Before Whisper in the dark [Mod Costume Challenge]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Hazel, Oct 27, 2011.

Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
    Title: Whisper in the dark
    Author: Hazel
    Genre: horror, challenge entry
    Characters: OC
    Disclaimer: The Star Wars Universe does not belong to me (unfortunately). I just like to play with it.

    My Costume: I usually write L/M mush, I even have a viggie series going, so for this I'm doing a horror one post starring a future Sith.

    Thanks to Jade_eyes for betaing. :*


    ~ Whisper in the dark ~


    He's so small. My parents' perfect little boy, sleeping in his crib. So helpless.

    I used to be my parents' little boy, until he came along.

    They say they still love me, but they lie. I see the way they look at him and I see the way they look at me.

    I hear them whisper behind my back. I'm strange, they say.

    The other day, I heard one of the maids tell another that she thought I had no soul, that she could see it in my eyes. She said I had the coldest eyes she had ever seen.

    Is it ironic that my cold eyes were the last thing she saw?

    My mother was asking our governess about the girl. Apparently they found her body in her bed. They assumed she had died in her sleep, which was strange for someone so young.

    They are so naïve.

    My little brother stirs in his sleep and I feel the power build up in my veins. The power only I have.

    I can do whatever I want and they can do nothing to stop me. They couldn't stop me even if they knew.

    Gathering the power within me, I reach for my little brother.

    For a brief moment, he whimpers and then he stops ? he'll never whimper again.

    I didn't even have to touch him.

    Tomorrow I'll be my parents little boy once again and he will be a whisper in the dark.


    ~END~
  2. earlybird-obi-wan Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    A little Sith in the making. Awesome creepy piece
  3. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    You strike the right creepy tone - very excellently written. You can feel the slimy, schemingness that is the very foundation of sithness :p =D=

    And also the "and they don't even know I did it" - [face_thinking] which is the hallmark of a sith being able to be undetected until it's too late... :(

  4. Briannakin Grand Moff Darth Fanfic Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Feb 25, 2010
    star 5
    Wow. Creepy little Sith in the making!

    Wonderful entry!
  5. mavjade It's so FLUFFY Fanfic & New Movies Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2005
    star 6
    *shutters* Very creepy!

    Very dark but rightly so with a young Sith in the making.

    Good job! Great costume! =D=
  6. JediMara77 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 4
    This reminds me of the old play "Bad Seed" or the movie "The Good Son." Very creepy.
  7. Book-Geek Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2011
    star 3
    :eek: That was so scary, Hazel! I'm terrified of this kid![face_worried]
  8. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    Ooooh... creepy, selfish, evil little boy! A baby Sith, I think. Great response to the challenge--and quite disturbing too!
  9. DaenaBenjen42 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2005
    star 5
    For a brief moment, he whimpers and then he stops ? he'll never whimper again.

    I didn't even have to touch him.

    Tomorrow I'll be my parents little boy once again and he will be a whisper in the dark.


    It's a testament to how awesome the POV was that I had to actually read this a couple times to understand what he'd done to the baby. *shudder*


    Well done, Hazel. :)
  10. Raxacoricofallapatorius Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 20, 2010
    star 1
    Tomorrow I'll be my parents little boy once again and he will be a whisper in the dark.


    This line brought chills and goosebumps.

    Perfect for Halloween and an excellent costume. Well done!
  11. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
    [face_devil]:D

    Creepy, scary, spooky and goosebumps were exactly what I was going for.


    Thanks earlybird, Jade, Briann, mav, JediMara, Book-Geek, Luna, Daena and Cade.

    [:D]
  12. Gemma Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 25, 2013
    star 3
    Yeah, I definitely felt the creepy and was scared like - yikes!
    Hazel likes this.
Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade