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  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Beyond - Legends You Can't Go Home Again- NJO AU; A/T, J/TK, J/Z, H/L, L/M, UPDATE 8/23 Chapter 8

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Jek_Windu, Dec 11, 2006.

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  1. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Sorry I'm late getting here, Jek. Haven't been around much due to a spell of feeling a bit under the weather.

    Other pilots swarmed through the corridor, and Jaina joined them; another cell in a flawless organism. Time and thought flowed into nothingness, and soon she found herself in the cockpit of her X-Wing.
    That was a very creative way of evoking Jaina's behaviour. It meshes niceky with the point you made in chapter 1 about how things have become repetitive and kind of run-down.

    Jaina couldn?t move, only gasp for feeling in the Force as a fish gasps for water-
    Ooh - nice metaphor. :)

    The deaths of the crew were drops of rain shattering against her mind, a thousand waves of pain and fear.
    You get into Jaina's mind really well. That bit was astral. :)

    Suddenly he was aware of every aching joint, of hands that didn?t move quite as fast as they used to, of eyes that were just a little too blurry.

    He glanced at his wife, and didn?t need the Force to tell him that her calm face was just as much poodoo as his own. Looking back to the viewport, Han reached out and grasped her hand, giving a small but strong squeeze as the speeder weaved through the traffic. No words were needed, their thoughts the same.

    Han feeling his age and also the frustration of not knowing what is happening - good job evoking that.

    I see Viqi Shesh is hiding her duplicity well. Grrrr. ;)

    I'm curious to see how they deal with the attack - and of course what A and T do about it.
     
  2. Jek_Windu

    Jek_Windu Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 26, 2003
    Whew, it's been awhile. Writer's block and my own laziness greatly delayed this, but I think I've got an idea that will..improve things.


    Bad-Agian: Delurking is always welcome! Characters are my focus in writing, so it's nice to see I'm doing things well. Also, I'd like offer many, many thanks for the constructive criticism- this is why I write fanfiction, to learn what I do right, what I do wrong, and how to improve both. If you're still reading, I'd very much like your opinion on the change I made in this chapter.


    Tahi: No worries about being late, and I hope you're better now. And wow, I guess I am doing well [face_blush] .


    Anyho, without further ado, Chapter 5 of YCGHA.





    Chapter 5

    In the world, Jacen feels the shaking of the duracrete bridge as he pushes his way through a never-ending flood of beings rushing past him. In the Force, Jacen feels the torrent of their fear white-hot against his skin as it seems to consume the whole galaxy. Their screams are a million voices in a million tongues that rage against his ears- the horrifying song of the orange-white flames that devour the endless skyline. Glimmers of thought and memory flash before his eyes; the last sights friends, families, and homes as flesh and dwelling crack and crumble in the blaze. He pants, sucking in air, sucking in the taste of ashes and the smell of charred flesh. The deaths are a thousand proton bombs shattering against his skull. He wants to vomit, wants curl in a ball and push away the world- the fear. But Jacen presses on, because he has to do something.

    He is a Jedi Knight; he could have- he would have- stopped this, bought whatever monsters did this to justice. He could?ve saved everyone. Instead, he had wasted two years living on his family?s fame and pining after a woman that was never meant to be his. Jacen had chosen self-pity over self-sacrifice, and now whole worlds burned for it.

    Jacen stops, looking to his left toward the entrance to a building. The beings streaming out of it wear clothes of every kind, and mixed in are children, the elderly.

    ?An apartment complex,? he whispers, inaudible in the symphony of screams. His gaze travels upward; the starscrapper looms high overhead, fireships spraying foam into a huge open gash in the building?s side. It?s more reminiscent of an animal bite than the aftermath of a bomb, and Jacen can?t help but wonder how many people died there. How many of them he could?ve saved.

    Something pierces the veil of terror, something faint but bright in the Force. Life! Someone alive, trapped, toward the top of the building. Somehow the signature is familiar, but Jacen pays no attention as he charges against the current of survivors and into the wounded abode.

    His boots fall on crimson carpet, plush even against the leather. Holo-paintings adorn walls of the same color, lit by accented lights that dot the horseshoe-shaped lobby. Dark stains of ash or perhaps blood blight the floor as the last stragglers make their way into the streets. The paintings and the lights flicker in and out, power generators failing in the fury of flame and bomb. Jacen takes it all in stride as he makes a beeline for a bank of elevator shafts.

    The shafts are gray voids in the walls, their cars dozens, perhaps hundreds of floors below and above. Jacen pokes his head in one, craning upward, allowing his feelings to point him toward the signature. It opens like a book; human, female, young. And still somehow familiar, almost as if- Jacen shakes the pointless thought away, training he hasn?t touched in two years flowing back. Pulling a small silver object from his belt, the Jedi can?t help but glance down. It?s a long, long way down. He?s going to hate this part, well and truly...

    A groan issues from somewhere deep in the building, speaking of stressing metal and not much time. Jacen takes a deep breath- and jumps into the shaft. For a flash of time, he?s almost still, and that?s just enough. He spins, firing the grappling hook before h
     
  3. Courtney_Solo

    Courtney_Solo Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 23, 2005
    Ooh! That was great!!! =D=
    OMG! I hope there'll be more soon. [face_batting]

    Wow, I really did like that last chapter!!!

    Courtney @};- Solo
     
  4. THE_PIED_PIPER

    THE_PIED_PIPER Chapter Rep Knoxville, TN star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2006
    Quote=Jek_Windu


    Whew, it's been awhile. Writer's block and my own laziness greatly delayed this, but I think I've got an idea that will..improve things.

    It's a great story Jek, thank you. =D=


    He is a Jedi Knight; he could have- he would have- stopped this, bought whatever monsters did this to justice. He could?ve saved everyone. Instead, he had wasted two years living on his family?s fame and pining after a woman that was never meant to be his. Jacen had chosen self-pity over self-sacrifice, and now whole worlds burned for it.

    Once again I'm loving your Jacen. The same constant self-examination, but he's not crazy..:p


    But Jacen has the Force, and a powerful ally it is.

    [face_peace]

    He wraps it around them like a cloak, layer after layer, a little space of air in between. The crowd on the bridge scatters. Impact. It isn?t much different then jumping off the last stair. Behind them, the building smashes down somewhere in the Undercity. Fires erupt all along, and the fireships return, descending low to combat the latest foe. Jacen and the woman stare, his arms still holding her. Suddenly, she turns to him.

    ?It?s okay if you don?t know my name.?

    [face_laugh] Yeah, I guess he made up for it.


    I also loved the Anakin/Ben scene in the last chapter Jek, it was great. I always figured those two would have been the best of friends. And again I love your characterization of the Solo children..the way they should have been.

    ~Piper :)
     
  5. Flowerlady

    Flowerlady Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 14, 2005
    Jek, I am so glad that I finaly read this wonderful story. As I said in my PM, I stared reading it and for whatever reason stopped. I just sat and read all five chapters and it was great. And I'm baffled that I didn't come back that last time. This story is one of the better NJO AU's that I've read.

    I love the characterizations. They are simply wonderful.

    But I also like the twist that you put on the Vong invasion. Very well thought out and very realistic.

    =D= =D=

    Please PM with the updates. I really can't wait to see where you take this.

    And thanks again for the PM...[:D]



    FL @};-
     
  6. sdhfs

    sdhfs Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 22, 2004

    great story, please pm me when u update.
     
  7. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    In the world, Jacen feels the shaking of the duracrete bridge as he pushes his way through a never-ending flood of beings rushing past him. In the Force, Jacen feels the torrent of their fear white-hot against his skin as it seems to consume the whole galaxy.
    Great beginning to the chapter. I liked that parallelism you used: In the world/In the Force. :)

    Something pierces the veil of terror, something faint but bright in the Force. Life! Someone alive, trapped, toward the top of the building. Somehow the signature is familiar, but Jacen pays no attention as he charges against the current of survivors and into the wounded abode.
    Ooh - I wonder who it is! Tantalising!

    ?I?m here to, you know, rescue you.?
    Ah - great little echo there of ANH.

    Marvellous rescue - so well described. And the punch line at the end was great. LOL

    It's good to see that you acknowledge the YV speak in their own tongue and that's a good way to do it with the brackets. Ominous ending - which is also great for dramatic effect.

    Really enjoyed the chapter. We get to see Jacen's capabilities well. :)








     
  8. Jek_Windu

    Jek_Windu Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 26, 2003
    Courtney_Solo: Um, wow, thanks- I'm glad you're enjoying it.


    THE_PIED_PIPER: Nice to hear from you again! Thanks, I can't help but inject a little humor into this.


    Flowerlady: Heh, I'm glad you decided to give the fic another go. There are a lot of things about NJO that never made sense to me, and I'm trying to kind of, work them out, in this.


    sdhfs: Yay! A new face! Welcome here, and consider yourself on the list.



    Tahi: Just one of those things that come to you at 5 in the morning. I wasn't sure about using the brackets, but I decided to give it a go.





    I guess I'm starting to sound like a broken record when it comes to apoligizing for the long waits, but I actually have a good reason this time- I have now graduated from high school and am on my way to West Virginia University. I'm rather proud of myself. :p


    Here we go.



    Chapter 6

    The milky blue of hyperspace enveloped the Millennium Falcon as her captain laid against his chair, eyes staring into nothing as his thoughts led him in circles. These things, their attack had been utterly successful, the entire New Republic thrown into confusion bordering on mass panic. And then, then they go for...Sernpidal. Why not Coruscant, or Correllia, or Kuat? Why some backwater world that most of the galaxy didn?t know existed? It didn?t add up, and in Han?s experience, that can mean only one thing.

    ?I?ve got a bad feeling about this.? Beside him, Chewie glanced over and loosed a plain growl.

    ?I know, I know. It?s just,? He struggled for the words, gesturing toward hyperspace,? we?ve been in this situation before, and by now things should start making sense. They aren?t.? Chewie answered with a question, his grunts pensive and sympathetic.

    ?Anakin? He?s fine- this is his first battle; I?m sure he?s just chomping at the bit. He?ll be fine.? Han studied the controls a moment before turning toward the two Noghri sitting in the back.

    ?Cakhmaim, Meewahl- we?re five minutes out, so go ahead and get on the guns. Be ready for anything.? Nodding with sloped, ridged heads, the two bodyguards silently stalked from the cockpit. Han shook his head; he was never, ever going to get used to that. The hypercomm chirped. Chewie allowed the call as Han turned around, and the face of Luke Skywalker filled the commscreen. It was calm, focused with bright eyes filled with a deadly grace. Nothing like the farmboy who thought shooting rats made him a pilot.

    ?Han, are you ready??

    ?Sure are, kid. You?? Luke nodded simply.

    ?The plan is in place, all that remains now is to trust in the Force.? Han licked his lips,

    ?How?s, uh, how?s Anakin??

    ?Jittery, but willing, I think.?

    ?Nothing like us, then.? The face broke into a smile as something of the farmboy returned.

    ?Nope- he has a brain.? Han sat silent for a moment, reminding himself Anakin was 18, only a year shy of when Luke had joined this whole mess. He failed.

    ?Is he ready for this?? came the small voice. Anything left of the farmboy drew back.

    ?He?s a Jedi Knight. He has the skills, and the Force is with him, ?the Jedi Master?s eyes took on a shine of pride, ?It blazes in him.?

    ?I have told you the whole Jedi Master thing doesn?t work, right??

    ?At least once a week.?

    ?Remember when we were the terrorists??

    ?Fondly. Skywalker out.?

    ***

    Flashes of light smash the facade of the void. Dozens of them, a multitude of shape and class, speed into anonymous and meaningless space. First is a small freighter looking to be on the verge of falling apart, followed closely by eight squadrons of small, cross-shaped fighters. A large, sleek vessel takes up the rear. In the center of the flotilla fly thirty timid ships, their hulls long and snake-like.

    The bright star of the Julevian system shines upon a tiny brown globe that sits listlessly in the field of stars. The fleet moves toward it post-haste, flush with the hope that it has somehow b
     
  9. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    I like it a lot. :) Most of all I like the humanity you give to your characters. It's nice to see the Jedi written with such empathy and warmth. I like the idea of Luke encouraging Anakin and giving him that little confidence boost.

    Similarly the Han-Luke scene was also good the way it explored their friendship.

    I laughed at Luke's wish for a trench on theYV ships so he can do his derring-do run again. Would that it were so simple.

    I can feel the story building up to some great drama. :) I enjoy the way you balance this building tension with humour. Good work. :)
     
  10. sdhfs

    sdhfs Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 22, 2004

    great post, really liked it.
     
  11. Courtney_Solo

    Courtney_Solo Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 23, 2005
    That was great!
    I loved the Han/Luke interaction.
    Very well done! =D=

    CWFM!

    C @};- S
     
  12. Stookymalarkey

    Stookymalarkey Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 10, 2007
    I'm really enjoying your story, especially the warmth the characters given off to one another. Hope you'll write again soon.
     
  13. Flowerlady

    Flowerlady Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 14, 2005
    I really loved the Han/Luke exchange. It really showed the depth of their relationship.

    I enjoy your characterization of Anakin. And I liked the realationship between him and Luke.

    Wonderful job =D=

    More soon. [face_praying]


    FL @};-
     
  14. Jek_Windu

    Jek_Windu Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 26, 2003
    Once more, I am sorry for being so late with the post, but it's here, and I hope you enjoy it.



    Tahi: I like it a lot. :) Most of all I like the humanity you give to your characters. It's nice to see the Jedi written with such empathy and warmth. I like the idea of Luke encouraging Anakin and giving him that little confidence boost.

    I've always seen Jedi as controlling their emotions, not forsaking them. And Anakin's relationship with Luke is one of those character depths that just aren't explored enough.

    Similarly the Han-Luke scene was also good the way it explored their friendship.

    Thanks, I like to show that Luke and Han are best friends, instead of saying it.

    I laughed at Luke's wish for a trench on theYV ships so he can do his derring-do run again. Would that it were so simple.

    Yeah, but even then, it was only simple from a certain point of view.

    I can feel the story building up to some great drama. :) I enjoy the way you balance this building tension with humour. Good work. :)

    You'll see [face_devil] :) . And thanks.


    sdhfs: great post, really liked it.

    Thanks, and I hope you like what's coming.


    Courtney_Solo: ]That was great!
    I loved the Han/Luke interaction.
    Very well done! =D=

    CWFM!

    C @};- S


    Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying it.


    Stookymalarkey: I'm really enjoying your story, especially the warmth the characters given off to one another. Hope you'll write again soon.


    Thanks :) . I'm not sure about soon :p , but it's here.


    Flowerlady:
    I really loved the Han/Luke exchange. It really showed the depth of their relationship.

    I enjoy your characterization of Anakin. And I liked the realationship between him and Luke.

    Wonderful job =D=

    More soon. [face_praying]


    FL @};-



    Thanks- and I try to stick with "show, don't tell". Thank you, and sorry again for the long wait.



    Well, without more wait, here it is.



    Chapter 7


    Streams of fire filled the view from the cockpit of Falcon as Han veered and dodged to avoid flaming death, shouting orders to Chewie and the Noghri all the way. Small triangular ships danced about the freighter?s back, twice as agile as a Tie and twice as deadly.

    ?Dammit, reinforce the aft shields! Take from the front, or the sides, or the kriffing life support; I don?t care!?
    Han yelled to Chewie as he snapped the controls into a twisting dive. This wasn?t working, to say the least. Ten minutes in, and already three out of eight X-wing squadrons had been wiped out, and it would take at least another hour to evacuate the planet. The Falcon leveled out, two of the large enemy ships coming into view as they bore down onto the Nebula-class Star Destroyer Mon Mothma. Its shields were failing, pinpoints of flame splashing onto the hull. Staring at the rock-ships, something occurred to Han. He turned to Chewie,

    ?We?ve got to try and get those things off the Mothma?s back. Are the concussion missiles armed??
    Chewie growled affirmative, and Han ran things through his head one last time. The fleet had quickly learned of the strange singularity shields used by the enemy. They ate everything that was thrown at them- laser blasts, torpedoes, bombs. But what if you could distract them? Trick them into eating something that hid another attack? Han had to believe something would get through then.

    The Falcon raced toward the capital ships, Han choosing one of the enemy battleships. They were oval-shaped, rough- and absolutely nothing stood out as important. Oh well. Han pushed the freighter to its limits picked an arbitrary spot on the ship, then Han leaned down to the intercom.

    ?Cakhmaim, Meewahl! Fire everything you?ve got toward that ship!? following his command, streaks of red erupted from the Falcon.

    ?We have a lock. Preparing to fire...Now
     
  15. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    I bring you some love then. ;)

    Chewie roared and Han allowed himself a lop-sided grin. He reached toward the comm to spread the word of how to take the things down. Suddenly, his hand was jerked away as he was pressed against his crash-webbing, a blast rocking the ship. Han looked out the canopy, confirming what he already knew- it seemed the three remaining ships had deigned to avenge their comrade. As he once more jerked and yanked the controls, Han resisted the urge to sigh.

    Seemed like a good idea at the time.

    Oh no - those two are up to their old tricks I see. I hope Han's luck/skill hasn't deserted him. [face_praying]

    Excellent fight scene between Anakin and the YV. I really like the way you had Anakin refer to the Force as his "friend". :)

    So focused are they on the remaining targets, that no one notices the ten hyperspace reversions that pop upon the sensors.
    Oh help! Never count your chickens till they're hatched. I hope Han has some good advice for them.

    What a cliffie!



     
  16. Flowerlady

    Flowerlady Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 14, 2005
    Wow!!=D= This whole post was full of action. Wonderful. I hope everyone makes it out of it okay...[face_worried]


    FL @};-
     
  17. Jek_Windu

    Jek_Windu Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 26, 2003
    Tahi: I bring you some love then. ;)

    Ah, the attentions of beautiful women never fail to enthrall me. :p

    Chewie roared and Han allowed himself a lop-sided grin. He reached toward the comm to spread the word of how to take the things down. Suddenly, his hand was jerked away as he was pressed against his crash-webbing, a blast rocking the ship. Han looked out the canopy, confirming what he already knew- it seemed the three remaining ships had deigned to avenge their comrade. As he once more jerked and yanked the controls, Han resisted the urge to sigh.

    Seemed like a good idea at the time.

    Oh no - those two are up to their old tricks I see. I hope Han's luck/skill hasn't deserted him. [face_praying] [i/]

    Heh, heh- you'll see.


    Excellent fight scene between Anakin and the YV. I really like the way you had Anakin refer to the Force as his "friend". :)

    Thanks. I think that's how Anakin would see it, given how unconsciously it comes to him.

    So focused are they on the remaining targets, that no one notices the ten hyperspace reversions that pop upon the sensors.
    Oh help! Never count your chickens till they're hatched. I hope Han has some good advice for them.

    What a cliffie!




    Thanks- and to throw you a bone, the cliffie will be resolved the next chapter. How it's resolved, is more important, though.




    Flowerlady: Wow!!=D= This whole post was full of action. Wonderful. I hope everyone makes it out of it okay...[face_worried]


    FL @};-

    Thanks- and you'll see... [face_devil]


    Also, I'm sure I haven't mentioned this before- but your signature is frakking awesome.
     
  18. EvieSolo

    EvieSolo Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 11, 2005
    Hm?

    [face_laugh]

    Nice one.
     
  19. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    A little up to let you know I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. :)
     
  20. Jek_Windu

    Jek_Windu Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 26, 2003
    Nice to be reminded you care. The next chapter is nearly done- I'll have it up around 4 PM tomorrow.
     
  21. EvieSolo

    EvieSolo Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 11, 2005
    Uhm... by tomorrow you mean which date exactly? ;)
     
  22. Jek_Windu

    Jek_Windu Jedi Padawan star 4

    Registered:
    Jan 26, 2003
    EvieSolo: Uhm... by tomorrow you mean which date exactly? ;)



    :p

    Well, I'm sorry for the very, very, very late post- I was moving in for college and this is the first week of classes. Still, I'm actually finding I have more of a chance to write.


    Without further excuses,




    Chapter 8

    A stream of fire pounded through space to detonate in a brilliant flash against the shields of the Millennium Falcon. It was a blade of a grass in a meadow. Han forced thought from his mind as he jerks the controls to and fro, dodging what he could and desperately tries to find a way to win this thing.

    The beep of the comm took him from the zone, Chewie already reaching to answer. The voice of the Mothma?s captain filled the cockpit, strained with the effort of a calm face.

    ?Captain Solo, their reinforcements are attempting to surround us, and our shields simply won?t stop another full volley. I...I do not know what to do.? On the screen, the man?s face tensed, eyes pleading, and Han realizes just how young he is. Probably in diapers when Luke was blowing the Death Star. Han shook the thoughts away and answered the man.

    ?We?ve lost this battle, and if we stay here, we?re going to die. Do what you can to keep position, and tell the transports to lift off right now.?

    ?But that?ll leave millions behind!?

    ?And if we get vaped, we?ll all be left behind- this is war, kid, time to make the hard choices.? Han could see in the man?s eyes- the want, the need, to protest further- and the mind that crushed the impulse.

    ?I understand, Captain. Do you require assistance??

    ?I?ve been in worse scraps than this, but a little covering fire is always appreciated.?

    ?Understood, Mon Mothma out.?

    The sound of tearing metal pierced Han?s ears from deep within the ship. Motioning Chewie to take over, Han undid his crash webbing. This ship wasn?t falling to pieces on him- not today.

    Moving at a brisk pace, Han made his way through the cockpit corridor as more tearing sounds came. Sounded like they were coming from...the quad-lasers? He stopped in front the ladder, arms hanging loosely by his side, right hand rubbing against the pommel of his blaster.

    ?Cakhmaim, Meewahl? Is everything alright?? His only answer were more ripping sounds- but not of metal. They, they sounded wetter. Like flesh.

    Han?s thumb popped off the strap to the holster. The sound of blaster cannons still came from above, so that meant...that meant it was Cakhmaim. Han stepped to the edge of the vertical tunnel, and looked down into the dorsal turret.

    Three bugs. Multiple eyes, black in color, nearly transparent little wings, the works. They were also the size of his chest.

    And they were chewing on a dark mass of gore that had been his bodyguard.

    Han couldn?t help himself. Cakhmaim had been with him for years, had helped save his family so many times- and to die like this, torn apart to be some insects lunch. He couldn?t help himself.

    He let out a cry.

    All three of the bugs looked up at him. One began to beat its wings. Han ran. Racing back toward the cockpit corridor, he made a quick decision- Cakhmaim was gone, and now he had to keep Chewie and Meewahl from the same fate. He reached the edge of the corridor.

    ?CHEWIE! KEEP FLYING!? His fist slammed on a large button, and a door rushed inward and sealed. Han spun around and put his back to it.

    The damned bug had followed him, and stood on the deck, staring. Han wasted no time, running into the main hold, Han turned and faced his enemy. The bug came in slowly, its many eyes seeming to move about the room, studying it. Looking for the best place to carve him up, perhaps. Han mouth was a vicious lop-sided grin as he finally slid his blaster from the holster. He aimed, the old DL-44 molded to his hand by now.

    ?It?s been fun.? He pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. Han pulled the trigger again. And again. He?d sworn by the blasters for forty years. He?d killed a Sith with it.
     
  23. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    On the screen, the man?s face tensed, eyes pleading, and Han realizes just how young he is. Probably in diapers when Luke was blowing the Death Star.
    Age is a terrible thing. LOL

    Han couldn?t help himself. Cakhmaim had been with him for years, had helped save his family so many times- and to die like this, torn apart to be some insects lunch. He couldn?t help himself.

    He let out a cry.

    Aie! Me too. Poor Cakhmaim. :(

    Dazed, it tried to jump again. He dove to the side as it careened into another wall, this time tearing a mass of wires. All light died but for the glow of the broken wires, silhouetting the monster.
    That's a great image you've created for us there. :)

    The fight with the bug is super, and I love the typical Han solution with the electrocution. Kind of like hot-wiring, only to kill rather than get it going. ;)

    This had been fourth strange alien he?d fought, and like any puzzle, he?d figured them out;
    Yeah - that's our boy. :)

    It appraised the Jedi for a moment, dark eyes calculating and consumed with a kind of cold and fanatic malice.
    Great description of the eyes.

    Darkness began to collapse around his vision, and it was impulse that made his reach to the Force. He wrapped himself in it like an old blanket, numbing away the pain, dulling sight and hearing, smell and touch and taste. All Anakin felt was Tahiri, safe on Yavin IV, her Force signature screaming in primal pain and utter terror. He reached out, holding her, whispering empty comforts.
    That use of their Force bond was lovely - and I have faith that it will keep him going.

    The darkness closed in, and the last thing Anakin Solo saw was a brilliant splash of viridian.
    Thank goodness for Luke! :)

    From afar, the dirty yellow orb of Sernpidal was pinpricked with flickering flashes of light that might have been mistaken for stars, if not for their quick births and quicker deaths.
    Another great image. :)

    Fantastic ending - with that sense of doom. =D=


    Hope College is going well for you, Jek.
     
  24. EvieSolo

    EvieSolo Jedi Youngling star 2

    Registered:
    Mar 11, 2005
    Thank you for the PM. Will the next update be here soon? :)
     
  25. darth_eowyn

    darth_eowyn Jedi Youngling

    Registered:
    Feb 17, 2007
    No! Don't kill Anakin! He magically comes back to life now, right?

    Great story! Could you add me to the PM list?
     
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