Before Where the Heart Is (a new twist on Obi-Wan's past: he's got a twin ;) UPDATE 10/12/05)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by lost_jedii, Aug 31, 2005.

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  1. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    Title: Where the Heart Is
    Author: Lost_jedii
    Timeframe: Four years before the Phantom Menace
    Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, Mace Windu, Yoda (all owned by George Lucas) and a bunch of my OC?s.
    Genre: Drama, a bit of action and a little bit of romance, some other things too.
    Summary: This is my little version of who Obi-Wan?s true family is, and what happens when they meet up in the future. This is basically a fic about different peoples? lives and how, even if it doesn?t seem like it, they?re intertwined.
    Notes: I'm really sorry if this story doesn't go along with the books, I sadly haven't kept up with them. I tried to keep some things vague so it wouldn't go too much out of the story line. I hope you guys like this, please give me any type of criticism you want, I need the help (this is only the second fic I've ever posted here *is shy*). Thanks for taking the time to read this :)



    Oh, again, George Lucas owns many of the characters in here. I just own my OC's, etc. I also had to make up some new planets for the outer rim (I hope that?s okay). Anyways, I hope you guys like this :)







    Prologue


    The night was cold and frosty, ice bunched on the ground and fresh snowflakes gently fell from the heavens. They were small and sweet, gracing the land and stirring up old, forgotten memories. The cries of a woman giving birth could be softly heard.

    ?Push, it?s just a little longer now.? The midwife told the exhausted woman, who was completely drenched in sweat. Her eyes were large and brown, they were doe-eyes. Her hair was also an almond brown but it was dusted with gold. She was slim but tall, a powerful figure. If it wasn?t for the tired creases around her eyes you would mistake her for someone ten years younger than she truly was.
    The birther quickly beckoned to her helper, ?Get another large bowl of water and several towels, quick!? Her commanding voice thundered as the other small woman scampered away. The stout woman took the last clean towel that lay next to her and gently patted the young girl?s forehead, with years of experience behind her small hands. She adeptly sized up the situation once more before inwardly sighing. So far it had been a difficult birth, roughly about 17 hours. Fatigue etched the young one?s every feature, and she looked as if she might faint at any moment. The birther had known the woman for many years, and she knew she was incredibly strong, but she was also small, and many others had died in birth before. Too many lives had she seen fall in her hands, like dying doves. They were too young and pure to die now, with so much ahead of them, yet she had still lost many. But not this one. She couldn?t. She wouldn?t allow it. ?Where are the towels?? Her voice barked impatiently as the helper quickly skirted back with arms full of supplies. ?Just a little longer, push hard now, it will be over soon, I promise.? She whispered as she wetted another towel.

    Another woman stood near by, anxiously watching to see if the groaning woman was alright. She had offered to help countless times, but the birther had waved her off. She was here to take the babies to a safer place, with someone else to raise them. She had met the woman in child labor before, and had liked her immensely. She must have done something to convince her that she was responsible, for the woman had requested her help. She gritted her teeth fiercely and told herself not to back down, not to cry. This was what was right. The soon to be born child needed a safer home then what its mother or her family could offer, and that is precisely why the young woman had called upon her. But who was anyone kidding? It was still hard. She could only imagine what it must be like for the soon to be mom. To know you will never see your child again, the one you have held inside you for nine months, nine months of attachment and love, and a connection stronger than any other pretty much known. And then to suddenly have the child ripped away from you. ?How can
  2. JOINME Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4
    Oh wow, this is really interesting!
    A very intriguing twist on Obi-Wan's past!

    So he is a twin...and he has a scret brother somewhere...

    His poor mother, it must have been so hard for her, you captured her emotions so well. That scene with her boys was so touching. :_|

    I can't wait to read more of this! Please PM me with updates if you can. :) [:D]

  3. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    I'm so glad you liked it!!! :D Thanks for reading this :) I'll definitely PM you with the updates. As soon as I can get my writer's block to go away then a new chapter will be up soon ;)
  4. DarthIshtar Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Mar 26, 2001
    star 9
    Ooh, twins, I love it. More, please!
  5. DARTH_RAMA Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2005
    star 3
  6. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
  7. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    Thank you so much for reading!!! :D I was getting worried that it was too far off of a twist. :)

    DarthIshtar- Thanks for reading DarthIshtar :D Yeah, when I first started this, I was trying to think of a twist, and another cute Obi-Wan out there in the galaxies was something I couldn't pass up [face_laugh] [face_laugh]

    DARTH_RAMA- Thank you, I'm really glad you liked it :D I'm going to try and have another chapter up today.

    VaderLVR64- Thanks again!!!! :) If there's anything you guys think needs changing or you thought a bit weird please just let me know ;)


    The next part will be up soon, I promise! Although, I gotta tell you, it kind of takes a different turn, hope you guys still like it ;) So far I have JOINME on my PM list, if you want to be added just let me know :)
  8. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    Hey you all ;) Here's chapter one. Sorry if there's some errors in it, my beta hasn't gotten back to me on this chapter yet but I thought I'd just post it anyways. I hope it doesn't seem rushed. Alrighty, please tell me what you think :)






    Chapter 1


    21 years later?


    Obi-Wan Kenobi?s lightsaber hummed in the big room, but it strangely didn?t send any echoes off the walls. He had been blindfolded and so was his opponent, they were practicing their lightsaber skills. He had no idea who he was fighting, but whoever it was they were very skillful and quick with their lightsaber. He had to quickly parry and defend when the force warned him of an attack on his left. He was perspiring and desperately wished to wipe his forehead, but that would break his concentration. He had always known one of his sore spots was being connected to the living force, and he almost always had trouble with that, but today he had cleared his mind and opened his entire body to the ways of the force, and it pulsed through him, guiding, teaching, and directing him.

    Suddenly the opponent stopped attacking and stealthily remained silent. He forced down his rising frustration and mentally chided himself for his deep irritation. It was not a Jedi trait, and when ever he felt it rising up again the force slowly ebbed away. He just couldn?t help it; he was exhausted from fighting whoever his opponent was for three hours straight, neither could seem to catch the other. The force suddenly surged again, trying to warn Obi-Wan but he was too late to do an easy block, so he was forced to drop on one knee into a complete parry stance. It saved him from the blow of the low-power lightsaber, but now he was on the floor and the other person had the advantage. They attacked quickly and smoothly, and Obi-Wan grappled with his slick saber to defend himself. The lightsabers? humming intensified as their sabers began to accelerate in their speeds. He had to do something to get him back on equal ground and able to fight with his entire body.

    It was risky, what he had in mind, but he had no other choice. Obi-Wan reached out to the force and felt it smooth over him, fill all his molecules and his aching muscles. He tensed up, flew in the air and flipped over his opponent, just in time to go into another defense stance before the other?s saber came crashing down on him.

    ?Enough, that is, young pupils. Both improving in the ways of the force, you are.? Master Yoda?s calm voice spoke clearly and carried over, despite the large room. Obi-Wan gently unfolded his blindfold and so did his opponent. A female head emerged from the other?s blindfold. Siri. He should have known from the skill and quickness that it was her, he was just surprised because this was the only time she had been truly patient in a fight. They used to be somewhat rivals but had grown into friends, it had been hard between them for awhile, and then they?d?.well, it had been a shock to him, but they?d fallen in love. Even though it had been three years ago, an ache still filled him when he thought of those memories. Attachments were forbidden in the Jedi Code, and he and Siri would never betray the order. Never. So they had decided to just become friends and that was all. But for Siri, she said there could never be any looks, words, or anything on the matter of what had happened between them. He had understood why?.and he knew it was right?.but you can never truly forget the love you have for someone, even if you?ve buried it so far down below you have forgotten about it. Almost.

    Siri?s blonde hair glittered in the bright lights of the temple and sweat soaked her tunic, as he was sure his did as well. She powered down her lightsaber and nodded briefly at him before respectfully bowing. Obi-Wan returned the bow and gently tucked his own lightsaber in his utility belt, once again pushing down the tedious ache. He looked over to see that, sometime in the fight, his Master Qui-Gon Jinn and Siri?s master, Adi Gallia, had come
  9. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    Any readers out there? [-o|
  10. JOINME Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4
    Wonderful update! =D=

    Love the addition of Siri to the story, and I really enjoyed the specifics of the light saber exercise, you write very well!

    and so they have a mission... :D I can't wait to see what will happen!

    Logan eh...this Logan is very interesting... ;) :D

    and I love your descriptions of Nebes, really beautiful!

    an assassin? eek... [face_worried]

    I can't wait for more! Please continue to PM me if it aint any trouble! thanks! [:D]

  11. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2

    JOINME- Thanks for reading!!! :D I really appreciate your comments. Nebes is one of the planets I made up, I wanted it to sound beautiful but kind of war torn at the same time. I'll let you wonder about Logan for now ;)


  12. JOINME Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4
    Please update soon! :D I can't wait to see what will happen with Logan! :D

  13. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    Thanks JOINME!!! :D I promise to update soon. I'm editing chapter 2 right now (my beta is sick! :( Poor beta). Thanks again for reading, I really appreciate it :D
  14. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    Hey everyone :) Here's most of chapter 2, I hope you like it ;) Please remember that any type of criticism is totally fine. I need all the help I can get ;)






    Chapter 2


    Logan Sarsc stared out at the abyss of water below him, the cerulean blue sea crashed against the rock walls on the shore, its misty blue fingers reaching out and touching the hanging gardens. They were hung above the ocean by an ancient creature?s webs, which were stronger than steel. The gardens had always been the most peaceful and beautiful place on the planet of Nebes. Flowers blossomed all along it, some were shocks of pink and sky blue while others looked like a sea of gold and flames. There were candy apple green plants that hung from the top of the gardens that always gave off the most fragment smell, a smell of jasmines and the sea, of a sweet candy. They were rare, the only place they could be found on was Nebes, but not many cared enough to stop and smell the roses much. There was about, roughly, 20 gardens strewn along the large coastline of the planet, and most went to the ones closest to the shore. But Logan?s favorite was one that was about the second farthest away from the coastline, not many people went there, and it was nice just to be able to be alone above the sea, lost in your own thoughts.

    A sad ache began to spread through him, but he quickly quieted it. To dwell on the could have beens of your life was truly pointless, all it accomplished was filling you with regret and sorrow. Usually he?d been able to block it out and concentrate, but today he could not stop the fierce ache that filled his entire being. Would anything really ever feel the same again? ?Do you always come up here? It?s quite beautiful.? A female voice yanked Logan out of his thoughts as he quickly turned around. The girl?s brown hair glittered with dusts of gold in the sunlight, her hazel eyes looked thoughtful as she inspected the garden.

    From the minor report he?d received Mace Windu and the larger one from the Surpreme Councellor the woman was Nefia Conarais, one of the passengers on his cruiser. He had been given a job to escort a certain party of people to Coruscant for a political meeting, there had been many security measures taken on it. There was a controversy going on between two planets in the very far reaches of the outer rim, and it was beginning to cause a lot of trouble in the Senate. He and his best friend Renon had been contacted and offered a decent price of money to guard the party and give them passage to Coruscant. The cruiser was getting some last minute repairs done, and he thought the entire party had been bickering about something when he?d left for one last look of the sea. Nebes was not his home planet. It was just, he?d come to love this world when he visited it on all sorts of different missions with Renon. Nefia was quiter than he?d thought; she had completely gotten him by surprise. Logan cleared his throat. ?Lady Nefia, it is nice to see you again.? She waved her hand in the air, ?Please, you really don?t have to be so formal. I?m just Nefia, plain old Nefia.? She had placed one hand on her hip as she watched the dazzling ocean around them. This made Logan grin. Most senators and politicians he had ever had experience with were usually only formal, either that or pompous and stuck up. He hadn?t ever met someone so outspoken, and?.well, defiant. Her world was probably in good hands. ?Alright, Nefia then. I?m Logan, one of the pilots. And yes, when I get the chance this is always the first place I go on Nebes.?

    The tall woman raised an eyebrow at him, but shook his hand with a good grip. ?It?s funny; you do not seem like the kind to take joy in gardens.? Logan glanced down at his worn pants and jacket, his boots with the hidden dagger in them. He had made an effort to clean his face this morning, so he knew there weren?t any oil smudges. From his appearance you?d think he was some crazy pilot who told his every thought and didn?t care who heard it. Or the kind who constantly started bar brawls.
  15. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
  16. JOINME Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4
    What a wonderful post lost_jedi!

    You write so beautifully, your descriptions are stunning!

    I have a bad feeling about this assassin, and of course Obi-Wan's feelings.. I think perhaps he is beginning to sense Logan? or it has something to do with Logan I'm sure. :D

    There was probably something the masters weren?t telling them because it was not necessary for them to know.

    [face_worried]

    I can't wait till you update again! [face_dancing]
  17. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    Thank you so much for reading and commenting JOINME!!! I really, really appreciate it :D

    I wish I could say about Obi-Wan's feelings but then that'd probably give away a big part of the story.

    It was hard for me to write the assassins parts because I don't really know much about them, but the sections seemed to have the right effect :D

    Thank you so much again!!! [:D] [:D]
  18. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    Hey :D Here's the last part of chapter 2. It's pretty short, but I promise to make the next update a lot longer ;) Thanks again for reading this :)




    Light gently filtered through the large window, dancing playfully with the temple?s carpets and curtains. The light was pure, like a white halo. It always was like that early in the morning. Of course it was not real, all the elements on Coursant are man made, but it was still beautiful nonetheless. Qui-Gon Jinn closed his eyes as the sun began to rise higher in the sky and bathe the temple. He sighed. In these moments, when everything seemed to be perfect, it made him not remember that there are things he?d rather forget. Things that still haunted him every single day. It was not a Jedi trait to dwell on the could have beens, so he eased his mind from all thoughts and began to meditate.

    After a few moments of meditation Qui-Gon sensed a being behind him. He knew who it was. Without even turning around or opening his eyes, he spoke simply, ?Obi-Wan, please come and sit. You could always work on your meditation skills.? The boy crossed over the room and sat across from his master, trying desperately to hide the grin that would not leave his features. ?Master, with all due respect, must we practice meditation again today?? The boy tried to keep his voice neutral, but the groan was still in it. Qui-Gon?s eyes twinkled with amusement. ?Had enough practice for now, my young padawan?? Obi-Wan nodded, his copper hair looking like fire in the sunlight. ?For 10 hours yesterday Master Windu had me meditating. I know it is a Jedi trait, but 10 hours in an incredibly long time master.? Qui-Gon looked thoughtful. ?Hmmmmm, well then, let?s practice a little longer, shall we?? Obi-Wan, too tired from the last couple days of events, sighed openly before crossing his legs in a meditation stance.

    Qui-Gon turned to hide a smile. His padawan was an excellent student, so willing to learn and so honest and true. Teaching Obi-Wan had been good for him as well, he was a better man from it. He learned things from him, and visa versa. Of course their temperaments clashed at times, but all master-padawan relationships did. Their bond was unbreakable now, he had been teaching Obi-Wan for a long time. Even when he first met him, when he refused to take him as his padawan, he could not deny even then that something great was in this young boy?s destiny. He was destined for crucial things, Qui-Gon could feel it and he knew Master Yoda had forseen things the first time Obi-Wan had even arrived at the temple. He remembered Master Yoda placing an infant Obi-Wan in his arms, and Obi-Wan?s eyes had danced with child playfulness then, he should have forseen it coming before the baby had vomited on him. Yoda had been smiling as Qui-Gon stared in shock at his ruined tunic and the coughing boy. After he?d cleaned himself up, he helped the caretakers clean the now very tired youngling. Obi-Wan had looked up at him with such a sincere-sad face, as if trying to apologize to the unusually tall man. The earnestness on such a young one?s face had surprised Qui-Gon, and the infant had wrapped his little hand around one of the master?s index fingers and gently shook it before falling asleep. Qui-Gon remembered looking down at the youngling?s sweet, peaceful face, and their connection had started then. Of course he had not known Obi-Wan was destined to become his second apprentice, that his first padawan, Xanatos, was going to turn to the dark side. The memories of that day still filled Qui-Gon with anguish and sorrow, and loathing at himself for failing his old padawan. It had taken so long to heal from that wound, longer than anyone could have possibly imagined, what Xanatos had done cut him immeasurably deeply. But the wound was a scar now, not fresh and alive, but more of a reminder of a time long ago. Obi-Wan had helped him heal, and the thought that he was training Obi-Wan filled him with a pride a parent would have over their child, it would be an amazing day when he and Obi-Wan fought side by side,
  19. JOINME Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4
    awww...that was such a wonderfully sweet update! :)

    I really enjoyed this, it gave some wonderful background info on Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, and how close they are.

    Ha ha, baby Obi vomiting on him! [face_laugh]

    Mace had him meditating for 10 hrs? :eek: He *is* evil. lol.

    Can't wait for more! You are a wonderful writer. :)
  20. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    THANK YOU :D :D :D I'm really glad you are enjoying this :) :) Thank you again for all the comments ;)

    Baby Obi-Wan vomiting on Qui was my favorite part of that post [face_laugh]

    I'm going to be gone from tonight until early Tuesday morning, but I'm going to try to have a post up a little while after I get back ;)

    Thanks again! :)

  21. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Yay, I finally had enough time to read this story! And I enjoyed it very much, I must say. [face_love] You're a very good writer, lost jedii! That first post was sad, I wonder why they had to hide the babies away, hmm... And this Logan character sounds interesting, I'm wondering if he could be the lost twin? [face_thinking] It sounds like he doesn't know who he is, hmmm... And those assassins with the lightsaber-proof weapons, ack! What are they up to, I wonder? [face_worried] Oh yeah, I really liked Qui's thoughts about Obi in that last post, and I loved how baby Obi had barfed on him, hee hee! [face_laugh] And then how baby Obi 'apologized' for it, aww... [face_love] I really love stories that show Qui and Obi with a father-son relationship, I'm so glad this is one of those! :D
    I look forward to more, I can't wait to see what's gonna happen! Thanks for sharing! @};-
  22. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    Thank you so much Bastet!!! I really appreciate the time you've taken to read the story and comment ;) Aww, your words are so kind. Thanks again! :D

    Is Logan the lost twin, or just some random guy? I cannot say yet :D Promise that will be revealed some time in the future ;)

    I'm so glad you enjoyed the sections about Qui and Obi's relationship. I love them together, and I was worried my writing wasn't portraying them how they truly are, but your comments have made me feel a lot better about it :)

    See you on the boards! :D
  23. lost_jedii Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 30, 2005
    star 2
    Hey you all :) I don't have a lot of computer access, so I didn't write another post yet (and writer's block also has something to do with it :D), but I thought I could post something to help you understand things in my next posting ;) In the next one it'll be a lot about Logan and the politicians he and Renon are taking to Coruscant, and I thought I'd post some background info on my OC's (the politicians) and the planets (I made em' up, I hope that's alright). Sorry, this is probably boring, but I wanted to do this so maybe it'd be easier to understand stuff in the next posting (I'll try to explain it though in the next update anyways :)).

    Usual Disclaimer:I just own my OC's and the made up planets, but George Lucas of course owns the whole world of Star Wars (and some of the planets (like Tatooine)and characters like Obi, Qui, Yoda, etc). Oh, please tell me if anything here messes up the Star Wars storyline and I promise I'll change it.


    The Planets:

    . Nebes- Near Tatooine, so it's in the outer rim. An exceptionally beautiful planet, Nebes was once probably the most peaceful planet in the galaxy. But now it has been war torn for the past twenty years or so, and it is falling apart.

    .Barsqe- A desert planet similar to Tatooine, except the whole planet is pretty much empty, except for a city in the center of it, where there is shockingly a forest. The reason why it is partially so empty is because of the 800 wars, which whiped out almost all of the population. But now they seem to be growing in size. Located even farther away from Nebes and Tatooine.

    .Sarrens- Much closer to the inner rim than most planets in the Outer Rim, but it is still in the Outer Rim. It is highly populated and growing more and more in size. There is much power play and corruption there over the rising planet.

    .Lyhinerz- Somewhat of a sister planet to Barsqe, Lyhinerz is near it and makes trips there a few times a year to help replenish some supplies that Barsqe cannot get naturally. Like Barsqe, Lyhinerz is usually a closed off planet that mostly just stays in contact with Barsqe. It is populated by only one type of creature, the Lyhin, which is what the planet is named after. It is mostly made up of water, so much that there is only a couple of islands on the whole planet.

    .Tian- It is small like its name. Tian is somewhat in the middle of the planets in the Outer Rim, and it has always been a pretty peaceful planet. However, it has excellent resources and many corrupt leaders of different planets have been trying to illegally gain control of Tian's capital cities.

    .Rian- Has surprisingly nothing to do with Tian, despite their similar names. This planet has all the climates: mountains, forests, deserts, oceans, snow, rain, sunshine, etc. No one has been to it in 200 years. It has mostly been forgotten, but new settlers have suddenly been moving there, and none have ever come back or contacted anyone to tell them that they got their safely. But no emergency messages have ever been sent out either. A lot of mystery surrounds this planet. The new settlers have shed some light on the planet though, and so Rian had to make some contact with Coruscant and the Senate, and somehow that got televised a bit (people were curious about this planet that they'd, for the most part, never heard of).



    The Politicians:

    .Darren Rimins- represents Sarrens. He is very wealthy and has high standards for pretty much everything. He could irritate almost anyone he talks to, but he's good at heart. Or at least he most likely is.

    .Lyr Lyhis- represents Lyhinerz. He is very quite. But he seems wise and thoughtful, and really not accompanied to being surrounded by so many different species of people.

    .Nefia Conarias-represents Tian. She has a fiery spirit and is kind but with a headstrong edge for such a young age. (Hmmm, remind you of anyone :p? Padme' *cough cough* But they're pretty different too ;)).

    .Seres Berz- represents Rian. He is young and very good looking, yet he always seems aloof in th
  24. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Nah, I didn't think that was weird, or boring either. These planets and their representatives sound interesting, it's good to know more about them, I say. Seres Berz from Rian sounds especially interesting... ;)
    Thanks for the info, and I look forward to more story! :D
  25. JOINME Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4

    Interesting post! :)

    OK so this isn't really an update on the story, but it was a very interesting read nonetheless!
    Great planets and OCs!

    I agree with Bastet, Serez Berz does seem interesting... :D

    Can't wait for the update! [face_dancing]
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