Write a FAN LETTER or HATE MAIL to your FAVORITE or most DESPISED EU CHARACTER!!

Dear Kyp,

Hey darling, by the way you insignificant litlle prick, how dare you say that about obi-wan in conquest, and get off Lukes back (occasionally). But apparently you're not bad looking so that sorta makes up for it. But umm learn to grow up and look out for Corran,
HE"S BAAACK!!
Love ya Corran,

From a better jedi than thou

 

Dear Panaka,
Quit contradicting Jedi, it isn't good for your career.
Sincerely, Piett

Dear Anakin,
Oh yeah, you're bad aren't you? Did it feel good killing thousands of innocent Hapans? ass.
Appalled at your very name, Piett

Dear Mara,
how does it feel being the man in the relationship?
Curious, Piett

Dear Ozzel,
oh wait... that's right... YOU'RE DEAD! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

Fey'lya, you disgrace to the Bothan species and poor excuse for a setient being:
JUSTICE SHALL BE SERVED!!!!! ALL YOU FILTHY POLITICIANS WILL ROT IN MOFFELL!!!!

Yours Insincerely (why should I spellcheck a letter for you, scum?)
a very p.o. Royal Guardsman

 

Dear Chewbacca,
Duck.
Hoping Commander Wright doesn't see this and is quite joking, Piett

 

Dear Borsk,

You are a discgrace to the galaxy, and an embarrasment to all sentient beings. Your very existance disgusts me. I can't wait til your meager, stupid little life is snuffed out.

Sincerely,
Someone who hates you!

 

Dear Admiral Drayson,
Where the hell are you? The Republic is getting pummelled and you're off watering flowers somewhere? You were a dead set legend, and could sort out what those damn Vong were up to in minutes.
Now go pick up Ackbar and get yourself down to NRI now!

JediBendu

 

Palpatine,

The idea of cloning stinks! You blew up because of Vader! Ha!

 

dear borsk

i hope the vong invent a new torture for you that rips out your reproductive organs and then fed them to you you peace of sh!+ oh and i hope luke gets you you prik isuing a warrent for his arest see rebirth exerp

 

wow........you guys really wanna see borsk and kyp burn in hell huh?

 

yea

 

I like Kyp. As for Borsk.. Piss on 'im!

 

The EUCNN is back!!! Brought to you by farraday, KansasNavy, and Fire_Ice_Death.

EUCNN is a news organization devoted to reporting the 'real' news in humerous fashion. But we're serious!

This message brought to you buy Burger King. "The Whopper Says: Go to the EUCNN and laugh your ass off" Please!!!

 

Borskie Boy--
It's hard to write something here--there's so many things to complain about. First of all, you're a bit confused, my little friend, about everything. VERY confused, by the way things have been going. To keep it simple, I suggest that you get the fact that you are not the only creature that is of importance in the galaxy through your thick, Bothan skull. Or you could just kill yourself. It would save a lot of people the trouble of going and doing that for you. Besides, I think it's more respectable--well, at this point in *your* career--if you either die of "natural causes" or decline from your position of Chief of State. Your choice--make it soon.
Toodles
-T

Jacen--
There's so much I'd like to say. But, I think this would be much more useful and come in handy: Troubled and Disturbed Teens Help Hotline 1-800-OMGIAMSOCONFUSEDABOUTEVERYTHING.
Don't bother thanking me...just get back on the right path!
-T

C-Threepio--

"Ya know what? You annoy the hell out of me. No--shut up and let me finish. You go around acting like you know everything, and maybe you do, dammit, you just very well might. But to go on and on and on and on etc... talking about all the things you know is just too damn annoying. SHUT UP." -Words of Wisdom that I have just created to pertain to what I am about to say, but no one must know that....

TRANSLATE THAT, YOU DUMB DROID, <b>TRANSLATE THAT</b>!!!!
-T

Mara, Leia, Jaina--
Good to see something going right. Power to Star Wars Chicks! Yeah!
-T

Anakin--
It's not your fault. Ahahaha! You kick ass!
-T

Kyp & Luke--
Jeez...just shut up and decide on something.
-T

Han--
Sorry about Chewie. We all miss the big, weird-sound making wookiee.
-T

Borskie (again)--
HOW DARE YOU PUT AN ARESST WARRANT ON LUKE.
-T
PS. Damn you.

Danni Quee--
You were a pointless character in the series. But I like your last name. Quuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. If you say it really high pitched and long, it kinda sounds like a pig squealing.
-T

 

Dearest Pash,

I'm sorry that you're too busy to answer me back, but I'll keep on writing. I was thinking just how much you remind me of Chichiri from Fushigi Yuugi. Do you think you could say 'no da' at the end of your sentences? Or comb your bangs straight up?
Anyway, I'd like to invite you to lunch in the hotel I run, but contracts say anyone who checks in has to stay for at least ten years. But, you would get to meet the interesting boarders like Amelia Earheart, Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Mama Cass, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and, of course, Chewbacca. If some author tries to get rid of you you can come hide here for free. We'll all be delighted to see you: we've started a Pash Cracken Fan club. If you're ever in the Dathomir area, drop on by. At least stand outside and wave, please. We'll go out to meet you, and bring some food. I'm an exceptional cook, and everyone helps out. It's not so much a hotel as it is a commune, you see?
Well, I'll leave you to your duties. I know that you are the one holding up the New Republic, yet you never get any recogniton. Come and see me sometime, darling.
Love always,
Allya

 

My Dearest Allya,

Thank you for your wonderful letters. I haven't been able to write you because I have been fighting on the front, trying to hold the Republic together.

Im sorry, I don't know who Chichiri from Fushigi Yuugi is. But as for my bangs, after I have been piloting hard, and I take off my helmet, my bangs are straight up, no da.

Unfortunately, I must pass of your wonderful invite. Ten years is a mightly long time in our galaxy. In ten years, I've gone from being a spoiled pilot to a commander of the task force, to seeing the Empire surrender and the Vong attack. Fankly my dear, Im swamped. Perhaps another time though?

Perhaps soon though,

Love,

Pash Cracken

 

Dear, dear Pash,

I want to thank you for your kind letter, darling. It brightened my day to hear you say 'no da'. And I understand that you can't spare a decade. However, I have been at the hotel past that, so I am free to leave. While I must return at some point, perhaps we could meet someplace else. I could bring some friends, but I'd rather meet you alone. If you want me to, though, Elvis, John, Janis, and several others are eligible to come. But if you too would prefer a private meeting first time around, I know a wonderful restaurant on Chandrila. Come to think of it, I know a good restaurant on nearly every planet. If you're ever free, you name the planet, and I'll meet you for lunch.
I hope you can fit it into your schedule.
Eagerly awaiting your reply,
Yours ever,
Allya

 

Jedi_Master_Allya,

I regret to inform you that Pash Cracken was killed in an engagement with the Vong near the Anoat System. Served him right!

Yours,

Head of State Borsk Fey'Lya

P.S. Jedi Suck!!!

 

Dear, Dark underpants of the sith

With out you Darth Vader would not have been comfy while fighting luke during the battle of endor, You can tell Palpatine was not wearing you during that battle because he was to distracted worrying about things not in place (eewww) and was caught off guard by the Dark underpants of the sith wearin Darth.

 

Dear Fey'lya,
He didn't die. He did drop by my hotel, and right now is deciding whether he wants to check in. I thank you for hurrying that desicion. However, as there is no official report of his death, he can go back at any time. But that doesn't excuse you for what you tried to do. You have no idea just how terribly sadistic I am. I will make you suffer, and without using the Force.
While I'm on this track, I've asked my guests to vote on how to dispose of your flea-ridden carcass. It was a tie between:

Strapping you down and inserting a sharp, heated wire into your skin and using you for a counted cross-stitch.
And:
Cutting off your eyelids, cutting you open deep enough to bleed, then leave you face up in the desert and wait for scavengers.
Name the one you prefer. Hell, maybe I can do both. You'd better sleep with one eye open, Borsk-baby. Even then, I have ways of getting you.
See you later, sweetheart.
Allya