Saga Worth Fighting For: Captain Rex/OC, romance/drama. Sequel to The Fighting Kind, Completed 6/29/15,

@Nyota's Heart & gracesonnet, you ladies keep me grinning. Thank you both for your kind words and encouragement! ​

*****​

Chapter Sixteen​

The Shereshoy had hardly been in hyperspace for five minutes when the transmission came through. When Rex recognized Ahsoka's code, his stomach dropped to his knees and he gripped Iri tighter than was probably comfortable for the child as he barked an order at his brother to stop the ship. Even though neither of them were in the army any longer, Fives did as ordered and as the vessel came to a halt, in a part of space to which Rex didn't give much attention.

Hands trembling, he activated the comm and watched as his friend's image bloomed before him. As she'd been before, Ahsoka was seated at the helm of a small fighter, and she appeared to be alone.

His breath caught.

“I have her,” Ahsoka's voice was quiet and her eyes were solemn, even though the words sent Rex's heart to racing with anticipation. “Physically, she's fine,” his friend continued. “She's in the gunner's seat behind me, otherwise she'd be here, too.”

“Put her on,” Rex replied in a tight voice, adding, “please,” a beat later.

However, Ahsoka shook her head and her gaze on his was filled with remorse. “Rex...I need to tell you something.” She paused, took a deep breath in the manner she did when she was bracing herself, then blinked once. “The gang who took her did...something to her, Rex. Drugged her or something; I'm not sure exactly what – or why – but she...”

As he listened, he nearly forgot that Iri was in his arms because every iota of concentration was wrapped around Ahsoka's words as the former Padawan continued. “Her memory has been...damaged,” Ahsoka said at last, her eyes squeezing shut for one moment. “Rex, from what I can tell, she doesn't remember much – if anything – of her past, including you.”

There was complete silence for a moment, during which Rex allowed himself to absorb and process the words, but he shook them off almost immediately. “She will,” he replied, straightening. No drug, no artificial thing could replace what they'd shared, of that he was certain. As if agreeing with him, Iri squirmed in his arms and reached out her hands to the hologram as he added: “I know she will. Where are you?”

“Rex, I'm not sure you understand-”

But he was shaking his head, his mind already racing ahead to the moment when Brenna would be in his arms and everything would go back to the way it was supposed to be. “What's your location?”

*​

Later...

While she waited for the ship that held those who knew her, Brenna studied the Blue Mountains of Devaron as they loomed above her head, reaching into the fading light of the day; the jagged, cobalt-colored peaks reminded her of something, from her past, she reckoned, though studying the image was still like trying to think of the words to a forgotten song.

Ahsoka stood beside her, hands resting at her sides as she, too, looked at the sky. They were in a relatively remote area, far from any city or inhabited community; the only evidence that sentient life had been here at all was a crumbling stone structure that seemed to have been an outpost of some kind in its heyday.

“That's them.” Ahoska's hand lifted to the sky, where Brenna could see a small speck of a ship dropping down from the clouds. Both women watched in silence as the roundish freighter descended, coming to rest on the rocky terrain about ten meters from where they stood beside the Togruta's lithe starfighter. Wind from the repulsors kicked up dust and lifted Brenna's hair around her face, and she tried to swallow the sudden nervousness that had begun to flutter in her stomach.

The ship's hydraulics hissed as it settled; moments later a hatch at its side unfolded and lowered to the ground, and she watched as two figures emerged. At first glance, she could see that they were dressed in plain clothing, much as Ahsoka was. There was a man and a woman, both with blond hair, though there the similarities ended. She was slender and quite pale while his skin was a dusky tan and his body was defined with sinewy muscle.

The man's eyes were locked onto Brenna and his steps were swift and filled with purpose. Brenna nearly stepped forward as well but thought better of it, instead choosing to remain in place and wait to see what he would do. The closer he got, the quicker his pace became, and before she could register what was happening, he engulfed her in his arms and pressed her to him tightly. “Bren-”

The strength of his embrace startled her, but it was nothing next to the familiarity with which he shaped her name. It was filled with longing and relief, and it was too much, too intimate. She reacted on instinct, shoving away from his chest and injecting as much ire into her voice as she could muster. “Get away from me!”

At the vehemence of her words, he stared at her, his mouth open just a little and she felt something stir within her at the sudden, stricken look that had appeared in his light-brown eyes, but she forced the feeling back; maybe he knew her, maybe she had known him, but right now she didn't recognize this man at all and she did not want him – or anyone – grabbing her until she did.

His hands lifted and he stepped back, studying her with a new kind of intensity. The others, Ahsoka and the blonde woman, were standing nearby, watching but saying nothing, and Brenna got the sense that quite a lot was riding on this moment, this man.

So she took a breath and looked at him. “So I guess you know who I am.”

He blinked once, then nodded slowly and she watched as his hands dropped to his sides. “Yeah, I do. But you don't remember me?”

“Hycosine does that,” she heard herself say in a bitter voice. “So I heard, anyway.”

His head tilted and he looked over Brenna's shoulder, towards Ahsoka. “Hycosine?”

The Togruta's voice was quiet. “Rex, they drugged her with it. I haven't had a chance to look it up, but from what I could tell through the Force, her mind is...cloudy, sort of.”

At this, Brenna turned to look at the Togruta, feeling anger rising within her. “You looked into my mind with the Force?”

“Just a little bit,” Ahsoka replied. “I needed to know what I was dealing with. I'm know I should have asked you but there wasn't a lot of time, and we didn't get a chance to talk much. I didn't want to press you to remember anything until I had a better idea of what was going on.”

“It doesn't matter.” Brenna glanced at the blonde woman, who met her eyes hopefully, then she looked back at the fair-haired man standing before her. “Rex. Your name is Rex.”

“It is.” His voice was very quiet; there was a pause while he considered something, then he spoke again, a touch of authority to his tone. “Irini is with Fives on the ship. We thought it best for...now.”

Irini. She pursed her lips and searched her memory; the name was familiar, but not enough. Rex's eyes widened again, marginally, then he added: “Irini is your daughter.”

My daughter? Brenna's throat suddenly felt tight even as she managed to choke out a reply. “Let me see her.”

This seemed to relieve him a little bit, and he nodded. “Of course.”

The blonde woman cleared her throat, causing Brenna to turn to her. “I'm Marliss...I guess you don't remember me, either.” Brenna shook her head and Marliss gave a nod, though she looked stricken, as Rex had. “It's okay. Are you hungry or anything? We have your clothes and all of your stuff...do you want to take a shower after you see Iri?”

Brenna hesitated; she knew that she was filthy and that she probably looked like she'd just crawled out of a garbage-chute, but it took her a moment to override her first inclination at the offer, which was to reject it outright. Marliss seemed nice enough, as did Rex, but she imagined that Zoea had seemed harmless at first, also.

She'd trusted before, and it had led her to a terrible place. However, she'd taken a chance when she'd chosen to come with Ahsoka, hadn't she? The Jedi's lightsaber was still in the pocket of her pants, heavier than she'd thought; the Jedi had insisted that Brenna hang on to it as a physical representation of her honest intentions. Even though Brenna had no idea how to use the thing, she had to admit that it felt better to have a weapon of some kind, especially since she'd thrown away the blaster. She hadn't wanted to look at it, anymore.

But the lightsaber wasn't hers and Ahsoka had kept her word, so Brenna reached into her pocket and offered it to the Togruta, who accepted the cylinder with a small dip of her head. Rex and Marliss' eyes widened a bit at this, but they said nothing as Brenna stepped over to the blonde woman.

I have to try and trust them, she thought. It might be the only way to get my life back. “Yes; I do want to see her, but a shower would be good, too.”

A look of relief came to Marliss' face as Brenna approached her, and she indicated the ship. “I can show you the 'fresher and everything, if you like,” she said as they began to walk, leaving Ahsoka and Rex behind. “It's not much, but I know that a hot shower always makes me feel better. Hopefully it will help you, too.”

Brenna glanced behind her; Rex's gaze was fixed on her form and his fists were tight at his sides as if he was angry. Well, she wasn't exactly thrilled with the situation, either, so she looked forward once more and studied the rounded freighter that she was approaching. “Where were you going before you stopped to get me?”

“Alderaan.” Marliss looked at her as they stepped upon the loading-ramp that led to the interior of the ship. “The rest of your family's there.”

Another glance at Rex; he and Ahsoka were speaking, but at her look he turned and began to walk to the ship as well. She recalled the strength of his embrace and shivered despite herself. Maybe in time she'd remember and everything would not feel so strange.

The interior of the ship was clean but dim, and as Marliss said something about a Kaminoan being present but hiding in another cabin, Brenna hardly noticed because she heard a child's voice, the sound trickling from what she assumed was the cockpit of the ship along with two other voices, one that sounded a lot like Rex's and another that seemed too smooth and mild to be real.

“Mama here?”

The male voice replied. “Er...she's here, but she's very tired, Iri'ka. Rex said that she needs to rest for a little bit.”

A part of Brenna wanted to rush to the child and see if she remembered, but a larger part of her advised caution. It occurred to Brenna that it was in the little girl's best interest for Brenna to tread carefully around her at first, which included not rushing up to her while covered in dirt and filth, after who-knew-how-many-days of not showering.

No matter how much Brenna wanted to uncover her own mysteries, she felt that Irini's well-being was far more important than her own.

This thought actually heartened her, because if she wasn't the girl's mother, would she feel this way?

Probably not.

Perhaps the things that were truly important had managed to stay within her mind, somehow; if that was the case, she felt a little more hope trickle through, so she glanced back at Marliss, who'd been watching her carefully. “Actually, I'll have that shower now. Thank you.”

*​

As he watched Brenna and Marliss walk away, Rex took another deep breath and tried to collect himself further. He was dimly aware that his hands were trembling and his heart was starting to race, so he worked to shove these physical signs of his agitation aside in the hopes that his emotions would settle as well.

But it was useless.

There had been no words to describe his fury when Ahsoka told him how she'd come across Brenna, captured by some kriffing, shabla gang of would-be criminals who were using the woman he loved to steal money. Ahsoka hadn't told him everything, he knew, because he'd been so desperate to just reach Bren, but what she had told him set his blood on fire.

If he ever got a hold of the people who did this-

“Rex.”

Ahsoka's voice was so quiet when laid against the fading light of Devaron, at first he hardly heard her. It was only when he felt the touch of her hand on his shoulder that he registered the fact that she'd said his name. When he spoke, his own voice sounded strange. “She didn't know me at all.”

His friend sounded pained, now. “I tried to tell you.”

“I didn't listen,” he replied, shaking his head slowly as he watched Brenna's retreating figure.

She squeezed his shoulder. “Maybe you didn't want it to be true.”

Rex nodded, then cleared his throat and pulled out his comlink to send a quick message to Fives before Bren reached the ship; he had no idea what they should say to Iri, but he didn't want her knowing the real story until he himself had more information. Fives: Bren's memory is gone. If Iri asks, she's really tired; I'll think of something else to tell her, later.

Ahsoka watched him stow the comlink in his pocket, then gave him a tentative, if somewhat guilty smile. “Like I said, I thought it was best if I didn't try to 'tell' her anything, but I did look into her mind a little bit,” she began. “She's scared and uncertain, and I think you need to treat her gently for a while. Rex, I'm no healer, but I think that maybe if she has time to rest and recover...she'll get better.”

“You think so?” A chill wind gusted through Rex's jacket; it was getting cooler as the darkness fell around them. “Did you see how she acted when I touched her?”

“You startled her,” Ahsoka replied in a steady voice that was completely Jedi. “Rex, you rushed over and grabbed her...she was just shocked, is all. It doesn't mean she won't remember you again, but maybe it does mean that you should take things really slow and easy. I know you. I know you want to fix everything right away, but I think you should give her space and time. Be patient.”

Despite himself, Rex felt the very faintest of smiles creep to his face. “I can't believe that you, of all people, are telling me to be more patient.”

“Times have changed, huh?”

A dry, dark laugh escaped him, though it died when he watched as Brenna reached the loading-ramp of the Shereshoy and glanced his way. They were too far away from each other for him to gauge her expression. Kriffing hell, how badly did I screw up? “Yeah, they have.”

Brenna and Marliss disappeared into the ship and it was then that he heaved a great sigh and scrubbed at his forehead with his hand. He was still trembling, but he wasn't sure if it was from anger or fear, and he tried to calm himself down again. When he looked back at Ahsoka, he gave her a smile that he knew did not reach his eyes. “Thank you.”

She gave a light shrug. “It was the least I could do, Rexter. But don't worry,” she added with a smile at him, the kind she'd used in the past to try and bring him out of melancholy. “I'll let you owe me one.”

Even though he appreciated her efforts, Rex couldn't find his calm; now that Bren was back, but not, he didn't know what he was going to do, and he realized at once that he still felt very much alone, the feeling made even worse by his anger and his helplessness at the predicament. “I can't believe what they did to her,” he said at last in a hoarse voice. “I can't believe that I let it happen. I failed her.”

“Rex-”

She was going to offer him words of comfort and reassurance, but he shook them away before she had a chance to speak further. When he met her eyes, he ensured that there was durasteel behind his own gaze, because she had to understand the extent of his failure. “No,” he said, feeling his jaw tighten in his anger at himself and at the ones who'd taken Brenna. “I should have protected her better, should have done more to keep her safe and keep our family together, but I didn't. I failed her, Ahsoka.”

The sky was almost completely dark now and he thought that it was time to head inside, but he didn't know if he could move just yet because he wasn't sure if his legs would support his weight. Now that Brenna was back, now that he'd seen some of the damage that had been done to the woman he loved, reality was coming down upon his shoulders, heavier than any nightfall, and he shuddered at the weight of it.

But Ahsoka's next words were quiet, slipping between his grief and his anger and resting gently upon his mind. “You didn't fail her. You took care of her daughter, didn't you? I know that Brenna would have wanted you to do that. Even if she can't say so right now.”

Iri's face bubbled to the forefront of his mind and he found that some of the weight lifted. Nodding, Ahsoka continued. “You're too hard on yourself, Rex. You can't carry everything on your shoulders. It's too big a burden, even for you.”

He nodded but made no reply. A beat later he looked back her way and studied her carefully. She looked...older, now. More mature, yes, but there was a new kind of heaviness to the Togruta that was unfamiliar to him. In an effort to turn his own thoughts away from Brenna at the moment, he indicated her lithe little fighter. “So what have you been up to, lately?”

“The usual,” she replied in a light voice that hid none of her agitation. “Contacting Black Sun vigos to start acquiring a bunch of weapons for a resistance against the Empire. You know...nothing fancy.”

Rex let her words sink in as he considered her; she seemed to grow a little younger under his gaze, and he saw a vulnerability in her eyes that had not been there before. After a beat, he cleared his throat. “What else?”

She shrugged again. “Working with Bail Organa...trying to track down any other Jedi that might have survived. I'm keeping busy.”

“What about that Bonteri fellow?” He kept his words impassive but he watched her carefully, searching for clues in her expression.

He found them. There was grief, but it seemed heavy and full, more so than even his own at the loss of Brenna; it set him on edge, and now it was his turn to put a hand on her arm. “Ahsoka?”

A sigh escaped her as she crossed her arms and looked away from him, towards her ship. “I broke it off with Lux.”

“Why?” Rex was no expert in these matters, but he'd seen how much she cared for the guy. Hell, Bonteri had risked a great deal to rescue her from Coruscant the night of Order 66, so he figured the feeling was mutual, or had been.

Ahsoka pursed her lips and he wondered if she'd make up some excuse to leave, but she replied after a moment. “Palpatine's apprentice, Rex. Darth Vader. Do you know who he really is?”

“The one who led the 501st into the Jedi Temple?” Rex frowned, thinking. He'd heard stories of the black-clad Sith who'd appeared suddenly and without warning, but had assumed that it was some errant Jedi or another, as Dooku had been.

“Anakin.”

Rex felt his breath catch and his chest got tight. “No.”

The look in her eyes was enough to reveal the truth of what she said and another, different kind of shiver passed over his skin, the kind that sometimes accompanied dread. Ahsoka watched him, then looked up into the sky, at the stars that were starting to appear. “No one knows the whole story, but I've learned enough. He loved Padmé, and his love destroyed both of them.” Her eyes were bright but she wasn't looking his way. “Love turned him into a monster...I couldn't risk that happening to me, or risk any harm coming to...anyone else.”

For a long moment, Rex didn't reply because he was gathering his thoughts. He'd truly thought that Skywalker had been killed during the infamous Order 66. No matter how skilled a Jedi was, Rex knew well-enough that they were mortal and could be brought down, by overwhelming numbers if nothing else. He'd done his grieving for the man.

But this new information was...well, it was unexpected and remarkably sad, because the Anakin Skywalker of Rex's memory, while often impetuous and brash, was not evil. He was not a monster who murdered younglings.

Rex supposed he'd been wrong about that, too.

Oddly enough, Ahsoka's revelation that love had turned Anakin to the Dark Side did not shake him as much as it seemed to shake her, and at first he wondered why. As he watched her, he understood. “I don't know much about Jedi, Ahsoka,” he said quietly, causing her to look at him. “But I do know you. I knew him, too; and while the two of you had a lot in common, you are different. Ahsoka.”

She'd looked away from him, blinking rapidly; at the sound of her name she turned his way again and he saw that her eyes were bright. He waited a beat, then continued. “You're not him. What choices he made...they aren't yours.”

In a way, it was good to offer someone else comfort even while he felt like he was breaking from the inside out. It gave him the feeling that he could do something right; he felt like a failure as a would-be husband, but he could be a friend to Ahsoka, still. “You're a good person, Ahsoka. I know that much.”

She gave him a wan smile; he could see that she was still uncertain, but he thought that perhaps some of the edge had been taken off of her grief. Finally she spoke. “Thanks, Rexter.”

“Anytime, kid.”

They stood together in silence for a few more minutes until she glanced his way again, and for a moment she was a gangly, untested fourteen-year-old again. “This is silly...but can I have a hug? You give good hugs.”

He had to chuckle at this even as he acquiesced. The embrace was quick but firm, and when they parted he thought that she seemed a little better, then wondered if it was just wishful thinking on his part. She cleared her throat, then took a deep breath. “I should get going. Will you keep me posted?”

“Of course.” They exchanged a final warm look, then parted. Rex didn't watch her go to her fighter but he heard the whine of the engines as it took off and made its way into the night. When he reached the loading-ramp of the Shereshoy, he took a deep breath and made his way inside.

*​

Thanks for reading!

Next time: Brenna and Iri are reunited.

 

Superb post

I can very much understand Brenna's reaction - all touches have been unwelcome and from thug-types And Rex is to her mind literally a stranger

Loved the Rex/Ahsoka talk. Giving each other mutual solace and encouragement.

 

Poor Brenna! (And Rex).
I just lost my train of thought but it involved something about Ahsoka.

Oh! I liked Rex's pep talk to Ahsoka because one of things we don't see in Star Wars movies was how does a Padawan (or former Padawan) react when his or her Master goes evil? We know how the Master (Obi-Wan, Yoda) feels when the Padawan turns bad but how would Qui-Gon have reacted to Dooku's betrayal? Or Ahsoka to Anakin's? And I like Rex and Ahsoka's friendship so interactions with them are always a plus in my book.

 

@Nyota's Heart: Glad to hear that Brenna's reaction made sense! As much as I want them to be "better" right away, healing will take time. Thank you for the lovely comment! ​

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@gracesonnet: Yes, I'm very curious about Ahsoka's reaction to Anakin's turn. While there are lots of great fics that discuss it, I figured I'd give my two creds here. Rex & Ahsoka as friends are one of my favorites to read and write. Thank you for the comment! ​

*****​

Chapter Seventeen​

The first thing that Brenna did after Marliss showed her to the little cabin was lock the door behind her, which gave her a feeling of security and control. Like the rest of the ship had been, the cabin was clean but dimly lit, though the lights that were recessed into the ceiling were merely soft rather than old or flickering. Aside from the single-occupant bunk, there wasn't much, just an adjacent alcove that Brenna thought contained the 'fresher.

Upon the bunk sat a navy-blue duffel bag; an examination of its contents gave Brenna a measure of satisfaction in her choice to try and trust these people, because from what she could tell the clothing was all in her size. Of course, none of it looked familiar, but it was clean, so she decided that would have to do. It was better than nothing, and besides, any belongings she might have had when Zoea and Arcas had abducted her were long gone, now.

Later, when she'd scrubbed off the accumulated detritus of the last few days – and washed her hair, thank the Force – she dressed in a soft, button-up shirt and trousers, both of which were comfortable and felt well-worn, fitting against her body perfectly.

No doubt it was silly to be happy about such things, but they helped improve her mood.

After she'd dressed, bundling the clothes she'd been wearing until now in a ball and shoving them in the bottom of the bag, she examined the rest of the contents, searching for clues. Aside from an old datapad, toiletries and clothing, there wasn't much from which she could glean any information, and for a moment she sat back on the bunk and ran her hands over one of the shirts, trying to remember. Suddenly, her fingers touched something hard. Frowning, she pulled a small clear bag from the pocket of the shirt and her mouth fell open at its contents.

Plain silver bands, two of them.

Wedding rings.

Married? I'm married? The instant she had the thought she shook it away, because if she'd been married, she would have been wearing one of the rings, wouldn't she? Engaged, then, or planning to get married, at least.

For a moment she only fingered the bands, noting the difference in sizes, then selected the smaller of the two and slid it over the third finger of her left hand. It was a perfect fit. The other ring was a bit larger and she studied it in the soft cabin light. Logically, based on Rex's reaction to seeing her, he was the owner of this ring, but if that was the case, why didn't he have it? Were they at odds for some reason?

Maybe they had been planning to get married and he'd been too distraught to go into all of that right away, especially when she'd reacted so strongly to his embrace. She turned her hand, watching as the lights from above her head glinted on the polished silver. Time would reveal the truth of her relationship – whatever it had been – with Rex, and she thought that perhaps she just needed to be patient and wait for her memories to return. In the meantime, Brenna thought that she'd just have to be careful around him, for her own peace-of-mind.

It didn't matter what they'd been to each other, before. What mattered was right now, and right now she didn't know quite what to think.

With a heavy sigh, Brenna pulled the ring from her finger and slid both bands into a small pocket of the bag, deciding to resolve the issue later. Some time during her shower, the ship had taken off again and she could hear the faint thrum of the hyperdrive as it carried them to Alderaan. To her family.

She didn't quite know what to make of the thought; as much as she wanted to be happy that she was on her way home, she would have been a lot happier had she remembered what kind of a home she was coming back to. It wasn't that she felt afraid – perhaps she'd used up all of her fear while in captivity – but rather that a sort of hollow numbness had taken over her mind, like her brain couldn't process strong emotions any longer. Maybe, she thought, such a thing was a side-effect of the hycosine, so she resolved to find out when she could.

As she looked around the cabin again, an uncomfortable feeling began to curl within her stomach, because she was reminded of her recent imprisonment a little too well, even without her hands bound and Zoea drugging her what felt like every other hour.

In any case, she realized that she didn't want to be alone right now.

I have to trust that things will work out, she thought as she stood up and made her way to the cabin door, her fingers hovering over the lock-panel. I have to try to, anyway.

Once she stepped out of the cabin, she could hear that the others were in the lounge at the opposite end of the engine compartment. When she reached the door to the lounge, she paused to listen once more, assessing the room before she entered: there was Marliss' voice, along with Rex's though...surely it was a mistake, as she heard another voice that sounded almost identical to Rex's, engaged in a heated conversation.

“-don't understand why you don't just tell her.”

“Fives, she's been through a trauma. Pushing more and more information on her will only make things more frightening and confusing.”

“Yeah, well...holding yourself back and keeping your distance from the woman you love isn't going to help, either.”

Marliss' voice sounded, clearly discernible among the men. “You didn't see her reaction when he tried to hug her, Fives. I'd be upset, too, if a stranger approached me and started grabbing at me.”

There was a huff, then one of the men – Fives, Brenna presumed – spoke again. “Well, of course she reacted that way at first. But this plan of Rex's...it's only going to make things worse. It's silly to hold back. She needs-”

“Fives.” It was Rex; his tone held a measure of authority and the other man was instantly quieted. There was a beat, then Rex spoke again, softer. “Ahsoka said that Bren probably just needs time, so that's what I'm going to give her. For that matter, I don't want either of you pressuring her to remember or asking her questions right now, okay? I'll not risk hurting her any more than she's already been hurt.”

His words faded at the end, and Brenna had a strange urge to console him, though perhaps it wasn't so strange, considering the wedding rings. Another pause, then Rex spoke again in a language that was only vaguely familiar. She couldn't catch the words, but when he'd finished, Fives sighed audibly. “Yeah, I know. I don't mean to upset her, it's just-”

Rex's voice was quiet again. “I know. It is.”

That was when Brenna activated the door and stepped into the room. It was about the size of two of cabins, with a curved and padded bench-like seat around a dejarik table, a kitchenette, and a small porthole that overlooked the swell of hyperspace. Three adults were seated around the deactivated dejarik table: Marliss, Rex and a man – presumably Fives – who resembled Rex so much that Brenna figured it was his twin; save for their clothing, the color of Fives' hair and a small tattoo on the dark-haired man's temple, they were identical.

But none of that mattered because Brenna's eyes had locked onto a little blonde girl who was curled in Rex's lap. She was perhaps two or three, with chubby cheeks and eyes the same color as Rex's – a rich, honey-brown – and her curls were damp, as though she, too, had just gotten a bath. When Brenna entered, the others fell silent and looked at her, as did the little girl – Irini, she remembered Ahsoka telling her – and Brenna's throat went tight.

“Mama!” Immediately, the toddler began scrambling out of Rex's lap in order to reach Brenna, her hands flailing wildly in spite of Rex's grip. “Mama! Mama!”

Brenna stepped closer, staring at the child who was still grasping for her. Her heart was racing, and as she approached, Fives – who'd been seated beside Rex – rose and made room for her at the table. She sat beside Rex and watched in wonder as Irini scrambled out of Rex's arms and into her lap, hugging her as tightly as a toddler was able while the others watched in silence. “Mama. Iri miss Mama.”

“Iri.” Tentatively, Brenna reached up to touch the golden curls of the child. In response, Iri snuggled closer to her, her words having faded to a delighted murmur.

At first, Brenna was stricken with anxiety, because even now, faced with her own child, she couldn't call up any concrete memories of the little girl. There was a blank space in her mind where Iri's birth should have been, and Brenna couldn't remember how she'd chosen the name “Irini” at all.

However, Brenna leaned her head down to Iri's curls and inhaled, and in doing so felt a flare of recognition that went deeper than any memory. My daughter. Mine. It didn't matter that she couldn't remember specific events, because this was a kind of bond that was stronger than memory, and suddenly Brenna's eyes were burning. Heedless of anyone else in the room, she embraced Iri fully, hugging the child as close as she could and kissing the little girl's head.

“Iri miss Mama.”

“I know, sweetheart,” she heard herself reply as her own face became streaked with wet. “I missed you, too.”

In the minutes that followed, Brenna knew that the others – especially Rex – were watching the two of them, but she didn't care. For the first time since this ordeal had begun, she felt like things were going to be okay. Brenna held her daughter – her daughter – and pressed the little girl close to her heart, silently thanking whoever would listen that they'd been brought back together. This moment was all that mattered, she thought as she felt her body sinking into the first true repose since she'd been captured. This is all I need.

*​

There was hope.

Watching Bren and Iri, Rex felt it swell within his chest, pushing aside his grief, anger and fear and replacing them with relief. He'd been so worried when she didn't seem to recall Iri right away, so now, seeing them together was reassuring beyond measure. Maybe things would work out, and all that Brenna needed was time.

Now sitting across from him, Fives caught his eye and gave him a small but encouraging smile, which Rex returned with a nod. Marliss looked like she was about to start crying, so Fives slid his arm around the blonde woman and kissed her forehead gently. No one spoke for some time, but gradually, as Rex watched Brenna and Iri fall asleep together, the others relaxed a little more and quiet conversation resumed.

In truth, Rex hardly paid attention to the words of his brother and sister-in-law, because the majority of his attention was fixed on Brenna and Iri. They were seated beside him, about an arm's length away. In sleep, Bren looked peaceful and he was filled with the urge to scoot closer and wrap his arms around the woman he loved and their daughter.

But he kept his place and did not move, instead folding his hands on the table before him and schooling himself to remain patient. Time was what Brenna needed, so he was prepared to give her as much as he was able, however little it might be.

A moment later, a quiet throat-clear caught Rex's attention, and he looked up to see Fives regarding him thoughtfully, Marliss nestled in the crook of his brother's shoulder. “The long-neck's still in the cargo-bay,” the former ARC said, tilting his chin to indicate the direction where the cabin was located. “I think she's sleeping.”

“She looked exhausted,” Marliss added, glancing up at Fives and placing a hand on his chest. “I felt a little strange about setting her up in the bay, but I didn't think she'd be able to fit on one of the bunks.”

Fives shrugged, clearly unconcerned with the Kaminoan's comfort, then he shot Rex another discerning look. “Have you called Alderaan, yet?”

Rex glanced at Bren and Iri again, then shook his head. “Not yet. It's been too hectic and, to be honest...” He frowned down at his folded hands. “I didn't want to say anything until I had a better idea of what was happening with Brenna.”

It was the truth, or part of it. The other part was that he wasn't quite certain how he was going to break the news to Caith and Jensine. Even though things looked as if they'd get better, he still knew that their faith and trust in him to protect their family members had been misplaced. But beyond and much larger than his own petty feelings was the knowledge that the information he needed to share was going to hurt the Damaris family a lot more than it hurt him.

In his tenure as a captain, Rex had lost many men, to death or to crippling injury – both of which would see that they did not return to the battlefield – and when he'd informed the brothers that remained of their loss, there had been much sorrow, but there had also been a tacit understanding, because it was the shared lot of all clones and they had all more or less accepted the reality.

But he'd never had to inform a family that a loved one had been lost, let alone that it had happened as a result of his own negligence. Rex had no idea if it was normal for him to feel that weight on his shoulders at the idea, that oppressive, crushing weight that seemed determined to push any hope from his mind, but there it was.

No, he didn't want to call Caith, but it was necessary. As Bren's...whatever he was now, Rex had a responsibility to do so and he would not shirk it. So he looked back up at Fives and Marliss, and nodded. “Think I'll do that, now.”

Marliss cleared her throat and gave Fives a meaningful look. “We'll be at the helm if you need anything.”

“Right,” Fives added as he and the blonde woman rose and made their way for the doorway. “We're only a day or so from Alderaan. Rex, we'll have her back very soon.”

Rex watched them slip out, so that it was only himself, Brenna and Iri, now. He considered making the call from the lounge, then decided against it in favor of not rousing either of his girls, so he slipped out of the bench-seat and stepped into the corridor. From there, he made his way to the cabin he and Iri had been sharing. He didn't like leaving Bren alone in case she woke up, but in the interest of taking things slow with her, he thought it best she not overhear this particular call.

It took a moment for the link to take hold. Voice-only calls like this across the galaxy, while the Shereshoy was in hyperspace were uncommon, but mods had been made to both Rex and Caith's comlinks to allow for such a thing. When Caith answered, he sounded bleary with sleep and Rex winced as he realized that it was the middle of the night on Alderaan.

“Rex...what's wrong?”

Taking a breath, Rex began to speak. “I'm sorry to wake you up, but something's happened...”

It took him about seven minutes to fully explain, then there was silence for a good fifteen seconds – not that Rex was keeping track or anything – before Caith replied. “But she's back, now?”

“She is,” Rex said, leaning against the bulkhead wall of the cabin and closing his eyes. “As far as we can tell, she's physically unharmed-”

“Except her memory is shot.” Caith's voice was grim and Rex winced.

“It looks that way.”

There was a beat, then the other man gave a heavy sigh, and Rex got the impression that he was rubbing his forehead. “And you said that Iri's okay, too?”

That, at least, was something that Rex could be a little pleased about. “She's perfect. Brenna seemed to recognize her, which is a good sign.” He paused, then cleared his throat. “Caith...I'm sorry. I should have-”

“Not now, Rex,” Caith broke in, the curt tone of his voice making Rex's stomach sink. “Thanks for letting me know, but I need call Mom and tell her what's going on.”

It was a voice-only call, but Rex felt himself nodding, anyway. “There's just a bit more. The Kaminoan we found; she's with us, and she needs a place to work.”

“A Kaminoan? Here?”

“We didn't have any other options...”

There was another sigh, then a muffled bit of words as if Caith was speaking to someone else – Edme, Rex figured – then he replied, his tone a little more normal. “Well, I suppose it's a good thing that your brothers moved to the station-hands' old quarters. Sounds like we'll need the room.”

The mention of his brothers sent a thrill of anticipation through Rex, and he realized that he would be happy to be in their company again, despite everything else. Still, he didn't want to take up any more of Caith's time and he was anxious to return to Brenna and Iri, so he spoke again. “Thank you for being so understanding, vod.”

There was a beat of silence, then Caith replied. “I'll see you, soon.”

The words were still sharp, and Rex knew that the other man was upset. He didn't blame him. After they signed off and he pocketed his comlink, Rex leaned his head back against the bulkhead and exhaled. It will be okay, he told himself, repeating the mantra again and again. It will work out. Just be patient.

*​

When Rex returned to the lounge, Bren and Iri were still seated more or less upright and were still fast asleep, embracing each other. For a moment, he stood in the doorway, watching them sleep.

His girls.

As he looked at them, Iri's eyes opened and she blinked a few times as her mouth stretched into a yawn. He knew that it was better for her to be in bed and although he was loathe to pull her from her mother's arms, Rex wanted Iri's routine to stay as normal as possible. Besides, he knew from experience that sleeping on the bench-seat was not comfortable in the least, and it was silly to do so when one had access to a perfectly nice cabin.

Though he tried to keep his steps soft, Brenna awoke as well and her eyes fell on him, widening slightly as if she were alarmed. Rex lifted his hands in the galactic symbol of I mean you no harm, and indicated the doorway behind him. “I was going to put her down in our cabin,” he said quietly, watching Bren's expression. “The bunk's far more comfortable than this seat.”

In response, Brenna looked down at the little girl who blinked up at her. “Mama?”

“I'm right here, sweetheart,” Brenna replied in a soft voice, then she bent to kiss Iri's forehead.

The toddler sighed and closed her eyes again, which was when Brenna looked back at Rex. “I want to stay with her.”

“Of course,” he said with a nod.

Brenna seemed to debate something, then she got to her feet; he watched as she seemed to keep her movements as steady as possible so she wouldn't rouse Iri and she came to stand about an arm's length from him. Rex led the way through the corridor, to the cabin that he and Iri had been using, though he sighed to himself when he saw a few errant pieces of Iri's clothing that he'd not had time or inclination to clean up.

“Sorry, I'll get these.”

As he bent to retrieve the toddler's things and gather his own belongings, he could feel Brenna's eyes on him; once he collected his bag – Iri's was separate – he indicated the door. “I can bring your stuff in here, if you like.”

She paused, then nodded once. “Okay. Thanks.”

Rex made to step past her and leave, thinking that maybe it was better for him not to be in the same room with her right now, when she froze him with her words. “Are you her father?”

Slowly, he turned and met Brenna's eyes. “Technically...no,” he said, and watched as she frowned as if in disappointment. “But...I want to be,” he added quickly. “I'm trying.”

He paused again, then set down his duffel bag and reached out to skim a hand along Iri's curls, savoring their softness beneath his fingertips. “I love her like my own.”

As he said this, he studied the little girl and felt a swell of pride for her, because she'd come through this ordeal so well, and although he figured that more hardship was to come, Iri had proven herself to be strong. A real warrior. He smiled despite himself.

“Are we married?” Bren asked.

Rex met her eyes and watched for her reaction. “No.”

Was it wrong for him to feel a thrill of happiness when her face fell, just a little bit, like she'd wanted a different answer? Kriff, he wanted to sweep her into his arms and give her a crushing kiss, the kind that he knew she loved, the kind that made his entire body ache with a longing to be closer to her, but he kept himself still. Patience. Time. These would be his allies, as long as he allowed them to be.

So instead of kissing her, he dropped his hand from Iri's soft baby-curls and gave Brenna what he hoped was a warm look, even as he could see that she was trying to remember, even as she seemed to struggle to find her next words. “But we're...close?”

Images whirred through his mind: drowsy kisses in the middle of the night when they both should have been sleeping; the glow in her eyes that always came about when he made her laugh; a quiet, shared smile over the dinner table; the way her breath always caught a little when she'd seen him in his armor, during his army days; how her voice shaped his name in the heat of shared passion, Rex...

And now she was looking at him as if he were a stranger that she'd bumped into on the street, like none of these things that they had shared over the past year were seared within her mind as they were in his. “Yes,” he managed at last. “We are.”

She sighed and reached one hand up from Iri to rub at her forehead, but said nothing further as she moved to the bunk to set the toddler down. Unthinking, Rex followed her and slid the blankets aside so that they could tuck Iri in, and for a moment it was like things had been; Bren gave him a little smile and a quiet, “thank you,” and he nodded, pleased.

However, as he leaned back up from the blankets, his fingertips accidentally brushed Bren's arm and he watched with dismay as she visibly flinched from the sudden contact. Anger pierced him again, stronger than before.

What had they done to her, to make her revile a simple touch?

Before, when Ahsoka had indicated the state in which she'd found Brenna, Rex had considered this subject, briefly, until he'd had to force the idea out of his mind for his own sanity. When Rex thought about Bren being violated in that manner, all he could see was a haze of red across his vision, and the word “fury” felt small and meaningless next to the force of his emotion.

No matter what, there would be no power in this galaxy or any other that would keep her abductors safe, should they ever be unlucky enough to cross his path.

But before he could dwell on any of that for too long, she looked at him again. “You and Fives...you're twins?”

The question made him sink into the floor a little bit, disappointment pushing him down. “No,” he replied. “Clones. From the Wars.”

He watched as recognition sparked in her eyes, and felt a little better when she spoke. “That makes sense, I guess.”

There seemed to be more that she wanted to say, but she was quiet for a moment longer, so he schooled himself to restraint. When she looked at him again, there was something like earnestness in her eyes, a trace of the Bren he knew. “I want to trust you,” she said slowly. “I think I'll be able to, but it will take time.”

Ironically enough, time was something that he didn't have to give, but he didn't say such a thing because it didn't matter, right now. If she needed time, he was prepared to give her as much as he could, as much as she needed. Whatever she needed, he wanted to give. Genetics be damned.

So he nodded once and savored the warm brown of her eyes. “I hope so, Bren.” He paused; there was so much that he wanted to tell her, but he knew it was for the best to keep quiet, for now. Patience.

Inwardly, he sighed. It would be the death of him.

“I'm more than willing to wait,” he said at last, ensuring that his words were careful and measured; all-too-well did he remember her reaction when he'd first seen her, and wanted to avoid a repeat. “You have my word.”

She nodded, then cleared her throat, which he took as his cue to leave. However, as he turned to go, her voice stopped him again. “Thank you, Rex.”

I love you, he wanted to say, but he only nodded again, and slipped out the cabin door.

*****​

​

Thanks for reading! ​

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Next time: talking with Nala Se.​

 

Have I mentioned how much I love this? LOL Probably. Bren with Iri was just ... just. *Huggles!!!!!!* Rex's feelings and thoughts -- his longing for Brenna to remember them is palpable. And her reaching toward trust - awww! You can really tell she instinctively does on some level, just like the visceral knowing of Irini.

 

"The first thing that Brenna did after Marliss showed her to the little cabin was lock the door behind her, which gave her a feeling of security and control."

It seems like just a little detail but it perfectly captures Brenn's shell shock and trauma. I love watching her parse out her life based on small tidbits of info: the wedding rings in her pocket, that Fives and Rex must be twins , etc.
I know I keep saying this but, poor Rex! I don't envy him his conversation with Brenn's family. I just hope they realize that he did the best he could and really, no one could have prevented her kidnapping. Was he supposed to follow Brenna into the bathroom stall? Arcas would have just found another way to steal her away.

"Images whirred through his mind: drowsy kisses in the middle of the night when they both should have been sleeping; the glow in her eyes that always came about when he made her laugh; a quiet, shared smile over the dinner table; the way her breath always caught a little when she'd seen him in his armor, during his army days; how her voice shaped his name in the heat of shared passion, Rex..."

That bit just breaks my heart. Poor Rex and Brenna! It's such a beautiful, evocative paragraph too. To paraphrase Buffy the Vampire Slayer (but in a good way), hello to the imagery!

 

Oh yes. gracesonnet has this pegged:

"Images whirred through his mind: drowsy kisses in the middle of the night when they both should have been sleeping; the glow in her eyes that always came about when he made her laugh; a quiet, shared smile over the dinner table; the way her breath always caught a little when she'd seen him in his armor, during his army days; how her voice shaped his name in the heat of shared passion, Rex..."

Such seemingly 'ordinary' but exceedingly cherishable facets ... I love the tone of gentle tenderness and happiness that pervades each of the varied contexts.

 

Rewatching the Krell arc again and it makes me want to jump right into re-reading The Fighting Kind. God, Krell is such a jerk.

Anyway, can't wait for the next part of Worth Fighting For!

 

@Nyota's Heart: You're absolutely right that Bren, on some level, recognizes Rex...it's just buried deep right now. I'm not a parent, but I imagine the connection between parent and child is the strongest sort, and not something that can be erased so easily, which is why Bren recognized Iri. Thank you for the wonderful comments! ​

​

@gracesonnet: "Poor Rex!" Yes, lol, that's a running theme throughout this story. I think that he's harder on himself than he should be; of course he couldn't have prevented Bren's kidnapping, but he's bound and determined to carry the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders. Sigh. At least he has Iri. Thank you for the comments! (And yes, ugh, Krell can suck laser.)​

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*****​

Chapter Eighteen​

For a moment Rex stood outside the closed door, leaning against the solid object and taking a few deep breaths to steady himself; it was so difficult to do this, to walk out and leave Brenna alone when his instincts were screaming at him to rush back in the room, take her in his arms and kiss her senseless.

But no. He inhaled and counted to ten, releasing the breath in a long, slow draw. Patience and time.

To distract himself, Rex moved away from the cabin that held his entire life and made his way to the cargo bay, where Nala Se was ensconced. Marliss' earlier words made him realize that he'd neglected to even think much about the Kaminoan in light of everything else that was going on, and he resolved to rectify the situation immediately. After all, she was the primary reason he'd wanted to leave Alderaan.

It was almost completely dark in the cargo bay but there was a faint light that was cast from several datapads that surrounded Nala Se, who was seated on a crate of supplies, making notes against one of the 'pads. Open and devoid of much clutter save for several crates, it was a few degrees cooler in here than in the rest of the ship, but if memory served, the long-necks – no, the Kaminoans – preferred it this way.

After the door hissed open, Rex stood at the entryway and regarded Nala Se for a moment, waiting for her to acknowledge him, but she did not. Rather, he heard quiet mumblings coming from her direction, and he watched as she bent to select another datapad, comparing its readout with the one she held. From what he could make out in the faint light – and it wasn't much – it seemed that Marliss had also managed to equip the Kaminoan with a robe of some kind to replace the tattered garment she'd been wearing when the clones had found her, and Rex was again thankful for Marliss' help.

Additionally, Rex was at something of a loss because he had no idea how to casually greet a Kaminoan, but he felt odd barging in and questioning her, so he cleared his throat and took a few steps closer to her in the hope that she'd look up.

Nothing.

Nala Se muttered to herself, setting down one of the datapads and selecting another – kriff, there must be at least half a dozen scattered around the floor – so that she could make some more notes.

Since it seemed like she wasn't going to look up, Rex took another step forward and spoke. “Do you need anything else, ma'am?”

If he hadn't been so tired he would have been amused at the way that she started, her slender neck jerking upright and her head swiveling around so that she could look at him with wide eyes. “Do I...no, thank you.” Her head tilted and he watched as she blinked once. “Rex. Your designation is Rex. Is that correct?”

“It's my name, if that's what you mean,” he replied, moving another step closer. “I don't really go by my old number any longer.”

He didn't know what kind of reaction he expected from the Kaminoan at that statement, and admittedly, there'd been a measure of unintended harshness to his words, but she only nodded once, then looked back at the 'pad in her grip. “I am glad.”

He couldn't stop himself. “Glad?”

Nala Se looked back up at him. Her gray eyes were strangely luminous in the light of the datapads scattered around her. “Yes. I am glad that you were able to...extract independence from your conditioning. It pleases me.”

Identities were highly prized commodities among the clones, even now when they were no longer part of an army of identical faces. It took a lot for a clone to shake the conditioning that the Kaminoans had ingrained within the clones and find out who he was, and the general consensus through the ranks had been that the long-necks had done everything they could to prevent such a thing from happening. On Kamino, independence was a defect and was not tolerated.

So in all his days, Rex never thought he'd hear a Kaminoan say that she was glad he'd found his.

For a few minutes he didn't know quite how to reply, so he only watched her. Finally, she looked up at him again, and he got the sense that she was choosing her next words with care. “Your child. What is her age?”

“Iri's about three years old,” he replied as his stomach dropped, just a little bit. “Why? Did she seem...abnormal, for a clone?”

Nala Se's head tilted; it was a purely Kaminoan gesture that indicated confusion. “She is not a clone.”

“No...no, of course not,” he said, furrowing his brows. “She's the child of a clone and of a...normal Human woman. But I'm...concerned.”

Silence. The Kaminoan regarded him patiently while Rex worked to formulate his thoughts about his daughter. Finally he exhaled and took a seat on a nearby crate, resting his elbows on his knees. “Her motor skills are extraordinary for a child of her age,” he began, thinking of Iri's finger-paintings. “And she's a remarkably fast learner, both of which I suppose can be attributed to the...altered genetics of Fett clones.”

Nala Se nodded once in understanding and he continued. “But I wonder what else we share,” he said as his eyes closed briefly. “I'm concerned that her life is to be half as long, as mine will be.”

Saying the words aloud sent a chill through him, and he shot the Kaminoan a glance to try and gauge her reaction, which was another simple nod that made him feel sick to his stomach. He knew it; Iri was destined to die before her time, and it was wrong, it wasn't fair-

“How much of the treatment did the child receive?”

Rex frowned in confusion. “What treatment?”

The Kaminoan blinked at him again, but this time he almost thought it was with amusement. “The accelerated maturation treatment. How much of it did she receive, and was it while she was in utero or after she was born?”

All he could do was blink and shake his head. “Accelerated maturation treatment? What is that?”

Nala Se exhaled, a delicate sound, and straightened her spine to regard him from her full height, which was considerable. “You are not familiar with the process.”

At this, Rex shrugged. “What's to be familiar with? You...the Kaminoans tweaked our genetics so we'd age at twice the rate of a normal Human. Right?”

“In a manner of speaking.” Save for the hum of the hyperdrive, there was quiet for a moment and Rex felt a combination of tension and excitement rolling themselves into a ball within him while he waited for Nala Se to elaborate. When she did, her voice had all but lost the muddled timbre it'd had since he and Fives had found her, and she sounded like every other long-neck in his memory: cool, competent and distant.

“Cloning a life-form is not simple,” she began, regarding him with an expression he took to be thoughtful. “Even when no enhancements are desired, it is not a matter of strict replication. This is because there are innumerable complications that can arise during even the most straightforward process.

“In the case of the Republic's Fett clones, it was discovered that the modifications of the aging rate in the already-modified template that was used to create the clone army were detrimental to the clones' ability to process information once they matured fully. Further study proved that, while it was inadequate to modify the clones' aging in this way – at the genetic level of the template – there were no adverse effects on the final product, if the clone was treated while in the growth-vat.”

Rex shook his head, which was starting to spin with the new intel. “So...if you tweaked the aging process on the template that you used for all the clones, they didn't turn out well. But if you treated us while we were in our growth-jars, we came out normal.” Or as normal as a genetically-altered super-soldier can be.

The Kaminoan blinked at him, and the corners of her mouth lifted in the tiniest approximation of a smile. “Yes.”

His mind racing ahead, Rex leaned forward towards her, clasping and unclasping his hands in his excitement. “Since Irini was never treated with this...'accelerated maturation' stuff, you're saying that her aging will be normal?”

“That is correct,” Nala Se replied, glancing back down at the 'pad in her slender fingers. “However, as you noted, it is likely that she will retain the other alterations of your genetic structure: the accelerated learning and advanced cognitive processes.”

“What about the obedience? Will she be more inclined to...follow orders?”

The Kaminoan looked back at him but did not say anything for a long moment; when she did speak, her voice was quiet and – he thought – a little sad. “It is not widely discussed, but you and your fellow clones were something of a triumph, even among my people. While much of your nature was specified in the genetics laboratory, just as much was defined in the manner in which you were trained.

“Yes, Rex; there was emphasis placed on inhibiting certain...tendencies of the host, of Jango Fett, on the genetic level, but I daresay more effort was focused on training you once you were free of your growth-vats. At least,” she added, glancing back down at her 'pad though her eyes appeared to be unseeing. “That was my experience.”

For a few minutes, it was all he could do to sit in stunned silence, his thoughts whirring with the implications of what he was hearing. No doubt, Rex had learned well-enough that a clone could shake off his conditioning if he wanted, but before now he'd never had a reason to know if it was “nature” he and his brothers were fighting, or “nurture.” It was oddly heartening to hear this, because – even though much of his memories of Kamino and its denizens were cold and utilitarian as the Kaminoans themselves – the idea that his life was not totally preordained by virtue of his genetics was a good one.

Additionally, the realization that Irini's life would be as normal as it could filled him with relief, more so than he'd ever felt before, and he nearly forgot all of his other problems as he looked back up at Nala Se, wanting to express his gratitude for the information but not quite sure how.

“It was time-consuming and costly,” she said suddenly, her eyes still on the 'pad. “Treating each vat individually rather than modifying the template's aging, I mean. In the end, however, it was decided that the final product was well-worth the effort. Would that Spaarti Creations had looked at the matter in a similar way. Perhaps they would not have botched their products so badly.”

“The Spaarti clones?” Rex asked, blinking. “You know of them?”

They'd begun to replace the “normal” Fett clones in the final months of the Wars, but Rex had learned very quickly that they were inadequate substitutes; poor aim, sloppy thinking, and a whole host of other “defects” had made the Spaartis pretty much useless as soldiers, especially compared to Rex and his brothers.

Nala Se nodded once. “Lama Su was...displeased at the Chancellor's decision to contract with Spaarti Creations – and using our template, no less – but such was the nature of the deal that had been struck with the Republic. In the end, there was nothing he – or any of us – could do.”

Rex hadn't seen a Spaarti clone in a long time, but he was glad to have some idea of what was “wrong” with them. They couldn't fight their natures, it seemed, and didn't have enough time to get much in the way of nurturing. Perhaps the thought should have saddened him more, but his mind turned back to his other, immediate concerns.

“I'm glad that you came with us,” he said as he sat back up and rested his hands on his lap. “I hope that you will be comfortable on Alderaan.”

She shook her head, the gesture conveying mild indifference. “As long as I can complete my work, it makes no matter to me.” Here she paused and regarded him with her quicksilver eyes. “But I am glad of the chance to help you and your brothers. It is...fitting.”

This was curious, indeed. “Fitting? How?”

There was a long pause, then Nala Se blinked and turned back to her 'pad. “I find that I am in need of rest, now. Thank you for your inquiry about my comfort.”

It was as much of a dismissal as anything else, but Rex didn't feel annoyed. Rather, he nodded once and rose from his seat to slip out of the cargo bay and return to the main body of the ship.

The Shereshoy was quiet. Rex thought that Fives and Marliss were at the helm but he didn't feel like checking because his mind was still reeling a little bit from the conversation, and he had a sudden longing to see Iri again and examine her with this new information in mind.

When he reached the cabin where he'd left Bren and Iri, he checked himself. They both needed rest and he knew that it was better for him to give them space, no matter how much he wanted to slip inside and curl up beside them both. Better that he return to the cabin where Marliss had taken Brenna earlier and try to get some rest himself, as he knew he needed it, too.

However, this thought reminded him that he'd neglected to bring her bag like he said he would, and he'd left his own in the cabin with her and Iri. Either he was growing more forgetful with age or he had too much on his mind and some things were starting to drop out. That, or he more tired than he cared to believe. With a sigh, Rex made his way for the third cabin, noting that he could hear Fives' snoring sounds from within the cabin that the former ARC and Marliss shared. He grabbed Bren's bag, then headed back to the cabin where she and Iri were ensconced.

This time, as he reached the door to the room, he heard Brenna cry out as if in pain. Iri's panicked wail sounded a moment later as Bren began shouting something he couldn't quite make out through the bulkhead. But it didn't matter what she was saying because the fear in her voice pushed Rex's protective instincts into overdrive and he pushed into the dark room without a second thought.

Brenna and Iri were both on the bed, but the toddler appeared to be wide awake, crying as she curled up with one of the small pillows while her mother was lying beside her. Brenna appeared trapped in a nightmare; her body was wracked with shudders and Rex could hear in her sucking in her breath the way she did when she cried. The bag fell from Rex's hand and he moved forward, first activating the lights, then hurrying to take Iri in his arms and press her to his chest as he tried to soothe the little girl. In the soft light he could see that Bren was weeping in addition to her pained cries, and he reached one hand out to steady her shoulder, repeating her name in a steady tone to wake her up.

“Bren, it's okay,” he murmured even as he held Iri close. “Brenna, you're safe. I promise.”

Her face was contorted with fear and his heart twisted, so he supported Iri with one hand and reached his other arm beneath Bren's shoulders to scoop her up as quickly as he could. Still asleep, she resisted at first but soon he felt her relax into his side as her arms came up to embrace him and Iri alike. For a few moments Rex was surrounded by their fright, then they each gradually began to quiet until Iri was hiccuping softly and Brenna's breathing steadied, becoming more so as she woke fully. Absently, Rex kissed her forehead.

At this motion, she looked up at him and he felt his heart lurch, because he was certain that had crossed the line, wherever it was now.

But before either of them could say anything, Iri spoke, her words punctuated with little hiccups. “Mama?”

“It's okay, sweetheart,” she replied, slipping out of Rex's arm and reaching for Iri. “I'm right here. I didn't mean to wake you up.”

Rex let her take the little girl, but he'd already made a decision. He let Brenna embrace the toddler for a moment, then cleared his throat quietly. When Bren looked at him, he ensured that his voice was calm and soothing, which was – he thought – quite a feat, given the circumstances. “Are you alright?”

She gave a halting inhale, then nodded as she held her daughter close. Otherwise she was silent, so Rex took a deep breath. “Perhaps it's better if you sleep in another cabin, for now.”

“What?”

Brenna's eyes widened and her lips parted as if in shock when she looked at him, but he glanced down at Iri instead. “Iri'ka, I'm going to talk to your mother just outside the room for a minute; will you be a brave girl and wait here? I promise I'll be right back.”

Again, he felt a swell of pride for the toddler as she gave a grave nod. He kissed her forehead, then stood up, watching as Bren placed her back on the bed, then they both slipped out of the cabin. The moment that the door closed behind them, Brenna glared at him. “What are you talking about?”

“It looked like you were about to start getting...violent. Not on purpose,” he added as her eyes widened again. “But you saw how frightened she was. And Bren...I can't risk that you could...hurt her, even unwittingly. If you were to strike out in your sleep and hit her...”

Bren hugged her arms to her sides and looked behind her at the cabin door. Rex wanted to embrace her but kept his hands still and waited for her to find her voice. When she did, it was hushed. “I'm sorry.”

She looked lost. There was no other word for it, and Rex couldn't stand it any longer. Tentatively, he reached out and touched her shoulder; she flinched, but he did not lift his hand, this time. “It's not your fault,” he said in a quiet voice. “I know that you would never knowingly hurt her. But Iri's well-being is my first priority, and I can't take the chance that you might do something that would harm her, even on accident. Do you understand?”

Brenna took a deep breath and nodded, then looked back at him. “I do. I just...I feel lost. I know she's mine, but I can't even remember giving birth to her. Just like I know that you and I have something between us, but I can't kriffing remember...” Her words petered out and she gave a sigh that was part frustration and part sorrow.

But she had not pushed Rex's hand from her shoulder. He gave a squeeze and met her eyes. “You will,” he said as she looked at him. Strangely enough, it was easier for him to be strong, now. “I'll help you. And in the meantime you have my word that I'll keep her safe.”

It felt like hours passed as she studied him, but it was only a matter of moments. Finally she nodded once, then brushed her eyes with the back of her hand. “Okay, Rex. Thank you.”

He nodded as well and dropped his hand from her shoulder even as he continued to study her. “What was it? The nightmare, I mean.”

A tight, humorless laugh escaped her. “I don't remember, now.”

They reentered the cabin and Rex stood by while Brenna gathered her things. Iri had fallen asleep again on the bunk and did not wake when her mother bent to kiss her head. Moments later, Bren had slipped out of the room, leaving him alone with his daughter. After he removed his boots and dimmed the lights so that they were only giving off the faintest glow, Rex slid into bed beside the child – taking the utmost care not to jostle or disturb her – and put his hand over her shoulder, feeling for himself that Iri was alright.

Once he ensured that her breathing was steady and she was asleep, he allowed himself to drop off as well.

*​

The next time that Rex opened his eyes, it was because a tiny hand was tapping his cheek, and Iri was speaking to him in a worried voice. “Where Mama?”

Out of long-ingrained habit from his army training, Rex was awake the instant his eyes were open, allowing himself to formulate a response to Iri's innocent question. In all honesty, he wasn't quite sure how much information about Brenna's condition – what he knew of it, anyway – would be wise to share with his daughter. Even though she'd probably heard more than she should have already, he wasn't sure how much she understood, and he was wary of scarring her emotionally or frightening her any more. But he also disliked the idea of trying to hide anything. After all, Bren was her mother and Iri deserved to know something was going on, even if she didn't need to understand the full extent of it all.

He was lying on his side, his head pillowed on his bent elbow while Iri was curled against his chest, her head resting on the actual pillow as she'd reached for his cheek to wake him up. Her eyes were wide and he could see that she looked frightened, so he pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. “Mama is sick,” he explained as he stroked her hair. “She's not feeling very well, Iri'ka, and we don't know how much longer it will be before she feels better.”

Iri was quiet for a moment and a glance down showed him that she appeared to be working over the information. He couldn't help but smile to himself at her expression, so like any Fett clone's. Genetics or not, Irini was thoughtful and perceptive, and he felt a swell of pride for her despite his other feelings of helplessness.

Finally she looked up at him again. “Why Mama sick?”

“I don't know, kiddo,” he answered after a moment, thinking back to Bren's initial disappearance and deciding to spare Irini any more details for the time being. No matter how much he wanted to shelter her from the situation, there was no way that he could prevent her from knowing that something was wrong. Was it always this way, for a parent? He didn't know. “I wish I did.”

There was another pause, during which he could practically see her turning over the information in her mind, and he stroked her hair again. “No matter what, Irini, I'm here for you, okay? I'm not going anywhere, and I love you. Mama does too, even though she doesn't feel good right now.”

That was true enough, anyway; he'd seen it in Bren's eyes when she looked at her daughter. Even if she didn't remember giving birth, he thought that there were some bonds that were unable to be broken by memories, or lack thereof, and he tried not to feel anxiety that the one between himself and the woman he loved might not be one of those.

Like all soldiers, Rex hated feeling helpless but there was nothing else he could do right now but wait and hope for the best. Perhaps, he thought, returning to Bren's home planet would jog her memory a bit more; perhaps spending more time together would help return her memories of what they'd shared.

Perhaps.

He exhaled and tried to dispel his worry into the air.

Another soft tap at his face, this time against his chin. Rex looked down at his daughter and noted the curiosity in her gaze. “You okay, kiddo?”

“Rex...is...” Her face scrunched up as if deep in thought, which made him fight back a chuckle. “Rex is...Daddy?”

The chuckle faded, swept away by bewilderment. Rex's very first thought was that the “designation” was passing strange, but he shook that feeling away, because it was a just an automatic, gut reaction. However, he still felt a thrill of terror over the idea, because he really didn't know what he was doing and he just knew that he was screwing something up with her, but...

Well, he didn't have a choice. He'd had to step up and take care of Iri when Bren disappeared, and she seemed...okay, actually. Not thrilled with the way her mother was, right now, which was to be expected, but...okay. She was eating and sleeping just fine, she hadn't had a tantrum in a while, and she seemed about as normal as she'd been prior to this experience.

Suddenly, he wondered if Cut Lawquane had ever felt this way – the sheer, utter terror that he was irreparably damaging his child – and wished very much that he could speak to the other clone. Cut's family had always been in the back of his mind, in one way or another; the other clone had represented a fantasy for Rex, an idealized situation that he had once thought he could never have. It was a fantasy that he'd rarely allowed himself to dwell on during his army days.

But now Rex had a family – more ore less – and he'd seen for himself, even before this trip, even before Bren's abduction, how messy and complicated a family could be, more so than he'd ever understood.

But it was better than he'd ever guessed, either.

“If you want me to be, Iri'ka,” he managed at last as he looked down at her, into honey-brown eyes that were as familiar as his own, but were set in Brenna's face. “I love you, and I'd be proud to call myself your dad.”

She smiled, wide and toothy, then ducked her head and snuggled into his chest, her little arms hardly spanning the breadth of it.

“Daddy,” she murmured, and buried her face in his shirt, inhaling deeply as he reached his hands up to hold her closer. Rex took a deep breath, then planted a kiss on the top of her her head.

Maybe, just maybe, he could do this whole “father” thing, after all.

*****​

A/N: So, while there is lots of angst in this fic, I tried to balance it out with little moments of hope and love, like this one with Rex and Iri, so all the “feels” aren't sad.

I understand that Karen Traviss has an explanation of sorts for why the child of a clone won't age at twice the normal rate, but since I am not familiar with her books, I chose to make up my own reasoning.

Thanks for reading!

Next time: starting to put back the pieces.

 

Rex is just a pookie bear with Irini. And your Irini just gets more adorable and lurveable You have her quite age-appropos too Rex's sense of helplessness with Bren but dogged determination to be stalwart and optimistic I really love that!

 

Awww!
Your characterization of Nala Se is 10 times better than the show's. As far as I'm concerned, the whole "biochips" thing is an AU, anyway. I also liked Nala's thoughts on the Spaarti clones, from a cloning standpoint.
Poor Iri. At least she's got Rex to watch out for her while Bren recovers.

 

@Nyota's Heart: Gah, Rex and Iri were one of my favorite parts of writing this! Daddy!Rex just hits me right in the feels. So glad to know Iri comes off as age-appropriate! I don't spend much time around kids, so I'm iffy writing them. Thank you for the comment! ​

​

@gracesonnet: Thank you for the comment! I wrote this fic before season five aired, so I was facepalming like crazy when I saw how she was portrayed in season six! Sigh. Ah, well. ​

*****​

Chapter Nineteen​

Hours ago...


Even though Brenna knew that Rex was right, that she might unwittingly harm her child, it was difficult for her to face the dark, empty cabin alone. She set her duffel bag on the floor, slipped out of her shoes and curled up on top of the blanket, wishing that sleep would come because she was extraordinarily tired, more so than she thought she should be.

But she remained wide-awake, staring into the darkness and listening to the humming of the engines in the background.

There was no doubt in her mind that Irini was her child; even though Brenna couldn't remember giving birth or giving the little girl her name, she felt that Iri was imprinted on her heart, and she was unable to do anything but trust the feeling. It was not so with anyone else she'd “met,” even Rex, and she tried not to feel despondent about such a thing and instead be grateful that she'd been reunited with her daughter.

However, it was hard to feel gratitude when she thought that her own actions would somehow ruin Iri for life. She'd seen that it hurt Rex to have to ask her to sleep somewhere else for now, and she thought that he'd not anticipated her night-terrors any more than she had, but it still pierced her heart. Flailing nightmares aside, Brenna couldn't begin to imagine what Iri must be feeling right now; her mother was “sick,” but no one really understood how or why, and Brenna herself didn't feel fit to be a parent.

Especially when she'd killed someone.

It was not something that she wanted to dwell on while she lay alone in the darkness but the moment replayed in her mind's eye again and again. She'd killed, she'd taken Arcas' life. Yes, it had been in self-defense, but nevertheless...a man was dead because of her, and she wondered if the vaguely sick feeling in her stomach was a sign that she'd not done this kind of thing, before.

There was so much she didn't know, anymore. A part of her, a small, bitter part that flourished in the dark emptiness that had taken over her mind, reiterating the fact that she was no longer fit to be a parent, if indeed she had ever been.

Have I already scarred Iri for life? She tried to cast her own memory back to get a sense of her own childhood, searching for a similar experience from which she could draw some kind of knowledge, but there was nothing.

Her mind was dark and empty, and she shivered.

No, Brenna didn't think she was fit to be around the little girl, for now, and as much as it pained her, it was in Iri's best interest that she keep her distance until her memories started to return.

If her memories didn't return...

She refused to think about that. Instead, she rose and fumbled through her duffel bag for the datapad. Settling back into the bunk, she called up a query for Alderaan and spent the next hour or so looking at pictures of mountains and grassy, windswept plains and trying to remember until she managed to fall asleep.

*​

When she awoke again, she thought that she truly had been more tired than she'd reckoned, because a glance at her chrono showed that she'd slept rather late. In fact, a moment of listening indicated that the only reason she'd even woken up was the sound of Iri's laughter as it reverberated through the ship, pulling Brenna from her slumber. If she focused, she could hear a man's voice – well, two men, though they were so similar – and a woman's as well, coming from the lounge area, which meant the others were all up and about, she supposed.

Now that she was awake and her nightmares were far away, Brenna was able to pull herself out of the bunk. Several minutes later, she made her way to the lounge. Before she entered, she took a deep breath, then stepped inside.

Four heads turned her way, four pairs of eyes fell on her, but it was Irini who spoke a greeting first, as if untroubled by the previous night. “Hi, Mama!”

Brenna couldn't help but smile as the toddler waved a chubby hand in her direction while with the other one, she scattered a portion of dried cereal across the table, nearly knocking over a small thermos that Rex neatly caught before it fell.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she replied, watching as Rex's gaze swept over her as if assessing her condition. She met his eyes and gave him a small smile, to show that she didn't have any heard feelings for his words to her the night before. He'd been right, anyway. Rex nodded once and his eyes on her were warm, and a little sad.

“'Morning, Bren,” Fives said in a conversational voice. “Hungry? We're done, but I can grab you another ration-pack if you like.”

She hesitated, then nodded once; while the clone slipped out of his seat and headed for the kitchenette, Brenna cast a look at Marliss, who nodded to the table. “Have a seat,” the blonde woman said with a smile as Fives bustled around in the cabinets of the kitchenette.

There was a beat of silence as Brenna slid down beside Iri, then Fives returned and handed her a container of food. “It's not pretty,” he said as he took his seat again. “But it's filling.”

“Not particularly tasty, either,” Rex added as he watched Brenna grimacing after taking a bite of something green and mushy. She met his eyes and he chuckled, smoothing back a strand of Iri's hair as the child shoved a handful of cereal into her mouth. “Not like your mother Jensine's cooking. Or your brother Caith's for that matter.”

He said the names casually and didn't meet her eyes when he did so, but she thought that he was most definitely paying attention to her reaction. Brenna swallowed the “food” and considered her family. No image came to mind, and she bit back a swell of disappointment and instead took another mouthful of her breakfast, this time not looking up to see Rex's reaction.

“Oh, I've missed Jensine's food,” Fives sighed. “Eating ration-packs and other freeze-dried osik is no way for a clone to live.”

At this, Marliss gave the clone an elbow to the ribs, causing him to give a dramatic yelp and rub his side. “Er...but your cooking is lovely, darling. Certainly not osik, not at all.”

As he said this, he put his arm around Marliss' shoulders and hugged her close, grinning as she rolled her eyes. “Fives...you're-”

“Incorrigible, I know,” he interrupted, kissing her cheek. “It's why you married me.”

Marliss gave a huff, but she was smiling. When they looked at each other, Brenna was struck by the love she could see in each of their faces, and something within her heart constricted with longing.

A quiet giggle drew her eyes to Rex and Iri, and she watched as he ran his thumb along the toddler's cheek, where there was a smudge of what looked to be muja-juice. A few flecks of cereal had gotten caught in the folds of his shirt as he leaned forward, but he didn't seem to notice as he spoke to the little girl. “Are you finished, Iri'ka?”

Brenna was struck by how Rex was clearly so comfortable with her daughter, even though he wasn't Iri's “real” father, as he'd said. Coupled with Fives and Marliss across from her, still teasing one another, Brenna felt rather isolated, and wished again that she could remember the connection that she and Rex had shared. It was beyond frustrating, especially when she knew that she had something with Irini; even though she couldn't recall all the minute details of her daughter's life, Brenna thought that some bonds were too strong to be broken.

She just wished it were so with Rex.

“Done,” Iri said, giving him a toothy grin, the expression filled with love. He glanced at Brenna, then, and smiled.

She smiled back, then nodded to his shirt, to the bits of cereal that had gotten stuck. “Saving it for later?”

At this, he looked down and sighed, then met Iri's eyes again. “You're messy, Iri'ka. Just like your mother.”

Her mouth opened to object, but she snapped it shut because she couldn't remember if he was right or not, and the frustration welled within her again. She looked back down at her food, but found that she wasn't hungry in the least. While Fives and Marliss were still speaking to one another, Rex seemed to realize that he'd made an error, so he cleared his throat and looked at Brenna again. “Not always,” he said with a half-smile that made her cheeks grow warm. “But sometimes. Enough for me to hard-time you about it.”

“Messy Mama!” Iri countered, then pelted Brenna with a handful of cereal that she'd apparently hidden away. Even as Rex shushed the little girl and apologized to Brenna, she pulled the bits of food from her hair and chuckled to herself. When she looked up again, Rex wore an expression of hope that made her heart skip a beat even as she felt herself returning the look.

Things were relatively quiet for a few minutes, until Brenna cleared her throat, which caused the others to look up at her. She took a breath, then looked at Rex, who seemed to tense under her gaze. “I never thanked Ahsoka,” she said in a quiet voice. “Do you have some way of contacting her?”

There was a beat while his eyes shifted to Fives, then he looked back her way and nodded once. “We can do so once we return to Alderaan, if you like.”

Brenna nodded, then frowned as a new thought occurred to her. “I know she must have risked a lot to help me,” she said quietly, studying Rex's reaction to her next words. “So I don't want to endanger her safety by making a report to the authorities about...what happened to me.”

Rex frowned, but Marliss spoke up, next. “Are you sure, Brenna?”

“It would make things more complicated than they are already,” Brenna replied, toying with the hem of her shirt. “And I don't want to draw any attention to Ahsoka, or you guys, for that matter,” she added with a look back at Rex, trying to get a sense of his reaction; his frown seemed to ease, but she noted the tension in his upper body, as though he was trying to prevent himself from moving towards her.

At the sound of her mother's voice, Iri had begun to squirm in the clone's lap, reaching for Brenna, so Rex released her and they all watched as the toddler crept back to her mother. A deep inhale brought Brenna the familiar, warm scent of her daughter, and she took solace in the presence of the little girl, hugging her close as she considered her next question. “Ahsoka seemed to know you...well,” she said at last, looking back at Rex. “How did you meet?”

“We served together in the Wars,” the blond man replied, then his head tilted and he gave Brenna an inquiring look. “You remember them?”

She frowned. “I remember they happened, and what they were about, but I don't remember what I was doing, during...does that make sense?”

“Not really,” Fives broke in. “But we won't hold it against you, Bren.”

Rex and Marliss cast the dark-haired clone a scowl, but Brenna actually found herself smiling. “I know it's odd.”

“We all served during the Wars,” Marliss said, sitting up and giving Brenna a warm look. “You and I were civilian contractors aboard a warship, the Resolute. We were roommates.”

Brenna stared at the blonde woman, taking in her delicate features and green eyes, and noting the strength behind it all, and did not remember. However, the words reverberated within her mind, yes, this is how it was, and she decided to trust that they were true.

“I don't remember,” she admitted with a shake of her head. “But...I believe you.” She gave a sharp laugh and dropped a kiss on Iri's forehead; the little girl had taken to resting against Brenna's chest, her eyes alert, as if she was listening to the entire exchange. “Kriff...it sounds so crazy when I say it. Doesn't it?”

“No.” Rex's voice was steady; she glanced up and saw that he'd folded his hands along the tabletop, and his gaze on her was thoughtful. “It doesn't.”

Brenna studied the lines of his arms, noting the sinewy muscle she could see even beneath his long-sleeved shirt, then shot a subtle glance at Fives, comparing the two of them. At first, they seemed identical, but she could make out differences between the two men, the color of their hair aside. Fives was a quivering flame; his leg bounced beneath the table and his hands were constantly in motion. Even now, at rest, he seemed to idly toy with a lock of Marliss' pale hair with one hand while the other drummed against the table.

By contrast, Rex's face, indeed, his entire bearing, was steady and calm as a hydenock tree, and had been so the entire time she'd been in his company – save the first moment they'd seen each other after Ahsoka brought her to them, when he'd seemed stunned at her rebuttal.

“And you and I met on the Resolute?”

At this, Rex paused, and it was only because she was looking so closely did she see that he nearly grimaced, and she wondered at the expression. “We were both serving on the ship when we met, but-”

His words were cut off by the door to the lounge opening again, the soft hiss causing everyone to look up as a slender, pale-skinned Kaminoan stepped into the room. It took Brenna a moment to remember that Marliss had mentioned the presence of such a being on-board the little ship, but even so, she found that she was at something of a loss as she stared up at the newcomer.

“Who are you?” she heard herself asking before she realized she'd spoken.

The Kaminoan inclined her head and leveled her gray gaze, not on the Human woman who'd spoken, but on the blonde girl who was seated in the woman's lap. When she spoke, her voice was smooth and gentle as a lagoon, pitched to be soothing. “I am Nala Se.”

Rex cleared his throat. “Nala Se is assisting us in sussing out a cure for our accelerated aging,” he said with a nod to the slender being. “We're hoping that she can complete her work on Alderaan.”

At his words the Kaminoan nodded once, but continued to study Iri as though fascinated. The toddler seemed interested as well, and leaned up in Brenna's lap to stare at the Nala Se in return. Beside her, Brenna felt Rex shift just a little bit closer, though out of the corner of her eye she could see he was watching the scene before him. There was no real concern or worry in his gaze; she thought that he was simply being cautious.

“What is your name, young one?” Nala Se's voice was – if possible – even gentler than it had been a moment ago, and Brenna watched as Iri smiled up at the Kaminoan but did not answer.

“Irini Damaris,” Rex supplied with a nod. “Brenna is her mother.”

At this bit of information, the Kaminoan turned her gray gaze to Brenna once more and blinked, the motion conveying nothing so much as curiosity. Indeed, she began to ask a rapid-fire series of questions, as if hungry for information. “How long was your gestation? Were there any unusual complications during the pregnancy? Did you conceive immediately? Did-”

“I don't know,” Brenna said, cutting off the stream of words with a lift of her hand. “I don't...remember.”

She heard her voice cracking, but tried to stave off the despair because at this point it would serve no purpose other than to upset Iri. Even so, she could feel the burning behind her eyes that indicated she was about to start crying, and had a sudden, desperate urge to be alone. She glanced at Rex, who was closer than he'd been and watching her with the expression of someone wanting to do something but being unable. “I think I'm actually tired again,” she said quickly. “I'm going to go lie down.”

He nodded and collected Iri in his arms; the child made a protest, but Brenna didn't stay to listen. Instead, she hurried out of the small room and slipped down to the cabin where she'd slept last night. Not her cabin. It wasn't hers, as nothing in this galaxy – save Iri – was hers, anymore. She belonged nowhere. Even though she was struck with a bone-deep weariness, sleep didn't come.

*​

Any other time, Rex would have gone after Brenna, but he thought again back to Ahsoka's advice about being careful with her, and instead focused on his daughter. After briefly casting her eyes in the direction her mother had gone, Iri was now gaping up at Nala Se with unabashed curiosity, an expression that was – marginally – mirrored in the Kaminoan's gray gaze. For a moment, Rex thought that Nala Se was going to speak to the toddler, but she surprised him, and instead looked his way and spoke in her soothing voice.

“I have offended the child's mother. I apologize. It was not my intent.”

“No, it's not your fault,” Rex replied with a shake of his head. “Bren's just...well...” Not wanting to subject his daughter to any more potentially traumatizing conversations, he trailed off and glanced over at Marliss and Fives.

They seemed to catch his meaning, both of them rising from the table and offering to take Irini to the helm for a little bit, so that he could have a moment to speak with Nala Se without worrying what Iri was overhearing. Once Iri and the others had slipped out, Rex took another deep breath and looked up at Nala Se. It was unsettling that she seemed to prefer to remain standing, but perhaps it was just her way. “A few days ago, Brenna was abducted. We're not sure exactly how it happened, but it seems like her captors did...something to her, something that affected her memory. She can't-”

He felt his throat get tight, so he took a deep breath and forced himself to relax, enough to continue, anyway. As it was, his eyes dropped to his folded hands, his forearms outstretched on the table before him. “Her memory isn't what it once was. She doesn't recall people or places she used to be familiar with, though thankfully she and Iri seem to have retained their connection.”

“Have you been able to ascertain to what extent her memory has been affected?”

“How can we do that?”

The Kaminoan lifted her hand and made a sweeping gesture that Rex understood was a request for more information. “For example, she was clothed. Did she require aid to dress herself, or was she able to do so on her own?”

“She...did so herself.” Rex furrowed his brow. “What does that mean?”

Rather than reply right away, Nala Se gave him another considering look. “You said that she does not recall certain people or places; does she remember the galaxy as a whole? For example-” Her eyes seemed to swirl as she considered. “You said that she cannot recall places that she once knew; if the place was mentioned, did she recall it, then?”

Thinking back, Rex realized that Brenna had indeed seemed to recognize that Alderaan was a planet, which he thought was heartening. “Yeah, she did. She also seemed to remember the Wars, though she didn't remember what she was doing during them.”

Or that we met during them, he thought with a sigh.

There was silence for a moment, then Nala Se bent her knees and took a seat at the edge of the bench, opposite Rex. Her gray eyes were distant and when she spoke her voice was speculative. “I know little of that area of the Human brain,” she said as she looked at him without seeming to see the clone. “But from what you have said, the subject – Brenna – appears to have retained her semantic and procedural memories; it seems as if her emotional memories, the ones that are connected with how she feels about individuals in her life, have been affected the most. Do you know how this happened to her? What exactly caused the loss of her memories in the first place?”

“I'm not sure. She hasn't said, and we've been reluctant to push her right away.” Rex shook his head, his mind whirring with the new information. It was better to think about the hard facts of Bren's condition rather than how she'd come to be this way, because he wanted to believe there was something he could do to help her rather than dwell on what would happen should she never get those memories back, and they remained strangers forever.

As if sensing his thoughts, Nala Se's head inclined and she gave him a look that he thought was meant to be kind, though it still retained a measure of Kaminoan distance. “She is your mate.”

Had he been less tired and filled with stress, Rex would have winced at the clinical term. “Yeah,” he managed with a deep breath, rubbing at his forehead with his left hand. “She is.”

After a moment his hand dropped and Rex looked up; Nala Se was watching him, her swirling gray eyes were definitely filled with compassion, and it was so strange a sight on the Kaminoan that he nearly didn't believe it. Finally he nodded once and rose, thinking to go to the helm and be in the company of others because he didn't want to be alone. He pointed out where the food was kept, in case Nala Se was hungry, then made to step out the door.

When he reached the threshold, her voice froze him in place. “I am sorry.”

“Thank you,” he replied, then slipped out.

*****​

Next time: Coming home to Alderaan.​

 

Marliss and Fives are so super with and for one another.


*

Nala's assessment /diagnosis is heartening to some extent. Bren has to feel motivated and the memories wherever they are have to be regained by going around whatever psychological block is hindering, unless that dissolves or transforms somehow.


I read this very interesting essay on musical therapy and memory for those whose cognitive faculties are failing. Although it's not a permanent cure or anything, it forms like a bridge.

 

I love the contrast between "always moving" Fives and Rex's stoic demeanor.

 

@Nyota's Heart: Brenna is slowly trying to bridge that gap! Musical theory would be really interesting - may have to explore that in another fic. Thank you for the comment! ​

​

@gracesonnet: It was fun to draw the distinctions between Fives and Rex. Glad you liked it! Thank you for the comment. ​

*****​

Chapter Twenty ​

When Brenna stepped out of the Shereshoy, she was hit with a blast of wind so intense it nearly knocked her off of her feet. However, her first thought was that the moment she ignored the cold and took in the vast array of rolling pastures, domed by endless blue sky and ruffled by the wind, she felt a little better.

But it was not because she remembered this place.

It was because it was beautiful.

Autumn on Alderaan was sharp and clear, from the gusting wind to the smell of a distant fire, and her second thought was that she was glad she'd made it here.

They'd landed the ship in a wide yard beside a large, wooden house with three stories and a brick chimney along one side. Beyond it, she could make out an array of buildings that she'd been told were other parts of the ranch – stables and such – and while she couldn't call up specific memories of any of these locations, she thought that the entire place resonated within her mind, at least a little bit. Or, at least, she wanted it to.

A group of people were clustered before the house, shielding their eyes from the swell of dust kicked up by the Shereshoy's repulsors. As Brenna descended the loading-ramp, Iri in her arms and Rex at her side, she could make out two women, one short, one tall, a small boy and five dark-haired men. One of these men was paler of skin, with a dusting of dark brown hair on his chin, with facial features similar to her own: this must be Caith, her brother. The other men were nearly identical, save for variations in clothing and hairstyles – and one of them had a rather large tattoo on his face – and she took them to be clones like Rex and Fives.

Of the women, the taller of the two had a shock of short, coppery hair and carried herself in quite a regal manner even as her face held all sorts of apprehension. The small, brown-haired boy clung to her hand while the other gripped one of Caith's hands, so Brenna took this to be her brother's wife, her sister-in-law, Edme. Although the others had told her during their voyage here, she couldn't recall her nephew's name.

So that would make the shorter blonde woman Brenna's mother, Jensine. Her skin was tan and a bit weathered, as if she'd spent most of her life outside. As Brenna walked towards the group, Jensine's blue eyes were fixed on her and and the little girl in her arms, and it bothered Brenna that she could not discern any emotion in her mother's face.

The sun was bright overhead but it didn't provide much warmth this day. Another, less insistent gust of wind snickered through Bren's coat and she shivered, hugging Iri closer to her as she stepped across the hard-packed dirt. Behind her, she could make out the tread of Fives and Marliss – and Nala Se, whom she had not spoken to since that morning at breakfast – but it was the man beside her whose presence was the most reassuring.

Rex walked calmly and without hurry. He'd matched his pace to hers, offering silent support in his own way, and although a part of her was wary of doing so to a man she didn't know, she reached out her free hand and took his; it was only a brief clasp, but the warm press of his skin offered her a measure of comfort and strength, and she exhaled in relief. Once her hand lifted from his, he shot her a startled glance, but they did not have time to say anything to one another, for they'd come upon the other group.

For a moment the two groups met in silence, as if allowing Brenna a measure of space to get her bearings. As much as she didn't want to expect anything of herself, because it would hurt more when she was disappointed, Brenna couldn't help but study each face and try to recall something of the person behind it, something from her past. Like it had been on the Shereshoy, there was nothing, and she tried to fight back her disappointment. Perhaps her brother caught on to her thoughts, for Caith gave her a forced smile and extended his hands to her free one.

“Hey, sis,” he said in a quiet voice, his larger hands covering hers. “Welcome home.”

“Thanks,” she replied, nodding once as she searched his face for familiarity.

Finding none, she slid her gaze to those who waited behind him; the clones shifted in place, their eyes darting from her to the Kaminoan behind her, and Brenna wondered at the fact that they seemed uneasy. By contrast, Edme and Jensine had only glanced at Nala Se, and their eyes were fixed on Brenna. The boy ignored her and stared at the Kaminoan as well, his mouth hanging open a little in wonder.

In Brenna's arms, Iri began to squirm; Rex had dressed her in a few layers of warm, knitted clothing, and she was clearly restless, though she seemed pleased to be with the rest of her family again. “Unc' Caith,” the toddler announced in a bright voice. “Iri fly ship!”

Caith smiled at the little girl, but his eyes remained fixed on his sister. “Are you hungry? We've got enough food to feed an army.”

She wasn't, not really, but she thought that it was perhaps a good way to chip at the wall that had formed in her mind, the one that was between her consciousness and her memories of these people, so she nodded again. “Sounds good.”

“Mom,” the little boy said in a not-quite-whisper as he tugged at the hand of the red-haired woman. “What's that?”

He was pointing at Nala Se, whose head was lifted even higher as she seemed to take in the scenery around her; Brenna recalled hearing that the Kaminoan's homeworld was oceanic and stormy, and she wondered what Nala Se thought of Alderaan. The boy's words seemed to snap her family's attention back to the Kaminoan – Edme quietly hushed him but it was Jensine who spoke to the group.

“The boys and I cleared out one of the sheds behind the barn,” she said, thumbing in the direction of the building. “It's heated and insulated, if you want to sleep there. Should be enough room for you to...set up.”

There was a question in her voice, but she didn't voice it. However, the Kaminoan seemed to understand, for she stepped forward and dipped her head in a graceful bow. “I thank you for your hospitality.” Nala Se's voice was lilting and refined, with only a trace of weariness. “I shall continue my work at once.”

At this, Fives cleared his throat. “We'll help you get settled in,” he said, glancing at the other clones, all of whom had been watching the exchange. “Right?”

The others nodded. Beside her, Brenna felt Rex tense a bit, and she wondered if he'd want to go with the other clones. Suddenly, she wanted very much for him to stay with her; his presence was a comfort, solid and steadfast, so she glanced his way and tried to think of how to vocalize her thoughts without sounding like an idiot.

But he seemed to know, and something warm and hopeful lit in his eyes when he looked at her. “I'm hungry as well,” he said to the others. “I might sit out, just for a bit.”

“Sure, vod,” one of the clones – the one with the significant tattoo on his face – said, his eyes darting to Brenna and Iri. “We'll take care of it.”

“Don't worry about a thing,” Fives added, stepping forward to place a hand on Rex's shoulder. “Go get some grub.”

She watched Rex's face relax a bit more as he exhaled and nodded, and soon enough the group had divided up as the clones – save Rex – escorted Nala Se towards the barn, while Brenna followed the others to the main house.

There was a gravel path that lead from the field where the Shereshoy had landed, and her shoes crunched along as she walked; around her, the wind fluttered the coats and scarves of the others, and the sky was a bright, luminous blue. Caith and Edme led their son and walked at the front, with Jensine several meters to one side, her gaze fixed on the distant mountains. Marliss and Rex were on both of Brenna's sides, and she took comfort in their proximity. It made her feel less alone.

And of course, there was Iri.

Brenna's daughter was obviously delighted to be back home, and as they walked, the toddler began chattering away, avidly describing her room and all the toys she'd missed, which made Brenna smile despite herself. Rex seemed amused as well, for he cast the little girl a glance and indicated the house that they were approaching when there was a pause in her speech.

“Are you hungry, Iri'ka? Maybe you and Tavi can watch a holo while you eat lunch.” Though he was speaking to Iri, the words were clearly directed at Caith and Edme, both of whom nodded and bent to ask their son the same thing; his response was an enthusiastic yes, which made the adults chuckle. Iri beamed and looked inordinately pleased at the prospect of holo-time. Brenna wanted to be happy for her, but she suspected that Rex's reasons for wanting the children out of the way had more to do with keeping Iri unaware of Bren's condition than his desire to sit the toddler before a screen.

This thought made Brenna's stomach twist into a knot, and as she walked, she glanced around again and tried to remember.

They reached the house within a few moments, and the moment she stepped out of the sun and crossed beneath the sheltering awning of the broad porch, Brenna felt a chill sweep across her. It was a fleeting feeling, because once she entered the house she was enveloped by a sensation of warmth and she gave a sigh of relief to be out of the omnipresent wind.

The house was well-kept and cared for, albeit filled with clutter. They'd entered through the kitchen, where – as Caith had said – an array of food was simmering on the stove and warming in the oven; an inhale brought the scent of roasting vegetables and some kind of meaty smell that made Brenna's mouth water and her stomach let out a growl, reminding her that she hadn't eaten much in the last day or so. Before that...well, she didn't know and tried not to think about it.

Brightly-lit, the kitchen was open and spacious, and there was a long, wooden table off to one side, in an area that probably served as a dining room. As she carried Iri towards it, she glanced around the space, searching for something familiar. Everything was faint, like a dream she couldn't quite remember, but she realized that she felt comfortable, here. Being warm and out of the biting wind helped.

“Take a seat,” Edme said, directing her and Rex towards the table. “I can get the kids fed.”

At this, Brenna found that she was unwilling to relinquish her hold on her daughter, for Iri's presence was one of the few things she trusted, but the toddler began to squirm, demanding to go watch holos with her cousin, so Brenna acquiesced. While Caith and Edme busied themselves with collecting plates and bringing out food, Brenna, Marliss and Rex took seats at the table, and Brenna watched as Edme set Irini down in the adjacent living area, where Tavi – Brenna remembered, now that Rex had mentioned his name – had rushed ahead to pick out a holo.

“That smells so good,” Marliss said, twisting around in her seat to glance towards the kitchen. “Thanks for everything, guys.”

The words were directed at Brenna's mother and brother, but it was Jensine who replied. “I'm not the biggest fan of roasted gorak,” she said, approaching the table with a steaming dish. “But, seeing as it's Brenna's favorite, I thought it would be appropriate.”

At the mention of her “favorite,” Brenna studied the dish that was placed before her; objectively, it didn't seem all that appealing: the meat seemed oily and discolored, and she eyed the accompanying vegetable garnish with a wary eye, but said nothing, only offered her mother a polite smile. Soon, there was an assortment of food laid out before the family, with Edme bringing portions to the kids in the next room before returning to her seat.

Save for some idle conversation no one spoke much, and although the others did an admirable job of hiding the fact, Brenna caught more than a few curious glances her way, as if each of her movements was being assessed and studied. Self-conscious, Brenna found herself staring down at her plate and trying not to see them as they watched her. She figured that no one meant to make her uncomfortable, but nevertheless...

She could even feel Rex's attention upon her, for all that he seemed content to eat in silence, and she was not not sure what to make of the fact.

Anyway, she decided to concentrate on her meal and try to move past the feeling. For the most part, it seemed to be good, hearty food, but as she tasted a piece of the lauded roasted gorak, Brenna couldn't suppress a grimace. Had this really been her favorite meal? The meat was greasy and bitter, and she had no wish to finish it, but she didn't want to seem ungrateful, so she forced herself to swallow the bite and reach for another.

As she did so, Jensine spoke up, drawing everyone's eyes to her. “You don't like it.”

Naturally, Brenna felt the others turn her way, and her cheeks grew warm even as she straightened in her seat. “No, it's-”

But Jensine shook her head. “You used to like it. You used to eat it by the wagon-load.”

“Mom,” Caith said, glancing at the blonde woman. “Let it go. There are more important things to focus on than Bren's food choices.”

“But you can't just forget that you used to like something like that,” Jensine replied with a shake of her head, her pale eyes tightening as she glanced down at her plate. “Memories may be fuzzy, but tastes only change with time.”

“My memories aren't fuzzy,” Brenna heard herself saying as she set her fork down with a clink. “They're gone. And...thank you for making the gorak for me, but I don't care for it.” She paused, then glanced at Rex, who was watching her with an expression that she wished she could read. “Pass me the stew, please? I liked that.”

As he did so, she watched Jensine scowl, though the older woman said nothing further as she appeared to be biting back further speech. Within, Brenna bit back her annoyance with her mother. She wished her memories were only fuzzy and not gone; based on Jensine's expression and the tone of her voice, Brenna thought that her mother was annoyed as well, only with her and her predicament.

Well, she thought with a scowl of her own. I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be drugged and taken away from my family. If Jensine didn't like the way that her daughter was now, then Brenna thought she'd be more than happy to leave this place and never return.

But beyond that feeling, which she acknowledged as being childish, was a prick of a deeper fear, one that she had made a great effort not to focus on too much in the last few days: how much of herself was really there, if even simple food preferences had been wiped away? How much of what – of who – was Brenna remained in this mind of hers, now that her memories were gone?

Though it had happened against her will, Brenna's own mind had betrayed her and she felt very small and very alone, even surrounded by warmth and family as she was. She looked down at her plate and realized that her appetite had fled.

There was a beat of silence, then Marliss cleared her throat and glanced Brenna's way as she selected a piece of flatbread. When she spoke, her tone was casual but quite deliberate. “What do you remember, exactly?”

Brenna felt Rex go tense beside her, and out of the corner of her eye she caught him giving Marliss a warning look.

It was a simple question. Brenna was aware that Rex, Fives and Marliss – until now – had tried to give her space to collect herself and fall back into some sort of normalcy, but she also knew that eventually she had to try and recall exactly what had happened, for many reasons, not the least of which being that there might be a way to reverse or counteract whatever Arcas and Zoea had done to her.

The thought of Arcas made a kind of instinctive fear tightened her throat, and at first she skimmed her fork across her plate as she tried to ignore the feeling and the way that the others were watching her every movement.

Finally, she glanced up and met Marliss' eyes. “It's...difficult,” she began. “I don't know exactly what happened, how I got to wherever I was brought, but I remember that I was drugged. With something called hycosine,” she added, thinking of the dark, empty cabin where she'd woken up. A shiver crossed her skin.

“Hycosine,” Edme mused, her head tilting in thought. “I've never heard of it, but I'm no doctor.”

Caith nodded. “Me either, but Tai might know.” At Brenna's look of confusion, he exhaled, the resulting sound edged with sorrow. “Doctor Tai Bores, in Belleau-a-Lir. She's been treating us for many years. She's Iri's physician.”

“You should pay her a visit, Bren,” Jensine added. “I don't want to think about what they might have done to you...”

She trailed off and took a deep breath, blinking hard and looking down at her plate while her features drew very tight. At the words, Rex also grew very still, and Brenna could see a muscle in his jaw tense as if he was fighting back an outpouring of fury; Caith, Edme, even Marliss...they all seemed to be working so hard to keep calm, and suddenly Brenna wanted to do something strange and violent, just to get them to visibly react. It was wrong, sitting quietly like she was a stranger among these people, but it was what she was to them, now. A stranger.

“Seeing a doctor's probably a good idea,” Brenna said after a beat, if only to break the silence that had descended over the room. She toyed with a piece of roasted gorak and frowned in thought, then looked up at Caith. “Do you know the name 'Arcas?'”

Caith's lips parted in surprise even as she watched color rise to his cheeks and his eyes turned hard. At the name, Edme's face paled and Jensine's head lifted. Rex was silent. “Yeah,” Caith managed, seeming to swallow some heavy emotion as he regarded her. “I know the name. Was he the one who...drugged you?”

Brenna nodded. “He and an Iridonian woman...Zoea. There were others, too, but I didn't see them as much.” She watched as Caith and Jensine exchanged a dark look, and she sat up in her seat. “You know him.”

“I never met him,” Caith replied as his eyes tightened. “But I knew enough of him to know that he was trouble.” He glanced down at his food, took a deep breath, then looked up and met Brenna's eyes again even as Edme placed a hand on his arm. “You met him when you were eighteen, at university.”

“After you left here,” Jensine added. She'd dropped all semblance of trying to eat her dinner and was leaned back in her chair, arms crossed before her chest.

Brenna felt a flare of irritation from her mother's words but pushed it back as Caith nodded and continued. “You...fell for him, I guess, but he wasn't...” Her brother sighed and suddenly looked very tired. “He wasn't a good man. You never quite shared the whole story, but he used you, I think. Badly. And one day he left and you showed up at our house, crying.”

“He was a bit older,” Edme said in a quiet voice, still holding her husband's arm. “And from what you told us about him, I could tell he wasn't the kindest man, though that doesn't always seem apparent when one is as young as you were.”

Rex was so still, Brenna wondered if he was even breathing. A subtle glance his way showed her that his entire body was tense, and she could see anger in his eyes even though he wasn't looking at anyone in the room. More out of a desire to reassure him than anything else, she spoke. “I don't know about all of that, but it doesn't matter anymore. He's dead.” She paused and watched as they all turned to stare at her. “I killed him, right before I was rescued.”

Silence.

No one, not even Rex, met her eyes after that statement, and she felt another thrill of disappointment at their lack of reaction. But what else was she expecting? She was different, she was broken, and she didn't know if she'd ever be the same again. She didn't know if her family could ever be repaired from this kind of damage. She didn't think she could.

Arcas was dead, but the thought held no consolation for her, surrounded by the broken bits of her life as she was. So after a minute of silence she picked up her plate and slid her chair away as she stood up, watching as the others tracked her movements. It was so strange, to be studied in this way, as if she were a bomb that would explode at any moment, and she realized that despite the relative early hour, she was tired. Even if it brought nightmares, sleep would be a welcome change from this strange stillness among those who supposedly loved her the most.

“I can take that for you,” Caith said suddenly, rising up from his chair and nodding to her plate.

“No, I've got it,” she replied, making her way to the kitchen and trying not to make her search for the trash-compactor too visible.

She could feel their eyes on her as she threw away the remnants of her dinner, rinsed off the dish and silverware and set them in the sanitizer; when she'd finished, she glanced through the room towards the living area, where Iri and Tav were engrossed with their holo. It was too early even for the toddler to be put to to bed, but Brenna was exhausted.

So she looked at Rex. “I think I'll just go to sleep.”

“I'll put Iri to bed,” he replied, sitting up and giving her a look that she might have known how to read, once.

Caith cleared his throat. “Do you want me to-”

“But first I'd like to see where Iri sleeps,” Brenna continued as if Caith hadn't spoken. “If that's okay.”

Before her brother could reply, Edme stood up, her chair making no noise as it slid back from the table. “I'll show you.”

After bidding the others goodnight – Marliss giving her a tight, concerned smile and Rex nodding once while Jensine hardly seemed to acknowledge her and Caith patted her shoulder – Brenna followed Edme as she slipped out of the dining area and towards the rear of the house. They paused at the living area, where Iri and Tav were delighting in a childrens' holo, so much so that Brenna's daughter merely offered a distracted “'night, Mama” before looking back at the screen.

The kids were sitting on a thick, canvas mat, and were surrounded by all manner of food, remnants from their dinner. As she followed Edme towards a set of stairs that lead upwards, Brenna glanced back at her daughter; Iri's face was smudged with sauce and her fingers were sticky. “She needs a bath...”

Brenna's words trailed off because that was her job as the little girl's mother, but then she thought of Rex. From what she'd seen of him so far, she thought that he'd see to it that her daughter was clean before setting Iri down for the night. As much as she wanted to take care of Iri herself, she also wanted to trust that Rex would do so. Trust isn't a gift, she told herself. It has to be earned. Had he earned it?

He'd kept Iri safe when she could not. That alone made her think that he should have earned her trust by now. She wanted to trust him, but it was difficult, especially when he treated her like a stranger.

In any case, she wasn't entirely sure of herself around Irini, because while it was good that her daughter made her comfortable, the last thing that Brenna wanted was for Iri to be made uncomfortable by her.

“That mat was worth every credit,” Edme replied, ascending the steps with a purposeful, efficient stride. A few of the stairs creaked as they went, but not many. “They're both so messy...I think Tav does it just to out-do his cousin.”

They reached the top of the wooden stairs and Edme activated a lamp that illuminated a long hallway. The walls were covered with pictures, stills and holos, and Brenna could see another set of stairs to her right, leading to the third floor. Several moments later, they were standing at an open doorway that led to the kids' room: it was softly lit and clean, with a scattering of toys and holo-books on shelves affixed to the walls. There were two beds, a small one that Brenna took to be Tavi's, and one that looked as if it could be converted from a crib to a “normal” bed, though it was also kid-sized.

She didn't fully enter the room, only remained just inside the threshold and looked. Here was where her daughter slept, here was where she dreamed. Here was where she was safe. Not with me, Brenna thought, hugging her arms to her chest.

Without her memories of her daughter, Brenna didn't think she could be much of a mother.

“I can't imagine what you're going through,” Edme said after a moment, drawing Brenna out of her reverie. A glance showed Brenna that the other woman was leaning against the door-frame, arms crossed before her torso and her gaze thoughtful. “I don't know what I would do if I lost all of my memories of my son.”

A shiver passed over Brenna as she studied the bed where her daughter slept. Dusk was creeping across the sky outside, tinting the room with a warm, rosy glow, and there was a shaft of setting sunlight on Iri's pillow. “What if I never remember any of it?” she asked in a quiet voice that didn't sound like her own, if she'd even know it any more. “Being pregnant, giving birth to her, her first steps...all of those memories are gone.”

There was a beat, then she felt Edme's hand slip across her shoulder; the touch was unexpected but welcome, and Brenna felt something small and hard begin to relax inside of her. “Then you have to make new ones. You love your daughter, she loves you. That's all that matters.”

“I want to believe that's true,” Brenna replied.

“But you don't.”

Brenna shook her head, because it couldn't be that simple. “I don't know what I believe any more.”

As she spoke, Brenna heard the excited laughter of her daughter and nephew downstairs, underwritten by Rex's deep baritone as he spoke to the children. He was there, with Iri, and she thought that he'd keep her daughter safe even when she could not. When she exhaled, she felt her body relax a little bit more.

“Some bonds are too strong to be broken,” Edme said at last, squeezing Brenna's shoulder as they turned away from the kids' room and made their way towards the second set of stairs, where Brenna presumed her own room was located. “Believe that.”

*****​

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Next time: getting Nala settled in. Thank you for reading! ​

 

Being an unabashed foodie, I was struck by the fact that food preferences could change - although I suppose if it were detached from the original context ...

Edme's warmth and advice are something to hold onto and I'm glad there's a visit to the family physician who can give a prognosis and much empathy.

I can understand how the others are on eggshells and feeling Brenna is a stranger, to herself mostly at this point. They don't want to rush things, but there is also a sense of wanting to heal and nurture but not knowing exactly how.

I was curious, how the dynamic with Jensine would play out, since Brenna doesn't recall the details of what made their relationship prickly in the first place. There's definitely room to start from scratch I'm hoping.

~~~

The broken metaphor is heartwrenching. I cannot wait for things to feel more 'like home.' I love how Rex can and does provide a sense of assurance.

 

[Cranks up "Broken" by Lifehouse while reading newest chapter]

Man, Jensine, your daughter just got back after having her memory wiped. Chillax a little, okay?

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“I don't know about all of that, but it doesn't matter anymore. He's dead.” She paused and watched as they all turned to stare at her. “I killed him, right before I was rescued.”

Silence.​

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Post-amnesia Brenna is good with the "mic drop" moments. It'll be tough for her to put her life back together but she's got Rex!

 

@Nyota's Heart: Brenna's food preferences were a device to show how much she has changed. In my mind, it's no different than someone's preferences changing as they grow older. This was just sort of...forced on her. Yes, a lot of this fic is about starting from scratch! There's good and bad things about that. Thank you for the comments!​

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@gracesonnet: LOL! Not sure if Jensine knows the meaning of "chillax," but she needs to! Ha ha, yes, gotta love when those around you are stunned into silence. Thank you for the comment!​

*****​

Chapter Twenty-One​

Even when he was not looking directly at either of them, Rex's attention was on Brenna and Iri, at all times. While he ate his dinner and listened to the conversation of the other adults, a part of his mind was on his daughter in the next room, while another part of his mind was fixed on the woman beside him.

Patience. Time.

Why was it so hard to allow these things to take the forefront, when the urge to take her in his arms was overwhelming? It was worse when she finally began to speak of her time with that piece of rank-weed, Arcas, of whom he'd heard about from Brenna in the earlier days of their relationship. He'd never thought much of the fellow beyond anger at the way that Bren had been treated, even though it had led her, in part, to the place where she'd met him.

Now, Rex felt a stab of white-hot fury at the idea that this chakaar had hurt her in any way. Even though he'd tried not to think of such things, as they would lead him to a dark and dangerous place, he'd understood that she might have been brutalized at the hands of her kidnappers, and wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not that she didn't remember.

Getting Bren to a doctor was necessary, the sooner the better.

“...he's dead.” Brenna's voice was very quiet and serious, and didn't sound like the woman he knew. “I killed him, right before I was rescued.”

Rex's first thought was: Good. He deserved it. Then he remembered the way that she'd hardly been able to tolerate the sound of blaster fire when he'd met her. Now she'd taken a life. In self-defense, perhaps, but still.

The Bren he remembered would not have been able to do such at thing, and he didn't know what to think about the fact that the Brenna sitting next to him had managed.

But before he could think much past this, she got up from her seat and took her dish to the kitchen with steps that were uncertain, and he was again struck with the urge to embrace her, for all that he shoved it aside. Patience.

As he watched her move like a stranger through her own house, he felt his resolve strengthen. Shortened lifespan or not, he would be patient, he would wait as long as was necessary and give her all the time that she needed to heal. And in the meantime, he'd continue to show her with each action, that he was hers, that he loved her daughter, and that they were a family.

When she met his eyes and mentioned that she was going to bed, he took the opportunity and sat up, giving her a look that was meant to reassure. “I'll put Iri to bed,” he offered.

She made no sign that his words had comforted her, and his heart sank a little bit but he refused to let grief consume him. Instead, he watched as Bren and Edme slipped out of the room a few moments later. Once they'd gone upstairs, Rex, Caith, Jensine and Marliss sat in silence for a the space of a breath before Jensine's fork clattered to her plate. “I'm going to bed as well,” she said, rising from her chair. “I've had enough of this.”

No one asked what she meant.

The older woman left the dining room without another word, leaving Rex, Marliss and Caith, none of whom spoke for several minutes. Finally, Marliss glanced up, looking between the men. “I think I might go check on Fives and the others,” she said. “I'm curious about how they're going to feel having a Kaminoan around.”

It was something of a plan for the immediate future, which gave Rex a measure of comfort as he straightened in his chair. “Good idea. I'll put Iri to bed, and join you in a few minutes.”

Caith accompanied him to the living room, where they collected the kids. Irini had apparently decided to wear just as much of her dinner as she'd eaten, so Rex gave her a bath, then set her down in her bed, in the room where the children slept. Caith and Edme brought Tavi in as well; Edme offered to read a story to the kids so that Rex and Caith could to slip out of the house and join the other clones.

As he followed Caith out the door, Rex was stopped by Edme calling his name. He turned and looked at her, noting the pensive look on the slender woman's face as she approached him.

“Give her time,” she murmured as the children chattered to one another in the background. “It will get better.”

Even though they echoed his own thoughts, Rex found it difficult to take heart at Edme's words, so he only nodded once. “I hope so.”

Caith said nothing to him as they made their way through the darkened hallway and down the stairs, but that was okay, as Rex didn't feel much like talking. When they slipped outside, the air was sharp with cold and the moon was only just beginning to rise, a sliver of white against the indigo sky. Zephyr Mountain stood dark against the backdrop of the stars that had started to appear, and in the distance Rex could make out the glow of the building where his brothers had set up Nala Se's lab.

Save for the crunch of their boots against the gravel, he and Brenna's brother crossed the yard in silence, until they were about three meters from the makeshift lab, which was when Caith halted. “What happened to Bren,” he began, his voice tight and his eyes on the stars. “Rex...I know it wasn't your fault. But I can't-”

He exhaled and looked at at the former captain, who'd gone still at the tone of the other man's voice. “I do blame you,” Caith admitted after a moment. “Not completely, especially when I heard Arcas' name, but enough, I guess. Logically, I know that you must have done everything you could to keep her safe, and I'm so thankful that my niece is okay, but Rex...my sister is gone. She's not her, anymore.”

Aside from the pieces of her that were gone, Brenna had killed someone. In self-defense, but still...she'd never taken a life before, and Rex knew all-too-well that such a thing would change a person forever. He fought back a swell of fear that Caith was right, because he didn't want to – he couldn't – think such a thing was true. “Yes, she's changed,” he said at last, willing himself to believe his next words. “But she's still Bren.”

Caith shook his head. “I hope you're right. I just can't help feeling like you could have done...something to prevent what happened to her.”

Rex felt his hands tighten at his sides; they felt odd and numb, and not like his own. In the background, inside the nearby building, he could hear the voices of his brothers interspersed with Nala Se's lilting tone. “I feel the same way,” he replied, watching as Caith seemed to struggle to meet his eyes. “But I'm trying to make it right.”

“You didn't have to go rescue the Kaminoan,” Caith said at once; now he looked at Rex fully, and his eyes were hard. “You could have called the authorities – if not on Loronar, than here. You could have gone for her yourself. You could have done any number of things...but you didn't. You let her go and went for Nala Se. I'm sorry,” he added, shaking his head and glancing down at his shoes. “I know you have your reasons for doing what you did, Rex, but right now...this is where I am. My little sister is hurting and there's nothing I can do about it.”

“Yes, I failed Bren,” Rex replied as a gust of wind swept over him and sent chills down his back. It hurt to say the words, but he refused to turn away from the understanding. “Yes, I could have gone after her. But there was one factor that I had to consider above all others: my daughter.”

There was silence as Caith studied him. Back on the Shereshoy, Rex's comm-call to Caith had been so quick and happened so late at night, he figured he owed the man more of an explanation, so Rex considered his next words, then took a breath.“Had I dropped everything and gone after Brenna – as I wanted to, at first – it would have meant putting Irini at risk, and I wasn't willing to do that.”

Caith listened as Rex recounted his run-in with the security guard on Loronar in great detail. When he'd finished, the bearded man said nothing for a few moments, then gave a deep exhale and ran a hand across his face. “I remember you telling me that, but I guess I didn't realize how difficult it was for you.”

“If I'd been arrested, I wouldn't have been able to take care of my daughter,” Rex added. “Our daughter. Iri was my priority, and by the time she was safe, I had another option open to me.” A better option, he thought, remembering how quickly Ahsoka had tracked down Bren. “But still,” he said, taking another breath. “I regret that it even had to come to that.”

They stood in silence for a while longer, not taking the last few steps that would bring them building before them. Finally Caith looked at him again and spoke. “You're a good guy, Rex. I'm not doubting that. I just...” He frowned. “I hate feeling helpless.”

“Me too.”

Caith nodded, then indicated the building, where they could hear Fives and Jesse speaking. The two men walked forward, but just as they reached the door, Caith paused and shot Rex a curious look. “Before, when you comm'd me about Bren, you called me 'vod.' What does it mean?”

It hadn't occurred to Rex that Caith might not have understood the word, especially when Brenna had taken pains to learn Mando'a before they'd left for Loronar. But it made sense, he supposed. Not everyone could be expected to try and learn the language. “Vod,” he said, correcting Caith's accent. “It means 'brother' in Mando'a.”

“Vod.” Caith's voice was quiet as he repeated the word, then – right before they stepped inside – he clasped Rex's shoulder, once, briefly. “Brother.”

*​

Within the building, everything seemed to be barely-controlled chaos.

It wasn't a large space, but it was clean and brightly lit; Rex could see that his brothers had cordoned off the area at one end of the room with a makeshift curtain, which he supposed was where the Kaminoan would sleep. The rest of the space was taken up with tables, stacks of shelves and the equipment they'd salvaged from Nala Se's former lab, the bulk of which was in the process of being arranged by Kix and Coric, while Chopper, Jesse, Marliss and Fives remained at the edge of the room, offering assistance where they could but mostly giving the impression that they were trying not to break anything.

Nala Se stood in the center of it all, offering direction. In a way, it was strange for Rex to see a Kaminoan ordering a group of clones around again, but in another, it was all-too familiar, and even though he thought that Nala Se seemed like one of the more decent ones, he had to repress a faint thrill of irritation. He thought that Chopper and Jesse seemed to feel the same way, for the scarred clone's eyes did not leave the Kaminoan and Jesse had edged his back into a wall, keeping his entire body tense.

By contrast, Kix and Coric were speaking to the Kaminoan while they set up one of the machines that Rex and Fives had brought back. “You're certain?” Kix was saying to her as he twiddled with the knobs on the bulky thing they'd set on top of a table. “You really think our aging can be normalized with the alteration of a few sequences?”

“Well, it certainly seems feasible,” Coric said as he arranged a line of power-cords. “The tricky part will be how such a thing can be physically distributed among us. If there is a cure, is it the kind of thing that can be put into a hypo?”

“That is my hope,” Nala Se replied. “I have no illusions that it will be difficult to create a serum that counter-acts what has been embedded into your genes, but I do not think it will be impossible. You were created to be adaptable, after all.”

There was a gentleness to her tone that Rex had come to recognize as being habitual for her, but there was also affection in the words. As she watched his brothers, she seemed...happy in a way that he'd not seen before, and he wondered if it was connected to the part of her past that she'd not shared with him when they'd spoken on the Shereshoy.

Coric glanced up, met Rex's eyes and nodded once; there was a gleam in his gaze that was nothing short of excited, but otherwise he and Kix were pretty well absorbed with their task and did not seem inclined to chat. So Rex and Caith approached the three clones and Marliss, all of whom seemed to be doing their best to stay out of the way. Since it was even more crowded, everyone decided to vacate the room and go outside, and moments later the group was speaking quietly amongst themselves as they stood outside the door.

“I can't make heads or tales of all that sciency chatter,” Fives said, thumbing towards the interior of the lab, where they could all see the former medics and the Kaminoan diligently working to set up her equipment. “But it sounds like she knows what she's doing.”

“I hope so,” Rex replied with an exhale, tasting the chilled night air. “If this doesn't work, I'm not sure what other options we'd have.”

Marliss put a hand on Fives' arm and gave a squeeze, causing the former ARC to regard her with tenderness. “No matter what, you're stuck with me, ARC-boy.”

The tenderness in Fives' gaze sharpened to adoration even as he gave a broad grin and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Glad to hear it.”

While Rex was happy for them both, it pained him to see the other couple's affectionate interplay, because it only made what he'd lost that much more tangible. He looked away, as much to give them privacy as well as to lessen his own sorrow.

As he did, Jesse cleared his throat and gave Rex a deliberate look, as if he were also purposefully ignoring the couple. “Before I forget to tell you, we spotted that mountain anooba you were hunting down before you left for Loronar. I think he missed you, Rex. Kriffing thing snuck into the villie pasture and killed three of them before we were able to get rid of it.”

“You killed it?” Rex asked, glancing around the nearby pastures.

Jesse paused, then glanced at Caith, who grimaced. “I got a few shots in,” Caith said with a sigh. “But I'm afraid my aim isn't that great, and your brothers didn't make it in time, so he's still on the loose.”

The tattooed clone clapped Caith's shoulder. “Eh, you tried. Weren't bad for a civvie, but yeah...damn anooba got away. Again.”

This gave Rex an idea, so he glanced at Brenna's brother. “We can give you a few lessons, if you like. A little target practice never hurt anyone.”

Of course, the moment the words left his mouth he thought of Brenna learning to shoot – at his insistence – back on the Resolute, and he felt a flash of chagrin that he'd even mentioned doing something similar with her family, especially after she'd used those skills to take a life. While he knew that it was probably because of his teaching that she'd been able to get away, a part of him felt guilty for even exposing her to such things in the first place.

If any of this had occurred to Caith, the other man didn't acknowledge it. Rather, he looked thoughtful and gave a slow nod. “That would be good, actually. I'm really out of practice, I have to admit. Mom and Ed might want to as well. There's not normally a need for firearms out here, but obviously that's changed recently.”

They discussed the anooba for a few more minutes, until the door to the lab opened and Kix and Coric stepped out into the cool air. “We've done about all we can do,” Kix said as the medics came to stand with the others. “She says she can still use our help a little bit, but it's mostly up to her, now.”

“Does she need anything else?” Rex asked.

Coric and Kix exchanged looks, then answered almost in unison: “Time.”

Unexpectedly, Chopper – who'd been silent up until now – gave a rather dark sort of chuckle. “Don't we all?”

After that, it was time to part, but Rex didn't feel like returning to the house just yet, and it wasn't just because he didn't know where he was going to sleep – the couch in the living room, he supposed – but also because he wanted to speak with the medics. So he bid goodnight to Fives, Marliss and Caith, who were returning to the main house, and walked with his brothers towards the stables. As they climbed the steps to the clones' quarters, he got the sense that he was being observed very closely.

When the five men entered the common area of their quarters, Jesse indicated that they should all take a seat at the table in the kitchen while he went to the conservator; moments later, the tattooed clone was setting a cold bottle of ale in front of each man, and for some time they sat in relative quiet, speaking of mundane things.

“We've set up more of the energy fences along the far pasture,” Coric said as he sipped his ale. “It's slow-going, converting everything over, but at least it's happening.”

Jesse took a swig of his own drink and indicated the scarred clone. “Chopper and I figured out the issue with the wind-pump, so now it's operating at peak-efficiency. We're thinking of installing some solar-panels as well, though I'm not sure how Mrs. Damaris will take to them.”

“She can be a bit...stubborn,” Kix added thoughtfully. “But we can convince her, I think.”

“See, Captain?” Jesse said, giving an informal salute with his bottle of ale. “We held down the fort for you.”

Rex managed a chuckle, pleased to hear that his brothers had made such progress on the ranch in his absence, but his happiness went farther than that. While he wasn't much of a drinker, there was definitely something comforting about sitting here, surrounded by brothers; he was heartened by the notion that his vode were there, looking out for him in their own way.

So he took a swig from his bottle, relishing the bite of the drink that smoothed into a rich, familiar flavor almost at once, then glanced between them. “Thanks. I knew I could count on you.”

There was a moment of quiet as they exchanged nervous glances, then Coric spoke up. “We heard a little of it, but Rex...what happened to Brenna?”

Force, he didn't want to keep reliving all of this, but Rex knew that he needed to explain, so he did. When he'd finished, the others gaped at him and he looked down at the table, adding: “I don't know what I'm going to do.”

“Keep going.” It was Chopper's voice, rough but filled with conviction, and the unexpected words hit Rex with force. “The only thing that can stop you from fighting is death, Captain. You're both alive; you have each other. Everything else doesn't really matter,” he added, glancing down as the others' gazes fixed on him. “The only option is to keep going, no matter what, and make the best of what you have.”

Having no immediate reply, Rex chose to keep silent.

“This hycosine,” Coric said thoughtfully. “Were you able to look into it much?”
Rex blinked, still reeling a bit from the impact of Chopper's words, then shook his head. “Haven't had a chance. Bren's going into Belleau-a-Lir to see a doctor tomorrow; I was planning on asking her about it.”

The medic nodded, then rose and slipped out of the room, returning a few minutes later with a small, glass vial and what looked suspiciously like a hypo-spray. He approached Rex, brandishing both instruments in the manner of a medic who was going to do something unpleasant. “Hold still,” he said, setting the hypo against the exposed skin of Rex's neck.

He was fast. Before Rex had even fully formed an objection to the act, Kix activated the hypo, which turned out not to be a hypo at all, but something that extracted a small amount of blood with only a quick jab of pain, and soon the little vial was full.

“Brenna gave this to me so I could collect a sample of your blood,” the medic said as he sealed the vial and removed the needle from the hypo so that it could be disposed. “Sorry, I only just remembered. Here, give this to the doctor, and she may be able to tell you more about any potential complications that our genetics might give Irini.”

Resisting the urge to rub at his neck, Rex took the vial and studied it as he replied. “Nala Se indicated that Irini wouldn't suffer any adverse affects from our genes, but it'll be good to have a second opinion.”

“Hey, if there's one person's opinion to get on the subject of our genes,” Jesse said with a chuckle. “It's probably a Kaminoan's.”

Rex had to agree. They sat in relative quiet for a few more minutes, and he considered asking to spend the night here, then thought better of it. If something were to happen with Iri, he didn't want to be more than a few steps away, just in case. But for now it was good to be surrounded by brothers again.

As if reading his mind, Coric offered him a smile. “We never did get to say, 'welcome back.'” The former medic raised his ale and the others followed; the bottles connected with a series of clinks that heartened Rex a bit more. “We're glad to have you around again, Rex.”

Sipping his drink, Rex studied the men he was closest to, his brothers, and something within him relaxed a little bit. “I'm glad to be home, ner vode.”

​

*****​

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Next time: Pictures. ​

​

Thank you for reading!​

 

Rex & Caith - hmmm. Caith's candor and sense of helplessness mirrors Rex's. I am glad they were able to talk so openly and unburden their mutual sense of loss and bewilderment over the future.

~~!

Nala Se's busy and focused scientific endeavor looks promising I know she is in her element.

~~!

Loved the final scene with Rex and the others. A wonderful moment of support and camaraderie. Like soothing balm I would imagine for Rex.

 

Caith, I understand where you're coming from, but really, people-- is Rex supposed to follow Brenn into the bathroom stall next time? Let's be realistic. Arcas was going to get to Brenna one way or another. He seemed pretty crafty like that.
Wait, can you imagine Arcas trying to kidnap Bren off of The Resolute??? He breaks into the bridge thinking it's her and Marliss' quarters, and he's greeted by Rex, pre-Vader Anakin, and Ahsoka, as they're going over a report.

That might be the one scenario in which he doesn't kidnap Brenna but otherwise, the Damaris "boys" need to cut themselves some slack too.

 

Hi! I have fallen very far behind, so my comments will be on chapters from the distant past.

Chapter 14

Interesting to see Ahsoka has been up to something having to do with Black Sun. The scene with Iri and Rex was adorable. Maybe Rex will (finally) understand that the parent-child attachment is already there and stop beating himself up about it. Don’t know how the canon version of Nala Se is different, but I liked the eccentricity of this one. She seems to have a bit of the researcher tunnel vision going on, but there’s more than meets the eye. I liked her reaction to Iri – it must be odd to meet the child of a genetically engineered being that she probably helped “design” – even though the Kaminoans usually have a very distanced and clinical attitude that generally disregards individuals. It will be interesting to see what her motivations are for trying to reverse the aging.


Excellent as usual!

 

Nyota's Heart & gracesonnet: Caith is definitely being too hard on Rex, but he's in a pretty helpless position, too, and it's natural, imo, to want to find someone to blame when tragedy strikes. But at least they were able to come to an understanding. Thank you both so much for the comments!

Kahara: No worries at all! I'm just happy you're enjoying the story! Not sure if you've seen Season Six of The Clone Wars, so I don't want to spoil anything for you, but suffice it to say that Nala Se's character took a very...unexpected turn from how she was presented previously. Much like poor Barriss. Thank you for the comment!

*****​

Chapter Twenty-Two​

Two weeks later...

Brenna was long-since past comparing herself to a broken holo-record, so she only leaned back into the couch cushions and took a deep breath to try and stave off her unshakeable frustration. A moment later, she was able to look back at her mother, who was seated beside her. "I don't remember."

The words made Jensine frown down at the flimsi pic in her hand. "But you know how to ride...how can you not remember learning how?"

On Brenna's other side, Caith pinched the bridge of his nose. "Mom...Dr. Bores said that it might be this way. Some things will come back to her; others might not. Our job is to try and help her remember what she can, and we have to be patient."

Be patient. The words had become something of a mantra these past weeks, as if their very repetition would fix whatever was broken inside of her. Be patient, Brenna, Dr. Bores had said, her large, dark eyes swirling with compassion as she scanned Brenna with a small, hand-held device. Every scan that she'd had to sit through had revealed the same thing: her body was fine. Her abductors had not sexually abused her and the hycosine had left no physical scars.
Only mental ones.

Dr. Bores' voice had been filled with the calm assurance that only a physician was capable of: Brenna, you were put through a terrible ordeal, and your mind needs time to recover.

Perhaps it was true; Brenna could remember waking up on Arcas' ship and feeling numb with grief and terror. It was not an unheard of thing for one's mind to protect itself by purposefully forgetting the traumas it endured, but surely she should be better by now? She was home, she was surrounded by family, even though they made her feel awkward and uncertain much of the time, especially when they spoke around her, as if she wasn't present.

Following the visit to the doctor, it had been decided that Brenna should try to get into a normal sort of routine in addition to these sessions with her mother and brother, so in addition to taking care of Iri, Brenna had been doing chores along with the others, repairing fences and tending to the quagga and vilpacas. At least her body remembered how to do these tasks even when her mind was failing her.

Frustration welled within her but she pushed it back, instead glancing at Caith, who had taken to flipping through a book of flimsi pics from their childhood. Her eyes fell on a large picture, in the center of one of the pages. "Who's that?"

It was an older pic, the edges starting to peel up from where they'd been held to the book with glue; a man, perhaps in his late twenties, sat atop a quagga and smiled into the camera. He wore a wide-brimmed hat that was similar to the one she'd seen her mother wearing, and in the background she could make out the mountains.
Caith inhaled sharply as if in pain, then seemed to push the feeling away as he gave his sister a smile that did not reach his eyes. "That's Dad."

Yes, she could see that now. He had Caith's nose and her chin, and if she looked at the pic long enough she remembered the smell of leather and quagga, the feeling of strong arms lifting her up and setting her on his shoulders, the deep sound of his laughter. Something inside of her wanted to curl up and cry, but she refused to succumb to the feeling. She knew the answer, but she asked anyway. "What happened to him?"

It was Jensine's turn to answer. "He died Brenna. Fifteen years ago...surely you didn't-"

She broke off and looked away, out the window across the living room, where Brenna could see the mountains and the gravel path that led to the barns behind the house, the place where Rex and the other clones were right now. If she listened very closely, she could hear Rex's voice and Iri's laughter; the sounds were comforting, and she tried to let them relax her.

"Mom." Caith's voice was too calm; he reached across Brenna's lap and put a hand on his mother's knee. "It's okay."

"No," Jensine said, shaking her head and getting to her feet. "It's not. Are we finished? I have to tend to the villies."

Her voice was sharp and the words were spoken in a rush, as if she couldn't wait to be done with all of this, and Brenna felt a thrill of anger that she knew – rationally – she should set aside. Her mother was hurting because her child was hurting; of course, Brenna understood such a thing. Iri had skinned her knee a few days ago and Brenna had wanted nothing more than to cry right along with her daughter, but she'd kept calm. She couldn't take Iri's pain away, only sympathize and try to comfort her child with kisses and a bacta patch.

Why couldn't her mother do the same thing, for her? Why did it seem that Jensine couldn't even spare a modicum of compassion for her daughter? Anger filled her, sudden and piercing as any blaster-bolt, and she felt her face grow warm with the emotion as she glared at her mother.

"And you say I'm the one who runs away from my problems," she said in a dark voice, the words coming to her unbidden.

"I guess I come by it honestly."

Jensine had been replacing her jacket; at Brenna's words, she froze and stared down at her daughter, her pale blue eyes wide in such a way that sent a thrill of alarm through Brenna, almost making her forget her anger. Jensine's words were sharp. "What did you say?"

There was silence for a moment, and as she heard the distant sound of an approaching speeder, Brenna frowned. "You want me to repeat that?"

"No..." Jensine blinked, then looked at Caith and spoke to him as if Brenna wasn't there. "I know we didn't show her a list of all our old arguments. Do you think she remembers?"

"Dr. Bores said that a strong emotion could trigger a return of some of her memories," Caith mused, glancing at Brenna in the manner of one studying an abstract painting they didn't quite understand.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not in the room," Brenna replied, crossing her arms before her chest and giving her brother a glare. "It's rude, you know."

At this, Caith exhaled and shook his head, but there was hope in his eyes when he looked at her. "Sorry, Bren...it's just...why did you say that, about running away?"

After thinking about it for a moment, Brenna shrugged. "I don't know...the words just sort of came out." She watched as the hope trickled out of his face and felt a pang of remorse, because he was trying to help her, after all. "Maybe it's a good sign."

Caith looked hopeful. "Dr. Bores said that it seemed like most of your emotional memories were the ones that were...obscured. Maybe this means they're starting to return."

"Trust you to remember the fights," Jensine added with a heavy sigh, though she glanced at the front door, where they could all hear footsteps against the porch outside. Moments later, the door opened, revealing Marliss and Edme, bringing Edme and Caith's son, Tavi, and an assortment of packages. Seeing his wife and son, Caith rose and crossed the room to help them.

Maybe Brenna should have taken offense at her mother's words, but she found that she actually chuckled. "That would probably be my luck."

"What would be your luck?" Marliss asked, approaching Brenna and offering a smile. She was carrying several bags that looked to be filled with all manner of technological miscellany, and Brenna rose to help her, noting how Jensine slipped out on her own.

It had been another suggestion of Dr. Bores, one that Brenna found she was only too happy to comply with, for she had a feeling she'd been idle too long. Since she could remember how to perform most of the tasks for which she'd once gotten paid, she was anxious to start working again. There were plenty of freelance jobs for someone with her talents, and maybe finding some work would give her more routine, more time to figure out who she used to be.

Caith kissed Edme's cheek and hugged Tav, then set the bags on the now-vacant couch. "We had a little breakthrough," he said as he glanced at Brenna, who was rummaging through the largest bag. "Sort of."

After they heard the explanation, Marliss and Edme exchanged glances, then Marliss gave Brenna a smile. "Of all things to remember."

"I know," Brenna replied as she examined the datapad that her friend had bought. "But I guess it's a start."

"It certainly is," Edme said, looking at Caith for a moment before hugging his waist and kissing his cheek in a comforting gesture. Something passed between them and Brenna fought back a surge of loneliness, instead glancing back at Marliss, who was watching her.

"You had enough credits?"

The blonde woman nodded. "You gave us plenty. I just hope we got everything you wanted. That list you made was...very detailed."

"It all looks good to me," Brenna replied as she eyed the computer console with appreciation. It was a much newer model than anything in the Damaris household, and she knew she'd be able to do a great deal ofwork with it, along with the new datapad. "Thank you," she added, looking back at Marliss, then at Edme. "Both of you."

"Sure, Bren," Marliss said, getting to her feet. "It was nice to have some girl-time, anyway."

"I'm not a girl!" Tavi's voice was annoyed even as he looked up at his father. "Dad...tell them I'm not a girl."

Brenna's brother smiled down at his son, though Marliss jumped in before he could say anything. "I'm sorry, Tav. I meant that it was nice for me and Edme to have some girl-time; we know you're a boy."

"Yes, you are," Edme said, tousling her son's hair. "A wonderful one, at that, especially for being so patient while Mar and I bumbled around all of those tech-supply stores."

The little boy grinned at his mother, his eyes alight. "Now I get my reward? You promised!"

Caith raised his brows at his wife. "Reward?"

"I told Tav that if he behaved himself, we'd let him watch our shooting lessons," Edme explained, nodding to the rear of the house, in the direction of the barns.

Seeing Caith's frown, she tilted her chin. "Coric promised to keep an eye on him while Jesse and Chopper gave us the lesson."

The mention of the clones seemed to mollify Caith somewhat, though Brenna thought that he still wasn't thrilled at the idea. She didn't blame him, but she knew that this was one area where the clones excelled. "It'll be okay, Caith," she said. "You know you can rely on them."

"Yeah," he replied with a nod. "I know." He paused, then gave Brenna a careful look. "You'll be okay on your own?"

Kriff, I'm not an invalid, or a child. Her first response was to say that she was old enough not to stick her fingers in any power-sockets, but Brenna bit back the words and indicated the array of slicing equipment before her. "I'll be busy setting all of this up."

She added a small smile to the words. Although he didn't look entirely convinced, Caith nodded and glanced at his wife and son, and they slipped out of the room, heading for the door outside. Brenna and Marliss stood in silence for a moment, then Brenna glanced at the blonde woman. "Thank you...for everything. You and Fives have been so helpful this past week."

Nodding, Marliss looked down at the packages that Brenna had begun to open, her gaze seeming to want to fall anywhere but Brenna. "Are you going to set all this up here?"

"My bedroom, upstairs," Brenna replied, resisting the urge to yawn. Even though it was barely dinnertime, she felt tired more often than not. Sometimes, she felt like she could sleep for a month, straight. "It's quiet, out of the way. It should be a good place to get some work done."

Marliss paused, as if uncertain. "Do you want some help?"

Brenna shook her head, watching as the other woman made to slip out of the room. "No, thanks. I'll manage. You've done a lot for me."

A pained expression crossed Marliss' face as she looked back at Brenna, but when she spoke her voice was light. "That's what friends are for, Bren."

Once she'd carried the equipment upstairs, placing the unopened packages on the bed that was too big just for her, Brenna began the process of unwrapping and organizing everything, mentally going over what she'd need to do to get set up. There was a small desk at one side of the room, placed before a window that looked out across the pastures behind the house, and it was here that she thought would be the best place to do her work.

For a little while Brenna was able to forget about her problems and lose herself in something mundane and simple, and it was nice. While she fiddled with the settings on the datapad and figured out the best way to arrange the console, she wasn't fretting about whether or not her memory would return, and what she was going to do if it didn't.

Maybe she was distracted. Maybe she really was lost in her thoughts, or maybe he was adept at moving in silence, but when she heard a gentle rap against the door-frame, she nearly fell out of her chair in surprise.

"Sorry," Rex said from where he stood across the threshold of her room. "I didn't mean to startle you."

Brenna felt her face grow warm with embarrassment as she glanced at him. Rex was dressed as she'd seen him dress every day this week; warmly, as it was getting cooler with each passing day, and his cheeks were slightly ruddy as if from the constant brush of wind. Even through the somewhat bulky layers of clothing, she could make out his form, masculine and rugged, and she could see traces of stubble on his chin.

"It's okay," she managed to reply, smoothing out the front of her shirt. "I was distracted."

He nodded, then his eyes swept across the room, to the bed that was piled with the remnants of the equipments' packaging. She felt her own gaze drawn to the same spot, and felt another flash of heat course through her; was he thinking of shared memories? They were – had been – lovers, she knew. Certainly they'd shared a bed, if they'd shared their bodies.

Rex cleared his throat and she realized he was waiting for her permission to truly enter the room, so she indicated that it was okay. He approached her with caution, as though he was treading in an area filled with land-mines, and she fought back a swell of bitterness at the notion. He's trying to be respectful, she told herself. They all are. Everyone here cares about you, but they are at as much of a loss as you are.

Patience.

It would be the death of her. "Is everything okay, Rex?"

The thought occurred to her that something was wrong with Iri, so she sat up a bit straighter. He nodded, then straightened as well, his hands clasping behind his back and his feet halting shoulder-length apart, in a manner that was somewhat formal, but not – she thought – unfamiliar to him.

"I was thinking about giving Iri some riding lessons," he said in a careful voice. "She loves the quagga, and I'd like to start her off young. It'll be perfectly safe," he added quickly, as if Brenna was about to object. "Nova will be on a lead, with Kix at the other end. I'll be in the saddle with Iri, so I'll be in control of the quagga."

"Okay," Brenna replied, glancing down at the hem of her shirt, where she'd been absently toying with a loose thread.

At the word, Rex gave her an odd look, then took another step forward, so that he was just over an arm's length from her. "You didn't like her getting close to them...before."

"She'll be safe with you," Brenna replied quickly, trying to ignore the way that his voice softened on the word 'before.' Before I was broken. Before everything changed. "Besides, it's a good idea for her to learn how to ride from an early age."

Nodding, Rex seemed to relax a bit. Now, he glanced again at the assortment of equipment, then looked back at her with a raised brow. "Marliss said they bought out most of the store...she wasn't kidding."

At this, Brenna smiled, and held up the datapad she was working with. "If I could get this thing to work properly, I'd be set. I don't suppose you're any good at decryption-module software?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "I'm afraid not."

There was silence for a moment as she studied him without trying to seem like she was doing so. Beyond his physical appearance, Rex was handsome in a way that drew her, inexorably. It was a feeling that went beyond attraction, and with that thought, she wondered if maybe she was trying too hard to remember. Maybe she just needed to feel.

But there was a space between them that she didn't know how to close, so she hesitated. A look of uncertainty crossed his face, and she felt like a chance was slipping through her fingers, so she took a breath. "Rex...will you come here for a second?"

He was at her side in an instant, still looking at her with an intensely hopeful expression that belied the calm way with which he seemed to hold himself. Brenna considered saying something else, then decided to just act. She stood up and faced him, noting how his eyes widened and his breath caught, then she reached her right hand up – slowly, as if he'd dissipate if she moved too quickly – and placed her fingertips against the edge of his jaw, against a faint, pale scar.

There had been no real plan behind this action, and she didn't know what she was expecting would happen. Rex tensed even further, then his eyes half-closed and he leaned into her light touch, just a little bit, despite the fact that his posture and mannerisms seemed to indicate that he was trying very hard to resist moving. His skin was warm, a bit rough from the stubble, and she could tell that there was a strength in him that went beyond the corded muscles of his shoulders.

But beyond that, she felt nothing, and she had to fight back a surge of disappointment. Looking at him was like standing in front of a locked door that she didn't have any way of opening. She sighed. Eyes that were almost the color of gold opened and looked at her, and she was struck with the hope in his gaze, the longing, though once he registered her disappointment the hope faded, replaced by a calm that was most definitely forced.

"I'm...I'm sorry," she said thickly, turning around and sitting down once more. She picked up her datapad and tried not to look at him any more. "I think Iri will have fun. Thank you for teaching her how to ride."

There was a beat of silence, then she heard him exhale softly before he replied. "You're welcome, Bren."

He said nothing after that. As he walked out of the room, Brenna felt rather than heard his tread, the echo of his footsteps reverberating through her entire body, and she watched with dismay as the screen of her 'pad became dotted with tears.

*****​

A/N: Sigh. This is probably the darkest chapter of the story. I know you're tired of hearing this, but things will get better.

Next time: Iri, Rex, and riding lessons. (Don't worry - she gets a helmet!)

Thank you for reading! Feel free to throw virtual rotten veggies at me to counteract any unpleasant feels brought about by the angst.

 

Bravo on the level of poignance and also on the keen sense of realism. Brenna's frustration and feeling quite at sea, as well as the rest of those who care for her. I do think keeping busy at stuff she is good at will enhance her confidence besides the bonus of distraction. I also agree and feel that not forcing things and remembering the emotive side of events - in lieu of literal details -- will prove more effective in the long run/term. Rex is such a complete and utter darling. He needs and deserves uber!huggles and chocolate-flavored kisses LOL

 

Oh my God, Brenna, I know you went through something terrible but you're making like, a quadratic equation out of what should be a 2+2=4 hookup right now.

It is Rex we are talking about here. REX. You need to lock this down, girl.

 

By the way, I feel like this is the only time that cowboy-hat-wearing smiley face is appropriate on a Star Wars board.
Because Rex would rock a cowboy hat, more so than anyone else in Star Wars-land.

Also, does anyone else feel like Fives probably had this song on his iPod every time the 501st went into battle?
https://soundcloud.com/defjam/2-chainz-wiz-khalifa-we-own-it
("We Own It" from Fast and Furious 6 soundtrack, by 2 Chainz and Wiz Kalifa. Link might automatically play music, FYI).

I just feel like Fives would listen to it so much that even Echo was like, "...can you pick another song every now and then? Just...anything else? I know it's your 'get pumped up' song but you're wearing out the flash memory in your HUD. Yes, that's a thing. Just pick a new song already."