Before You Are Being Served -- Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan- ACTION, one-post- 21-June-2007- Really Late Author Replies

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, Jun 20, 2007.

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  1. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Title: You Are Being Served
    Author: ardavenport
    Timeframe: pre-Episode I, pre-TPM
    Genre: Action
    Characters: Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon Jinn, OC
    Keywords Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, OCs
    Summary: Our Jedi in the service of the Republic
    Notes: Typo is my middle name, with missing words and errors that spell checkers don?t catch being my speciality ? if you see any, just post a reply or send a PM with the what and where and I will kill them with no mercy.
    Disclaimer: All characters belong to George and Lucasfilm; I?m just playing in their sandbox



    "Agent Talamas, I am sure that you understand that Director Chaf is very busy -"

    "And I am sure that Director Chaf realizes that a summons from the Courts of the Republic is not to be ignored," the shorter, Human woman shot back to the tall, blue-crested being barring her way. The two large Judiciary officers flanking her changed their postures to something more threatening, but the local official grinned back, her lips peeling back from a frightening line of small glistening teeth. Every guard, every sentry droid in the thoroughfare turned their way. None of the other pedestrians on their ways to and from the inner city noticed the blasters, still lowered, but pointed in the general direction of three gray, Republic uniforms.

    "If you give me the summons, I can deliver it -" One blue-clawed hand reached forward, but Talamas whipped the official cylinder away, her hand unfastening a pouch closure on her gray pants.

    "This is an official court document. I cannot surrender it to anyone, other than Director Chaf." She held the cylinder loosely, and even after if flew out of her hand behind her back, she continued to motion as if she were tucking it away. "I wouldn't want it to get lost. Like the others." The blue crest came to offended attention at the implied insult.

    Unnoticed, the cylinder zipped past pedestrian knees, rising only to disappear into the palm of a hand inside a wide, dark brown sleeve. Two hooded and cloaked persons, one tall and dark brown, one shorter and medium brown blended in among the crowd moving away from the official confrontation.

    They passed through the throngs of beings of various species ending up at a less traveled entryway to the walled inner city meant for persons of status. The guard there somehow failed to notice the shorter person flicking off the droids and the yellow weapon warning signal on the scanner board as the two brown robes passed through the portal.

    The two robes silently continued on, ignoring and ignored by any others they passed toward the center tower. It rose above the city as they got closer, it's circular plateau a smoky crystal against the glittering city dome high above. They paused in the midst of a thicket of greenery and tall crystals plinths that surrounded the base of the tower. No idle shoppers or business persons came here.

    Obi-Wan Kenobi looked up at his Master, their eyes meeting in a wordless communication. They had passed through the outer areas without raising an alarm. But they could no longer conceal themselves. The next part of their mission required speed. The swiftness of the a Jedi and the Force. Qui-Gon Jinn nodded.

    They burst out of their cover together. They had nearly reached the base of the tower when the blaster fire started, wide stun blasts that could not be deflected with a lightsaber. They dove, evading the worst effects of it. The stun prickled their skin and clothes, but harmlessly washed past their bodies, the Force like a slick sheet keeping them dry in a storm.

    Their lightsabers came out when they crashed into the lobby. Long strides took them toward the center bank of lifts. First Qui-Gon, then Obi-Wan plunged their sabers into the doors of the two private lifts, the ones that went all the way to the top level of the tower. Obi-Wan's lightsaber cut a molten red line through crystal panels, metaloids and plastisteel in a zigzag. He could feel through the drag on the hilt of the saber that he cut through more
  2. ClaudiaR Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 8, 2007
    star 1
    You posted two times the story on the page!
    What a shame! I was enjoying it and was happy to believe that
    there would be more! I liked Agent Talamas!
    And the description of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's actions was great, I could feel
    their actions flowing and envisioned them executing it all smoothly and quietly
    with no words out loud...

    It was a great glimpse at how a great partnership can work, and a nice mission that
    did not end up in death, torture and the healers!

    The agents thoughts in the ending were fun to read! I was very amused!
    Please add me to your PM list if you have one! I want to be able to keep
    up with what you write! I love your works!

    Claudia
  3. dimyavie Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2006
    star 1
    Awesome fic! I really should be in bed right now, and not reading, but it was too good of a fic to pass up! I really enjoyed the characterizations and the descriptions of what was happening! Thanks for writing!
  4. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Nice one and nice title. Were the pink drapes inspired by that series on TV?

    I love to see Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan in action
  5. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    That was a great story - the descriptions and action were so easy to picture.
  6. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    Very well written.
    the action was exciting, and the ever watchful Qui-Gon still thinking of lessons for his twenty year old Padawan.

    Terrific.=D=
  7. Sionnach-Airgid Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2005
    Great story! You write action very well and I love how you described their surroundings at the same time!

    =D= =D= =D=
  8. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Oh no! :eek: How did I miss this? I always check for your name when I'm browsing through the fanfic boards. ;)


    I love how you do action, because I can actually follow it. :p And it's great how you balance the action with characterization and quieter moments. The ending was especially enjoyable. :)
  9. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    I am slowly catching up on my delinquent replies here.....[face_blush]


    ClaudiaR: Thanks! I presume that Jedi -- being guardians of justice and all that -- have to work with Republic law enforcement sometimes and It was fun for me to write a little bit for Talamas's POV. Her priorities would be a little different, like the Jedi not costing her anything on her overhead budget.

    It was a great glimpse at how a great partnership can work, and a nice mission that
    did not end up in death, torture and the healers!

    The agents thoughts in the ending were fun to read! I was very amused!
    Please add me to your PM list if you have one! I want to be able to keep
    up with what you write! I love your works!


    dimyavie: Thank-you! And glad you enjoyed it. The descriptions are the only way I can keep the story straight when I'm writing it. ;)

    earlybird-obi-wan: Thanks for reading. No, the pink drapes did not come from any particular place. I just needed curtains for the scene.

    Valairy_Scot: Thanks! :)

    Gkilkenny: Thank-you! Qui-Gon is ever the watchful teacher. And Obi-Wan the earnest and studious learner. :)

    Sionnach-Airgid: Thank-you! For me, action really needs description or I get lost with where everyone is.

    LuvEwan: Aaaaaah, thanks for looking for my name. :) I think Jedi need action sometimes --- well more than sometimes, but I think I need to write it to keep them in character.


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