Beyond ~WOLATARIA: The Revolution-Original Cultures & Characters~[Update 9-25-05]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by GenOochy, Sep 21, 2005.

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  1. GenOochy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2003
    star 5
    Author: GenOochy

    Beta: Pelly-Welly

    Genre: Action, Space Combat

    Synopsis: In a Galaxy Far, Far Away, not all worlds are known. Not all cultures know the republic, the Empire or the current invasion of extra-galactic beings. In a cluster far above the plane of the Sacul Galaxy, a cluster of stars hold Empires ruled by one species and many governments. Yet the struggles are the same. Justice, Peace and Order are threatened by greed, anarchy and corruption. Warships patrol the skies, combat troops are deployed to control uprisings and some take advantage of the chaos. Welcome to Wolataria...

    Disclaimer: Everything here is MINE! Except for the galaxy of Lucas and any referances I might throw in. Lucas's trilogy has inspired this world of mine for a long time, through RPGs, MOMMRPG Clans and finally this work of fiction and the CG animated film connected with it. So, thank you Lucas! Please enjoy and if you read, please R&R!

    Trailer: To download the trailer for the companion film to this fic click here!
  2. Pelly-Welly Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 10, 2004
    star 6
    I like it :) I like how you put in many little details, without making the entire story a boring list of useless information.

    Should and is however, are two different things and in this reality, what was, just happened to be what should not have been.
    Brilliant. =D=
  3. Agent_Jaid Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 21, 2003
    star 5
    You blew everything up! well, 'sept for Oochy, but still. :( What should've been didn't happen and now everyone is dieing!!! </end_melodrama>

    :D I love the start Tyler, it's brilliant! Although if you can ever edit it (perhaps you should try editing from a different computer, that sometimes helps), you might want to change 'bust' to 'burst' :p

    I applaud you for a job well done and not boring at all! :D Hurrah! Hurrah!! *hugs* =D=


    (note: just because I kill everyone off doesn't mean you should too :p)


  4. DarthUncle Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 20, 2005
    star 5
    Niiice. Reading feels quite fluent, like how you make the situation known to us. Also, this isn't an overly long post, but you manage to convey a lot of atmosphere, well, and events :)

    Thank you for sharing this with us Oochy!

    edit: the editing, well I'm sure you will manage to get a non-timedout slot, or perhaps find a mod to do it, it didn't really distract me from reading it anyway :)
    The ending of a lot of people, hm, apart from the seemingly mundane "+500 crew dead", we might as well forget about them :p Er, or something. I feel for the families, of course, let it be said they did not die in vain (or did they? Cliffhanger :) @};- for them :D

    edit2: hm, let me clarify: In an armed conflict people, real people die. You don't have to show all the gory details to realize that also in epic battles people were involved that suffer, even if they remain unnamed. That's the nature of battle. I think you giving us that number of dead people early on is sort of like an anonymous soldier's grave used as a monument to commemmorate a battle. I think.
  5. GenOochy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2003
    star 5
    DarthUncle: Niiice. Reading feels quite fluent, like how you make the situation known to us. Also, this isn't an overly long post, but you manage to convey a lot of atmosphere, well, and events :)

    First thanks for the review!

    edit: the editing, well I'm sure you will manage to get a non-timedout slot, or perhaps find a mod to do it, it didn't really distract me from reading it anyway :)
    The ending of a lot of people, hm, apart from the seemingly mundane "+500 crew dead", we might as well forget about them :p Er, or something. I feel for the families, of course, let it be said they did not die in vain (or did they? Cliffhanger :) @};- for them :D

    edit2: hm, let me clarify: In an armed conflict people, real people die. You don't have to show all the gory details to realize that also in epic battles people were involved that suffer, even if they remain unnamed. That's the nature of battle. I think you giving us that number of dead people early on is sort of like an anonymous soldier's grave used as a monument to commemmorate a battle. I think.


    The idea of the first part was to seem simple, just a telegram almost, like you said, mudane, but behind that is five hundred-plus real souls. It's meant to be a bit... Well, I guess everyone should take it like they wish or perceive...

    Pelly: I like it I like how you put in many little details, without making the entire story a boring list of useless information.

    Should and is however, are two different things and in this reality, what was, just happened to be what should not have been.
    Brilliant.


    Thanks! That was my favorite line.. It just came out spontaneously.

    Melly(Jaid): You blew everything up! well, 'sept for Oochy, but still. What should've been didn't happen and now everyone is dieing!!! </end_melodrama>

    That's war, sweetheart. ;) Really, it was my plan to show this seemingly simple operation go hay-wire.

    I love the start Tyler, it's brilliant! Although if you can ever edit it (perhaps you should try editing from a different computer, that sometimes helps), you might want to change 'bust' to 'burst'

    That's edit #1. I thought I had fixed that and I hadn't finished the markup codes either. I meant to his Preview, not post.. [face_worried]

    I applaud you for a job well done and not boring at all! Hurrah! Hurrah!! *hugs*


    (note: just because I kill everyone off doesn't mean you should too )


    Thank you!! :D [:D]

    Trailer: To download the trailer for the companion film to this fic click here!
  6. AzureAngel2 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    Now you got my attention, luv! I expect great things from you from now on! :D

  7. GenOochy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2003
    star 5
    Welcome! New person I don't know. Thank you! I'll do my best to deliver!!
  8. GenOochy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2003
    star 5
    Reposting... No mark up-codes sorry.. I hate this fourm sometimes...

    Planet Or?rac, O?ran System: 1546 Standard Time

    -----Encrypted Transmission One-One-Five-Zulu to Fort Orc...
    -----Heavy Losses at Libi, Sigma-19 Attack Group Needs Assistance...
    -----Losses: Fifteen vessels, 500+ crew believed dead...
    -----Functional and damaged: one Woltar-Cruiser, one Vandar-Bomber, three Starflare fighters...
    -----Require medical and repair ships at once...
    -----Jumping Now...


    A burst of blue light from the real-space reversion of a star cruiser appeared over the livid planet of Or?rac, just under twenty-seven hundred kilometers from the Third Naval Headquarters at Fort Orc. The vessel was Woltar-class Battle Cruiser, the Alpha. She was the first ship of her class and nearly fifteen standard years old. Her seventy-two millimeter cannons were still hot and a long black scorch mark dressed her side. She was the lone surviving cruiser from a battle that never should have been lost.

    Libi was a mining and industrial colony on a airless, desert planet in the O?ran System. It was the largest source of iron and uranium in the Imperial House of the Woltar. Being so far out, the governors were given charter to build and maintain a small naval force, which they did. As time went on, their forces grew and the feeling of independence grew within the personal of the colony as well. Seemingly overnight on-world governors and executives took absolute control of the businesses. Fire-fights broke out between the militia and the off-world company security forces. The industries called for government intervention and in response sent eight military transports to the planet. As the vessels entered the atmosphere, each one was shot down by the planetary defense guns. Renaming his forces the Coalition for Separation, the governor of Libi declared the planet independent of the Imperial House and the militia began firing on any off-world transports. The Capital declared martial law and from the Second Fleet, based in the Owata System, the Sigma-19 Attack Group was deployed to crush the rebellion on world. It should have been a simple operation. There should have been no noticeable resistance against the Imperial Navy. Should and is however, are two different things and in this reality, what was, just happened to be what should not have been.

    Admiral Oochy deployed his fleet for orbital bombardment. The Class One Cruisers of the Coalition were said, by intelligence reports, to be lightly armored, sluggish boxes with no anti-fighter defenses. Seeing them as no threats, the fleet split to begin laser and ballistic bombardment of the surface. It was standard, it was simple. Five minutes into the deployment, the Cruiser Hu?re reported she had two Class Ones, on scopes. Her escort, Torpedo Bomber Gamma-2, turned to engage. Seconds later, a distress call came across that Gamma-2 has been destroyed and the Hu?re had been severely damaged and the crew was abandoning the vessel. That was the high point, it was all down-hill from there. Two more cruisers registered as hit, however no distress transmission was ever made and no escape pods were reported. The next cruiser went down in a flash that even at forty klicks; out shone the yellow dwarf at the center of the system, as its anti-matter ordnances detonated. Torpedo Bomber Gamma-9 reported he had downed one of the Class Ones, but had expended all her torpedoes. She was in retreat. Two Class Ones closed in on the Alpha and her bombers turned to engage, taking one of the Class Ones down before the kinetic energy weapons of the second Class One, tore their hulls open. Alpha?s turrets swung and two hypersonic uranium-shape charges ripped into the approaching coalition ship. The plasma-reactor vaporized the rear part of the Class One, peeling its meter thick armor back. A molten blob of the Coalition vessel clashed against the side of the Alpha, cooling on contact, smearing the side of the ship with blackened debris. The Admiral ordered the ship to come about. A Civilian aftermarket fighter wit
  9. GenOochy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2003
    star 5
    Last action only chapter, before we go into the characters more.. Thanksa for the reviews, please keep them coming, they help me keep typing... :)

    Also, thanks to Pelly, helping me keep this on track and avoiding confusion to those who aren't native english speakers... :D Mark-up codes still hate me, sorry. :(

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Chapter II

    Lunar Base orbited three hundred kilometers above the tiny Or?racian moon. The base was used for redirecting commerce vessels to the planet and to serve as a way station for deep space pilots. Fighter squadrons Alpha 1-4-7 and Gamma 2-2-8 were stationed onboard for defense. On the control tower, sitting up a hundred meters above the hanger complex, Sarees Gau?zola stood over looking the ATC officers, directing traffic. She was a medium Wolatarian. Her long caterpillar like form bristled with dark brown spines as she paced along the metal catwalk. Reports of a massive failure at Libi were trickling in and she had put her staff at Code Nine Red.

    ??Salvagers Iota-12, maintain heading two-mark-over five. Galactica Commerce vessel four klicks, four-mark-seven. Please advise if you make visual.? One controller said. On the screen, the small yellow marker showed the Salvager Transports as they bumbled through space. The Salvagers were a mining and transportation company whose vessels were often boarded and checked for contraband. Their stations were known hang outs for criminals and certain pirate groups. During the last few months they had many clean outs of their bases by Police forces. Still, most were fairly loyal to the Imperial House, many often turning in the most dangerous of the criminals and aiding the Navy in the location of pirate bases and attack points. It was a fine line they walked and had been walking for over a hundred years.

    Sarees moved to her terminal and activated her control account. She glanced over the three-dimensional map before her. Monitor post 8-8-2 and 8-8-3 were flashing on her screen and two red dots appeared in the area. A scan of their transponders registered negative. They had both deactivated their transponders and were now closing on the station. A route and speed trace of their current trajectory indicated they had made a short in-system jump from the Planet Libi. She quickly marked them as possible hostiles and jammed on the comm to the defense coordinator.

    ?Graca, prepare Alpha and Gamma flights for departure. We have two unknown contacts at two-two-five-mark-six-over-ten.? She said urgently. Lt. Graca, Lunar Defense Coordinator, responded:

    ?Check again, Sarees. Who is it? Might be our vessels. What?s the trajectory?? He came across confused. Lt. Graca had a habit of being rather calm and indecisive. For this, he had several complaints and request for his removal sent to the capital. However, in common practice of the Imperial House?s choking bureaucracy, the complaints never got past a stack on someone?s desk.

    ?Lieutenant, they have a trace of coming along a short interplanetary jump and we have reports of a large coalition task force around Libi. Launch your fighters immediately?? She became more nervous. Lt. Graca had the command of the fighter wings and with limited fuel supplies and a tight budget, often would not launch anything.

    ?Sarees, please contact the Antar. I don?t have anything official here that would indicate an attack. This is a commerce way point, not a military base. Lt. Graca, out.?

    ?Lieutena?.? She began as the comm line went dead. She switched frequencies. There were other ways around him. ?Cruiser Antar, this is Lunar Base, over.?

    ?Lu? Bas?? The comm crackled with Captain N?Farious? voice for a second, then died. She removed her head speakers and turned to the comm officer.

    ?Is something wrong?? She asked, as he seemed to randomly jam in codes to the computer.

    ?Ye-yes? What the? I?m locked out of the external comms. It?s like the system has crashed or... Someone is jamming us?? He sai
  10. Pelly-Welly Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 10, 2004
    star 6
    As I told you already, I like it :) I especially like all the little details, they make it easier to just see all these things happen.

    Am I the only one who finds the Wolatarians cute? :p
  11. GenOochy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2003
    star 5
    Wait till I finish the film. [face_mischief] Has anyone watched the trailer yet?

    My sister does. :p
  12. GenOochy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2003
    star 5
    Bump! Please review!
  13. DarthUncle Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 20, 2005
    star 5
    *cheers on* ... I should add more, but am falling asleep almost. Eh though not due to your latest post, I just sat rereading it, kept me awake, thanks :) .. will try to add a bit more of review and feedback in the weekend, but keep it up!

    edit: spelling, [face_tired]
  14. GenOochy Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 8, 2003
    star 5
    *bump* I am coming back, I promise...
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