Why are women of no age interested in me?

Wait, don't answer that. It's a rhetorical question, people.

I just wanted to make an unfunny parody thread while I still can. In the JCC I have to wait until I actually come up with a funny title.

 

In answer to your question, we must consider several potential actions.

Firstly we must examine your interestingness. You are participating in this Big Brother game, and therefore must be interesting. Try dropping that fact into conversations - perhaps at a bar, or on the bus. I think you'd be surprised at the positive response from femalekind. You may well find yourself beating them off with your copy of the complimentary bus newspaper (you have those, right?).

Secondly, your status as a man needs to be highlighted. Might I suggest that you produce a sign that you can hold above you head proclaiming your manlymanliness? The sign should probably read "I AM TEH MAN! YOU TEH WOMAN! MAED FOR EACH OTHER ARE WE." Once you have been holding this sign in the air you will, no doubt, be needing a glossy magazine to see off horny feminine types. I am sure that, by now, you are all set to put my suggestions into practice - however hold fire, there is more wisdom to come.

My third suggestion is to say more attractive things when within saying distance of a woman, and in more situations. Did you know, for example, that you can shout at a womanperson from as far as a hundred metres away? If you do decide to shout, keep what you say short - "I AM MALE, HEAR ME ROAR!" If you vocalise at a sufficient volume, and project correctly, you will probably discover many women will hear you and come running (be sure to enjoy the running). This will result in female company. If you are close to a femalewomantype, then a soft whisper can often result in satisfactory results. The quickest way to determine if the closly proximised woman is ready for close-quarter-interaction is to offer them your body.

My final suggestion is to flaunt your body with confidence. Sometimes, you may not even need clothes. Simply parade about in the company of woman (perhaps with your useful sign and after some long distance shouting to attract females). Your male body will prove irresistible. Strutting is, I believe, considered extremely attractive.

I hope this has helped.