?" Rela asked, wondering why she was so interested in finding out more about the dysfunctional Jinn family unit: maybe because she had always wondered what it must be like to be part of a close family, something she had never experienced. Going on Jemmiah's expression she began to doubt if it was all it was cracked up to be.

Jemmiah pouted. "I'm being selfish, I know it. Can't have your cake and eat it, can you? That's my trouble I guess?always wanting what I can't have. Or not being content with what I do have. You'd think that after six years I'd appreciate how this whole Jedi thing works, wouldn?t you? They fly off to somewhere, have lots of weird adventures, Obi-Wan gets sent to the infirmary to recover?then they spend a few days at home and then they're off again like they were never away. And I seem

 

Hee hee hee! I've been waiting for this. *rubs hands in glee*

Now I need to get something written for it.

 

The title drew my interest right away! Can't wait for more!

 

Hooray! It's started!!! Jemmy didn't really stand a chance, did she? She's maybe got a bad feeling about it, but I've got a really good feeling about this story!

 

Liked all the little tags of humor, especially:
They fly off to somewhere, have lots of weird adventures, Obi-Wan gets sent to the infirmary to recover?

Haahhahahaha, poor Obi never comes back from a mission without injury

Party at Qui Gon?s?!!! YEAH!!!!!
: Loads some kegs into speeder :

Come on everyone, what's the worst that could happen?
(Post soon so we have our answer)

 

This was really funny.

That Rela is something else.

She had the whole thing planned already?

"Hey Mus? Yeah - she agreed! Bring all that food and drink over we put aside?get that Mungo fellow to help you, huh? But not those sausages on sticks: they looked a little on the green side to me?"

Poor Jemmy.

Can't wait to see everyone being invited.

 

I loved all the little details and Rela's well-intentioned scheming and her fishing for information.
"You weren't planning this from the beginning, were you?" She asked, eyes narrowing cynically. "Like from the moment I called you this morning inviting you to come over, mentioning the fact the dynamic duo were away?"

 

Once Jemmy had made up her mind about something it took the minions of Scorathees to alter it, but that didn't stop the doubts from continuing right up to the moment she keyed in the door code that would let her in to Qui-Gon's allocated quarters. In her own way she tried to justify it all by telling herself that Qui-Gon must have attended the odd party or two in his youth, even if officially Jedi didn't go in for that kind of thing. He'd been young once - and if rumours were anything to go on he'd even had women fighting over him - so it wasn't like he'd lived a life that was as pure as the driven snow.

Although it was reasonable to bet that he'd never thrown a surprise party in Yoda's recreated swamp home?

"You've kept it nice and clean." Was Rela's thoughtful comment as she stepped through the open doorway.

"Yeah, I know. It's how long it'll stay that way that concerns me." Quipped Jemmy, casting her eyes over the place. Everything had been left perfect right down to the polished, shiny skins on Qui-Gon's ugly looking plant collection. Being Jedi there wasn't much in the way of clutter (at least not since she'd moved out and taken her personal belongings with her) and the rooms remained stark in its bare simplicity. There were a few chairs and one rather old sofa, a brown rug on the floor and a rectangular glass table on which stood a freshly selected bowl of fruit. She was kind of half tempted to take a holo pic of it for proof of tidiness: an example of the pristine condition it would soon no longer be in?

"Oh, well." Jemmy shrugged, deciding to just go with the flow. "Can't be helped I s'pose."

"See? I knew you'd agree!" The older of the two girls rubbed her hands in anticipation of the evening ahead. "And once our fellow party goers arrive this place will be jumping!"

"How many did you invite?" Jemmiah wondered, surveying the neat living quarters with hands on her hips.

"Oh, not many. A few." The vague reply was deliberately screened on account of Rela turning her back.

"How many's a few?"

"Oh, I dunno." Shrugged the redhead, bending down to adjust the straps on her boots. "Maybe about?" The rest, as far as Jemmiah was concerned, was little more than incoherent muttering, punctuated by the tale-tell beeping of the faulty chrono on the food prep unit in the kitchen area. Yet one more thing that had gone wrong, she sighed. The numerical light display had stopped working, and now the alarm insisted in going off every ten minutes or so to alert you to the fault. Ever since she'd tried to clean the wretched thing it wouldn't stop whining! A bit like Obi-Wan when Qui-Gon attempted to do the same with his socks?
"I'll get the blame for that." The Corellian girl grimaced, stabbing a finger in the direction of the kitchen. "You do someone a good deed and it ultimately backfires on you. I mean, I know I'm not the greatest mechanic in the world but how long does it take to repair a faulty food prep timer? The temple maintenance droids said three days! Quiggy and Ben'll be back tomorrow!"

"Droids." Rela huffed disdainfully. "Wouldn't trust them to open a bottle of beer! What you need is someone who can fix it for you. I could ask Brak?no, on second thoughts that's a baaaad idea. Brak isn't the ideal party guest. Host: yes - he's held some great parties down the years. The last one I went to involved three people being taken to the local infirmary by aircab, that's how spectacular Brak's parties are! But he does have a tendency to, how shall we say, form one-sided attachments to anything of the female gender. And it's darned difficult to get rid of him when you want to be private."

"He sounds enchanting." Jemmy remarked dryly out the corner of her mouth. "But he can't be any worse than the temple droids. It's that business in the training halls last week that have slowed everything up. Which again," she threw her hands into the air, "I guess was partly my fault. A friend and I tried to get some work for an unemployed technological whizkidd we went to school with, thinking he could maybe take c

 

Jay looked scandalised. "Why, me of course! You want something more? Sheesh, there's no pleasing some people?"
I'm liking him already.

the third started following Master Windu around bombarding him with declarations of love.

Now that's funny.

I enjoyed reading this and can't wait for the big party.

I can see Jemmy spending her time with her hands covering her face, afraid to watch.

And I can't wait to see what other guests Rela has invited.

 

LOL!!! Typical Jay!!!

For once it looks like Jemmy's been outmanovered.

I'm working on my post for this which should be up soon.

 

Oh, classic Jem. I've missed Rela-girl's antics, that red-haired imp. So she's throwing a party for Quigs...poor Quiggy. And poor Scrubby. Poor Jemmy too, wondering what the apartment's going to be like at the end of it all...

Loved Jay, though. Him and his entrance. Bearing gifts, indeed.

Lol, I'm enjoying this!

 

Okay, here's my first contribution!

*********************************************

?Okay, we?ll be there soon.? Letina switched off her comlink and turned back to face Jasmyn Perris across the table. ?Did you get all of that?? She asked her blonde haired friend. ?There?s a party going on at Master Jinn?s apartment.?

?Master Jinn is inviting us to a party?? Jasmyn looked up from her astro navigation assignment, her mouth slightly open in disbelief.

Letina laughed at Jaz?s expression. ?I?ll explain on the way. C?mon.? Grabbing Jasmyn?s robe she helped propel Jasmyn onto her feet and towards the lounge area where Master Borraise was watching an old Rex Victory holo.

?Master, we?re just going up to Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi?s apartment.? Letina announced.

?Mmmm.? was the only response given by Minty as she focussed on Rex Victory rescuing the extremely pretty girl on the screen. It was enough of a response for Letina, who knowing (and sharing) her Master?s fondness for the actor was aware she wouldn?t get any proper attention until the end of the holo.

Still towing Jasmyn along in her wake, Letina confidently opened the door and entered into the wide corridor outside.

?That was Zac on the comm.? Letina explained to Jaz as they hurried towards the turbo lifts at the end of the hallway.

Jasmyn?s confusion doubled. ?Zac?s giving a party at Master Jinn?s??

?Nooooo....? Letina grinned at her friend. ?Jay commed Zac to say Jemmiah?s giving a party there. Master Jinn and Obi are away on a mission so the place is empty.?

Jaz gave Letina a dubious look. ?I don?t know, I mean I?m still grounded from last week and that Sunny fiasco.?

?You?re only grounded from leaving the temple though.? Letina reasoned. ?You won?t be breaking any of your master?s instructions.?

?Well....? Jaz still hesitated. ?It?s just that my master?s reaction is still reverberating around my head. I don?t think she?d be too happy.?

?It?s not like you?re going to do anything wrong. I mean, we?re still in the temple, we?ll be in a master?s apartment with knights in attendance as well.? Letina jabbed her finger on the button to summon the lift. ?It?s probably only a few people getting together to be sociable.?

?True.? Jasmyn agreed, knowing she didn?t really want to put up any resistance to the plan. ?I mean, a few people getting together isn?t going to be a problem. And I can do my assignment tomorrow...?

?Exactly!? Letina beamed, glad her friend would go along with the night out. Master Rikka has not been the slightest bit amused her padawan had been caught up in the scandal of the previous week and had come down hard on her charge. Tonight had been the first time she?s seen Jaz since then, and only because she was studying under the supervision of her master.

The doors of the turbo lift slid open to reveal the smiling face of Jodi Mullicar. The Corellian nodded his head in approval as the girls joined him inside.

?You two got commed as well? Good, I was going to contact you myself if you didn?t appear.?

?Who else is going?? Letina enquired.

Jodi shrugged. ?Haven?t a clue. I guess we?ll see when we get there. One thing I do know though. Jemmy?s a Corellian, and if a Corellian does something it?s got to be the best around. This should turn out to be a really interesting night!?

 

"I think it was Master Windu who suggested he might want to think twice about coming back here. No, come to think of it," Jemmiah paused, "he said 'If you come anywhere near me again I will have you ejected from the nearest window', or words to that effect."

"Invite him!" Rela grinned. "That's the kind of entertainment we're looking for." [/i]

Loved this
Excellent update!

 

Jaz gave Letina a dubious look. ?I don?t know, I mean I?m still grounded from last week and that Sunny fiasco.?

What kind of people did Rela invite?

Jodi shrugged. ?Haven?t a clue. I guess we?ll see when we get there. One thing I do know though. Jemmy?s a Corellian, and if a Corellian does something it?s got to be the best around. This should turn out to be a really interesting night!?

I can't wait to see if that's true.

 

Ah-ha! The protaganists are growing in number! The semi-reluctant Jaz and the confident Jodi, soon to be joined by Simeon and Dimallie (the latter's an accident waiting to happen!)?I mean, a few people getting together isn?t going to be a problem." Jaz is an optimist, or she's trying to justify going as best she can! And Leona's blushing at Qui-Gon's name...must be the worst kept secret in the temple!

 

?It?s all over the temple,? he responded with a an excited grin, ?Jemmiah?s throwing a party and all the padawan?s and not a few of the masters are going to be there.?

That doesn't sound good, all those people I mean.

Leona jerkily turned away as her face bloomed in crimson from the casual use of the tall Jedi?s name.

Leona likes Qui Gon? Let me put my surprised faced on.

 

Oh god... Jem, this isn't the Mace + Ovenmitt fiasco, is it?

Brilliant start, ladies!!

 

Lol, no Miana: you're safe this time! No oven-mitt Mace in this one.

**********

"Haven't you any drink at all?" Jay peered dubiously into Qui-Gon's refrigeration unit, noticing that it appeared abstemiously bereft of alcohol. "I thought you said this was a party?"

Jemmiah's hands were glued to her hips, although Rela noticed that her fingers seem to curl in constant frustration whenever Jay spoke. She'd observed the two of them as they'd began to argue over what music to have playing in the background, staring at various music chips and then routinely dismissing the other's selection as if neither of them had any taste. Which was ironic, thought Rela quietly, as all the chips belonged to Obi-Wan?

They didn't seem like a couple, at least not a conventional one. On the surface Rela supposed that they made a mighty fine looking pair: he with his boyish charm and cheerful, agreeable smile and Jemmiah with her distinctive eyes and even more distinctive figure. Still, it had to be said that they didn't seem to behave with much outward affection. In fact to Rela they appeared like an old married couple whose only pleasure in life was finding new and exciting ways to get on the other's nerves. Jay for example didn't seem to have a lot of tact. Nor did he possess much in the way of inter-personal skills, which for a Jedi Rela found quite amusing. And Jemmiah had a spiky temper and an equally short fuse to top it off with.

"You're the guest." Jemmy's voice was clipped. "Guests are meant to bring a bottle with them, or have you no idea of social graces at all?"

Jay remained unflapped. "Not the sort of thing that we're expected to learn as a rule." Jay remarked as he examined some dubious looking slices of cold meat, giving them a suspicious sniff. "You?re the one who likes to party."

"And you don't?"

"Ah," Jay straightened up, grinning meaningfully; "there's a difference. I go to observe other people getting drunk and making a fool of themselves. You on the other hand are the one who makes a fool of herself!" He avoided a spectacularly vicious and fast looking slap to the face by just the merest of fractions, jumping swiftly to one side. "Now, now! Watch that temper! That hand of yours could have marked my face!"

"That was just a nervous twitch before my knee managed to collect with your groin." Jemmy growled, warning him to back off.

The padawan held up his hands in defeat. "Have I said anything that was incorrect, hmm? I merely remarked that you have a tendency to get carried away at parties." He took another step backwards, knowing what would surely follow. "Usually by the first man that asks you?"

"ABRAN!" Jemmy yelled at him, looking for the entire world as if she was about to do him a serious injury. "That's it! We're finished! Get your sorry Jedi rear out of here this instant?" But Jay had already ran and locked himself in the fresher room out of immediate harm's way.

Rela gave an insinuating little whistle, waiting for Jemmy to calm down sufficiently so that she could talk to her friend without catching any of the backlash. The display had been interesting but had only served to reinforce in Rela's mind that the two of them went together as well as did the words 'Hutt' and 'beauty pageant'. She could certainly see the surface appeal of Jay Abran, and if perhaps he could temper that smart-mouth of his things might be different, but his constant needling humour would eventually get on anyone's nerves.

"What on Coruscant do you see in him?" Rela eventually plucked up the courage to ask when the blood had finally returned to the indignant Jemmiah's face. Her Corellian friend shrugged.

"He has a nice bottom." She replied eventually.

Rela rolled her eyes. Lust had a lot to answer for.

"He's okay." Continued Jemmiah. "But he's also a loudmouthed fragger, if you'll pardon my vile Corellian tongue. And he's extremely irritating. Like a rash."

"What, you can't get rid of it?" Rela quipped, enjoying the discussion.

"Nope." Jemmy's face had lit up once again.

 

How did I just KNOW Dex would show up?

And this ISN'T the oven-mitt thing? WHEW!!!

 

My apologies for not replying sooner! Hooray for Calam and Leona posting! Now if I could just get something written.

"Is that the stuff that makes Ned hallucinate?" Jay's voice was muffled from behind the door.

Is it just me, or does this sound like Jay's looking forward to Ned drinking some?

Off to write!

 

Here's my humble contribution! Short but sweet! Enjoy!

**********

?This way! Coming through!?

Rela, of all people, began pushing her way through the ever growing crowd of people to make a path for the wookiees with their large crates. Once they made it into the kitchen area she began directing everyone around as if she were a crew foreman and proceeded to get the alcohol set up.

Years as a bartender, as well as all the eager faces in waiting caused her to get this done very quickly, and funny enough quite efficiently. Picking up a bottle she lifted it up to her face and began to caress it.

?Ah alcohol,? she whispered to it. ?You with the unique ability to make reasonably intelligent beings into babbling blithering idiots who proceed to make fools of themselves for the entertainment of us still sober. How I miss you.?

Suddenly Rela felt herself lifted into the air by hairy paws and accentuated by a loud roar.

?Put me down Mus!? the tiny redhead growled in an equally menacing way. ?I?m not going to drink it! I?m just giving it pointers on how to make everyone here do my bidding.?

{So what do they know?}

?What? About me? As little as possible, and I plan on keeping it that way for as long as possible, if you get my meaning.?

{Why? Jedi are good beings for the most part. They won?t use it against you.}

?But old habits die hard,? Rela reminded him. ?Anyway after meeting Jemmiah, it?s been pretty nice. So maybe I can get more friends and they?ll like me for me before they find out how screwed up I am!?

{If you don?t tell them beforehand it?s called entrapment}

?Shut-up Mus!? Rela told him good naturedly. ?And put me down. We?re in Qui-Gon?s apartment and he?s not here. I?ve got some snooping to do.?

Rela soon found her feet on the floor again, but Mus had to get one more word in before he let her go.

{You?ve had this entire party planned from the beginning just so you could snoop through Master Jinn?s possessions!}

Rela just gave him a shrug.

?Duh!?

 

ROFLOL!!! 'Duh', indeed! What is she going to find, I wonder? Something incriminating against Obi-Wan that she can use when she needs a favor doing? Something potentially embarrasing for Qui-Gon? Lol, Rela's a smart cookie! I loved the way she instructed the bottle! Short, but VERY sweet I'd say!