Beyond - Legends "Whilst Embers Want for Flame", (Dear Diary Challenge 2011) Mara/Luke - Entry IV up 3/18

?whilst embers want for flame?

Genre: Drama, Romance
Rating: PG
Time Frame: Post Sacrifice
Characters: Mara Jade/Luke Skywalker, OT and PT cast

Summary: The diary of the late Mara Jade Skywalker, chronicling her time in the afterlife until she is reunited with her husband.

Notes: My diary for the Dear Diary 2011 challenge. Of course I had to choose an . . . interesting route, as I figured that I needed something to hook my muse all year ? and what better than bitter sweetness with the potential for mush and angst?

On that note, this is a companion and expansion to my vignette ?embers, lie sleeping?. Updates shall come on Mondays every other week ? and more often as I find I have a surplus of material. Because of the errant updates, I will be keeping a PM list if any are interested.


Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, but for the words.



PM List

* Briannakin
* aurrasingrules101
* Hazel
* Luna_Nightshade
* JediMara77
* kataja
* mavjade

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[blockquote][i]Entry I [/i] [/blockquote]



The funny thing about ending is, it is something that I have stood on the precipice of many times before.

For most of my life, death has been a constant ally and companion both. I wielded it as much as it wielded me, and I was a favored servant. I served the late Emperor, who was merely an extension of the black forces of the universe. And when I rose above that servitude, death was still something that haunted my steps, waiting for me to stumble, to reach out and claim me as its own. I have never chosen a placid line of work ? from my duties with Karrde, to my time with Luke, to the last two wars that have torn our galaxy asunder . . . I have known the precipices of front lines, and the ways of the enemy most intimately, even though those are times that I'd rather not think of.

For this to be my final fall, and my end . . .

At first, it had angered me. The man before me ? my murderer - whom I had called family, was someone who had the potential to tear the ones I loved at their seams. And I hated him for his betrayal. I mourned him for it, in the blackness of those tunnels, as I felt my everything slip from me.

Oddly enough, in those last moments, my connection to Luke had been the brightest thing I had ever felt . . . And that light had only been eclipsed by what came after.

You see, death is not black, it is light and life returned to those waiting to be joined by their wholes. The Force is calm here, so unerringly pure and perfect ? something luminous that was so much more than the crude experience we knew in corporeal forms. It is a phenomenon that I know will interest Luke, when he joins me, and I can't wait to show him through the highs and the lolls of the After . . .

When he joins me . . . The thought is heady; intoxicating, almost.

Even so, I hope that our reunion is not for a long time, even though I yearn for his presence by my side. In some ways, death numbs the more tangible wanting, but I had survived for years with Luke as half and whole of my mind. Our bond was something marveled and unheard of in its intensity, and to suddenly exist on my own thoughts and feelings now . . . It was odd. I could still feel a shadow of my husband, as if our connection was merely doused with a great wall of water. He was a star to my senses ? bright enough to be seen from the whole of space away, but small enough to be lost with a wink.

He is an ember to me, now, when I want so dearly for flames.

You may wonder . . . Why am I keeping this chronicle? Why am I telling a story when mine has just come to an end?

I will say this in reply . . . Life is but an introduction, and death no end ? and yet, until his end and mine are one, I will do everything in my power to connect wit

 

Jade_eyes: Thanks! It is interesting taking a lyrical spin on Mara's voice - and the motif of the embers and flames is one that will creep up again.

JM77: The consensus of still hating Sacrifice seems to be general. Thanks so much for reading.

JediFalcon: Aww, thanks. There's more coming up.

Luna_Nightshade: All of those things and more are upcoming. As are PMs.

Hazel: Yep, Sacrifice was the worst. I am glad that you are giving this a go, though.

Master_Jay: It is so good to see you here! Thanks for following my muse down yet another interesting direction.

earlybird: Thanks.

aurra: *passes tissue* Just don't use all of them until this chapter is done. PMs are acoming.

Bri: Thanks! Yep - the perfect word to describe this fic is bittersweet.


Thank-you everyone, for leaving your thoughts.


~MJ

 

Entry II

?My name is Anakin Skywalker, and I'll be your guide to the After.?

It took a moment for the spirit's words to register properly in my mind. As they did, tumbling over each other like raindrops as they fell through the sky, I stared dubiously at the hand offered to me. With my gaze, I traced the hand - glowing blue and serene to my eyes - up the arm, clothed with Jedi robes in the style of the old Order, up a shoulder and neck thick with muscle and strength . . . to look at the man that I had known for years as Darth Vader . . .

He looked like Luke, was the first thought that traveled almost violently through me, staggering in intensity. It was almost disconcerting to my memories to see the kind eyes of my husband shining from the face of the man who used to call himself Vader. To think that such a likeness loitered behind the faceless black monster all of those years . . . It spun at my memories, this knowledge, even as I placed my hand in Anakin's; allowing him to help me up.

I was wobbly on my new feet at first, my balance forgotten as my feet struggled for purchase against the unearthly sand. Anakin seemed to expect this. For a moment later his hold was tighter upon me, assisting me where I could not assist myself. I truly was as a child again, learning things anew.

?It's okay,? he encouraged me, ?it takes all of us some time to get our legs in this realm.?

At the mention of my death, I felt another pang shoot through me, but more numb than I would have expected. The pain was akin to feeling an arrow strike me through armor ? taking my breath, but leaving no mark as my body cloaked itself under death's shadow.

This was so surreal . . .

I trembled violently at the thoughts swirling through my head, trying to find my balance through the whole of them.

?Try breathing,? Anakin said next, his voice wry. ?You don't need to in this form, but the memory of it will calm you.?

I was one step ahead of him, taking in huge, gulping breaths as I thought of what laid before me . . . of what I had left behind. I could feel my 'body' rising and expanding, but there was no air around me to breathe . . . even though there was a sort of breeze that soothed my body . . . sending Anakin's robes in a gentle flutter about his form, and tangling my hair before my vision. The scant wind quieted as I took notice of it, and I narrowed my eyes on the alieness of this place . . .

Sooner than I would have were I still mortal, I could feel myself calming, my spirit self flowing from an agitated white to a more calm shade of blue in color in a direct reflection of my emotions.

Curious and curiouser . . .

?And it gets better than that,? Anakin said after a moment had past, and I was able to collect my thoughts under me once more.

?Does it now?? I inquired, raising a brow at the smile that the other man couldn't seem to keep out of his voice. Where Vader had been heavy and harsh against my senses, this man was all energy and whip wire grace . . . skin hardly sewn together over the intangibility of a storm. I understood, in that moment, the stories of the man who had been the Chosen One . . . just a very little.

?Well, I've come to like it,? Anakin returned. He looked critically over me, his eyes a shade brighter than the sapphire planes of his body. ?Do you think you can walk now??

I took a hesitant step, distantly noting how my feet rested just above the sand, but did not sink down further. At my ankles, the surf rose and receded . . . but I could feel neither warmth or chill from the water, merely a curious dryness, as if I were detached from my surroundings.

This was . . .

This would take some getting used to.

When I was able to take a turn without wobbling too badly, Anakin offered me his arm almost playfully, as if her were a gentleman of old. ?Shall we, then??

I took a moment to concentrate on breathing, and then we walked forward.

The further I walked away from the waters that had birthed my spirit, the more I could feel my body come to

 

Hazel: It was disconcerting to write, even. I am glad that the descriptions went over well.

Deb: The powers of hot cocoa are a marvelous thing. And thank-you for the kind words! This whole fic is a very cathartic exercise, that's for sure.

Luna: Oh, there will be lots of that coming. Thanks for taking the time to leave your thoughts!

JediMara77: Oh! Your comments made my day, I have to tell you! There is so much fun seeing Mara interact with Anakin/Vader in any context - so I can't wait to see what to do with that story you have in mind. And there will be much more Mara butting heads with the Old Masters - she just has to get her feet wet first, so to speak. And as for meeting Luke . . . In time.

Brianakin: You hit all of my high points as well. Thanks for leaving your thoughts.

kataja: Aww, shucks. I am thrilled that this fic hit so well emotionally. PMs are a go!

Master_Jaina: And you haven't seen nothing yet. As always, thanks for sticking with me through these things, m'dear!

JediFalcon: Why, thank-you.

Tarsier: Thank-you.

mavjade: Hopefully no visiting anytime soon. But yes, PMs are a go!


Alrighty, more in a few.


~MJ

 

Author's Note: This next chapter got away from me, so I had to seperate it into two parts so that they would play more niecely together - hence the length between updates. Although, the good thing about that is that the next one is all shiney and ready to go.

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[blockquote][i] Entry III[/i][/blockquote]


Later, Anakin continued on his tour of the After.

But first, before I left Padmé's grotto with him, I spent what felt like days in the water. There were many such waterways in the After, but this pool felt like family ? warm and whole, and I could not imagine laying my spirit down to rest anywhere else.

With no body, and my spirit mixing and mingling with the hundreds that had fallen asleep in death before me, I was neither formed nor fallen, simply at peace. Within the currents that held me, the Force whispered her secrets (having a voice that sounded like sweeping winds and bubbling eddies and the silence between lightening and thunder) to my enraptured ears, explaining the beauty of timelessness and eternity.

Death truly was another beginning ? and where Anakin could not tell me death's tale, for not having the whole of the words ? my Keeper itself told the details to me in a soothingly ancient voice, mothering and decadent in its strength.

This time, when I rose from the waters, I slowed before exiting. I had been too anguished earlier (was it days? Weeks? Years?) that I had not the inclination or the awareness to pay any attention, and so now I closely watched the way the Force crafted a body for me from its memory of my physical form. Eyes spun from light, and fingers daintily moulded from the current in order to reach up and push back my hair ? completely dry and untangled ? and smooth down the robes that had came without my call. I had not legs to walk with until I actually stepped out of the pond, and yet, my mind fed me the impression of having so.

I must have worn a look of fascination on my face, for further up the shore there was the sound of chuckling ? the sort of amused laughter that was equal parts fondness and the open eyes that looked for soft incisions for the more pointed sorts of humor.

I had company then.

Expecting to see only Anakin when I arose, I was pleased when at his side his namesake had come to greet me as well.

I felt something warm and full fill me as I looked at the young man before me, for, while the Force still remembered Anakin Solo youthful, there was an age to him that he hadn't been permitted to reach in life. The spirit I saw before me was what Anakin would have had the potential to be if the fates had been kinder; but, beneath the older form, his father's smirking eyes, and his mother's easy grace was hard to miss.

I wasn't sure if my body was corporeal enough to embrace someone, but on my nephew I was certainly willing to try. At my thoughts, my form flushed a darker shade of blue as Anakin submitted himself to my hug. He gave a half smirk and grin that reminded me so much of his father in that moment that I felt an actual pang go through me.

It was more than just Luke I would miss, I realized. I had actually carved out a family for myself in the second half of my life. Husband, son, sister, brother . . . I thought of Jaina, struggling to find her way, and I thought of Karrde and Shada,and even of the students whose lives I had helped shape . . . The pang of missing I felt was as deeply felt as the joy coursing through me at meeting those who had fallen before me.

As if sensing my thoughts, Anakin brought up one hand to pat lightly at my back in a boyish form of comfort. ?Yeah, I missed you too, Aunt Mara.?

The next breath I took was deep and shaky. I fought the instinct to brush away tears ? for I had none, in this form. ?Did you come to keep Skywalker in line?? I instead chose to quip, hoping that the easy sarcasm would hide the tremor choking my vocal cords.

?Can anyone really do so?? the younger Anakin returned, his smile easy and understanding.

At that, Anakin the elder snorted. ?I