Writing romance, does it embarrass YOU?

Well, it's 3 AM and I'm awake, which usually means I'm writing or have just gotten home... neither of the following for some reason. Anyway, for me, if I'm writing a romance scene... it's gotta be dark. Preferably in the wee hours of the morning - not sure why, it just seems to work better.

Besides that, it varies. Sometimes I want music in the background... usually just melodies. "Anakin's Dream" works well for SW stuff (particularly if there's a dark twist to it); "Harry in Winter" from the latest Potter movie is nice for the more blatantly mushy stuff. You know, the montages where characters are dancing in the snow or gazing deeply into each other's eyes by firelight. None of which mine do, but it's still nice music. Loreena McKinnett's stuff - at least some of it - also has a good romantic feel to it.

But then again, there's always the odd rock/metal song that just fits a scene perfectly...

I don't light candles (with my luck I'd knock one over) but I do like to have all the lights off. I have one little lamp with a blue shade at school that I leave on next to my desk, throws some interesting shadows and keeps things from going pitch-black.

Most importantly... no roommates/parents/younger siblings looking over the shoulder. No pets, etiher. I'll sometimes have my bird out when I write, but she tends to demand my attention and jump on the keyboard, and we can't have that during critical scenes.

Chocolate helps for some reason, too.

 

I love writing romance because it's been such a big part of my life. I'm completely in love with my husband, even when he makes me insane, so I tend to write long-married couples who still have that "fire!" going. I can't help it.

 

That's so sweet, Vadey and I'm so jealous!!!

I didn't have a successful marriage and may never get involved with anyone ever again, but I love romance. I mean, how could you not like two people being loving and kind to each other?

Writing romance doesn't embarrass me at all. I enjoy it and enjoy writing the attraction and tension that occurs between my characters. I don't like for the romance to be sappy, so I try to make it realistic in dialogue and action.

 

I rarely write romance just for the sake of it. one-shots excepted. There's usually a plot purpose for it, even if it's not exactly critical to the plot. So when I'm writing romantic scenes I think: what purpose does this serve? What do I want to accomplish, plot-wise, in this scene, and how would these characters react to each other and to the situation around them?

I'm kind of cynical about romance, myself, and maybe for that reason mushy romantic stories feel fake to me and I can't write them. However, when there are a few bumps in the road, I can write it a lot more easily and I enjoy it more.

 

My parents know that I write fanfiction but I swear, the minute that they start to read some of the stuff that I write as I'm writing it, it instantly makes me feel uncomfortable. Espicially my mom. She has the habit to read over my shoulder when I'm writing anything. So I make sure that I'm either 1) totally alone at home, or 2) at school, in the library or in the computer lab where no one pays attention to what you're reading or writing.

Being totally alone at home is better for me writing romances though because of zero interruptions. When I write NC-17, I make sure I'm home alone for the whole day (although it usually doesn't take me that long to write a small NC-17 scene).

Basically, it's embarrassing when I get caught writing NC-17 (even if there's romance mixed in), but regular PG/PG-13 romance is no big deal.

 

That's okay, I have to hide that sort of material from my kids (my sons - Megan could care less).

 

My mom reads trashy romance novels, but I'd fall over in embarassment if she ever saw any of my romance writings - both family-friendly and NC-17.

 

My mom? She'd probably like them, especially the more "mature" stuff. Of course, I'd die rather than show them to her. Unless I said someone else wrote them.


Who is this VaderLVR of whom you speak?

 

Hehe... I don't have that problem. If I got "caught" with a copy of my stronger material I could cover it up with "Ew, look what I found!" Pen names are good.

 

My mom - and everyone else in my family, except my husband - haven't the slightest clue what fanfiction is. I probably wouldn't mind anyone reading my PG/PG-13 fics - my mom reads romance novels but she's not a Luke fan. She's always been a Han Solo kinda woman and I don't think L/M would interest her. My husband, however, is also a L/M fan who writes all ratings of fanfic...which is fun. Now it's my 9 yr-old daughter I have to worry about finding stuff on the hard drive, LOL.


As far as actually writing the stuff goes, I find that imagery and phrasing are often key. You don?t have to outright say what is happening physically, but can get the same idea across by talking about lights, shadow, scents, fabrics ? a gleam in the eye, a husky whisper, the softness of hands or lips - a flutter in the stomach or a thrill of chills down the spine can all be very romantic even in a PG setting.

 

At the moment, progressing no further than kissing makes you original these days. And I respect any author who focuses on the business, not hotdogs. And there are blasted few who do.

 

Most of the time I actually prefer scenes that don't go beyond pg-13 in rating. There are very few r-rated scenes that I have actually liked and even those focused more on emotions than physical feelings and actions.

I've attempted an r-rated scene myself and found it wasn't too easy to write, but I wanted to see if I could do it. I was vague with most of the description of what was going on and I didn't find it embarrassing. In truth, I think what I find most exciting about writing romance is the set up to a kissing scene. The flirting, teasing, snappy banter is what I have the most fun with and most of the time kissing is about as far as my stories go.

 

Hotdogs?

That reminds me of an episode of "Sex and the City." Sarah Jessica Parker's character, Carrie, meets this woodsy-type guy, Aiden, who designs and builds his own furniture and is super sexy handsome. So as with any guy, she's thinking she'll get a nice night in bed, and hopefully more.

Except all they do is kiss on their dates, and she gets frustrated. She asks him why he doesn't want to sleep with her.

He replies, oh he does, but he believes in romance.

Carrie takes a post-it note, writes "ROMANCE" on it, and sticks it on her laptop. It's such a novel thing to her that she has to keep reminding herself of that concept whenever Aiden starts acting "weird." Such as the time Aiden spent 30 minutes in her bathroom, and when she went in, she found a candlelit bubble bath waiting for her. But it does make Aiden stand out from so many other guys. He's a sweetie.

 

Aiden was a hottie but he wasn't as cool as Big.

 

What works so well about an approach like this is that it lets the reader fill in the blanks for himself/herself. Rather than expliciting saying: "Han kissed Leia here, touched her there, etc., etc..." you can use the reader's imagination to craft a romantic interlude for you.

 

I try to avoid any book with coitus activity, quite challenging without a neon bilboard plastered on its cover helpfully informing you. I'm not paying good money for published porn and a Sithing rat no more different to other rats. That tells me instantly this is an author who flocks with the sheep, too challenged to show some decency and stand out with originality, and I can always count on reviews informing me of that, hey, this book had rock-the-X-wing. And because same gender relationships are uncommon they'll comment that too, saving me from a couple of potential purchases in time. But you won't find me reading the Kushiel books.

George Martin **Edited** and raped and copulated to the fish gills. But I grew less prudent as he just shows it, never in detail and depth, with a comical style that detracts from the otherwise subclassing of females. So I guess it's how you do romance, not the romance itself.

Star Wars wise, it's embarrassing to read. Few of the Bantam books got raunchy and showed even moddest action; I could say only Tatooine Ghost and Joiner King showed romance realism without stiff writing. I'd sooner call any NJO romance I read a Hutt harem on parole than reading worth.

I believe only Stackpole and Perry have ventured to show some sizzling scene in depth. That is, if you call Xizor looking at Leia's feet or ear licking between Horn and Dlarit sizzling. *shrugs* And Solo was all but naked when stopping a haywire Artoo on Belsavis, right?

 

Baa, baa.
I like romance. I like published porn as you call it. I enjoy a realistic encounter between two consenting adults. I also like originality. I guess that's why there are so many books published. Something for everyone.

I will give you kudos for saying it in such lovely language - the fishgills comment was especially well-written. But please don't belittle those who like romance, yes, even in Star Wars.

Of course, now you made me want to go find some of those rock-the-X-wing stories...

 

When I said an author who flocks with the sheep, I was saying one who is no different to their peers, showing sex and rape with little relevance to the storyline. Something to pepper the burger, so to speak. I've too much of it, and don't like it.

Desisting from it, today, for now, can make one original, actually.

 

Well said.

 

To answer the original question:

No, it doesn't embarrass me to write romance. Or porn, or what I still call (lovingly) smut. I haven't written much of it for about a year or so, because I've not had the interest, but that doesn't mean I couldn't if I wanted to. Then, not much embarrasses me.

I did write the only dirty thesis in the probable history of my MFA program. (Though to be fair, there were no blow by blow sex scenes. In fact, there were only almost no sex scenes at all. You'd be surprised how dirty and visceral you can be without anyone taking off their clothes or touching anyone else.)

As for my parents-- They do not read my writing, and never have. I would prefer for it to stay that way. Let's just say that it's been a long while since I was stuck living under adult supervision. It's good being a grown-up.

 

Speaking from my own POV, the sex in my stories (the ones that contain it) IS relevant to the story because I tend to like character-driven, rather than plot-driven things. In fact, most of my stories are romances, so I'd say it's not only relevant, but essential to the tale.

As for rape, I've only ever written that once and it was also necessary, as the story was mainly about the character's recovery from the ordeal.

 

I found in my one fiction that contains rape and its consequences that it is tricky, but very possible, to handle it tastefully. I was trying to fill in the holes to a canon character's background that were woefully apparent.

I constructed some memories that would lead him down the path to the character that he is now in pro fic.

Difficult, disturbing, and yet still PG and something that I am not ashamed of a younger audience reading.

 

After reading through this thread, I think it needs a Romance challenge. I've never suggested a challenge before, although I like responding to them. I'm also sure that these challenges show up in L/M, H/L, A/T, etc. boards all the time.

Take a Star Wars or OC couple and place then in a meadow near sunset. One character has a special fear that he/she needs to share with his/her partner.

Lets keep it under 500 words for easy reading and responding.

I thought it might be fun.

 

I hate to be a wet blanket but the mods have a hold on challenges. You need to contact one of them first to get the okay...

 

Thanks dianethx. My first proposed challenge quashed by the bigwigs!