Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst} |COMPLETE 6.2.05|

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by CalaisKenobi, Aug 6, 2002.

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  1. CalaisKenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2002
    star 4
    Summary: "Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends?"

    Disclaimer: All hail GL and Will Jennings and Joe Sample for "One Day I'll Fly Away."

    *********************************************

    Always the smiles. The smiles and the grins and the nods and the ?thank you?s.? Smiling until it seemed my face would crack, but never once did the smile reach my eyes.

    Every award, every honor, every lightsaber opponent vanquished and conquered ? I smiled through them all. And you just smiled right back. You were so proud, so certain that you had such a wonderful apprentice. You knew that you must have done something right; how could you not have when you had such a successful Padawan.

    And through it all, I just kept smiling. Nodding, grinning and offering thanks to all those that congratulated on my skill, or on your excellent teaching skills. Just smile and nod, nod and smile; and somehow you?ll get through the day.


    *********************************************

    He rose with the Coruscant dawn, entering the common area to find his apprentice already beginning the day?s mediations. Smiling lightly as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, Qui-Gon made his way to the kitchen. Normally Obi-Wan would have the tea started before he arose, but today the Master wanted to do something nice for his apprentice.

    Reaching into the cupboard, he drew out the canister of hot chocolate that Bant had given to his Padawan on his last naming day. It was a running joke between the young Mon Calamarian and the fifteen-year old human; Bant always finding some new form of chocolate for Obi-Wan to enjoy. It was one of the few things the young apprentice ever showed a real joy for, and the special symbolism of it coming from a friend only made his eyes shine all the brighter.

    As he mixed a cup of the sweet mixture for his Padawan, Qui-Gon reflected on the joy he saw all too seldom in Obi-Wan. The young man was a stellar student, and an excellent athlete; with many close friends and very few rivals. He had much to be thankful for, yet he never seemed to really get any enjoyment out of anything. It was almost like he won each competition and garnered each award just because it was there, not because he found any happiness in either the pursuit or the capture of the victory.

    \Perhaps this is something we need to talk about?\ the Master thought, as he finished mixing the cocoa blend into the hot water. Turning from the kitchen counter and heading back to the common room to await his apprentice?s rise from meditation, Qui-Gon?s thoughts focused on how to broach the subject with his Padawan.

    *********************************************

    Every award, every honor, every certificate and each first place- they were nothing to me. Only a slight vicarious joy in seeing you thrill at my success. To me, they were just one more thing to add to the pile of discarded thoughts and memories. Sometimes, on good days, I would reflect on how lucky I was to have the skills and knowledge to be so successful; but most days, I just pushed the memories aside. No reason to think of the past- just pick the next big goal and reach for it. Life is nothing but one accomplishment after another after all. It?s not like there is really anything worth living for?

    *********************************************

    Setting the steaming cup of hot chocolate on the low table beside him, Qui-Gon settled down onto the couch with his own cup of tea cradled in his hands. He didn?t bother raising the lights, as the incoming light of the rising dawn served to highlight Obi-Wan in a greater relief than any artificial lighting ever could. The soft caress of the early morning light fell upon the young Padawan, adding a halo of gold to his ginger spikes. But it was the shadows that fell on Obi-Wan?s other side that had the Master intrigued.

    The light caressed the young man, claiming him as its own; but the shadows seemed to stake their own rights to Obi-Wan. It was almost as if the shadows illuminated wh
  2. TheFallen Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 27, 2001
    star 4
    Oh that's really dark, CK. I'm never going to let YOU live this down, now! :p I have no idea what I'm talking about. But this was an interesting, nice little ficlet.

    Thumbs up from Darth Puffs.
  3. Flashbacca Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2002
    star 4
    I think you should continue it. It's an intriguing concept - that Obi-Wan is not necessarily the person that everyone thinks he is. What darkness lurks in his soul that could cause him to feel nothing?

  4. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Obi-Wan as dark, brooding and clinically depressed? babybantha want to weigh in on that Dx?
  5. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    YOU CAN'T STOP IT THERE!

    It's interesting how Obi-Wan is feeling depressed - many people who are depressed have perfectly fine lives, good jobs, etc. How will a Jedi cope in this situation? I'm also interested on your take on the whole Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon relationship, since you do Obi-Wan and Anakin's so well (albeit with your own little twists).

    In conclusion, I demand you continue this story.

    :D :D :D
  6. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
  7. Jovieve Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 19, 2002
    star 4
    **Sigh** "One Day I'll Fly Away"...my 2nd favorite song from Moulin Rouge and this fantastic little piece of inky shadow takes it's name from a line...(I listened to the supplemental soundtrack all day at work today).

    I've just come from a massive fanfic of true-love slash, so this is right up to getting my night down.

    GO CK!
  8. Seven Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2000
    star 3
    Ooooooooo! More please! You don't know how grasping that was! I would say that it was the most interesting thing of all time... but all of your stories are like that. You absolutely need to continue. I refuse to think otherwise.

    ....Unless of course it happens. Then I'll accept it. But even so I think this alot.

    Darkness lurks in us all, Jedi or not.
    This is something we as humans must learn to accept.
    If we do not, we are in conflict with ourselves.
    I've learned to live with my darkness, although just recently, and I'm still on rocky ground with it. It's rare that anyone portrays themselves or Obi for that matter as dark. It's very interesting.

    Now look at me. I'm being ... I don't know ... Philosophical? Depressive?

    Whatever. I think this is very good and I will encourage it's continuation.

    Why didn't I just say that from the begining? Now I feel dark. Darn.
  9. Master_Comedy_Kitty Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2002
    star 4
    *stumbles in* I'm awake! Amazing...hate to say it, but that seems like my life...only i never win anything at all. I have gotten one prize for my stand up...and no one cared except me and my friends. My family asked me 'where's the prize for excelling in math? Oh that's right, you're failing.' All well. Amazing though. Kudos CK, and please, feel better, k? :)
  10. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    CK - Obi filled with foreboding and potential darkness - and such a great well of sadness. When do we get to know the cause?

    This is quite intriguing, and - for once - I get to be there at the beginning of your story so I don't have to worry about not having time to catch up.

    Excellent beginning. Please continue.

    CYN
  11. RingThane Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 7, 2002
    star 4
    Please don't stop there CK!!! This is wonderful! I want more!! :D

  12. ObiLegolas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2002
    star 3
    Whoooo-hooooo! Wow. What a great start! Yes you should definitely, absolutely continue this story! :p Please? Great writing. Can't wait to see more.
  13. Enigma_Jade Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2001
    star 2
    ::Runs in::

    [face_shocked]

    What were you thinking, not wanting to continue this???? You MUST!! This is awesome!

    Poor Obi. . .I know exactly how he feels. . .I'm the same way. Apathy, bay-bee! Please continue!

    EJ
  14. CalaisKenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2002
    star 4
    Wow, I honestly did not expect to get so many responses. Thanks everyone, I guess I will try to continue this. I don't think it's going to be a POS type story, in that it gets updated multiple times daily, but I do believe I'll keep at it :D

    TheFallen Thumbs up from Darth Puffs. Wow, the angst seal of approval ;)

    Flashbacca What darkness lurks in his soul that could cause him to feel nothing? Good question, though I'm not sure even he knows...

    PadawanKitara Obi-Wan as dark, brooding and clinically depressed? Good diagnosis

    obaona How will a Jedi cope in this situation? Probably not all that different from anyone else... though it's probably a lot more dangerous

    Cascadia Thank you!

    Jovieve "One Day I'll Fly Away"... Keep the rest of the song in mind as this story continues.

    Seven Darkness lurks in us all, Jedi or not.
    This is something we as humans must learn to accept.
    If we do not, we are in conflict with ourselves.
    Well said, and so very true.

    MCK hate to say it, but that seems like my life It's amazing how close this seems to so many people. Hopefully I can find a good resolution to this, but still stay with "real life."


    Cyn for once - I get to be there at the beginning of your story so I don't have to worry about not having time to catch up. Have I told you how much I am looking forward to your next fic? That way I get to go on the ride from the very beginning too ;)

    RingThane Thanks!

    ObiLegolas Can't wait to see more I'll try to have at least one more post up by tonight.

    EJ What were you thinking, not wanting to continue this???? I was thinking "Ugh, who wants to read something so dark and depressing..." ;)
  15. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    Brooding Obi-Wan? :D I can live with that!
  16. Jedi_Nifet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 8, 2002
    star 4
    Oh, intriguing. Darkness and light. A mystery and depressed Obi-Wan. I will read it! (*sigh* if it doesn't go with too quick a pace)

    *Looks around* People, don't kill me for these words.

    And close to real life -too true, many people are like this. Sometimes you think you know a person but really you know nothing.

    Keep it up ;)

    Nifet
  17. CalaisKenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2002
    star 4
    As the door slid shut behind him, Obi-Wan released his held breath. ?That was close?? he whispered softly to himself as he made his way over to his sleep couch and dropped down on to it. He wasn?t sure what had just happened, but it was obvious that Qui-Gon knew something was wrong with the ?perfect Padawan.?

    \He can?t know\ Obi-Wan thought, standing up from the bed and beginning to pace. He couldn?t seem to decide how to feel. He?d entered the room, holding his breath to keep the tears from falling, and now he felt like he wanted to crawl out of his skin. The emotions bubbled and broiled in his mind: anger at himself for slipping, anxiety that his Master would find out he wasn?t perfect, fear that he couldn?t control himself, but most of all a yawning gape of sorrow that he just couldn?t seem to bridge.

    *********************************************

    I wanted to tell you, I really did. I wanted to just sit beside you on the couch and hold onto any small comfort you could offer me. I knew that if I told you everything you?d help me and I wouldn?t be so alone.

    But I couldn?t. And I won?t. This is my problem, my deficiency, my failure and my penance for some wrong I can?t seem to define. This isn?t yours to bear the weight of. I won?t let you down, even if it kills me?


    *********************************************

    Qui-Gon was still sitting on the couch, sipping at his tepid drink when Obi-Wan emerged from his room. Washed, dressed, scrubbed and prepared- he definitely looked the part of the perfect Padawan. The tunics were spotless, creased and pressed just so. Each spike of the ginger hair stood almost as if at attention, and the braid hung just so- jauntily announcing its presence and meaning to all who would look.

    But the eyes- the ever-changing eyes- were one thing the Padawan couldn?t hide. And it was the glazed depression reflected in the stormy orbs that told the Master all was not well, and the perfectly styled illusion was just that, the stuff of dreams and whispers.

    ?Padawan, perhaps you should stay home today. I have only a few meetings today, maybe we could go out to the gardens, or catch one of the new holovids?? Qui-Gon asked as he stood to intercept Obi-Wan?s path to the doorway.

    Once again, the flicker of a smile, the shadow of a grin, ?Thank you Master, but I have a test today in my ethics class. I really need to get going.? Stepping around the towering Master, the young Padawan made his way to the door. Just as the door sensor registered the approaching presence and began to slide open, Qui-Gon tried to speak once more.

    ?Obi-Wan?? hesitating briefly, trying to find the words to express his worries, Qui-Gon found himself interrupted by the hiss of the closing door. Looking up from where he had been searching the floor, almost as if it could have provided the dialogue necessary for such a dark situation, the Master found himself alone in the room.

    *********************************************

    I know you were only trying to help. I know that you thought that you could make me happy just once, and maybe that would carry over and I?d smile and grin and laugh again. But it doesn?t work like that. Happiness is transitory, and I?ve only just begun to realize it.

    *********************************************

    ?Obi-Wan!? Bant called as she caught site of the familiar figure stalking through the halls. When her fellow Padawan made no move to answer or acknowledge the Mon Calamarian, Bant sped up her pace until she walked beside her friend.

    ?Hey Obi! Are you ready for Master Ni?Kaven?s ethics test today?? She asked, trying to engage him in some form of communication, after he offered no acknowledgement to her appearance at his side.

    ?I think so,? Obi-Wan answered, not turning his gaze from the hallway ahead. ?I studied a bit for it last night, but I didn?t really have the time to do much more than look over the material.?

    ?Oh Obi, like you need to worry,? Bant kidded. ?The Perfect Padawan, with the Perfect scores! You c
  18. CalaisKenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2002
    star 4
    obi-ew Gotta love brooding Obi-Wan... ;)

    Jedi_Nifet *sigh* if it doesn't go with too quick a pace Don't worry, I think this story intends to proceed at a much slower pace. I don't think I have it in me to post on it more than once a day at the most
  19. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    ?[face_plain] Hum.What the heck is wrong with our boy?
  20. sheleigh Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 31, 2002
    star 4
    Oh... Obi's brooding, depressed, and hiding something... I think. :confused:

  21. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    At least Bant has a clue that something's wrong with Obi-Wan.
  22. Master_Neos_Padawan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2002
    star 1
    This is DARK CK... interesting... but far too dark... I need a flashlight!
  23. Master_Comedy_Kitty Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 5, 2002
    star 4
    so sad...so sad...i can relate...I like Bant...how sad...OK! Smile time! :D
  24. ObiLegolas Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2002
    star 3
    Ooohhhhh. Bant is hatching a master plan of dragging Obi out of his brooding! This story just gets better and better! I love the brooding Obi. It's just such a lovely image. :p
  25. Psycho-Freak Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 30, 2002
    star 4
    Ooooo Interesting!

    A dark, depressed Obi-Wan. A concerned master who doesn't know what's wrong with his padawan. And a cheerful, as always, Bant who wants to help her friend. You got me hooked, again. :D

    Great! Definitely waiting for more!
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