will someone rewrite this in german

Discussion in 'German Speaking FanForce' started by big_boss_nass, Feb 16, 2005.

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  1. big_boss_nass Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2001
    star 4
    i write this letter from my heart
    the ink
    my blood.
    Passion is running through my veins
    the Pieces in the sand,
    to be Placed once again, back together.
    my mind, a spiral,
    lost in translation
    forever unheard of
    where to turn, when my forever bright light has dimmed
    another lost cause,
    weeping, at the thought of loss
    never gone, my face will remain,
    my facade will fade, but nothing more
    light as a feather, your lips press against mine.
    in lovers paradise, lost forever
    until we meet again
    constant dismay where did we go wrong,
    blame
    juxtapose the two is that not wrong
  2. AlrikFassbauer Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2003
    star 4
    For what do you nedd it ?

    Simply opening a thread "please rewrite this for me" without giving any reasons anything about your self, without any intentions is not very polite. I don't think we are here just for translating things for others.

    Well, I'll try a translation :

    "Ich schreibe diesen Brief von meinem Herzen
    die Tinte
    mein Blut
    Leidenschaft läuft durch meine Adern [I think "veins" should read "Venen" in German, but "Adern" sounds better]
    die Stücke im Sand [actually, in German you can put "in the" together into one word : in dem -> im]
    um dereinst wieder zusammen, zurück gefügt zu werden [difficult to translate, because I don't really know what is meant with "placed" - I assume that you mean the "pieces"; also, you can translate "once" as "einst" or asw "dereinst", whereas "dereinst" sounds a bit "older" and less in use, but has s stronger vector into future. Anyway, theuse of "einst" and "dereinst" is not very common in German everyday speech]
    [alternative translation : um dereinst wieder zusammengefügt zu werden, wieder zusammen
    [ the "back together" is a bit tricky here]
    mein Geist, eine Spirale [thre is no exact translation possible for the English word "mind", one of the nearest words in German is "Geist", here in the sense of "spirit"]
    verloren in der Ãœbersetzung
    für immer ungehört davon ["of" we don't have such a highly flexible word like "of" in our language; we always need to specify it more detailed; here I used "davon", but I could've also used "von" or "über" or similar things; please look into your dictionary for the German translation of "of"]
    wohin zu wenden, wenn mein immerhelles Licht dunkler geworden ist
    ein weiterer verlorengegangener Grund [is it a cause that's lost or a last cause ? In German : Ist es ein Grund, der verloren gegangen ist, oder ein verlorener Grund ?]
    weinend, beim Gedanken an den Verlust
    niemals gegangen, mein Gesicht wird bleiben
    meine Fassade wird vergehen, aber sonst nichts [I could translate "nothing more" as "nichts mehr" or as "sonst nichts", dependson context; I've preferred ""sonst nichts", because it made more sense to me; also, "fade" could be translated with several words; I've used the rather poetical "vergehen" in that]
    leicht wie eine Feder, deine Lippen pressen sich an mich
    im Paradies der Liebhaber, für immer verloren
    bis wir uns wiedertreffen [or : "bis wir uns wieder begegnen"]
    konstante Bestürzung wo wir falsch gingen [not sure about this, sorry]
    Schuld ["Schuld" can be translated into English in several words; one of them is "guilt"; I'm not sure whether I've translated "blame" correctly]
    Nebeneinanderstellen der beiden ist nicht so falsch [not really sure here, either]

    ell, I did what I could do. I'm not perfect, and translation is often a special business, especially within poems where the author rather tries to erect a certain "feling" or "picture" than actual, literal translation of the words. I know of what I'm talking about : I'm writing poems and short stories (both English & German) since the mid-80s.

    Please do yourself a favour and get someone who can "beta-read" my translation.

    Alrik.
  3. big_boss_nass Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2001
    star 4
    thank you first of all

    now let me say i am sorry for just asking without giving any reason. my intentions were not to be rude. i have had a bad weekend please forgive me.

    now i needed it translated because i wrote that poem for a creative writing class and i had to write it in german. i did not want to use the translator, i wanted a real life human translation. i was supposed to write something and german being my favorite history subject and language i wanted it to be typed in german. does that make sence. well thank you again.
  4. AlrikFassbauer Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2003
    star 4
    well, I hope you've learned something. ;)

    It's difficult for the translater - especially when a word can have several meanings in the desired language - or even worse : if there is no exact word for the same meaning available (and therfore no exact translation possible).

    Therefore it's always good when the translator actually learns he intentions of the writer of the original text. ;)

    Alrik.
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