Before Where are you now? (OC) Response to 'Official Vig Challenge'...

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Kestrel_Kenobi, Jul 13, 2006.

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  1. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Title: Where Are You Now?
    Author: Kestrel_Kenobi
    Timeframe: Pre-TPM
    Characters: Nulaa Kenobi (OC)
    Genre: Angst
    Keywords: AU, Obi-Wan,
    Summary: A mother remembers her son.
    Notes: My response to a challenge from The Official Vignette Challenge Thread to write an Obi-Wan centered vig based on the title, Where are you now?
    Disclaimer: Nulaa is mine :) ?Star Wars/Obi-Wan aren?t :( ...

    A huge thank you to Jennifer_Lyn and Nienna ? both of whom helped me out with this little fic. You guys are the best! [:D]

    ****

    Where are you now?

    It?s been eighteen years since I saw you. Since I held you.

    Since I said goodbye to you.

    My boy. My only child.

    My Obi-Wan.

    Tonight like so many other nights gone past, I stand under the clear, star-lit sky and speak your name. I whisper it gently ? sometimes while smiling. Other times I break down in tears. Tonight I do neither, but feel the weight of the words on my lips and in my heart. Your name is as precious as a jewel to me - it was all I was able to give you before you had to go.

    To fulfill your destiny.

    I sway gently on my feet and close my eyes. I am glad for the isolation of this place. For the few neighbours who do not bother me. I can imagine I am anywhere and that there is only us.

    Sometimes I imagine you?re in my arms and I?m rocking you, like I did for the briefest of moments after you were born. I hum the same lullaby I remember my mother singing to me as a young child. For a moment my dreams take me away. For a moment I can really believe that you are here in my arms. But then I open my eyes and realize that they are empty and you are no longer that baby.

    And I am no longer your mother.

    I walk a little way, up a grassy slope that offers me a better view of the stars, the silence of the darkness comforting me somewhat. Letting me immerse myself in my memories without the distractions of the day. Sometimes I spend all day waiting for the night. So I can be with you again. I love remembering how it felt to have you within me. Even during my pregnancy I knew you would be different. You would twist and turn for hours and I would place my hands on my belly and feel your awkward movements, patting and stroking my belly to calm you. Call it mother?s intuition, but I knew you were not mine to keep. Even before they knew. It didn?t take them long though. They were at the door waiting for you, Obi-Wan. You were so important to them and they offered you a much better life than I could.

    I no longer feel any anger towards them?though I once did. I screamed and cried and ranted and wept for what felt like years after you left. I tumbled into a huge void of despair and one day managed to clamber out too exhausted to feel anything but the hollowness it left inside?

    I shake my head. Those are memories I don?t want to revisit. I want to remember the good things.

    I reach the top of the slope and look up, the stars are my only light tonight and there is nothing but dark fields and valleys stretching below me. I sit on the damp ground, clasping my knees to my chest? I breathe out slowly, letting the past return to me once more.

    You were born on a night like this and all the stars were shining for you. For us. It was the most wonderful moment of my life, to hold you in my arms. You looked up at me with pale blue eyes, so tranquil and so innocent. You were so beautiful. Any mother would have been proud?You had a soft head of dark hair and a delicate upturned nose. I marveled at how tiny you were. My eyes hungrily swept over every part of you. Drinking in every detail. Every crease, every blemish. I breathed you in. I stroked your skin. I made a memory of you so you could live within me forever.

    You?ll never know how much it hurt to have you taken from my arms. To find my belly and my heart so empty.

    I didn?t only lose you though ? I lost your father. Thou
  2. Jennifer_Lyn Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2005
    star 4
    lovely, lovely, work, Kes!

    i adore all the little changes, you can feel the chill in the air as she walks up that hill.

    and so heartbreaking that even after all these years she grieves for her son.

    Obi's dad was a Jedi? ooh, i just love that idea, it seems so poetic.

    AU? hmm, we'll probably never really know. feels pretty canony to me.

    =D=
  3. Meredith_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    star 4
    :_| that was so beautiful and sad. Wonderful job! =D= =D= =D=
  4. Nienna_Narmolanya Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2005
    star 4
    I think of you every night my son. I love you, though I could not keep you.

    :_| Beautiful, poignant, heartbreaking... That's what this entire fic was - and I loved every minute of it. :D The story you created for Obi's parentage is one I've never seen written before; bonus points for uniqueness! Nulaa's voice is so tender and sad... and painfully real.

    Bottom line: I can't get over how wonderful this viggie is! :D

    Three cheers for Kes! =D=
  5. obi_webb Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 4, 2005
    star 4
    that was just beautiful kes! you perfectly capture the thoughts of a mother that was put in that situation..
    the part that really intrigued me..
    Is your father there with you? Have they ever told you? Did he finish his training? Perhaps they let him train you? His first mission brought him here, to me. Will he return one day and bring you with him? In my mind I still see him as a young man with cloudy blue eyes, a thin braid and a mischievous grin. I smile while remembering him, his touch, his laugh and at the end, his sadness.

    Would I know him now? Would he know me?


    obi's father was a jedi.. that was a great little touch. my first thought was qui-gon, but i doubt that, reading some of the little things you said.. but still!
    always a pleasure to see you writing m'dear[:D] [:D]

  6. JadeSolo Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2002
    star 6
    I made a memory of you so you could live within me forever.

    You?ll never know how much it hurt to have you taken from my arms. To find my belly and my heart so empty.


    :_| How awful for her. She doesn't even have Obi-Wan's father with her. Curious minds want to know more about him. [face_mischief] You really captured a mother's pain of never knowing what's happening to her son. Great vig, Kestrel!
  7. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Awwww that was wonderful Kestrel -- My first thought that it was Qui-Gon too, until you said she :D Doesn't seem to be AU to me, but it's very well done :)
  8. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    :_| :_| :_| :_|

    That was so heartbreaking!

    I never understood the "need" for parents to surrender their children to the Jedi...curse that attachment rule!

    Beautiful job capturing Obi's mother's heartache.

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  9. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    JL - [:D] thank you so much for your help and comments! AU? hmm, we'll probably never really know. feels pretty canony to me. Aw, thanks [face_blush] - that's one of the nicest things I've ever been told!

    Meredith_Kenobi - Thanks for reading! :)

    Nienna - [:D] Thanks so much for you advice and lovely words! Bottom line: I can't get over how wonderful this viggie is! :D

    obi - Thank you m'dear...mmmm Qui-Gon, have to say the thought crossed my mind! lol [:D]

    JadeSolo - Thank you so much. She doesn't even have Obi-Wan's father with her. Curious minds want to know more about him. lol...I seem to have created a little stir with Obi-Wan's dad. You never know there may be more...

    Layren - Thanks :D ...another vote for Qui-Gon - well, you'll have to wait and see! [face_mischief]

    Kelia - [:D] Thank you...I never understood the "need" for parents to surrender their children to the Jedi...curse that attachment rule! ...I know lol...but it makes for great angst! ;)

    OK, a bunny has bitten and there may be more I'll do with this. Thank you all for reading! :)
  10. RyooNaberrie Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 1, 2006
    star 1
    This vignette was simply wonderful! Your fic was based upon Obi-Wan, that's all that really matters! I thought you did a marvelous job!!! Keep up the brilliant work, and I hope to see you soon again at "The Naberrie Household" !http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/24289443/p1/?0


    The Naberrie Household Official Vigntte-Challenge host,
    RyooNaberrie
  11. Noelie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 11, 2005
    star 4
    Very lovely thoughts.

    The loneliness of giving up a child to a Jedi when you were a single mother, and not knowing if the father ever knew would be very hard.

    While blue eyes ect would make sense for Qui-Gon, a padawan braid at the time of his birth wouldn't. :) So while the romance of the idea is very compelling, there is that issue, unless this is AU of somekind dating Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan differently

    Just my take on it :)

    I suppose you might tell us?
  12. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    RyooNaberrie - :D thank you for reading and thanks for setting up the challenge!

    Noelie- Thank you :) ...While blue eyes ect would make sense for Qui-Gon, a padawan braid at the time of his birth wouldn't. lol - caught out!

    So while the romance of the idea is very compelling, there is that issue, unless this is AU of somekind dating Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan differently ...ooh, I like that - I hadn't thought of it, but that's a good idea!

    I suppose you might tell us?
    I think I'm enjoying the debate too much! ;)

    OK...lol...it's not Qui-Gon. I do have a fic in mind about Obi's parents though, so I don't want to give too much away! ;)

    Thanks for reading!
  13. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Too young to be a mother, but not too young to love.

    Ooooh, that's so sad.=D= And these Jedi, just droppinig babies everywhere, aren't they? They're so careless. Is it Qui-Gon I wonder?
  14. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    ardavenport - :)...thank you for reading! And these Jedi, just droppinig babies everywhere, aren't they? They're so careless. lol - they really are!
    Is it Qui-Gon I wonder? Nope! :D ...
  15. Stella_Ripple Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 29, 2005
    star 3
    For a moment I can really believe that you are here in my arms. But then I open my eyes and realize that they are empty and you are no longer that baby.

    And I am no longer your mother.


    awww! that was all that is sad and wonderful and oh so touching! lovery, dear, just loverly!
    another amazing oc for us!

    lol not qui gon, huh? is it an oc? i hope you'll get on to that fic- would love to see obi's parents, with or without him! *stella's more fanatic self creeps in- pssst. if it's without make sure you grab yourself another obi bunny to make up for it* :p
  16. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Stella - Thank you m'dear...glad you enjoyed this little walk in OC land...Ok...ok...yes Obi's dad is an oc...lol...and I have plans for a longer fic about him and Nulaa. As for obi bunnies? I think I have my hands full with him in the XOver fic - the naughty boy that he is! ;)

    [:D]
  17. slow_dawn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 18, 2006
    star 2
    I no longer feel any anger towards them?though I once did. I screamed and cried and ranted and wept for what felt like years after you left. I tumbled into a huge void of despair and one day managed to clamber out too exhausted to feel anything but the hollowness it left inside?

    I try to let go of you?but still I grieve. For the child I never got to hold. For the man I?ll never know. For the mother I never was.


    Finally got to read this. Great challenge response--very artfully done with Obi-Wan just being a memory. Beautifully done, you've really showed how it must feel for the parents of all Jedi--something that we don't often think about.

    Excellent work.
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