Saga "When You Sleep"- (poem, Anakin's fall)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by solojones, Jul 22, 2003.

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  1. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    This is from Padme's perspective from sometime around episode III.



    When You Sleep

    The air is calm
    around your still form
    your face relaxed
    still and peaceful
    and I swear you are
    smiling
    blissfuly feeling the wind in your hair
    dreaming of freedom
    lounging in the grass
    smelling a sweet winf
    a boy
    I can?t help but love
    when you sleep
    but only then

    for
    when you awake
    the air ripples
    from your seeting breath
    your face contorted
    enraged and twisted
    and I swear you are
    grimacing
    enjoying the feel of blood on your hands
    dreaming of power
    stalking through the dark
    sensing out your prey
    a man
    I can?t help but fear

    My tears form a flood
    a torrent
    that I know will mix with
    your flowing anger
    when you stop sleeping

    -sj loves kevin spacey
  2. AERYN_SUN Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 1, 2001
    star 5
    interesting anakin poem. the whole thing was really great, i couldn't pick out my favorite stanza.

    ~aeryn
  3. Terr_Mys Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 19, 2002
    star 6
    Hmm...nice, very interesting. Gives you a deeper look into Padmé's deeper thoughts regarding Anakin, something which we haven't really seen in the movies so far.

    The only thing I'd rework is the last stanza. The diction and phrasing just seems a little awkward, but maybe that's just me. :p
  4. solojones Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 27, 2000
    star 9
    Heh thanks. I don't write poetry really. Especially not at 4am. But this just came out of nowhere.

    -sj loves kevin spacey
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