You Know You're Croatian When...

Discussion in 'Croatia' started by Cobranaconda, Jul 25, 2006.

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  1. Cobranaconda Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 3, 2004
    star 7
    • You're 100% positive that your country is most beautiful in the world, despite the fact you've never crossed the border.

    • You're trying to convice people of purity of the Croatian languange using words in English.

    • You're always complaining about facts in your life, but you never had guts to do something about it, with overall excuse: "neću prljati ruke, ja sam fin, bečka ?kola."

    • Smoking any grass at all comes as a natural hobby and is practiced anywhere, anytime, with anyone (even authorities)

    • Riots start, led by the police

    • All meals your parents have ever prepared contain one key ingredient "Vegeta" -> it is Croatian

    • You learned to walk and talk the first time you got drunk

    • You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window for fear of catching pneumonia (pronounced ammonia) from the "propuh" (even in the middle of summer)

    • You're not allowed to leave the house with damp hair.

    • There is a bar in your church hall that contains a 2-year supply of Brandy

    • You insist that you can spot a Serb from a mile away

    • The use of vulgar language at home is unacceptable, unless it is Croatian -> If Croatian is vulgar than Serbian or Bosnian are the POPESCU of vulgarity

    • English words are acceptable if used with the ending "A-T-I" which makes them Croatian..."play-ati", "study-ati"

    • Your Dida (granddad) mows the lawn in knee high black socks and sandals

    • Your Dida has a shot of "Rakija" for breakfast

    • At least one family member makes his own wine

    • At least one family member makes his own 150 proof moonshine. (Rakija/Sljivovica)

    • "Sljivovica" is used not only to celebrate at all occasions, but to cure illness and as a massage lotion as well

    • At the age of 13, you are only allowed to go out of town with your friends for Croatian soccer tournaments, folklore festivals and dances

    • Your parents were at the function where you got drunk

    • The majority of your friends are also your relatives, even if they aren't your relatives; you refer to their parents as "Teta" and "Striko"

    • You are the only kid in your class who doesn't get to sleep in on Saturdays because of "Hrvatska Skola"

    • "Kuhace" are not only used for stirring when cooking...they are also used by Mama to beat you when there is no "siba" handy

    • At least once before you've told your parents that you'll call the police to report "child abuse" and your parents said "Samo probaj" (just try).

    • Mama beat you in public on at least one occasion

    • When leaving the house to go out, you always receive the same warnings (regardless of age): -"Pazi sta radis" (watch what you're doing), "Pamet u glavu", "Nemoj me sramotit", "Nemoj da ja sta cujem"

    • Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow Mama will know before you make it home

    • Mama gets pissed off at you for bringing home McDonalds saying, "sta ce ti taj junk?"

    • Your parents insist that you'll end up a nobody if you don't graduate from "fakultet"

    • Lunch on Sundays has more courses than Amerikanci have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner

    • You know that in addition to fruit flavored Jello, that gelatin can also be prepared with pigs? feet and that's called HLADETINA

    • You love "pasteta", but don't like bringing it to school or work for lunch because you'd be embarrassed if someone asked you what it was.

    • There is a slab of fat in your fridge called SLANINA

    • Your mother washes the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher

    • Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents understand

    • All other action stops when you hear people speaking Serbian in a store somewhere and your mom starts to talk to you in English so that the Serbian people won't find out you speak "their" language and start trying to be your friend.

    • You have at least one short-wave radio in your house

    • You smell garlic on the old m
  2. Jedi_Orion Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 7, 2004
    star 2
    Most of it is true. :p Especially...

    "I think I've heard of it."

    ~ An Average Western-European on Croatia

    "A what!?"

    ~ An Average American on Croatia


    However, there's also a Bosnian, Serbian, and Slovenian version of the first text. Might as well put:

    An Average Western-European on the Balkans

    "I think I've heard of it."
  3. Cobranaconda Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 3, 2004
    star 7
    lol, true :p

    Most people think over here:

    "Hey, what happened to that Yugoslavia place anyway?"
  4. Jedi_Reject_Jesse Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 26, 2004
    star 7
    ...Oh, I dunno, perhaps when your Great-grandfather's birth certificate lists his country of birth as, uh, Croatia? :confused:




    :p
  5. Amon_Amarth Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2005
    star 6
    [face_thinking] I don't know... about 70% not true, according to my experiance.

    A lot of European people I met know about Croatia. Amerikans are a special case as always.

    Anyways, some things are true and some things doesn't make any sence, like:
    You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland
    You are only allowed to speak Croatian at home


    As for the drinking, Scandinavians are far worse.




    :p
  6. Cobranaconda Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 3, 2004
    star 7
    Meh, Uncyclopedians aren't often known for their truthfulness :p
  7. Yo_Raja Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 13, 2006
    star 4
    I've read it at last. You know I hate long posts :p

    Much of this could refer to Poland as well, though Poles almost never talk or think good of their country.
  8. Amon_Amarth Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2005
    star 6
    Hehe, people usually talk bad about their countries, but get angry when other talk bad about their countries. :p
  9. Cobranaconda Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 3, 2004
    star 7
    Ecxept me. I just hate England, and laugh like hell when people take the ;iss. Scotland's cool though :p
  10. Yo_Raja Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 13, 2006
    star 4
    Kinda like me. I sometimes regret the Greater Poland (my region) haven't stated independency, like they planned to do after WW1 :p
  11. Jedi_Reject_Jesse Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 26, 2004
    star 7
    Well, you know, sometimes it takes a while for these things to, you know, happen.


    Wait what?
  12. Mar17swgirl Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Dec 26, 2000
    star 7
    Don't get me started on Czechs and Slovaks... [face_mischief]
  13. Cobranaconda Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 3, 2004
    star 7
    Yeah, you still get proper absinthe :(
  14. Raja_Io Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 28, 2005
    star 4
    And we poor things get nothing stronger than 50%, which means we have to make it up in quantity :(
  15. RDtwotwo Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2007
    That list is LOOOOOOONG but so bloody funny! Great job.
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