Beyond - Legends Without You, I'm Nothing: J/J post-Swarm War, Completed, 9/2

Title: Without You I'm Nothing
Timeframe: Post-Swarm War, Pre-Legacy
Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama
Characters: Jaina Solo, Jag Fel, Solo and Fel families
Summary: Will Jaina and Jag realize how much they need each other when their lives are completely changed by the end of the war?

Chapter 1

?We?re?we?re, where are we??

She opened her eyes in a dreamlike place she had long given up. It was not the nest she had given herself to. This was from before, when she had always been alone. This was where her old life had damned her to loneliness. She had wanted things to be different. She?d wanted many things in life. She?d wanted to grow up, and get married, and have children. She?d wanted to have a life, a life with someone she loved.

The force had said otherwise.

She knew the cozy bunk inside her father?s freighter. It had been her bed many times before. Her brothers had always used the bunks on the other side of the compartment. She looked at the two beds expecting them to be there. She expected this horrible dream to evaporate like morning mist. Instead she stared at empty beds, and found no one to comfort her. Probing through the force she felt vague familiarity with several beings in the ship, but they were not of her nest. Her nest had abandoned her, and then had died. For the first time in months she felt nothing inside her thoughts. The absence frightened her more than anything she had ever felt.

She reached deep inside herself for the place she was connected to her twin, but he was not there. She could no longer feel his love. Even he had abandoned her. To be so alone, even in the force, was dizzying. The sounds, smells and feelings reminded her of her old life. It reminded her of everyone that wasn?t coming back.

The automatic door wisked open, and though it was sickening to move, she looked up and found herself staring into the mirror twenty-five years into the future. Her mother?s deep brown eyes reflected the sadness that shimmered in her own. Her sense of loss was profound but she couldn?t place it. The force was holding on to it, not letting her shake off the feeling of dread that paralyzed her to the bed.

?Jaina, it?s Mom. Can I come in? I felt you wake.?

Her mother. Long before she had remembered a mother. Now things were chaotic. She remembered her family, but only from a distance. After all the time without them, they seemed light years away. They had doubted her, had questioned her. She had stopped trying to convince them, and had simply acted, as she knew she had to. That was what Jedi did: they acted. She had been a Jedi.

Now she wasn?t sure what she was.

?Mom??

Her mother approached her cautiously, taking a seat on the bunk facing her daughter. She seemed hesitant to reach out to her daughter, but had felt the obligation to come. Jaina had become a dangerous person, and every part of Leia told her to be weary of the woman on the bed next to her. Every part, except the part that recognized the woman as her daughter, and all she wanted to do was hold her until it was all over.

?Your father and I are taking you home. You need to rest and recover from this. The war?s over Jaina. You aren?t a Joiner anymore. Maybe you can be our daughter again.?

?We were always your daughter,? she said. The words stuck in her throat, as if something was wrong with them, but she had said them anyway.

?No baby, Jaina Solo was my daughter. My daughter is a distinct, beautiful, individual who accepts responsibility for her actions, and doesn?t hurt those she loves. You haven?t behaved like my daughter for a long time.? She had promised Han that she would be easy on Jaina, accepting that the shock of her extraction from the nest would have left her very vulnerable. Leia tried to control her disappointment, and found herself counting to ten, hearing the hissing voice of Master Saba in her head. She made it to eight.

?But we?ll help you get better.? She had to reassure Jaina that she wasn?t abandoning her. She

 

Nice start You can really feel how Han and Leia are concerned about Jaina and that Jaina is really lost after the Killil-Chiss conflict.

Keep up the good work

 

Wow...Jaina's in big trouble. Then again, she's Jaina and she's always in trouble. Just how much Luke is able to help her is the thing.Very nice.

 

Ooohh Nice start. ^_^

 

This quite haunting, in a weird way. I really like it!

I hope that Jaina pulls herself together.

Great work thus far.

(Do you do PMs? If so, I would love them!)

~Myra

 

Thanks to everyone for stopping by. I'm in a rush to work, but I've got part two done, since it was originally part one.

Someone else is waiting around for the rest of the galaxy to catch up with him.

Chapter 2


He couldn?t move.

It wasn?t like any of the other crashes he had been in. It had been faster. His senses had been overcome even before the impact had injured him. He had just given up.

It was simply unacceptable.

He was a great pilot, but even the best pilots in the universe crash. He couldn?t think of anyone with as many combat sorties as he had in such a small span of time who hadn?t been shot down. Well, he could think of one, but it was her fault that he was here. It all went back to her. The damage to his family?s honor had been the worst.

After the love of his life had betrayed him for a swarm of bugs.

Shawnkyr had told him that it was an effect of the joining, and Jaina hadn?t really been Jaina anymore. It should have helped him, because it was the logical truth: joiners were no longer themselves. The problem for Jag was that Chiss scientists had never figured out how to un-join anyone. He should have accepted that the woman he had loved was dead, and a blasphemy of all she had stood for had stolen her ravaged body. He should have been stronger, but in the end he had loved Jaina too much to kill even the body that had been her.

He had preferred to let their love live in his heart, until her ghost finally killed him. Then as the ghost had been ready to pull the trigger, she had let him go. His Jaina, the real Jaina, had saved him.

He momentarily had hope for her. His hope for her drove him see that the Killiks never had a chance to take her again. At that moment he would have pulled the lever on the Death Star itself and destroyed any planet in the galaxy just to hold Jaina once more. It had not been right, but as his adopted people often did, the justness of the action hid behind the logic of it. He had been trained to do whatever he had to do to ensure victory.

But he had hesitated, and now here he was. Of all the people to get shot down by, he had to laugh, that it would be her mother who would have the honor.

Think he told himself. You?re in a survival situation and you?re thinking about her. She?s the one who put you in this place. She might as well have been the one to shoot me down. At least it would have settled something. Since Borleias we?ve been fighting over who was better.

He had always known she was the only person in the galaxy who could outfly him. In the end she had bested him, just not in the way he had thought.

From the view outside the canopy of his clawcraft, it looked like he was upside down. After flying for so many years his body had no complaints with gravity. The constant pain everywhere was much worse than hanging upside down from his crash webbing. The comm. panel on his right was intact, and flashing, indicating his homing beacon was active.

Now I wait.

 

Poor Jag! *gives Jag a big hug* I hope he gets out okay.

 

Nice description of the crash. You have Jag's character down pat.

 

Awesome start!! Poor Jaina and Jag They had better end up together!!!

 

this looks interesting.

 

This is starting out good. I like how you're setting up Jaina and Jag's mindset, as well as Han and Leia's after the Swarm War ends. Can't wait for more.

 

Chimpo_the_Sith: You can really feel how Han and Leia are concerned about Jaina

thanks, I've been watching ESTB the past week and I think that helped

Healer_Leona

I'll be happy to start a PM

Super_Jemi: Jaina's in big trouble. Then again, she's Jaina and she's always in trouble.

Which is why we love her.

Just how much Luke is able to help her is the thing.

And we have to remember Luke's mad at her too. He just doesn't want her to end up in front of a Chiss firing squad.

ChissGoddess

gracias,

Mirax_Corran: I hope that Jaina pulls herself together.

I have faith she'll come around.

Poor Jag! *gives Jag a big hug* I hope he gets out okay.

Remember Jag has some good friends out there too. It just may not be who you think it is.

Kissa: You have Jag's character down pat.

Thank you. This is actually the first time I've done him in first person. I'm honored you approve.

NYCitygurl: They had better end up together!!!

Well, I shouldn't give that much away here just yet...

jasa: this looks interesting

I'll try, keep letting me know what you think

PRINCESSCAMBRIA: Can't wait for more

Thanks. I hope to have a new post up in the next day or so.

 

Oh wow, I loved this, I can just feel everyone?s pain, I even think that I cried a little, I mean, I have not even read many of the EU books, or hardly any of them, but this was...wow which is the best word that I could find, besides from amazing, wonderful, awesome etc.

Amazing, great job padawanlost and if you have a pm list, could you add me to it, thanks.

 

OK, OK, I saw this when I added it to the Jag Fel Index, but I couldn't reply in the sock, so I was fidgeting in my seat to get over here.

GGGGGGGGOOOOOOOO JJJJJJJJJJJJAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!



C S

 

Great story padawanlost You have a great handle on these characters.

The part with Han in the first chapter was especially poignant-- he's not going to let anyone hurt his little girl.

I'm really looking forward to seeing where you go with this one. Add me to the PM list please?

jcs

 

Awesome story so far. I really feel for the characters. Can I be added to your PM list?

 

Chapter 3

The Millennium Falcon reverted just outside the gravity well of Ossus, the home of the Jedi Temple. After much deliberation between GFFA military officials and Luke Skywalker, it had been decided that Jaina should be judged by the Jedi for her actions, rather than a military court. The Judge Advocate General?s office on Denon had presented twenty counts ranging from terrorism to dereliction of duty, and negligent homicide in conjunction with Jaina?s actions while under the influence of the Killiks. Luke had skillfully argued that her actions stemmed from Jedi-related activities, and not those under the command of the GFFA military. Still, most in the government saw it as a favor to her heroic parents that she wasn?t in the Megador?s brig surrounded by Ysalamiri, all the way to Denon.

Two seconds later, several Stealth X fighters dropped out of hyperspace off the Falcon?s bow. Han thought about bragging to his brother-in-law once again that it was still the fastest hunk-of-junk in the galaxy but he didn?t feel like even talking to Luke now, not while he held Jaina's fate in his hands.

Slipping the Falcon into the atmosphere following the landing beacons of the Jedi Temple, Han didn?t really know what to do. He couldn?t stand the actions his daughter had undertaken recently. He had never understood why she had given herself over to the Killik mind, but he wanted to. He wanted to go to his daughter and hold her, and make everything better. He couldn?t stand the thought that a part of him wanted to punish her for her actions, because he couldn?t ever see bringing harm to her.

Leia sat in the co-pilot?s chair trying to project feelings of peace into the cockpit, tempering her husband?s pain and guilt. She hoped that it was helping him, because it wasn?t helping her at all.

***

Jaina Solo was taken immediately to Cilghal in the infirmary. The resignation of the young woman echoed deep in the Force around her. Her former Master, Mara Jade Skywalker, had gone with her and her parents, but had left after only a few minutes of waiting. The heartbreak inside her had been apparent enough for even Han to notice.

Jaina couldn?t look anyone in the eye. Several hours into the testing, Cilghal took a break to go over her data. With each test Cilghal ran, Jaina dove deeper into herself. The Mon Calamari healer had told her parents it was a typical reaction for those recently disconnected from collective consciousness. She assured Han and Leia that it would only be a matter of time and re-association for Jaina to heal herself. The bacta tank aboard Megador had healed her physical injuries, though she was still severely underweight. Her six broken ribs were also healing. Cilghal hoped to help Jaina enter a healing trance later in the evening.

All the while, her parents stood by her side. Her father sat next to her, holding her hand. Her flesh was pale, and looked like it had not seen sun for months. From the end of the diagnostic bed, her mother smiled. It was a sad smile, but it momentarily brought a flicker of hope to Jaina?s eyes. Looking up at them, her parents could see how red and puffy her eyes were. It seemed that every moment Jaina spent awake, she was on the verge of crying. Leia could feel the constant bombardment that her daughter?s emotions were giving her. Her father could only sense what he saw in her face, but it still broke his heart.

?We?re sorry,? Jaina spoke, turning her head away from her parents. It was too difficult for her to adjust to her past. ?We understand if you want to leave us, too. It will make it easier, when??

Her father cut her off. ?When you get outta here, kid, you?re going to help me work on the Falcon. You?re the only one I trust with working on my ship, Jaina.? He saw her face light up with the word ?trust?. Han Solo had always been a gambler, and something told him that he needed to bet everything on his daughter before it was too late.

?But you?re disappointed in us. We?ve hurt you. We didn?t want to hurt

 

Oooo, poor Jaina, too. But I still feel sorrier for Jag!

BTW, your link worked.

 

Oh, wow, that was?wow, I don?t know how you do it but I feel like I can just feel the characters pain and I think that I?m starting to cry when they start to cry, laugh when they laugh (haven't happen yet but maybe it will). Dose this make any since, well, it's a good thing, trust me.

Well, this was an amazing update and I can?t wait to read more. Thank you so much for the pm (the link worked just fine).

 

Why does is not surprise me that that's the first question she asked? And that the only time she's referred to herself in the singular tense is when she told him she still loved him?

Jacen is turning into a freaky little thing, isn't he? But at least Luke admits that some of this has to do with decisions that he made in the past...

Update soon!

 

keep going this is great!

 

Very nice job!! I'm about dying to find out what happens next!!! Poor Jaina's going to have a very hard time--and so are Han and Leia. Luke is being a jerk

 

This is such a hard situation for everyone...You've done a awesome job expressing their emotions/thoughts

And the million dollar question's are....WHERE IS JAG? AND WHAT WILL LEIA TELL JAINA?

Simply can't wait for more