With You [JA-Song fic-Vignette]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Arldetta, Feb 17, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Well, in prelude to my return, I fugured I could post this tiny thing I wrote this past weekend. It's not a new idea, but I hope you like it. Thanks to everyone who waited patiently for me.

    Title: With You

    Autor: Arldetta/Knight_MysAri

    Chronology: JA - Obi is about 15. This takes place shortly after Melida/Daan.

    Disclaimers: ok, I don't own SW. Chacters created by George Lucas. The song, I'm With You was written by Avril Lavigne and can be found on her debut album Let Go, distributed by Arista Records. Was that good for the legalities? ;)

    Author's Note: Thoughts are in italics. Song Lyrucs in "'s and italics.

    Anyway here goes......

    ---------------------------------------------

    ?I?m standing on the bridge
    I?m waiting in the dark
    I thought that you?d be here by now
    There?s nothing but the rain
    No footsteps on the ground
    I?m listening but there?s no sound

    Isn?t anyone trying to find me?
    Won?t somebody come take me home?

    It?s a damn cold night
    Trying to figure out this life
    Won?t you take me by the hand
    Take me somewhere new
    I don?t know who you are, but I
    I?m with you?



    Droplets of icy rain fell from a dark evening sky. The heavy clouds were ominous and foreboding. Why was this night so different from any other rainfilled evening you ask? Because not every night saw a lone figure walking through the underbelly of the prestigious metropolis that thrived within the upperlevels of Coruscant. Especially one so young or so lost. No, it wasn?t because the traveler didn?t know where they were going. On the contrary, they knew what direction they were heading and the possible trials that he may face. But it was something that was only vaguely referenced as he walked aimlessly.

    At that moment the figure wondered why he had ventured out that evening. Why hadn?t he stayed in his warm sleepcouch under a number of soft blankets? But he heard a voice answering, Trapped. You felt trapped. Sighing heavily, he watched his breath crystallizing, creating a milky cloud in front of him. A shiver ran down his spine forcing him seek what little warmth he could from his cloak. Pulling the garment tighter around him, he knew it was of little use. He could feel that the cloth was soaked through and threatened to seep into the clothes beneath. It was already frighteningly cold out, it was worse when the occasionally gust would pass through slicing through anything it came in contact with.

    The oversaturated puffs floating high above could no longer retain their hold and the scattered drops soon became an oppressive downfall. The youth looked up toward the starless sky before hiding his face and hurrying along. If anyone had been around, they would have marveled at the perfection of such a creation. Soft russet spikes had been flattened against flawless creamy skin. A single ginger braid, adorn with a few coloured beads, rested lovingly along the boy?s shoulder and chest. Luscious pink lips were tautly drawn into thin lines. There was a slight indentation on the young chin. The face was the picture of innocence and honesty. Only the captivating sea change portals of the soul betrayed the image of serenity that the form otherwise personified.

    There deep within the rolling seas floated pain. And so many different facets of pain were displayed one by one. Memory of physical pain resided there for a brief moment before being overrun by the emotional and spiritual agony that warred for control. A heart struggling to continue pumping, denying itself from breaking apart. Somewhere it still held on to a shred of hope, that it clung to and desperately sought to nurture. Oppressed by doubt and mistrust, but most of all by betrayal. No, he wasn?t betrayed, he had betrayed another. Are you sure? Yes, yes, he was positive he had been the betrayer. Doubt reared its ugly countenance again causing the boy?s step to falter as he shook his head in denial.

    Instinctively, he
  2. astroanna Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2002
    star 4
    Nice work, Arldetta!

    :)

    I haven't heard the album, but I hear it's good and I have heard this song, and it's a good one, so good job with the song choice!

    It was very well written, the desolation Obi-Wan's feeling and then the reconciliation at the end...

    Wonderful!

    :D
  3. Darth_Elu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 2, 2003
    star 6
    One word...Great! Good job Arldetta, very nice work. Who cares if its nothing new.
  4. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Thank you astroanna and Darth_Elu!!! :D I'm glad you enjoyed it. The only thing I knew was different was the fact Obi didn't get attacked. But I wanted to get more toward the emotions. Thanks for reading and replying!!! :D :D They mean the world to me.

    Have a good one. ;)
  5. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Hey, Arl!

    That was good. Despairing without wallowing, and at the end, sweet without me getting a cavity. Can't wait to read more (as soon as I catch up on your other updates!) from your keyboard!

    Shaindl
  6. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    Oh very nicely done.
  7. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Shaindl - :confused: Caviity?? I may feel like a dentist at times. (pulling teeth, so to speak :p ) But I hope I'm not that sweet. You should have seen me eariler. ;) But thank you. I'm glad you like it. :D

    Mommy loves, Froggy. Does Froggy love mommy?? *ribbet, ribbet* (Sorry a Blazing Saddles line. I need as much humor as I can get right now. ;) ) But I'm glad you liked it. I was just disappointed that it was something so many others have done. OH, well. Can't win them all.
  8. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    :) Beautiful painting of our favorite Jedi!
  9. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    That was wonderful Arldetta . You captured the emotions of Obi-Wan's spiraling desolation beautifully. :)

  10. Arwen-Jade_Kenobi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 9, 2002
    star 5
    That was beautiful!! I'm shaking here!!
  11. Darth_Elu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 2, 2003
    star 6
    *shakes* So am i! Blazing Saddles did you say? I love that movie! that was hilarious! Lol :D
  12. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    obi_ew - Wow, thank you sooo much. :D

    Sheila - Aww, I don't think it was wonderful, but I thought it was good. But thank you very much. :D

    Arwen - Wow, thank you. [face_blush] I'm so glad you liked it. :D

    Darth_Elu - Thanks. ;) ANd yes, I did say Blazing Saddles That has always been my fav Mel Brooks movie. Although, Spaceballs is a close second. :D
  13. Darth_Elu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 2, 2003
    star 6
    Blazing Saddles...very good and hilarious and Spaceballs...very good and hilarious, wow that is close! Anyway, just wanted to say it again, i really liked this, good work.
  14. forever_jedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2002
    star 5
    Very nice. Obi's anguish was too real! Great to see that all's well with our favorite Master/padawan pair at the end.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.