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Before - Legends When the Cat's Away... (JA Humor fic) updated 06/02/06

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Jemmiah, Sep 19, 2005.

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  1. PadawanKaterina Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 2005
    star 2
    "Interesting use? What interesting use?" Jemmiah queried, knowing she was not going to like the answer. "Well, what with the fresher being blocked?"

    [face_laugh] [face_sick] [face_shame_on_you]
  2. Lola64 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2005
    star 4
    "Because," continued Jemmiah, "however badly I screw up today you can be sure that some time in the future I'll make an even worse mess!"

    That's my philosphy.

    And I truly hope they take care of that boot situation soon. Wouldn't want Obi-Wan placing his feeties in there without looking, because you know men usually do.

    Very nice update. Kind of like Jem's take on this mess. Hopefully Qui Gon's ire won't be too much.
  3. Calamity Jinn Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2000
    star 4

    LOL!! I love how they've been inventive with the lack of a fresher! I agree with Lola, Obi needs to check his belongings before putting anything on! ;)

    Okay, a postie from me! Thanks to those who Beta'd it for me! :)


    ***********************

    ?Um, I think I?ve got myself into a bit of trouble here.? Jaz announced out loud to no-one in particular.

    Turning her head around she spotted Letina sitting on the nearby armchair with a silly grin on her face. ?Letina, I know you?re not really in a position to help me but please can you try?? The only response she got was a tiny bit of drool dripping out of her friend?s mouth and onto her robe. ?Oh great!? Jaz tried to shrug, but found she couldn?t really perform the gesture correctly. ?I?m stuck and in a predicament and everyone else is either drunk or ignoring me.?

    Which was rather a strange occurrence, Jaz reflected as she gazed at the ceiling. You?d think everyone would be concerned there was a padawan lying on her back with both legs wrapped around her head. Jasmyn had done this plenty times before and she?d managed to escape every time. It was just that after consuming a reasonable amount of alcohol she seemed to have forgotten how to. Now in the attempts to free herself she?d fallen over and found it hard to even wriggle around.

    Of course she only had herself to blame. After one leg she?d already got into a few difficulties, but it hadn?t stopped her lifting up the other one and putting it right over her head to join the first. After a few admiring glances Kylenn had started wiggling in a suggestive manner and dancing towards the makeshift bar, with most of the male padawans who had been dancing with them wandering off after her, Jodi included.

    Jaz pulled a face and sighed. She?d only just realised how she felt about her friend, and wasn?t quite sure exactly what she was going to do about it. Matchmaking her friends up was something she was good at, but when it came to herself she was a little less sure. She did know however she didn?t particularly want him watching Kylenn?s writhing hips. Which reminded her...

    Craning her neck she spotted the person she was looking for. Rela was standing next to Jay and Jemmy, chatting and using her hands as if to illustrate some sort of controls. Jay nodded his head in response and followed the little Redhead towards Obi-Wan?s room, tapping Kryztan?s shoulder on the way and indicating he should follow. Intrigued by what was happening, Jaz redoubled her efforts to try and free herself but just ended up rocking back and forwards.

    ?Can I be of service?? An amused voice asked from her left-hand side.

    Jaz glanced up and saw Master Berlingside trying his best not to laugh and paint his best look of gallantry on his face. Well, Jaz reflected, at least someone had noticed her predicament.

    ?I seem to have got myself a little tied in knots,? Jaz admitted with a wry smile. ?I could definitely do with a helping hand. ?

    Dex crouched down beside the embarrassed padawan and gently helped lift a leg back to where it should be. ?You know? he mused ?that really is an extraordinary talent you?ve got there. Not many people are that flexible.?

    The second leg was much easier to release, and the good looking master was soon helping Jasmyn back onto her protesting legs.

    ?It?s just something I can do? Jaz acknowledged giving her neck a quick rub. ?I seem to be able to bend in every direction.?

    ?Well, just don?t let that information be widely known until you?re much older.? Dex answered with a wink.

    Jaz went scarlet, and couldn?t think of a reply to Dex, who gave her a deep bow and sauntered towards the balcony.



  4. Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Jem: Oh dear lord, Dex is really not helping in the slightest and Jay's listing off all that's wrong is just so wrong and gross! LOL

    Calam, of all people to help poor Jaz out of the pretzel position... Dex. Doesn't it just figure. And his comment, so very typical Dex! [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  5. Lola64 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2005
    star 4
    It was just that after consuming a reasonable amount of alcohol she seemed to have forgotten how to.

    Isn't that always how it starts?

    ?Well, just don?t let that information be widely known until you?re much older.? Dex answered with a wink.

    [face_laugh]

  6. PadawanKaterina Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 2005
    star 2
    ?I?m stuck and in a predicament and everyone else is either drunk or ignoring me.?

    :p Haha, I just love that line. Doesn't it always seem that way when we least want it to?

    Oh my...Dex sure does give helpful advice... [face_laugh]
  7. DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Dex to the rescue! May I swoon?
  8. Calamity Jinn Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2000
    star 4
    Oh, absolutely Ish! I drool on a regular basis over our sexy Dexy!
  9. mouse2 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    Mmmmm... Dexy....

    Oh! Sorry! I was going to say something deep and profound about your post Calam, but I got sidetracked. Then again it didn't help that I watched National Treasure last night. [face_whistling]

    Of course I kept wondering why Jaz didn't roll for help. Then I got sidetracked again thinking of my grandfather at holiday dinners always saying, "If you get hungry in bed take a roll!" I know it's lame, but now it's become a family tradition! Especially since we lost him this past September.

    That's a downer to end on so... "San Dimas High School rules!" [face_peace]
  10. DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Starts with profound and ends with Bill&Ted, how...interesting.
  11. Jemmiah Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Of all the people to help Jaz 'unwind' - it has to be Dexy! Typical of his Corellian-ness to have the last word. Dex is of the opinion that all the male padawans and knights are as predatory as he is...and for the most part he's right! I can't help but feel the real cause of the Jedi order was down to frustration. But of course the history books don't record that. ;) LOL at Dex's last words of advice to Jaz!
  12. mouse2 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    I have a post almost ready for this! But with Mini and Hubby home for a 3 day weekend, can you believe THEY kicked ME off the computer? The nerve! :mad:

    Don't they know I have posts to try and finish and stories to catch up on? :p
  13. mouse2 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    Here's that post I mentioned! Enjoy!

    Thanks to Calam for convincing me to finish it, and giving me a bunny for the next one! [face_dancing]

    *********

    ?Okay? We?ve got Super Sonic Speeders, The Legend of Parragon, Pretty Pink Princesses in Peril? Not really sure I want to know about that one? Oooh! Street Kombat II! I love this version!?

    Rela knelt down to the game consol and loaded the game cartridge into it. By the time she turned around Jay and Kryztan were seated and held both controllers and were already setting up to play. Crossing her arms in front of her Rela began to stare them both down. It didn?t seem to do any good judging by the fact that both of them leaned outward so they could see the consol screen behind her.

    ?What are you doing?? she asked in an overly polite way.
    ?Playing Street Kombat,? Jay answered. ?Now could you please move so we can see the screen??
    ?It was my idea!? she reminded them. ?I should have first dibs!?

    Still not looking at her but still trying to see the screen behind her Kryztan commented nonchalantly, ?Girls can?t really play Street Kombat.?

    ?Pardon??

    They both must have heard something in her voice because at that moment both of them stopped what they were doing and looked up at her.

    ?You can play the winner?? Jay clarified for her.
    ?That?s what I thought you said.? Rela responded as she walked to the side and found a place to sit and watch by perching herself on the edge of Obi-Wan?s bed.

    It wasn?t long into the game before someone started commenting on how some people were playing. Jay couldn?t seem to keep his mouth shut mainly because he was winning. Kryztan seemed to be getting quieter as the game went on and more violent scenes were displayed on the screen. Rela began to feel somewhat sorry for him and tried to help him out.

    ?Use your special move,? she told him. ?Bantha Buster, it?s A A B A double X Z.?

    At that moment though Jay made an extremely gruesome move and the game was over.

    ?I win again Kryz!? Jay crowed triumphantly.
    ?No fair,? Kryztan complained. ?I had someone talking to me the entire time.? He motioned his thumb indicating Rela.

    ?Watch it!? Rela cautioned him. ?I was just trying to help. You look liked you needed it.?
    ?This isn?t as easy as it looks.?
    ?Really?? Rela cocked an eyebrow letting Kryztan know she was taking his statement as a dare and/or a bet. Holding her hand out the padawan wordlessly handed over his controller, and the small redhead turned toward the screen to begin choosing her character to play.

    Clicking through a few screens Rela chose her character to play.

    ?Kitty Boo Boo?? Jay quipped.
    ?I always play Kitty Boo Boo,? Rela answered back a bit defensively.

    ?Ah yes,? Jay began with a smirk. ?You always play the tall leggy blonde female character, is that it? Wonder what that says about you??
    ?You do not want to go there Mister four armed nargot man,? Rela warned him. ?Or you Mister all-knowing pretty boy,? she said warning Kryztan. ?Now put up or shut up. Let?s play!?

    Annoying sound effects and graphic violence seemed to surround them in the room. The game seemed to be evenly matched until at least Jay started talking again.

    ?That?s it, I?m ending this game.? He hit a pattern of buttons on his controller.

    ?Oh! Nargot Kick, I?m impressed,? Rela grinned. ?But I counter with my Mynock Crasher!?

    ?Impressive!? Jay grinned. ?But then I switch to Rancor Rampage!?
    ?Coming back at you with Dragion Doom!?
    ?I?m ending this with a Ronto Run!?
    ?Don?t think so! I?m going to hit you with ?I did not just catch you cheating on me with my best friend? move!?

    The next sound came from the holo-screen which had Rela?s tall leggy character holding the head of Jay?s character.

    ?Fatality!? a dark voice echoed out declaring Rela the winner.

    ?Force, where did that move come from?? Kryztan whispered.

    Jay stared at the screen for a moment stunned, but quickly regained his wits.

    ?Er, my controller?s broken!? he whined.
    ?I bet you say that to all the gi
  14. DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    LOL, why am i not surprised at all? Delightful, mouse!
  15. Lola64 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 10, 2005
    star 4
    That was great Master.

    Kitty Boo Boo

    [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    I?m going to hit you with ?I did not just catch you cheating on me with my best friend? move

    Go Kitty Boo Boo!

    All around too funny. Can't wait to see what's next.
  16. Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Pretty Pink Princesses in Peril ROFLOL!! I agree, I don't think it's a little girls' game for sure! [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    I love all the moves Jay and Rela were using on each other and Yay, BIG YAY for Rela kicking Jay's butt! My controller is broken indeed! [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  17. Jemmiah Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    ROFLOL! Jay never learns...or maybe this time he actually will! I think he has a sneaking regard for Rela's intelect. Maybe this is where he learned it! "My controller is broken", indeed! Typical Abran. Loved the way Rela summed up Kryztan and Jay so accurately! Well done Mouse! :)

    Great sig, by the way Leona. ;)
  18. Jemmiah Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Dex yawned, idly looking around him for some mischief with which he could throw himself into whole-heartedly. On perceiving nothing of interest he decided it was about time he created his own mayhem, throwing an unsubtle wink at Kryztan and picking up an empty bottle from the table before him.

    "Master D's up to something." Jemmiah frowned at Firzel, who was stuffing his face with as many nerf sausages as he could cheerfully fit in. "You can always tell."

    "Hmmph?" Came back Firzel's somewhat muffled reply.

    But Jemmy's eyes were trained upon Master Berlingside as he wove his way through the chattering Jedi, bottle in hand. Corellian's were known for their ability to handle more drink than the average humanoid without ill effect, and Dex more than most of his race, yet for a man who had seemed incredibly sober some mere minutes before he now appeared remarkably unsteady on his feet?

    "Fresh air!" He hiccuped happily to himself, heading out for the balcony. "That's what I need!"

    Jemmiah continued to watch as Dex paused by the balcony, as if taking in the wonderful, glittering evening landscapes of Coruscant, sighing contentedly at the familiar view of the surroundings from the vantagepoint of the temple. He rested his hands on the sturdy balcony rail and then leaned forward as if to study something of interest below.

    The next thing Jemmiah knew the man had toppled over in a complete circle, disappearing from sight.

    For a moment her heart leapt straight into her mouth. Then there existed a strange, timeless sensation where she wondered whether she had actually imagined the whole thing. It was only when Tanni surged forwards with a yowl of distress, followed shortly by a host of other padawans and knights, that Jemmy realised she'd probably witnessed the last moments of the temple legend that was Dex Berlingside.

    What an odd way to go, she caught herself thinking distractedly?just falling like that. Almost as if he were so inebriated he'd lost all co-ordination and sense of reason. In all the years she'd known the man Jemmy had often seen him slightly tipsy, but never had alcohol ever seemed to have any real affect on him the way it did on Qui-Gon, which was most likely why Qui-Gon rarely drank. So why, now, did this have to happen?

    "At my sithing party!" Hissed Jemmy, knowing that Qui-Gon would definitely hold it against her when he discovered that his best friend had died on his premises whilst she had been in charge of the place. "Trust Dex to cause a stir, even with his last breath! It's almost as if he'd planned the whole damned stunt?"

    Planned it.

    It looked as if he'd choreographed the whole thing. That had been what Jemmiah had been trying to squeeze out of her shock-addled brain. Even drunk there was no way a man like Master Berlingside should have gone toppling over like that. She couldn't help but wonder if she could smell a very large Corellian rat?

    "No sign of him." Tanni shook his head. "Where's Healer Leona? Maybe we could ask her to?"

    "What? Stick him back together again?" Jay asked, peering over the side where Dex had fallen. He turned to a seemingly unshocked looking Kryztan, and bashfully lowered his head in acknowledgement of his friend's grief. "Oh?sorry. Didn't mean to be so insensitive."

    Kryztan said nothing, merely standing alone, staring out across the balcony.

    "How awful." Rela chewed fretfully on a curl. "And the day before Qui-Gon comes back, too! I mean, we can pull the fresher off his wall and rebuild his sofa but how you replace his friend in the space of ten hours?don't suppose they have an identical one in the pet store, huh?" She joked feebly.

    Jemmy put her hands on her hips.

    "Oh, don't worry about him." She waved a hand dismissively at Rela. "He'll be fine."

    Rela looked at Jemmy as if she had gone stark raving mad.

    "Fine?" She queried. "Are you in shock, is that it? How 'fine' do you think a man is going to be after he falls several hundred feet from a balcony? Unless a passing Mynock is going to stop by to give him a lift he's no more
  19. Healer_Leona Squirrely Community Mod

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    :eek: :eek: Oh my!!! Dex perhaps barely made it out of there with his life!! Of all people to rush in on, Ferdi in the bath.. [face_laugh] [face_laugh] Wonder if it'll teach him a lesson?? Only for a day or two no doubt! LOL
  20. mouse2 Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 1999
    star 4
    Only Dexy would pull a trick like that with making everyone think he's gone, and manage to get killed in the process. ;)

    Then again you'd think of all people Dex would be caught up on temple gossip and realize that Master Borraise wasn't even there! [face_laugh] I will give him a Poor Dexy! though... After encountering Ferdi he should be thankful to alive!
  21. TheLurker Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 1
    Poor, poor Dexy. Scarred for life I imagine...
  22. PadawanKaterina Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 1, 2005
    star 2
    I missed one! I?m sorry mouse. :(

    ?Don?t think so! I?m going to hit you with ?I did not just catch you cheating on me with my best friend? move!? The next sound came from the holo-screen which had Rela?s tall leggy character holding the head of Jay?s character. ?Fatality!? a dark voice echoed out declaring Rela the winner.

    [face_laugh] Oh my, that entire post is hilarious! Kitty Boo Boo... :p

    Kryztan's mouth opened and closed uncertainly like a fish gasping for breath on a sandy bank. Behind him the door swung wide open, revealing the reluctant figure of a dishevelled Dex Berlingside who stood soaked to the skin, with what appeared fragments of broken flowerpot and soil mixed into his scalp. He walked up to Jemmiah. "Don't ask."

    :eek: ... [face_laugh] Only Dex...only Dex...
  23. Calamity Jinn Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2000
    star 4

    LOL!!! Boys, you should know better than to challenge Rela!! And if you don't, you soon will do! Great post Mouse! Loved Kitty-Boo-Boo!!



    Poor Dex! It's not often something gets the better of him, which makes it funny when it eventually happens!

    Great post Jemster!
  24. DarthIshtar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    OMG, Ferdi getting set upon by Dex. That was beyond priceless.
  25. Jemmiah Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Not much of a post, I know, but it keeps it ticking along in the right direction. :)


    *****

    The hours ticked by. Knights and padawans came and went, leaving the inevitable trail of party debris behind them. Discarded bottles lay on their sides, or broken upon the floor of Qui-Gon's kitchen. Firzel having stuffed both himself and just about every pocket on his person with cold sausage rolls had managed this time to correct the fault in the food-prep unit. A test had successfully managed to re-heat some cold split pea soup, although unfortunately the lid had not been placed upon the container which had led to the contents being sprayed liberally all over the inside surface?

    "Clean it up later." Rela suggested with a shrug of her shoulders. "Is it likely that the first thing Qui-Gon is going to do on arriving home will be to go straight to the prep unit? He and Scrubby will have eaten on the journey back. That's what the normal procedure is?."

    Jemmiah sighed, not particularly caring anymore. It was just one more problem in a long line to deal with. She had to admit that Rela was most likely right, except that Qui-Gon was bound to investigate the food prep unit sooner rather than later as the wretched thing was now beeping every five seconds?

    "It's been quite successful over all." Admitted the Corellian, glancing around the room. "Master Berlingside's stunt livened up proceedings rather nicely. I just hope for his sake he manages to keep clear of the infirmary for the foreseeable future: Ferdi had a memory like a Bantha! She never forgets."

    "Pity about the fresher." Rela leaned backwards so as to take in the view of the bathroom, where those remaining at the party were currently gathered to inspect the handiwork of the emergency services desperately trying to extricate the embarrassed Dizzy from his 'throne'. "How long did they say it would take to get him off?"

    "Not long," Jemmy grimaced, "not after they've removed the fresher from the wall. I have to admit to being more concerned about that than the food prep-unit. Even the most unobservant of people would surely work out they were missing a fresher from the bathroom. Not to mention the fact that the aforementioned bathroom looks like a building site."

    Mungo was keeping out of the way, so it seemed. He'd tried to pull a few strings, putting in some last minute desperate calls to his Wookiee friends and contacts on Coruscant to see if they couldn't find a replacement chair for Qui-Gon. Jemmiah had last seen him retreat to Obi-Wan's bedroom armed with a Wookiee communicator in one hand and a bottle of hooch in the other. That had been over half an hour ago?

    Mus chose that moment to wander through, wearing a large toothy grin.

    "Success!" He roared his delight. "Dizzy is free of the fresher and the fresher is now free of the wall! They say you can have it back fully repaired first thing next week?"

    Jemmy merely closed her eyes. She was quite beyond shock at that point, and as she wasn't the type that fainted there seemed very little else she could do that was even remotely practical.

    "And Mungo?" Rela asked the inevitable question. "What about the replacement chair?"

    "Ah, yes! There has been some success there also!" Mus tilted his head to one side. "We think we have one sorted out for you. It should be sent here tomorrow evening."

    "Qui-Gon comes home in the morning." Jemmy folded her arms. "Where is Mungo, anyway?"

    "He passed out on your young Jedi friend's bed." Explained Mus with a suitable degree of regret. "I fear it will be many hours before he will feel sufficiently free of the hooch effect before he can walk."

    Jemmy gazed around the room with a certain sense of inevitability. So, the chair would remain flayed. The sofa, cunningly disguised to hide the damage, would stay broken. The food had been devoured from the RU, a drunken Wookiee was lying comatose on Obi-Wan's bed. The fresher had been pulled off the wall - in pieces - and cat dander lay in large clumps over nearly every visible surface. Takkini chips an
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