Discussion in 'Archive: SF&F: Films and Television' started by Jedi Merkurian, Jan 24, 2006.
Dungeons and Dragons. Nuf said.
Edit: Oops. Didn't realize it there was another thread for the worst Sci-Fi.
Galactica 1980 was just painful. And to think, all the Colonies had to do to survive the "Great Attack" was microwave a lot of popcorn all at once.....
The Original Dune movie wasn't that bad. "Like a wild ass into the desert, I go now to do your bidding!"
Strangely, I thought the costumes in the miniseries was the ONLY good thing.....
Something I can't figure out about Christopher Lambert is, he bailed on Mortal Combat: Annihilation, but STILL went ahead and did Highlander II, Fortress, and... crud, I can't remember.....
What kind of gambling debts did Sean Connery rack up that made him so desperate for money that he was willing to do Highlander II????
Congo wasn't THAT bad. Sphere was THAT bad. I've never been a fan of Dustin Hoffman, but in that movie some one (anyone) should have beaten his head into pulp with a brick. I had to physically restrain myself from charging at the screen.....
Beastmaster II was pretty bad.....
I think I've said enough.....
Worse moments? How about Robocop appearing in WCW wrestling. This article is priceless. http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/431.html
Har har, that movie stopped making sense after "Planet Zeist". Even as a kid, my reaction was "What the...?".
Trivia: Virginia Mardsen was Princess Irulan in the 80s 'Dune' movie.
I'm probably going to get crucified for this, but I actually liked Highlander 2. I think if you take it as an alternate universe from the first film and especially Highlander: the series with one of a number of possible explanations for the Immortals existance, then I think it's quite the enjoyable film. What lady doesn't enjoy seeing Christopher Lambert going from a haggered old man to a hot hunk in one instance of a fireball?
Speaking of Christopher Lambert, how could anyone not yet mention....
This has the ingridients of a damn fine epic movie. Basically, this is a fantasy version (it emphasized the "magical" powers of sorcerors/priests known as Druids) of the real historical figure of Vercingetorix, France's (then known as Gaul) William Wallace or Sparticus (some even compared him to Britain's King Arthur), with the villain being none other than Gaius Julius Caesar himself! The movie was supposed to have everything you'd want: battles, mystical sorcerors/priests, a fight for FREEEDOOOM! and all that. This was Braveheart, Sparticus and Gladiator all rolled into one, with a dash of pseudo-sorcery into the mix.
Instead, what did we get? A MONUMENTAL MESS that made 'Highlander 2' or 'Dungeons and Dragons' look like Oscar material! The battles were anti-climatic, the script barely made sense, the pacing was irritating and the acting...well, if you put Lambert into a role that actually required him to act (and where he was supposed to be a young man ), then you're just asking for trouble.
But it's not just Lambert. The supporting cast were pathetic. Gaius Julius Caesar was arguably one of history's most charismatic figures, inspiring the loyalty of men and notorious for his seduction of many women (among them include Servilia, mother of his future assasin Marcus Brutus, as well as the more infamous Cleopetra). Here, Caesar is a fat guy with a squeaky voice and with the most silly smile you've ever seen. Not effective at all as a villain.
The two leading ladies are not even worth mentioning, they're worse than Lambert! Especially bad was the warrior woman (whose name I'm not bothered to remember), whose bad acting was only matched by the awful swordplay she displayed. And, God forgive me for saying this, she was rather ugly.
And then there's Max Von Sydow playing the head of the Druids. Well, to his credit, he probablywas the best actor in this movie. However, that's not saying much, and truthfully I've never liked von Sydow in his various roles (which includes the king in 'Conan the Barbarian', Jesus in 'Greatest Story Ever Told' and Dr Kynes in the 80s 'Dune' movie).
However, perhaps the real problem here is that the movie doesn't know what genre it really is. On the one hand, it wants to be a bio-pic of Vercigetorix battling Caesar and his legions. On the other hand, we have fantasy elements such as prophecy and even a warrior woman! Strangely, the Druids weren't really given that much of an emphasis, despite being the title (though the title itself was not the real title, only what was used to market internationally. Apparently, the marketing folks think 'Druids' as a title is less confusing than 'Vercingetorix', not thinking that some countries probably don't know either one ) The confusion and inconsistency really adds to the overall crappiness of the movie.
Anyway, don't just take my word for it. Watch for yourself and be amazed at how something with so much potential (the costumes and scenery were lovely! However, less lovely was Lambert's hair ) can be so bad. If some have never heard of this movie, well that's probably because in some countries, it went straight to video, har har!
Me, if I want the story of Vercingetorix, I'd just read the Asterix comics, heh. Hopefully in the future someone can make a true epic of this, whether fantasy epic or a more historical bio-pic.
Trivia: Vercingetorix and the invasion of Gaul featured briefly in HBO's rather entertaining series 'Rome'. Love the episode where Vercingetorix was executed during Caesar's (played rather well by Ciaran Hinds, assuming I got the name correct) triumph.
Actually, I DID try to take Highlander 2 as an alternate universe type of thing. That's why I botherred to watch the first five minutes of Highlander 3:
I was hoping and praying that it would start with the ending scene from #2, then quickly cut to Connor McLeod waking up coverred in sweat (I didn't care if it was in the future, present, or past) and saying:
"What a dream! Where the Stinking Hell did Zeist come from??? Am I secretly gay for thinking of the Quickenning in that manner???That's the last time I eat week-old haggus right before bed!"
Since that's not how Highlander 3 started, I walked out. I gave it a shot, it flopped, I was able to live with it.
Hey Lurking. I saw this on cable a while ago, and you're right, a wonderful idea totally shafted by its choice of direction, actors and budget. Another similar endeavour is the similarly themed 'bio-pic' Attila with Gerard Butler in the lead role. It's only marginally better.
The one thing that really sticks out for me about Druids is towards the end, when a stupid blunder costs the Gauls the battle. But it's more the concept than the execution.
Here's my entry for the day:
Yup, you heard me, this is pretty dire even with tinted glasses. The idea is brilliant - a warrior Dolittle. But it's budget-impaired nonsense with fantasy cliches aplenty.
It's one saving grace is the absolutely gorgeous Tanya Roberts.
The Something Awful review of Druids is five pages of pictures of Lambert's hilariously bad wig.
With no text! That says it all, I guess.
Vikings didn't have horns on their helmets.
Thanks, I was going to make the correction myself. I thought no one had noticed.
Just when I thought the Highlander saga couldn't get any worse than Endgame, we get:
Here's the wiki file.
So how many times is it now that a MacLeod has won the Prize?
I cannot believe that no one has mentioned the abortion that is Alien Resurrection.
I remember the marquee at my local theater. It read "Dung & Dragons"
Oh let me throw a couple out there:
Howard the Duck (counts, right?)
Waterworld - the big budget mistakes.
Jason Voorhees in Space.
Leprechaun in Space.
Sci-fi original films in all their mutations. (They can label it all they want, Stargate is not an original Sci-fi property)
Mystery Science Theater 3000 (worst roll of "inside jokes" in history...NOT FUNNY.)
Special Category: Anything ever produced/directed or even pondered by Uwe Boll...actually anything ever recognized to have been in the vicinity of that man should be banned from broadcast and distribution. Even Anti-Censorship Leaders have to think twice when this guy's name comes up.
More like smart and often obscure references. Because if you spend two hours riffing on a movie and you only make the jokes you're sure at least 50% of your audience will get, you'll start repeating yourself REAL fast.
The more you know, the funnier the show gets. That's a GOOD thing.
Hey here's another thing that nobody mentioned (surprisingly), the Star Wars Holiday Special. I kept hearing how horrible it was and kept thinking people were exaggerating. That is until I saw it online....that special almost makes me embarassed to be a SW fan. Even George Lucas hates it.
Found it youtube. Made it to the 2 minute mark before shutting it off. It's. Awful.
I'm serious about Mystery. I saw one episode ever that was quasi-funny...something about "molemen".
A good friend got me to sit down and watch "The Fellowship of the Ring" with the Rifftrax thing.
I fell asleep 20 minutes in...talk about garbage. Over and over I tried and if I wasn't falling asleep, I was going "that is harsh"...gay hobits, that's original...sheesh...even my friend couldn't defend it.
It's either incredibly condescending and severe...or it's lost to some "inside" joke...which is probably also condescending and severe.
I've heard the smart humor thing before...Python is smart...I love Python...Mystery Science Theater is D rate junk, based around poking fun at D rate junk of the past.
I'd agree with most of that list, but I liked the Lost World, Water World and Dark Angel. I used to like Buck Rogers as a kid, but I saw it again a few years ago and it hasn't aged well, but I still love its theme music. I'm suprised no ones mentioned
Batman and Robin or Catwoman as disasters.
Do they count? I was excluding comicbook hero-ish stuff...otherwise, by all means.
Throw in Fantastic 4 and all versions of the Punisher while your at it.
Anything that Michael Bay worked on. I won't say he's as bad as Uwe Boll, but I won't give him much better.
Galactical 1980--Cylons vs Wolfman Jack
Actually, about 1/2 of the original show was crap too. Esp Starbuck & Appollo watching the 2 vaudeville dancing androids.
Star Trek 5, 7, 8, 9, & 10--all embarrassingly, painfully bad
Battle Beyond the Stars
The Prequels!!! (Sorry, but they all suck, and are painful to watch and consider part of the same story)
All Highlander movies (face it folks, not even the first one was that good)
Escape from LA
Heavy Metal 2K (It's bad when the average episode of Xena is better than your movie)
Starship Troopers (The first Utopian Facist movie since the fall of the Third Reich)
Farscape: Peacekeeper Wars (I spent the whole time asking "Is this even the same series?")
all Masters of the Universe cartoons
Jason of Star Command (ouch, makes Masters of the Universe cartoon seem intellectual)
Independence Day (the second Facist Utopian film since the fall of the Third Reich)
Circuitry Man 2
Basically, if there are enough plot holes in a movie that you could spend an entire second movie trying to explain them, the movie is crap.
That film is a steaming piece of ****..
I disagree. It was a dumb fun giant-fighting-robots-movie and that's all it was supposed to be
I may just have to hurt you for that.
It was a satirical look at war movies and the military mindset, particularly those made in the 40s and 50s. It wasn't supposed to be taken literally
Here you've totally lost me. Yeah, there was a lot flag waving patriotic B* in ID4, but fascism? Sorry, I don't see it.
Sorry, that acronym can't be used.