Saga Wind Shards (Vignette ? Qui-Gon, the Force?)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Knight_Aragorn, Jul 25, 2005.

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  1. Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2003
    star 4
    Title: ?Wind Shards?
    Author: K_A
    Genre: Vignette
    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, others (sort of?)
    Disclaimer: Star Wars isn?t mine.

    Summary: Strange things fly on the wind?

    A/N: This is... rather strange. Thanks to dianethx for reading through for me and trying to make some sense of it. :D *ahem* I?ve possibly taken some liberties with the movie lines, to make them fit. ;)

    Feedback is greatly appreciated. :D


    Wind Shards

    He walks in a field. Alien stars glimmer over him, distant, ageless, cold and beautiful. The grasses of the field sway, whispering wordlessly. He closes his eyes.

    The wind lifts, swirling around him. It streams through his open fingers, pushing at his fingertips like water, so solid against his palms he almost feels he could close his hands and anchor it there. It tugs at his clothes, a grip intangible and fluttering.

    The wind is a vast thing, a powerful thing, with shadowed fingers that touch a thousand places at once, that stretch across continents and around a world. It is a breeze, one that brushes skin lightly, that sets pale grasses dancing in the shadows of night. It is a storm, a maelstrom of fury that turns skies to blood and destroys all in its path.

    He is that wind, in its duality and its devastation and its wonder.

    And more?

    He is the stars, in their ancient and indifferent beauty.

    He is every blade of grass that sways silently, silver in the light of double moons.

    He is the earth below, deep and teeming with life.

    He is a river, leagues away, rushing through darkened countryside toward a distant sea.

    He is a fire-bird gliding far above, riding the highest wind currents for its unknown home, a streaming fleck that melts into the star-ridden sky.

    He is all things.

    He is the Force.

    He feels its coolness in his mind, its vastness and its depth. It sings into his thoughts, whispering wonders that could never be confined into words. It fills him.

    It tells him of clouds dropping heavy tears onto faraway dusty plains, turning rivers into flood and bringing deluge. It tells him of clouds roiling in the atmosphere, of the white-violet lightning that dances between the fountaining columns of grey. It tells him of vast dark seas, churning and secret.

    He sees a thousand worlds, a thousand skies, a thousand starscapes he cannot put names to.

    He sees?.

    A boy with shining hair and brilliant eyes, bruises on his soul.

    He will bring balance?

    A young man hooded, his face stone-like with pain. Fire playing on his features, tracking orange light and shadow, dancing patterns of hurt and hope.

    You will be Jedi Knight, I promise you.

    A young woman with dark eyes, old-young in her wisdom and her vulnerability, a quirk on her lips, intrigued and uncertain.

    You?re a funny little boy.

    A woman with deep, sad eyes, lines of suffering not dulling the nobility in her features.

    Don?t look back.

    A man standing under a mask of shadows, watching the sun set on an ancient cityscape.

    We shall watch your progress? with great interest.

    A young man, face twisted in savage fury, dark robes dulled with blood not his, the burning light in his hands creating churning darkness as he cuts through swathed figures.

    Only then will you be strong enough?.

    A man in black and a woman in white standing in thick dying sunlight, amidst shadows that grow from within and without, while metal gleams.

    I won?t fail again.

    Red and orange swimming, reflected, in shadowed eyes, across a face wrung with pain.

    You were my brother!

    A woman, her face twisted in anguish and desolation, slipping rapidly into white.

    I don?t know you anymore?

    A figure, breathing breath that is inhuman, shrouded in a pall of deepest black and bleeding, invisible red.

    ? bring balance to the Force.

    A young man in white amidst burning sands and empty horizons?

    There is still good in him. I/>
  2. Briman Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 8, 2004
    star 4
  3. VadersMistress Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2004
    star 6
    I'll have to second that. This was really unique and a great treat to read. It really makes you think... Well it did for me at least and it hurts. :p

    Bravo! =D=
  4. Darth_Scroobius Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2005
    star 2
    Very surreal and moody. It's much more powerful when you read it slowly and visualize each scene from whence the dialogue came. It should definitely be read with slow, mournful music in the background. Very well done.

    I do have one humble suggestion. It might be easier to read if all the dialogue were in quotes, since you already use italics for the descriptions.
  5. dtdang2 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 6, 2005
    star 3
    Great imagery!

    You did a beautiful job writing this story!=D=

    I loved it!!:D
  6. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    I don't often post here any more - and don't really know why this caught my eye, but I'm glad it did. It is unique - and that's almost always a good thing in fiction. Sort of stream-of-consciousness, sort of existentialist, sort of mindscape - and all blending together with great skill.

    And providing lots of food for thought.

    Very nicely done - as one would expect from a Tokien hero. =D=

    CYN
  7. leia_naberrie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2002
    star 4
    =D=

    =D=

    Completely beautiful and uttery incompressible - nothing less have I come to expect from you. ;)

    J/K! Yes, you are not my favourite newly discovered writer for nothing.

    The ending - switching between Qui-Gon as a Padawan and as a Master - was probably the best part. Like Darth_Scroobius, it's really very visual. Reads better imagined.

    =D=
  8. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Loved it the first time I read it but you've improved it immeasurably. Wonderfully done, Aragorn. The imagery was just so delicious that I could picture it in my mind without any prodding. I also loved the stream of consciousness of it. My favorite part was the wind at the beginning

    The wind lifts, swirling around him. It streams through his open fingers, pushing at his fingertips like water, so solid against his palms he almost feels he could close his hands and anchor it there. It tugs at his clothes, a grip intangible and fluttering.

    Glorious and the switching from Padawan to Master! Ahhhh.

    Just lovely. =D=
  9. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Wow! Again, I always feel inadequate as a writer when I read your work. On the upside, it prods me to constantly improve my writing. On the downside, it's bad, bad, bad for the ego! Oh well, I can't resist clicking on one of your stories. Ever...
  10. Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2003
    star 4
    Briman: Thank you! :D

    VadersMistress: It?s definitely one of my odder pieces of writing. 8-} :p Thanks for reading. :D

    Darth_Scroobius: You may certainly make a suggestion. :D I see where you?re coming from. [face_thinking] The lack of quotes was really a style choice. I was trying to give more of an impression of omniscience, that the words were just there as opposed to actually being spoken by someone. I can see how it could be confusing though. Thanks very much for reading and for the feedback. :)

    dtdang2: Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. :D

    CYNICAL21: I?m glad it did too. ;) I was aiming for a different kind of feel with this vignette ? I was sort of experimenting, I suppose, with the combination of imagery and stream-of-consciousness. Thanks for reading. :D

    leia_naberrie: Really? [face_blush] Thank you! :D I wasn?t too sure about that last section, so I?m glad that it did work. Thanks for reading. :)

    Diane: Your suggestions were a huge help. :D Thank you! [:D]

    VaderLVR: You?ve got to be kidding. :p But thank you. [:D]
  11. StarFighter5 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2003
    star 4
    I wish I could think of something to write to correctly describe my thoughts on this.

    It makes me think of the Jedi Apprentice series in a way (my first expose to SW, btw), and then it goes beyond that into the films. This was nice.

  12. JadeLotus Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2005
    star 4
    Beautiful, K_A! =D=

    The imagery of this piece is very powerful. I think you captured Qui-Gon's essense, his connection with nature and the Force wonderfully.

    I especailly love the description of Anakin as someone with "bruises on his soul". Exceptional.

  13. Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2003
    star 4
    StarFighter5: I was originally going to set it in the JA period, but it somehow morphed into a vaguely ghostly Qui-Gon vignette instead. :p Thanks for reading. :D

    JadeLotus: Thanks! I'd never written Qui-Gon before, so I'm glad he worked. He seemed the right person for this vignette. ;) That Anakin description jumped from nowhere, but seemed to fit him, so I left it in. [face_thinking]

    Thanks for the feedback. :)
  14. JOINME Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 25, 2005
    star 4
    Wow, this was so beautiful and haunting..a great short piece..

    It seems to sum everything up in the blink of an eye, the past, present and future all happening at the same time, all these different people... it was so surreal!

    a bit like someone dying and seeing all these events rushing past...

    I really enjoyed this...so intriguing..

    thanks for the read!

    LOVE AND PEACE.
  15. LadyPadme Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2002
    star 5

    I really enjoy how you manage to bring all senses alive with your imagery. I felt like I was standing right in the middle of a vast field on a summer's day with the wind blowing around me as I read this.

    Great job! =D=
  16. Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2003
    star 4
    JOINME: Thank you! You put it well -- it is a bit like someone's dying, seeing all those people and events so jumbled together. I hadn't thought of that. :D Glad you enjoyed reading it, and thanks for taking the time to leave feedback. :)

    LadyPadme: That's what I was aiming for with this one, so thank you! :D
  17. Gabri_Jade VIP

    VIP
    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2002
    star 5
    Beautiful and thought-provoking, just like all your work. [:D]
  18. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Aaaaaah, very beautiful. The entire saga seen through Qui-Gon. :)[face_thinking]
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