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Saga - ST Who let the Porgs out? [One hit wonder challenge, Crack, Rey, Chewbacca]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Flyboy240, Feb 24, 2018.

  1. Flyboy240

    Flyboy240 Jedi Padawan star 1

    Registered:
    Sep 6, 2017
    Time: 1 month post TLJ

    Characters: Rey, Chewbacca

    Summary: Chewbacca becomes a crazy porg wookiee so Rey confronts him.

    Nobody had seen Chewbacca for several days so Rey decided to check on him. The current hideout of the remnants of the Resistance was an abandoned warehouse in an abandoned mining camp on a planet that made Jakku look positively cosmopolitan in comparison.

    The Millennium Falcon's ramp descended and Rey's jaw dropped. Porgs, being delicious and easy prey, had evolved to reproduce in an astonishingly fast manner. The small flock Chewbacca had brought on board had become an outright infestation.

    Chewie growled as he desperately tried to herd the Porgs away from the open hatch, and he was not very successful. A dozen made it out before Rey was able to close the hatch.

    "Chewie, what's going on here? What are you wearing?" Rey gave Chewbacca a perplexed look. He was wearing a long bright red robe, as were some of the Porgs.

    Chewie rumbled and groaned.

    "Life day? What is that?"

    Chewbacca growled some more.

    "Chewie, I know these things are helping you get through a difficult time, but you have to let some go. Look- they're nesting in the wires!" Rey used the Force to make one of the Porgs quit chewing on a high voltage line.

    Chewie just shrugged.

    "It's a fire hazard! Ok, I'll let ten go, starting with this one." Rey pulled a porg that was trying to get some of her hair to use as nesting material.

    Chewbacca grabbed it from Rey's hand and roared at her.

    "His name is Han junior? Why? These things are the exact opposite of Han!" Rey opened the hatch, "you can keep one, so grab your favorite."


    Dozens of Porgs streamed out of the Falcon and immediately began terrorizing the small Resistance camp, small fires broke out, and people scrambled for shelter.

    As the years have marched on the introduction of Porgs to Naktooine has been hotly debated as either one of the worst ecological disasters, or as a revolution in agriculture once the Porgs became domesticated.

    Porgs have replaced nearly all livestock, and the cost of protein based foodstuffs has plummeted. But on the other hand the ecosystems of several thousand planets have been devastated. All I know is General Hux's SBFP Spicy Porg Bites™ are delicious and only a credit per kilogram.
     
  2. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    I see that you created a rival corporation to my corporation...

    no u!

    Do you understand that this means WAR? :p

    Chewbacca has surely changed after Han and Luke passed away...but I hope that the one Porg he kept was the famous Stowaway Porg aka "Turbis The Brave". :eek:

    And darn you, Hux, for SEEING BUSINESS IN EVERYTHING!
     
  3. Flyboy240

    Flyboy240 Jedi Padawan star 1

    Registered:
    Sep 6, 2017
    "Starkiller Base Fried Porg will emerge victorious from the Glactic Fast Food Wars, we will end our enemies with a ruthless barrage of flavor and value!"

    -General Hux addresses the SBFP executives, 64 ABY.

    I like to think Chewie calls his favorite Porg Han jr. Maybe humans are cute to wookiees the same way Porgs are to us. [face_laugh]
     
  4. Ewok Poet

    Ewok Poet Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 31, 2014
    So, in your world, Hux survives and once he's older and MEANER, he works in a food conglomerate? Seems legit to me.

    Now I want this company as your March fanon post. You can't say no.
     
    AzureAngel2 and Flyboy240 like this.
  5. Chyntuck

    Chyntuck Force Ghost star 5

    Registered:
    Jul 11, 2014
    [face_rofl]

    I'm going to assume that you heard about the KFC shortage in the UK, because it's the only rational explanation for the existence of this story.
    Now that's saying something... and I can imagine Finn's thoughts about it.
    This was absolutely precious and sad at the same time. Chewie, grieving for Han, his ship and mind taken over by Porgs, growing to care for them so much that he names one after his friend... Sniff. Bwahaha!
    There's a whole series of crack!fics in the making here, and I think you should get to work on them now!
     
    AzureAngel2 likes this.
  6. Flyboy240

    Flyboy240 Jedi Padawan star 1

    Registered:
    Sep 6, 2017
    How does a chicken place run out of chicken? You had one job KFC!

    Yeah I don't know how my brain made the General Hux= Colonel Sanders connection but I'm glad it did.
     
  7. Cowgirl Jedi 1701

    Cowgirl Jedi 1701 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 21, 2016
    Cue the Baja Men:

    Who let the Porgs out?
    Who? Who? Who? Who?
    Who let the Porgs out?
    Who? Who? Who? Who?

    [face_rofl]
     
    AzureAngel2, Flyboy240 and Ewok Poet like this.
  8. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 11, 2005
    Very funny, @Flyboy240! Porgs/Tribbles are devastating in there reproductive activity! It's all cute and cuddly right up until it's not. Kudos to Hux for finding a profitable method of population control. [face_laugh]
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2018
  9. Lady_Misty

    Lady_Misty Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 21, 2007
    Which is worse: a Tribble or a Porg? Let's ask the Klingons.

    Well at least the Resistance won't go hungry.
     
  10. NobodyIX

    NobodyIX Jedi Padawan star 1

    Registered:
    Feb 19, 2018
    That was hilarious! :D Spicy Porg BitesTM [face_laugh]
     
  11. gizkaspice

    gizkaspice Jedi Knight star 2

    Registered:
    Nov 27, 2013
    LOL @ Chewie the “crazy porg wookiee”

    Porgs are the ST’s gizka! [face_rofl]
    The visualization of this scene is hilarious…. Especially the small fires breaking out for absolutely no reason. Fun fact: a group of porgs is called a “murder” ----- how very appropriate given this scene.
    This warrants a documentary! “Porgs: Invasive Species or Tasty?”
    Well of course he would attempt to eliminate every one of them and what better way to do so than through business?
    Now are there Porg Bites™ for cats? Because there’s obviously a huge market for that don't you know. :p:D
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2018
    AzureAngel2 and Ewok Poet like this.
  12. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 7

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    LOL The mental image ;) and
    "SBFP Spicy Porg Bites™" especially popular on Game Tournament Days with topato chips and lots of dip. [face_mischief]

    Or just the extra crispy ones with honey-mustard. [face_laugh]
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2018
    AzureAngel2 and Ewok Poet like this.
  13. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2005
    Hilarious and wonderful! But I would say one should be careful around Porgs. Even if they taste yummy! There is a Hitchcock like quality to their avian race...

    [​IMG]
     
  14. Flyboy240

    Flyboy240 Jedi Padawan star 1

    Registered:
    Sep 6, 2017

    Before TLJ came out I was half expecting Porgs to be like sky pirhana lol
     
    AzureAngel2 likes this.
  15. Mistress_Renata

    Mistress_Renata Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Sep 9, 2000
    Oh lordie...oh, lordie...

    Turning it into some crazed corporate war... Hux's spicy Porg Bites... oh, man!

    [face_rofl][face_rofl][face_rofl]
     
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  16. AzureAngel2

    AzureAngel2 Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Jun 14, 2005
    The movie director and Disney would not have dared that.

    Those birds are based on the true avians living on that Irish island, right? So they are doomed to be cute in the movie.
     
  17. CaraJinn

    CaraJinn Jedi Padawan star 1

    Registered:
    Jan 8, 2018
    Oh, why didn't I see this before? "Han Junior???"[face_rofl]
    (And somehow I got an image in my brain involving the great porg war, with clones fighting the porg invasion[face_laugh].)
     
    AzureAngel2 likes this.