Words of Wisdom (HUMOR with a sprinkling of philosophy)

Discussion in 'Phoenix, AZ' started by Ion_Control, Apr 29, 2002.

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  1. Anwelei Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 26, 2001
    star 3
    ~ Never get on the force.net if you are doing something important. It will never get done, hehe. :)
  2. KenobisGirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2001
    star 4
    *Spoilers are the path to the dark side!* ;)






    I don't know where that came from... Maybe I got it from telling myself that as I stare at the AOTC novel...
  3. Lady_Jedi_Carenix Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2001
    star 4
    [face_laugh] Spoilers are evil, aren't they? :D

    AotC book...yummm... :)
  4. Idiots Array Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 3, 2000
    star 5
    Some of you have probably seen this already, but...

    Did you know .........

    It is impossible to lick your elbow.

    A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.

    A shrimp's heart is in their head.

    People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

    If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. if you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

    In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so - apart from Bones ).

    It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

    A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

    Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetic Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas. (Does that give you a chill or what?)

    More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

    The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

    Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

    In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

    The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

    Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

    A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

    23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.

    In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.{Yuck!}

    Most lipstick contains fish scales. {Huh? I don't want to think about it...}

    Cat's urine glows under a black-light.

    Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

    Over 75% of people who read this will have tried to lick their elbow.


    ONLY IN AMERICA...

    Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

    Are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

    Do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

    Do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

    Do banks leave safe doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

    Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

    Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

    Do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

    Do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures."

    Do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
  5. VoidDancer Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 13, 2002
    star 5
    I post this in honor of her Majesty..... :D

    Things our children teach us....Good luck Kreleia ;)

    There is no such thing as child-proofing your house

    If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite

    A 4 years olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant

    If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape

    It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room

    Baseballs make marks on ceilings

    You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on

    When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit

    A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

    The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan

    When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late

    Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it

    A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies

    A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day

    If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes

    A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep

    Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old

    Duplos will not

    Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence

    Super glue is forever

    McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know

    Ditto Tarzan

    No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water

    Pool filters do not like Jello

    VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do

    Garbage bags do not make good parachutes

    Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving

    You probably do not want to know what that odor is

    Always look in the oven before you turn it on

    Plastic toys do not like ovens

    The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time

    The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy

    It will however make cats dizzy

    Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy

    Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry

    A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect)
  6. kreleia Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2000
    star 5
    Oh wonderful. More useless trivia to fill my head with, and "hints" of what's to come from my now-angelic child.

    Nothin' quite like startin' the day off right. :D

    ^.^
  7. KenobisGirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2001
    star 4
  8. MexChewie Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 19, 2002
    star 4
  9. kreleia Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2000
    star 5
  10. KenobisGirl Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2001
    star 4
  11. Lady_Jedi_Carenix Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2001
    star 4
    ROTFLMAO!!! Oh, how I [face_love] this thread! :D

    --if a tree falls in forest and falls on a mime, does anyone care? [face_mischief]

    --hugs make people feel better. <hugs everyone who reads this post> :D
  12. CaptHowdy_00 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 15, 2002
    star 2
    When working, always have more then one Explorer open. That way you can switch to the one that you have your work on.

    Always have enough gas in car so that you can run the air.

    If you have no pool, use hose. If you have no hose, use tub. If you have no tub, use shower. if you have no shower, you stink.

  13. Lady_Jedi_Carenix Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2001
    star 4
    --when in doubt, send in the clones. They'll take care of everything. :D

    --Krispy Kremes are the best donuts...EVER!!!
  14. QuiGon_butnot4gotten Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 7, 2001
    star 3
    How nice of L_J_C to bump Ion control's thread back to the top. ;)
  15. Ion_Control Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2002
    star 3
    Well, hey, she doesn't want her socks to start mutinying on her. :D ;)
  16. Ion_Control Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2002
    star 3
    You know you're going through FanForce withdrawl when:

    --you go to bed before 2 am.

    --you actually look at the TV Guide to see what's on Saturday night.

    --you don't understand why no one else is laughing at your Star Wars reference/joke.

    --after a week of no FanForce meetings, three or four meetings are made for the next week. :D

    --after a week of no FanForce meetings, you want to go to all three or four meetings and are sad when you can't. :( :_|

    --you spend WAAAAAY more time than you really should on theforce.net. :D [face_laugh]
  17. Lady_Jedi_Carenix Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 6, 2001
    star 4
    --Beware of the penguins. :)

    --Beware of the pissed off stormtrooper. [face_shocked]

    --You can drown in rabbits but you can't swim in them.

    --Socks are gender neutral and only have a gender at the discretion of their owners.
  18. Jedi_Knight_Whi-Ral Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 30, 2002
    star 3
    DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT PET A BURNING DOG..
    OR RIDE A DROWNING HORSE...bad ideas..both of them.... :)

    MTFBWY!!
  19. GhostsBeautifulSong Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2002
    star 1
    Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
  20. DEICIDE Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 1
    dont go to tijuana to drink with your friends if your in San Diego, you have been partying for many hours, you have perdiem money to spend and its midnight.

    trust me on this one.

    true friends will carry you across the border
  21. Master_Duron Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 29, 2002
    star 4
    I have been carried back across the border.
    [face_blush]

  22. DEICIDE Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 1
    did they asky the 2 questions.
    claim your country of citizinship
    and where were you born
    easy enough.

    very difficult to say drunk.
  23. Master_Duron Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 29, 2002
    star 4
    Very difficult if you have been doing tequila races for a few hours.
  24. DEICIDE Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 1
    yes
    memories aahh the memories.
    >>a tear forms in right eye<<<
    did you learn to speak spanish we all did.
    b4 that day none of our group could
  25. Master_Duron Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 29, 2002
    star 4
    In the summer of '97 I worked in Imerpial Beach (2 miles from the border). Oh we spent many nights at club A. I think we spent many nights there. Cant remember much from those days. ?[face_plain]
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