these were great! i found them on another board, thought i'd show you guys... - Pilot keeps erasing and mumbling that he/she should have taken calculus at the Academy during the calculations for the hyperspace jump. - The pilot is a Corellian who wants to know the odds. - The pilot keeps trying to convince the ladies to see his "cockpit of love." - Thinks that not using shields is cool. - Hands out extra padding as you board as a precaution just in case the landing is a "wee bit" bumpy. - Insists that the hyperspace routes closest to the blackholes are actually the safest ones. -Pilot's license looks handmade. -Says, "Where's the parking brake on this thing?" -Asks, "What's that red flashing thing?" - His favorite half-hummed phrase is, "Ground Control to Major Tom..." - "Landing Gear? Why do we have to get dressed now after such an adventurous trip?" - The pilot's Astromech is an iMac - The astrometric charts were bought on "clearance" - Says "Zoooommm! Whooeee! Whoa!" - Says "I've got a good feeling about this." - Says "That's no space station -- it's a moon!" - Has an Ewok copilot. - Does hyperspace calculations on a first-generation Pentium. - Feels hyperspace calculations are "overrated." - Says "Today I feel like I could take on the whole Empire myself!" - Makes you wipe your feet before boarding the ship. - When he destroys a TIE fighter following you, screams "I got one! I got one!" on the intercom. - Has a medical license. - Says "With your charter money, I can pay my insurance back up." - Before slamming the hyperspace throttles forward, shouts "Engage!" - You find him naked in the cockpit, and he says "I'm flying casual" - His astromech is "Gonk" -Before taken off, he/she says "Passengers should remain seated and keep their seat belts fastened until the Captain has turned off the seat belt sign." -During take off, he/she insists that he/she do the in-flight safety demostration and can't figure out how to release the seat belt catches. -When he/she warns people during landing "Remember that during flight the tribbles in the overhead bins might have shifted." -He/she goes ahead an ignores his/her own warning, opens one of the overhead bins, and is covered by hundreds of dead tribbles. -He is wearing a Red Star Trek uniform from the original series. -You ask him to change his clothes, so he puts on a Gold Star Trek uniform from the current series. -When you look at him, you don't recognize him, so you ask him, "Where have you been for the past two or three seasons?" and his reply is "I just transfered over from the Lexington." -When you are in orbit around "homeworld" he/she cries "Give me ramming speed!" to his/her first officer. -When you meet up with another group of ships, he/she yells "And I'll form the head!" -You suddenly feel the ship drop as if it is falling and you hear somebody from the cockpit scream "ARGHHHHHHHH!" -You go to the cabin to complain about a bumpy ride and you catch the pilot saying "Stay on Target." -All of the painted kill marks on the nose of his/her ship look like pedestrians. -You are sure *1* of the kill marks is a seeing eye dog. -He looks like Randy Quaid. -He *is* Randy Quaid.