Words of Wisdom (HUMOR with a sprinkling of philosophy)

Discussion in 'Phoenix, AZ' started by Ion_Control, Apr 29, 2002.

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  1. DEICIDE Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 1
    not to much stuff to do in day. I bet nothing much has changed there since 97.

    laundry soap doesnt work in the dishwasher
    great for kitchen raves.

    do not stand in front and kinda of next to a 50 cal rifle while being fired in your idiot friends home. You will go deaf for a day.
    bad very bad
  2. Diesel_Dave Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2002
    star 4
    I don't quite remember this corectly but it goes something like this.

    If a man is on an island without a woman, is he still wrong?
  3. TD0690 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 4, 2002
    star 4
    Dave, if you're that man then yes! :p
  4. DEICIDE Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    star 1
    dave you did get it wrong remember the 2nd half and if your brandon.
  5. TD0690 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 4, 2002
    star 4
  6. RoyalRedCynic Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2002
    Take it easy Sandy...er..Brandon [face_devil]
  7. Jedi_Knight_Whi-Ral Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 30, 2002
    star 3
    Oooh... woman/man joke.. Can I let this one go unanswered?

    Hmm... Nope! [face_devil]

    God created Adam. Then Adam opened his mouth. Soon after that, God put Adam to sleep. After pondering what had just occured, He realized He could do better. So God created WOMAN!! 8-}

    Just kidding!! :D

    Anyway... words of wisdom....yes.

    Ok. Here's one from my own life.

    When your husband calls to tell you that he and the guys are going hunting/fishing/4-wheeling and that he'll be home in about 45 minutes, tell him you love him and that you'll see him in 4 days. 8-}
  8. TD0690 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 4, 2002
    star 4
    God created Adam. Then Adam opened his mouth. Soon after that, God put Adam to sleep. After pondering what had just occured, He realized He could do better. So God created WOMAN!!

    Then the woman ruined paradise for the rest of us! Which goes to show that women were created to make men suffer. ;) :p
  9. Diesel_Dave Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2002
    star 4
    In the begining...

    ..And on the sixth day, God created Adam
    God looked upon his creations and he was glad
    On the seventh day God rested!
    God created woman and no one has rested since! :p
  10. GhostsBeautifulSong Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2002
    star 1
    "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world."

  11. Jedi_Knight_Whi-Ral Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 30, 2002
    star 3
    Diesel Dave [face_laugh] I must admit, there is an element of truth to that. If we weren't around, you guys would get anything done!! :D

    TD0690 A suffering man is a happy man! Those who don't suffer, don't get any you-know-what!! 8-}
  12. Diesel_Dave Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2002
    star 4
    One also suffers from not getting the "you know what" :p
  13. Ion_Control Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2002
    star 3
    Lessons Learned from Comic Con

    1. Bring your own food! (convention food sucks and is really expensive!)

    2. Buy on Sunday (look around for stuff on Saturday and you'll probably be able to get it cheaper on Sunday).

    3. Volunteer only if you really need the money (and avoid volunteering on Sunday when all the work to be done is cruddy work).

    4. Bring your own stuff (toys, comics, etc) to be signed.

    5. Bring your own sketchbook for artists to sketch in (& signature book for signatures).

    6. Check programs & autograph updates to find out who's there & when to avoid missing them.

    7. Bring/buy a poster mailing roll (to avoid smushed posters).

    8. Watch the Masquerade replay instead of going to the Masquerade if you want to see costumes (no line, lots of seats, actual close-ups on costumes).

    9. Wear comfortable shoes and clothes.

    10. Bring a big bag/backpack for freebies and bought items.

    11. Be selective in what freebies you take (you take it, you have to carry it) & be sure its free before you take it.

    12. Bring water!

    13. Be sure to have a list of what you have/what you want to avoid purchasing an item you already have (& check before buying a big stack of comic books that you don't have the same comics with different covers unless you want both covers).

    14. Get there early!


    So endth the lesson... :D
  14. Master_Duron Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 29, 2002
    star 4
    Lessons Learned from Comic Con

    Dont follow directions from Deicide.

    JK Chad ;)
  15. Ion_Control Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2002
    star 3
    The WOW (Words of Wisdom) for the day comes from one of my favorite X-Wing pilots, Wedge Antilles :D:

    "Its been three days since we defeated the Empire, two of which I remember. Never accept a drink from an Ewok wearing a Stormtrooper helmet."

    (as retold from an issue of Tales by VoidDancer)
  16. Ion_Control Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2002
    star 3
    Today's WoW comes from the ASU West Copy Service area--

    "If all my friends were jumping off a cliff, I'd be at the bottom to catch them."

    :)
  17. mrbunny666 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 23, 2002
    star 3
    1. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
    NOT TRUE!
    Ducks Echo

    2. Superglue is forever!
    Again, NOT TRUE!
    Hot Water. Thats it!
    Anyone who has dealt with Pewter Minatures should know how to deal with that one.

    But!
    Did you know Gilligan's full name on Gilligan's Island is: Willy Gilligan

    The ONLY time it was ever said was the UNAIRED pilot episode.
  18. Ion_Control Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2002
    star 3
    [face_laugh]

    Time for more WoW (this time from my agenda book ;) :D):

    "Our Congressmen are the finest body of men money can buy" -- Maury Amsterdam

    "If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics" -- Will Rogers

    "Power is the recognition of necessity" -- Abraham Rotstein

    "Prejudice is the child of ignorance" -- William Hazlitt

    "'For example' is not proof." -- Jewish proverb

    "The four-letter word for psychotherapy is 'talk'" -- Anon

    I think that's enough for today. :)
  19. Commander_Choad Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 11, 2002
    star 4
    Ah yes, the controversial first name of Gilligan... there are some that claim (including Bob Denver) that they never decided what his name was... ever...

    But - they DID say the names of both the skipper and the professor...

    Any takers as to what those are?

    (PM me and I will tell you...)
  20. Master_Duron Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 29, 2002
    star 4
    Gilligans first name was "Willie".
  21. VoidDancer Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 13, 2002
    star 5
    From the true author of military handbooks....Mr Murphy.

    You are not superman

    Don't share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are

    Friendly fire....isn't

    Incoming fire has the right of way

    Don't look conspicuous...it draws fire. ie Aircraft Carrier = bomb magnet

    The diversion you are ignoring is the main attack

    Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder

    If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short

    Make it hard for the enemy to get in and you can't get out

    No plan survives contact...intact

    There are few problems that can not be solved by suitible application of concentrated air to ground missile fire

    If the enemy is in range...then so are you

    If you are running short of everything except enemy then you are in combat

    If an area is secured, don't forget to inform the enemy


    And words of wisdom that was passed on to me while I was training with the 461st TFS...

    If we are in flight an you hear me swear suddenly and alot, feel a sudden wind in the cockpit, or notice that I am no longer in the plane...you should leave too.

    Your main parachute will open on its own. If it doesn't you have the rest of your life to get your reserve open

    Cactus is not your friend
  22. Commander_Choad Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 11, 2002
    star 4
    One of my favourites -

    "Remember my loyal warriors... We will never be outnumbered...

    We will merely exist in a target rich environment"
  23. Obey Wann Former RMFF CR & SW Region RSA

    Member Since:
    Jan 14, 2000
    star 6
    [face_laugh]

    Those are all too true, Void. [face_devil]
  24. Kirana_T Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2002
    star 4
    Haven't seen this thread in a while, and I thought it needed this email I got this morning added to it. :p
    --------------------------------------------

    Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

    Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

    If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

    If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

    Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

    Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

    Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

    Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

    Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

    Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

    Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

    Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

    Why do "overlook" & "oversee" mean opposite things?

    Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

    If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

    If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

    If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

    If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

    Why is bra singular and panties plural?

    Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

    Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

    How come abbreviated is such a long word?

    Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

    Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

    Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

    Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front
    > of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

  25. Commander_Choad Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 11, 2002
    star 4
    Old Testament Child Raising

    Laws of Forbidden Places
    ------------------------
    Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room.

    Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.
    But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

    Laws When at Table
    ------------------
    And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.

    Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away.

    When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck: for you will be sent away.

    When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you.

    Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.

    And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why.

    Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

    Laws Pertaining to Dessert
    --------------------------
    For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert.

    But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert.

    But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof.

    And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity.
    And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

    On Screaming
    ------------
    Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate
    on which two foods you do not wish
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