Hou, TX You Know You're From Houston If . . .

You Know You're From Houston If...

1. The "farm-to-market" roads have seven lanes.

2. You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.

3. Everybody has a story of the Flying Roach the size of the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

4. When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you don't think he's won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes; you know that he just stepped in a fire ant bed.

5. You're on your way to work one FEBRUARY morning and suddenly you're trapped in a traffic jam caused by a chuck wagon and fifty horses - with riders - and you look around to see that everybody in the trucks around you is wearing a cowboy hat. (rodeo time!)

6. The name "Bud Adams" makes people snarl, and "Bum Phillips" doesn't mean bad screwdriver.

7. "Luv ya Blue" still makes you smile, even if you did run the Oilers out of town.

8. You know that the Astrodome will always be the Eighth Wonder of the World.

9. You come to work in short sleeves and walk out at noon to find that a "blue northern" has blown through and the temperature has dropped 40 degrees.

10. You wander into a section of town where you can't read the street signs because they're written in Asian characters instead of English, but you don't care because you can get great prices on fake designer merchandise.

11. You go to an art festival and you're almost run down by handholding cross dressers on roller blades.

12. You hear everything but English spoken when you go to the Galleria to window shop. (You can't afford to buy because the prices are jacked up for all the foreign tourists.)

13. You know that "Dad gummit" has nothing to do with your father's failure to practice good dental hygiene.

14. You think "Y'all" is perfectly good usage if you're referring to more than one person.

15. Spring is not the season, Katy is not the lady, and 1960 is not the year.

16. Society matrons of "a certain age" still sport big hair and faces that have gone east, west, and north rather than south.

17. You can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you still haven't left the city limits. (During rush hour, you haven't left your NEIGHBORHOOD.)

18. You've NEVER seen I-45 and I-10 in any condition other than under construction - and you've lived here for more than 30 years.

19. The only REAL Mexican food is Tex-Mex.

20. You know that while saving you money, "Mattress Mac" has amassed more than the U.S. treasury.

21. You see nothing unusual about an eighty-something former sheriff's deputy who wears a white pompadour toupee and blue sunglasses, mispronounces names, allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries, seems unnaturally obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and screams, "MAR-VIN ZIND-ler, iiiii-witness news" into a television camera every night. But some folks are still upset with him for shutting down the Chicken Ranch (a famous Texas house of prostitution).

22. If the humidity is below 90 percent, it's a GOOD hair day.

 

oh all of that is sooo true

 

You've NEVER seen I-45 and I-10 in any condition other than under construction - and you've lived here for more than 30 years.

[Homer]"It's funny because it's true."[/Homer]

 

Amen!

 

Don't forget the maaaaaayor.

 

Actually, Marvin Zindler's my English teacher's uncle...

And Amen to everything.

 

I think US 59 has been under construction since I first visited Houston in 1982...'AND IT STILL IS'

What about "You know you're from Houston if you know you need a railway, but would rather drive your car to work"

 

Scary that all of that is true.

You live in Houston if city can build a new ball park but can't seem to find any money to fix the pot holes in the street.

 

how about...

if the person in front of you in the fast lane is only going 50MPH

Doug

 

It is all true! So true!

"blastphemy! blastphemy!"

How about, 'you know you're from Houston, if you pay your current electric bill on time, but RELIANT turns off your electricity anyway...'

 

"only queers and steers come from texas, and you dont look like a steer to me so that kind of narrows it down"

"you can suck a golf ball through a garden hose!"

 

should this topic be renamed "perfectly good reasons for moving away from houston"?

and don't forget the lovely mosquitos here...

 

Kenny_got_Mauled - you're a real tough guy (or girl most likely) talking that noise from across an ocean.
-deleted section for not coming to your level-
This thread has the "family" concept, we live here and know what it's like. Therefore, we can bash (in good taste).

Sorry guys and gals, I've probably just given the punk/sock more of a reason to be stupid. His comment got under my skin then I found this reply in a thread from him:
"Sprachen sie Englisch! enschuldigung meinen deutsch ist nicht so gut! fools! If any one would like to reply to me in english, it would be most appreciated. If you do not understand english this is all going to seem like a whole load of birds eye waffles to you. waffles are potato things that you put in the oven. they are flat with holes in, americans sometimes have them for breakfast. Americans are funny people they talk with a funny accent and live far away accross a lot of water no where near anyone and think they're fantastic, i dont think anyones told them why we put them so far away. Unfortunately since aeroplanes have been invented they have been able to come and pester us again. it wasnt too bad when they only had ships cos the bermuda triangle would take care of most of them and its a bit too far to swim!"-kenny_got_mauled

 

Buck, don't worry, it's just a stupid sock


He registered May 03, what a joke...

 

A Sock? What?

Anyway, he calls himself Kenny_Got_Mauled, and he apparently hates US. Kenny, US, Maul, US, Star Wars, US. Little confused mebbe? What does he do, cruise around after maybe six days of bein on and comes in here to rag on us. >D Awe well, immaturity at it's finest.

 

From The JC Glossary - sockpuppet: Chyren's term for troublemaking aliases. It is now used when referring to aliases in general. Often shortened to "sock".

 

"Kenny-Got-Mauled...that's got to be the funniest sock puppet since Sesame Street"

BACK TO TOPIC!

You know you're from Houston if you start your mornings in 90 degree heat....

 

Or if your coworker has "H-Town" tattooed on his right calf, and a sticker of the skyline's silhouette with "Houston, Tex." printed over it on the back of his van...

 

you can actually pronounce...Kuykendahl (and spell it correctly) LOL

 

That is sooo true !!!!

me

 

...you've ever turned off your car and sat on the concrete guard of the HOV lane while talking to strangers.

 

If you know about "Swisa House".

 

I moved to Houston last September and the 2 things I can honestly say will never leave me regrding Houston are... (1) the idiot drivers in this town and (2) Marvin Zindler. I love that freaking guy.

 

I moved to Houston last September and the 2 things I can honestly say will never leave me regrding Houston are... (1) the idiot drivers in this town and (2) Marvin Zindler. I love that freaking guy.

 

the idiot drivers in this town

So, you've never driven in Austin? Are you from somewhere like Paris or Italy, TX?

Seriously, driving in Houston is like an art form. Just like drivers in Austin are reared to be over-cautious, wandering morons, Houston drivers learn aggression and the importance of getting places on time. If someone doesn't know how to drive aggressively, they'll be run over in Houston. Of course, this probably reflects the different structures and road systems of cities.

I always say that when I go to heaven, I'm going to ask God to appease me by showing me what would happen if you took the drivers in Austin and put them in Houston. I think it would provide a morbid form of entertainment.