Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst} |COMPLETE 6.2.05|

UP! UP! (I just found this story and it is purely amazing!)

 

up!

 

Heading up!

 

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I sit here, cradling them in my hand, and wonder. Will I be me if I swallow these pills? Are they really going to help me, or are they just going to make me into someone else? Am I finally going to be happy and normal and just like everyone else? ? Do I want to be?

*********************************************

Qui-Gon paced the same small path through the common room of the quarters he shared with his apprentice, ignoring the presence of Mace Windu. The other Master simply sat on the couch, watching his oldest and best friend try to calm the whirling of his mind through the most simplistic of bodily movements. Hours had passed since the Soul Healers had suggested that Qui-Gon return to his quarters. Hours had passed since Qui-Gon had argued that he should remain with his apprentice. And hours had passed since Master Deehu Saand had explained that Qui-Gon?s presence was doing more to harm his Padawan than to help him.

Mace knew that it was coming, and yet the sudden outburst startled him. Stopping his pacing abruptly and spinning on his heel to face the other Master, Qui-Gon spoke. ?How could I possibly harm him? Don?t they know that I?d do anything for him??

?Qui-Gon?? Mace began, only to be cut off by his friend.

?I would never do anything to harm Obi-Wan. I?m his Master! He needs me!? Running a hand through the free flowing locks of his hair, he continued. ?He?s facing one of the most difficult times of his life, and where am I? Standing here like a nerf doing nothing!?

?I?m sure that the healers will call if he needs you,? Mace insisted, making the same attempts at consolation he had originally brought up during the walk from the Healers Ward back to the Jinn/Kenobi quarters. The Councilor felt the same helplessness his friend faced, and yet he knew that Qui-Gon needed his support now, and not his own reservations regarding the Soul Healers tactics.

?But that?s not the point, is it?? Qui-Gon argued, dropping onto the couch beside Master Windu. ?The Healers shouldn?t have to call me. I should be there, or at least be able to sense that something is wrong through the Training Bond. And instead I am kept from even having that contact with him!?

Dropping his head into his hands, Qui-Gon rubbed the heels of his palms over his eyes. Not knowing what to say, and not wanting to parrot yet another conciliatory remark, Mace simply sat a silent vigil over his grief-stricken friend.

*********************************************

?Obi-Wan, we can only help us if you allow us to,? the Soul Healer stated, as he shared a speaking glance with Master Saand. ?You need to talk to us, young Padawan.?

?There is nothing to talk about,? Obi-Wan argued stubbornly as he crossed his arms over his chest and settled back against the pillows of the med bed. ?There is no reason for me to be here any longer. I feel better and almost all of the bruises have faded. I want to go back to my quarters.?

?You may feel better physically,? the Soul Healer, Master Degorin, declared, ?but mentally I bet you are still feeling much the same as you did when you set out for the lower levels in the first place.?

Master Evalo Degorin had been summoned from the Jedi Outpost on Alderaan when Obi-Wan had first been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Normally, such a young boy would not have been given a diagnosis of a Personality Disorder, but with the severity of the symptoms, the Soul Healers on Coruscant had been left with no choice. Knowing that she was not trained to handle such a delicate case, Master Deehu Saand had sent a holo-comm to Master Degorin, asking his assistance. Within only a short time, the galaxy-known Soul Healer had been on a Transport to Coruscant.

?In fact, I bet you are feeling somewhat worse than before,? Master Degorin continued, carefully watching the Padawan?s body language to help him judge what the young boy was feeling.

?I feel fine,? Obi-Wan stated. ?I am a bit tired, but it is nothing that a good night?s rest would not fix.? Raising

 

obaona Thank you. Unfortunately, it is so believeable because it is so rooted in real life.

Jovieve Thank you very much. I was honestly trying to convey the truthfulness of the situation as much as possible, but without making it too... something.

Cicci Thank you so much! I really was unsure of the post, and actually had a few people read before I posted.

Jedi-Nifet I'm not sure who's in worse situation. I guess they all - Obi-WAn, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan's friends - are in a very bad situation, though it's different for each.
Yes, that's the truly sad part. Not just one person suffers in a situation like that.

Psycho-Freak I may have to give a bit more of Bant's and his other friends' perspectives at some point... I think it might be interesting

Sheila People have no problem accepting a diagnosis of a physical ailment, but when there is a mental problem present, it is so hard for loved ones to accept.
Unfortunately that is so true. Our society still holds mental illness as some "Made up" issue and that it is merely a character flaw on the part of the person. And the really sad fact is, a lot of people suffering from mental illness feel the same way. They cannot accept that it is not their fault and that they are NOT a bad person for feeling how they do.

MCK Sorry! It was not my intention to depress... just to be real I guess.

Kitara Even within a disorder category like BPD the different levels and reactions of people are so varied. Acting out or in, the severity of it, and even whom the person chooses to act on... makes it seem almost like a completely different disorder from person to person.

Arldetta, ObiLegolas, Flashbacca, Psycho-Freak, Jedi-Nifet, Jenny, EJ, Jovieve, Sock Thanks for the ups. Sorry for the long delay in posting. Even when I said there would be a delay, I did not think it would be quite THAT long!

 

MASTER!!!!

I love these last few chapters..sorry for not posting eariler...


But I can not wait to read more...Please update again soon..


***Goes into lurk mode....***

PT

 

Thanks Padawan!

 

Wonderful addition Muse. I'm glad you finally got the urge to update here. It's funny, do we really help people to overcome certain hardships when all we do is open old wounds allow them to fester? Sometimes, I don't think so. I hope for Obi's sake, someone figures out a way to help him.

Hope we don't have to wait too long for the next post. PLEASE.

 

Wonderful job showing all sides. The confused patient who know she needs help but isn't sure that what is being offered is helpful; the concerned parent who wants to rush into a protect the boy form the world; and the worldly (and sometimes arrogant) healers who think they know best for everyone.

 

Oh my god....
I am truly speechless....this is a masterpiece......truly one of the most touching fics I have read so far......I wish i had better words to describe it....wonderful, spectacular..they don't even begin to describe this...

I applaud CalaisKenobi......


Up!!!

 

wow! But I'm a little confused. Have they told him he's got BPD?

Great post, CK! Love your Soul Healer characters, they seem like they are originally in SW.

 

so difficult for everyone. it hurts to tear off scabs, but sometimes that's the only way to get the infection out. great job

 

Heartbreaking CK . That was a very realistic view of dealing with mental illness from all sides. I hope they find a way to help poor Obi-Wan.

 

It's alright. I'm a depressed person, it happens. Great chapter. SO sad... I would've read it yesterday, but i was in Cape Cod, bonding with my mom and sister.

 

I sit here, cradling them in my hand, and wonder. Will I be me if I swallow these pills? Are they really going to help me, or are they just going to make me into someone else? Am I finally going to be happy and normal and just like everyone else? ? Do I want to be?

Wonderful CK. SO realistic. So much so. In fact, the first lines were exactly what my boyfriend said to himself then to me when he was diagnosed w/ ADD/OCD and depression and was put on a cycle of medication.

Well done.

 

Sorry it took me so long to find this fic. but it's fantastic!

Poor Poor Obi-Wan.

 

eeeeeeep! You Posted! I am sooooooo glad you are back!

Great! Job! CK.

You are doing a wonderful job in your portrayal. The confusion portrayed by both Master and Padawan is truly heartbreaking.

More soon if possible please

edit: and I can't spell tonight worth a leaping Wookiee

 

Please update soon! I just found this story and I read it all yesterday. >D Poor Obi-Wan. I hope he does feel better soon--and actually be nice to Bant here. I'm feeling sorry for her more than Obi-Wan.

 

Yay! You posted! I almost missed this one

Awesome post as always. Heartbreaking too.

Here is the customary 'Poor Obi-Wan' But also poor Qui-Gon, it definitely isn't easy to be in his position.

 

peering in hopefully

 

Where is our author????

CalaisKenobi....postie please!

We love your story!!

 

upsy daisy!

 

I can't believe I lost track of this! And I missed the best parts Xan! Will he show up again and often?

Hope to see an update soon!