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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Yoda's Galactic History Class: Earth

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Kenobi Maul, Jul 1, 2000.

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  1. Kenobi Maul

    Kenobi Maul Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 23, 1999
    This is to be a thread in which each country will have a moment or person in its history taken, dissected and whacked by our favorite diminutive green troll, Jedi Master Yoda.

    Tomorrow, we will start with the Civil War, written by The Musical Jedi, and Napoleon Bonaparte, written by me.

    If anyone wishes to write, they are welcome, but a couple of rules apply:
    1. No country may be done twice unless I (or The Musical Jedi) especially dislike them.:D

    2. Before posting, you MUST send a Private Message to both me and The Musical Jedi.

    3. Have fun, because we did writing this!
     
  2. Amidolee

    Amidolee Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jan 8, 2000
    Sounds like fun! Can't wait! But I wish I could have done the Civil War because I'm a reenactor and could really have some fun with it! Them damn blue-bellied Yanks!
     
  3. jodiwent

    jodiwent Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 11, 2000
    Oh yhea rebel scum! (Said with all love and respect from the heart of the union.) LOL
     
  4. Kenobi Maul

    Kenobi Maul Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 23, 1999
    Episode I: FRANCEWelcome you, I do, to Galactic History Lessons. This week, study a planet called Earth, we will. Today, country called France, start with we will. Begin with a list of most influential people, we will:
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    -Napoleon Bonaparte.

    (Editor?s note: Sorry people, we had to fill the page!)


    As only Napoleon Bonaparte, there is, information on him, here is:
    - Get on his horse without help, he couldn?t.
    - The only general in history that needed a booster seat, he was.


    Interview him, I did. Walked in, I did and asked for him. Transcript of this interview, this is:

    LEUTENANT: "Where has "L'Empereur" gone? I can't see him! Oh, there you are, "Votre Majesté." I was looking about two feet too high!"
    [Stand next to him, I did, and see his height, I did.]
    ME: "You, judge me by my size you may. Taller than you, I am."
    N.B.: ?Quoi? Je ne parle pas l?anglais!?
    ME: ?Speak in Basic, you will, or whacked you will be!?
    TRANSLATOR: "What? I don't speak English!"
    WHACK!
    ME: "Speak Basic, you do not?"
    WHACK! WHACK!
    ME: "Learn, you will!"
    N.B.: ?Non!?
    WHACK!
    ME: ?Yes!?
    N.B.: ?Non!?
    WHACK!
    N.B.: ?Bon, ben, peut-être que si??
    ME: ?Better, that is! One more whack for good measure, though, I will give!?
    WHACK!
    N.B.: ?NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Soldats! Tack thees grin theeng avay!!?
    [Start to choke, he does.]
    N.B.: ?Mais? I theenk, you, nice? Non? Argh??
    [Keeps choking, he does.]
    ME: "To hell, what you believed. Nice I am. Choke you must!"
    N.B.: ?Argh!?
    WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
    ME: ?Why? die? you? will not??
    WHACK! WHACK!
    ME: "Ah! Better, that is. Disgrace at Waterloo, he will not suffer."


    And that, ladies and gentlemen, Napoleon never be the same why is. Limitations, cloning does have.


    [This is written in good fun. I don't mean to offend anyone. If I do, get over it. If you can't, "c'est la vie"!]
     
  5. The Musical Jedi

    The Musical Jedi Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 13, 1999
    Okay, just so everyone knows (what, all four of us ;) Amidolee is going to do the Civil War piece, and I've got a Germany one, though I'm betting there will be more than one. C'mon, you lurkers (I KNOW your're out there!!), post!
     
  6. The Musical Jedi

    The Musical Jedi Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 13, 1999
    Episode II

    A few days later

    Move on from the short disgrace of a general, we will. Today, Germany and its musical genius Beethoven, we will discuss. Had the pleasure of talking to him, I did. Little information on him, there is.
    - composed much music, he did
    -
    -
    -

    (Editor?s note: You get the idea?)


    Went like this, the interview did.

    ME: Beethoven, you are?
    LVB: Eh, was? Sprechen Sie louder, ich kann nicht Sie hören!
    (Trans: Eh, what? Speak louder, I can?t hear you!)
    ME: Basic, you speak not too? Wrong with this planet, what is?
    LVB: Was?
    ME: A droid, I need. Where?s a protocol droid?
    LVB: ?Droid?? Was ist dieses ?droid??
    (Trans: Droid? What is this ?droid??
    ME: A translator, you imbecilic initiate! (clutches his head and grunts!) A translator! WHACK!
    LVB: Ich verstehe nicht. Sie sprechen merkwürdig. Er klingt wie Englisch, aber kann nicht sein! Er wird ganz herum gedreht! Er kann nicht sein! (bangs on the piano in frustration) Er kann nicht sein! Er kann?. (looks at his hands) Diese Spannweite. Sie ist vollkommen! Vollkommen! (plays the chord three more times, then moves to a lower one.)
    (Trans: I don't understand. You speak strangely. It sounds like English, but can't be! It's all turned around! It can't be! It can?t be! It can?t?.. This chord. It?s perfect. Perfect!)
    ME: Saying what, are you? Insulting me, you are? Regret it you will. (whacks him a few more times for good measure)
    LVB: Sie sind eine große Inspiration! Ich habe jetzt die Öffnung zu meiner 9. Symphonie! (takes his staff, throws it away, grabs the Master?s face and kisses both green cheeks)
    (Trans: You are a great inspiration! I now have the opening to my ninth symphony!)
    ME: Get off me, you will! Want my staff back, I do! (retrieves his staff and whacks the composer again) Failure, you must be. Understand Earth, I do not. Pounding, that was. Composer, you should not be.
     
  7. Amidolee

    Amidolee Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jan 8, 2000
    Okay, I'm working on mine. Should be up tomorrow!
     
  8. K'Tai qel Letta-Tanku

    K'Tai qel Letta-Tanku Jedi Grand Master star 3

    Registered:
    Apr 18, 2000
    Interesting this is. (So reading Yoda apparently makes me type like him. :D) Keep it up. I'm looking forward to seeing who else Yoda gets to whack.

    -K'Tai
     
  9. Kenobi Maul

    Kenobi Maul Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 23, 1999
    Uppers!
     
  10. Maija Darklighter

    Maija Darklighter Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Feb 3, 2000
    This is pretty funny about Yoda soplease post soon.

    Darklighter
     
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